Covenant of Ash
by mamasutra
Summary: A woman with nothing more to lose and a man who has lost everything come together under the disguise of an agreement as old as time and as sinful as flames that threaten to engulf them both. Will they find their salvation in each other or will this be another dream reduced to ashes from the fires that consume them?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The house was empty as I pulled up, but it was always empty now that he left me. I could still his lame excuses as I sat in the garage staring at the exact spot where I found him packing his car to leave me and what had been our life behind.

_It's not you, it's me Bells._

_ I swear there is no one else._

_ I swear this has nothing to do with the children._

_ I swear…_

_ I swear…_

_ I swear…_

_ I just need a break, baby._

They were all lies since by the following week I had been replaced by the one person I never would have dreamed would betray me; the one person counted on when I shouldn't have.

With a heavy sigh I opened the car door to be greeted by the silence that seemed to follow me where ever I went in my life. It was a lonely silence that created a buzz in my ears from the lack the sound. It made me sick and worse than that it made me lonely.

The house was the same as when I left it that morning; perfect, pristine, all things that I weren't and never would be. Its sterile environment made me long for chaos and mess. It made me long for the children that should be filling the house with screams and dirty. It made long for the life I had dreamed of, not the one I had been given.

I was lost in thoughts of brown eyes babies that should have been mine when I looked over to find him standing there, staring at me as if he belonged here and at one time he did.

"Bella," he said in a soft voice that was warm, too warm to be my ex-husband's.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I fought the fresh round of tears that burned in my eyes. He always did this to me. He always reduced me to the weakling that I was. I hated it and him for it now.

"I came to see you," he said softly as he walked into our bare kitchen and sat down just like he used to; just like he did when he was still mine.

There was no reason for him to be here. He had left me behind to embrace a life that I was no longer apart of and not welcomed in

"There's nothing to see, Emmett," I said softly as I looked away from him to brush at the tears that brimmed over so he wouldn't see them even though I knew he already had.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Yeah, I know I shouldn't start another fic, but I can't stop thinking about this one and I need to flesh it out a bit before expanding it so this is m way of fleshing it out. Yeah, no beta, so all mistakes are mine so sorry for them in advance.**

**I plan for this to be a drabblish fic. I plan on updating every day until this idea is purged from me so I have something to work on while expanding it. **

**Thanks for your love and patience!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**beta free**

The silence that filled the space between us was strangling me. It was robbing me of every breath that I took. It was leaving me aching and hollow as I wondered when did we become like this. When did the comfort and warmth that I had with this man since before he was a man turn into this painful silence? Was it after the first the miscarriage or the final still birth of our last child? Was it when he discovered that I was incapable of giving him what he wanted? Or was it when he discovered her?

He was waiting. I knew him better than he knew himself and he was waiting for me to continue on like I always did. He was waiting for the Bella of old who smiled sweetly and asked about his day since I knew he was troubled. He was waiting for me to cook him dinner and coddle him until he was ready to share whatever he needed to say. He wanted this. He wanted the past. He wanted who I used to be. Too bad for him that woman died the day he left me.

I walked past him to the freezer and pulled out a frozen meal to heat up in the microwave. I was on the clock. I had places to be and he was not about to stop me when he was the reason I was in a hurry.

"Aren't you going to make dinner?" he asked me in an almost incredulous tone that made me roll my eyes at him.

"This is dinner," I replied flatly as I looked at him, looking into his deep brown eyes that I used to see myself in, but now all I see is her.

"You used to make me dinner," Emmett lamented as he looked at the microwave as it spun slowly, cooking my crappy frozen meal.

"Yeah, well, I used to be your wife and that's not happening anymore either so, I guess you'll have to ask the new Mrs. McCarty to cook for you," I mocked as he scowled while looking away. We both knew that wasn't going to happen. She wasn't about to cook because she didn't know how.

"Be, I…" he stammered as he looked at me with sorrowful eyes. It was a look I hated. It was a look of sympathy. It was a look that cut me every time.

"Don't you dare tell me you're sorry, Emmett McCarty, because I don't want to hear it. Save it for someone who believes you," I said calmly as he sat there shaking his head as if I was the one who was wrong, as if I was the one who wrecked our marriage, not him.

"Why are you here?" I asked him, putting an end to the misery I felt in his presence.

"I needed to talk to you about Rosalie," he said as he watched me freeze over the mentioning of her name.

"She misses you," he whispered to me as I watched the meal that would be my dinner spin slowly before me as it cooked.

"She wanted you to have this," he continued on as I stood there, refusing to look at him. I knew what it was. I had heard about it from some of our mutual friends who were taking sides in our divorce.

"She wants you there," he said in a more confident tone as I listened to the chair move against our tiled floor, announcing that he was moving away from the table.

"She's your best friend and you should be there to celebrate this. It's important to her," he said in a tone that reminded me of how one would speak to a child.

His words burned me up inside. I owed Rosalie Hale, now McCarty, nothing. I owed her nothing and there was nothing left of our friendship once I discovered that the other woman in my husband's life was her. There was nothing that she hadn't taken from me.

"Just think about, Bella," he said as I listened to him walk away and out the door like he had done many times before.

I waited until I heard the sound of the car starting before turning to find the small blue envelop resting upon my bare counter. I picked it up and opened it with shaking hands. I knew what it was, yet seeing it reduced me to ash from the pain of knowing that it was real and not some nightmare that I was living.

_Emmett & Rosalie McCarty's_

_baby boy is on the way!_

_Let's get them prepared for _

_The big day!_

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

*****Warning! This is not beta'd… All mistakes are mine*****

"Good morning, Ms. Swan," Mr. Cullen said as he breezed by without really looking in my direction. I looked up just in time to see the back of his gray suit and his perfect hair as he entered his office before closing the door. In fifteen minutes I would appear in his office to bring him his coffee black and an everything bagel smeared with cream cheese that had chopped up green olives in it. This was what I had done for the last seventy days that I had worked as Mr. Cullen's assistant while his normal assistance was on her maternity leave. He seemed to like it and I loved being able to take care of someone even if it was on a temporary basis.

I got up from my cushioned office chair and slowly made my way to the office break room, smiling at people as I passed. They never smiled back; they were too lost in their worlds of manufacturing and government contracts; money made and money lost. I was new to this world and longed to keep my soft job, even though I knew my days were numbered before I ever walked through the door of the glass castle that was Cullen Enterprises.

I methodically separated the bagel before toasting it while thinking of the odd man that I had been working for during the last seventy days. Edward Cullen was young, almost too young to be a chief executive of a fortune five hundred company that specialized in warfare for the government, yet he has been ever since his father died a year ago. He preferred to be alone and when he wasn't alone he was on the factory floor overseeing the engineers as they struggled with the changes made by the government. I was told he was a genius. I was told that he was heartless, firing people on the spot for getting his coffee wrong. I was told that he spent his nights alone and his holidays apart from the great Cullen clan that lived off of the fortune that Edward Sr. had made for them before dropping over from a heart attack. I was told a lot about Edward Cullen, but I paid no attention to any of these rumors since Mr. Cullen had always been kind to me. He had always greeted me with a chipper 'good morning' and a surprised smile while thanking me profusely when I brought in his breakfast. He was kind. He was grateful and he was the one steady force I had in my life in this moment.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Happy 4****th**** of July to all my American friends! Here in Eastern Iowa it is about 100 degrees outside with the humidity making it feel like 110 degrees. It is miserable here so I hope that wherever you are you're having fun and staying cool : )**

**Here is the introduction of Edward that many have asked about. There is more of him to come.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

*****Warning! Not beta'd!*****

The day ended with a phone call that made my heart pound out of my chest. It was Emmett. It was always Emmett. He was calling to let me know that he was filing with the courts to terminate my spousal support. He claimed that he had a reduction in income. He claimed that he could not continue to live while paying for me. His words were filled with remorse as he tried to explain that maybe it was time to sell the house, the house we bought to raise our family in. The same house that was all I had left of what I had once dreamed of.

"It will be a cold day in hell before I sell that house," I hissed into the phone at him as he stammered nervously while the sounds of my former friend rants filled in the sound around him.

"It's not like you need the space, Bella," he said with a sigh that made my blood boil since I wasn't sure if his sigh of frustration was towards me or the new Mrs. McCarty.

He was right. I didn't need the space. Most of the rooms I had closed off because I could not stand the emptiness of them. Most of the rooms were bare, but he was forgetting something very important, something that made the house invaluable. He was forgetting that the house was mine. It had been my dream home and just for that reason I refused to give it up.

"Screw you and your cow of a wife," I hissed at him as I closed my eyes, trying to hold off the ears that threatened to take over from his cruel words.

"I'm just saying I can't afford it, Be," he said whisper as I listened to his ragged breathing, telling me that he had fought this fight before even calling me.

"It's her isn't?" I asked him in a quiet voice as he remained silent except for the sound of his heavy breathing. His silence told me I was right.

"She wants to stay at home with the baby and…and I can't afford it so I was thinking…" he said in a quiet voice as I listened to the truth behind this sudden change. The truth always incorporated her.

"You know how I feel about that, Be," he mumbled to me as I closed my eyes against the sharp pain in my chest as I remembered perfectly how it had always been our plan for me to stay at home with our children.

"I know how you feel, Emmett, but that's not my problem now. It's yours to figure out and taking away from me to support her is not going to work," I said in a rush of air as I struggled to remain calm.

"I'm still filing with the courts, Bella," he repeated in a defeated tone, but what he was defeated over I was not sure since I was the one who lost everything, not him.

"If you must, but don't think they will agree with you. After all, failure to plan on your part does not equal an emergency on my part," I said in a firm tone, repeating back to him one of the lame non-motivational posters I had seen on some one's cubical wall before hanging up on him in a flustered rush.

I opened my eyes slowly to find Mr. Cullen watching me from the doorway. His face was blank in expression as he stood there, acting as if he did not hear how my ex-husband was an asshole. His eyes were dark as they met mine and for a split second I thought I could see a flash of something, but what that something was I couldn't be sure since Mr. Cullen was impossible to read.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

*****Warning! Not beta'd*****

"Bella!" James yelled as I appeared five minutes late once again. I was rarely on time any more since I had taken to staying thirty minutes after my day at Cullen Enterprises was over to assist Mr. Cullen in whatever paperwork he buried himself in as well as to avoid Emmett, who I had no doubt was waiting on me at my house to try to convince me that less money was best.

What Emmett didn't understand was that I was running on fumes as it was. His support checks were barely covering anything since it was so much less than what I was used to existing on. Even with my job at Cullen Enterprises I was falling short each month resulting in me contacting my cousin James for help and help he did in the form of job that I loathed, yet paid me almost more than what my day time job did for what few hours I worked.

"About damn time," he said with a teasing grin as he welcomed into the backroom while watching me as I stuffed my purse into the locker I had been assigned.

"Sorry, Jamie," I said with what I hoped was an apologetic smile, yet there was nothing I was sorry for since those moments of peace while filing papers and making last minutes copies for Mr. Cullen were golden to me.

"No worries, Be," he said as he waved me off before asking about my mom and dad. Mom and dad were fine. He knew this.

"Hey, I heard about your asshole ex," he said in a low tone as some of the other waitresses walked by while eyeing me. They were kind, but catty in the respect that none of them understood that James and I were related, not lovers. I listened to his low whistle that he made every time something pissed him off.

"You know I've hated him from the minute you brought him around," he said with a shake of his head as his blue eyes bore into mine with all the ice cold rage he felt for my former husband.

"He never treated you right and this…this is fucking disgrace," he hissed in anger while I shook my head no at him even though he was right. It was a disgrace; a disgrace that would be handled through the court systems.

"Why don't you let me have Felix and Demetri pay him a little visit," he said with a dark chuckle that made me smile and wince all at once as I thought of Jamie's henchmen showing up at the end of Emmett's shift at the plant only to beat the shit out him in the parking lot. It was tempting. It was fitting. It was wrong and I couldn't let him do this even though Emmett deserved to have his ass kicked.

"Jamie, no," I said with a half laugh as I watched his face fall over my disagreement.

"People like that, they get what's coming to them so you don't need to do that. I do appreciate the offer and I love you for it and all, but no. Besides, I couldn't live with myself if you got in trouble over me. I mean what about Vickie and the boys? They need you and you don't need any more trouble than what you already can find on your own," I said and then watched him grin as I mentioned his wife. He and Vickie had been together since high school. Em and I used to double date with them all the time. Our weddings were a month apart. Jamie was the brother I never had and he was there for me when my own husband said it too much after losing the last child. I would never want him to risk himself for me even though he was more than willing to do so.

"Yeah, but Be I would only be helping karma out, you know?" he said teasingly as he grinned a wicked grin a me that made me laugh at his reasoning.

"Sweet offer, but no," I replied before leaning forward to press a kiss against his cheek before turning to leave.

"Hey. Your dad asked about you," he said as he looked at me once more with a worried look that made me nervous.

"He doesn't know you work here, does he?" he asked me with his face pinched with concern. It was true. My dad had no idea I worked for Jamie and if he did he would have thrown a fit.

"No, he had no idea and he won't know, right?" I asked him, reminding him silently that he agreed not to tell my parents that I was working as a waitress at the gentlemen's club Jamie owned.

"I won't say a thing, not that I think there is anything wrong with this place. I mean, it's a good establishment and there is nothing wrong with working here," James said as he defended his business once more. He was right. Blue Moon Gentlemen's Club was a fine establishment that was run properly by Jamie. He was a good owner who took care of the girls that worked for him and me in the process by offering me a job when I had never waited tables a day in my life. He followed the law. He kept things clean; no drugs, no drinking, and no prostitution. He was a good man who just ran a business that catered to the lowest common denominator, which was sex, but lucky for him sex paid every well since he was making money hand over fist.

"I know, but you know how dad is," I said as he nodded his head since he did know. My dad would be mortified that I was working as a cocktail waitress here. He would insist on giving me money to help out and it would be money that he and mom would need to just live. I couldn't let that happen, so I was here instead.

"Yeah, well, you better get going and don't forget dinner at my house this weekend. Vickie will not take another lame excuse so you will be there," he said as he grinned at me once more with a pointed finger since they knew I had been avoiding them. They both knew me too well.

"Sure," I muttered as I turned towards the mirror to check my hair that I had pulled out of the bun I wore at work so it flowed down around my face, half hiding it so they patrons could not really see me, not that they were looking at me to begin with. They were watching the young girls on stage dance and gyrate to whatever rhythm was playing. I was just a faceless person who brought them drinks while they waited to see tits.

I checked the short black dress that I wore to make sure everything was in place before tugging on the fishnet tights Jamie insisted all his cocktailers wore right before tying on the black apron that completed the outfit. I looked at myself and nodded as I looked at myself. The outfit was somewhat sexy, but not so sexy that it left me feeling sick or took away from the girls on the stage. It was an odd mix of wrong and right tied to together with the sensibility of black tennis shoes to keep us from slipping on wet floors were drinks were spilled.

I walked out on to the main floor and began my rounds by greeting Marcus, the bartender, before grabbing my tray to begin my rounds. I had made my way through the room twice filling orders, and bringing young men beer before I saw him.

He was sitting alone at a table in the far back out of my designated area. He was still wearing the dark colored suit he had wore to the office, except his tie was loosened and the jacket was gone. He had rolled up the sleeves of his crisp white shirt to expose his forearms and the large gaudy watch that screamed money as it dangled off his wrist. He lounged in the hard backed chair that was not made for comfort, with his long legs stretched out before him. I watched as Edward Cullen picked at the label on the beer bottle in front of him, ripping it to shreds with each tug he made on the glued on paper with his long fingers in a bored manner.

It was odd to see Mr. Cullen here since I had never seen him here before, not that I had ever watched for him to be here either. I looked at him once more as I noticed that his normally perfectly combed hair was a mess, as if he had purposely mess the perfection out of it. It was only then that I noticed he was not watching the dancer on the stage; he was watching me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to post again later today : )**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

****warning! Not beta'd***

Days and nights blurred into each other as time passed counting down until my final days at Cullen Enterprises. During the day I was greeted with the ever put together Edward Cullen, who's hair was never out of place and his tie perfectly straight with his suits impeccable. He would greet with warm, yet professional good morning and thank me as always for his morning coffee and bagel. We would spend the day working together, yet apart as we trudged through the day, but at night everything changed.

At night I would find Edward Cullen rough and rumpled. His tie crooked. His suit coat gone and white crisp shirt rolled up to his elbows as he sat at a table in the back of the room. His legs extended out in front of him as he slouched in his seat while holding either a bottle of beer or a glass of bourbon before him. He would sit there all night, watching me as if I was there entertainment in the room not whatever nameless young girl was on stage dancing while hoping for his money.

"That guy is here again," Marcus said with a sigh as I approached the bar for another round of beers for the college boys that were taking up my time that night. My eyes looked over at Edward to find him watching me with a guarded look. When he first appeared this look made me nervous, but now I was used to it. I was used to his blank look that left me wondering what he was thinking and why he was here.

"Mags said she took him home the other night," Leah chimed in with a loud giggle as she looked at the man who ruled my nine to five as I cringed over the idea of him touching any of the women I worked with since they seemed so far beneath him and Mags was the worst. She was young and dumb. She thought that she would fuck her way to a better life. She hadn't realized that no man wanted the girl who fucked everyone, especially a respectable man.

"She said he has a huge dick and a dirty mouth," Leah whispered in a loud tone so everyone could hear her as she spoke of Mr. Cullen while I shook my head no over her crude comment.

"Mags is a bullshiter," Marcus said with a roll of his eyes as he handed the girl the drink she was waiting on.

"Besides we all know he's not here for Mags," Marcus finished with laugh as Leah rolled her eyes over his comment since she knew, they all knew he was there for me even if he never approached me.

"Don't listen to her, sweet pea," he said as we watched Leah stomp off in anger to serve the older men in her area their drinks.

"It's fine Marcus. It's not like that with me and Mr. Cullen," I said with a nervous laugh as I looked over my shoulder towards the man who loomed in the dark, watching me.

"Maybe you should tell him that," Marcus said as he motioned towards where Edward sat alone with his bottle in hand.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**I'm going to try to update again tonight, but no promises.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Beta free. All are mine***

Friday nights were horrible in the sense that along with it came the weekend and the weekend was something I no longer looked forward to. In the past I had time and people to fill the hours, but now it was just one void of loneliness in-between going to the club.

I closed my eyes and steadied myself as I began my shift at Blue Moon. It would be long night since on Fridays instead of working until ten at night I worked until close. I needed the money, but hated the hours.

"Bella, you ok?" Jamie asked me as he passed by, stopping only after he saw me leaning against the door frame taking a deep breath. I wasn't ok. I hadn't been ok in ages, but that was mine to deal with not his.

"Yeah, just a rough day at work," I lied smoothly as I looked into his concerned eyes.

"You could take tonight off?" he offered me as he tried to smile, almost encouraging me to take his sweet offer, but I couldn't do it. It wasn't just the money that kept me here. I hated being alone in that house filled with memories of better days and here I wasn't alone.

"Nah, it's ok," I said with a grin, trying to put my best face forward for him since if I didn't I knew he would insist that I leave for the night.

"Don't forget about tomorrow night. Vickie is making your favorite," he said as he smiled in return, believing my lie just like everyone else did.

"I won't," I called to him as he started to walk once more, leaving me be before going out to face what would be a typical Friday night crowd of boys thinking their men while drinking too much in the hopes of getting laid by someone, anyone, who worked in this establishment.

"Hey, you're guy's here already," Jamie said with a teasing smile as he turned back to me once more. I wasn't completely surprised by this piece of information since Edward was here most nights that I was. What was odd to me was the simple fact that during our day time hours his being here was never mentioned. He never said a word about seeing me at night. He never spoke or asked why I worked there. He never questioned me and in return I never questioned him. I wanted to know why he was always there and why he would stare, but the coward in me kept me silent so instead I endured our days together with meaningless pleasantries and warm smiles.

"Oh, he is?" I replied as Jamie waited for a response when I had nothing to give.

"What's his story any way?" he asked me as he leaned against the wall, letting other girls pass as he looked at me with an interested look. I had no idea what Mr. Cullen's story was since we never spoke about anything real. I knew he that he lived alone. I knew he worked too much and liked his coffee black. I knew his eyes would crinkle when he really smiled and that he rarely laughed, but when he did it was loud and contagious since it made you want to laugh too.

"I don't know," I replied with a shrug since it was only the truth. What I knew about the man was meaningless things that anyone would know if they paid attention to him.

"It doesn't matter I guess," Jamie said with a bright smile as he looked at me teasingly.

"Just keep him coming in, Bella, since he's the only one who's ever paid the eighty dollars for a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue," he finished with a laugh as he turned to leave me alone in the hallway once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Johnnie Walker Blue Label is scotch that has been aged 25 years. It is incredibly smooth and pricey, but worth it.**

**I will try to update once more today since I do not work and we are just getting where we need to be.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Beta free. All mistakes are mine.***

The night passed slowly while waiting on college guys who thought it was funny to play grab ass in-between rounds of beer. It was demeaning and when I left for my break I told the bartenders Marcus and Riley that I was done. I was done with the boys. I was done with it all.

Marcus promised to talk to them and when I returned they were behaved and almost skittish as they addressed me as Miss while thanking me for the drinks. It was an odd turn of events, but one I appreciated all the same.

At the end of the night I watched from a distance as Jamie walked Mr. Cullen out. I could see their exchange as they went. It seemed pleasant as they both smiled and laughed over something that I knew nothing about. I hated that I didn't know why Jamie was talking with him since typically Jamie just shed people out the door, but I guess in this, like everything else, Mr. Cullen was different as well.

When Jamie finally came back in he greeted with a smile before heading back to his office to do the books.

"What was that about?" I called after him as he walked by me.

"Nothing really, Be. He just…" Jamie said then trailed off to nothing as he looked at me while I waited for an explanation.

"He's an ok guy," he finished lamely as he looked at me with honest eyes before reminding me about dinner at his house for the twentieth time of the night before leaving me to clean up with the young bartender he had hired to help Marcus out.

"Hey Bella, you need some help?" Riley Biers called out to me as he stepped out from behind the bar with a smile that brightened the dark room we were in. He was young; a little too young for my twenty eight years.

"Sure, Ri," I called out to him, knowing that with his help we could be done in twenty minutes instead of forty five like a typical closing with Marcus.

Riley made small talk as he helped wipe off the tables while I swept the floor. We laughed over Leah's obnoxious behavior as he mimicked her perfectly complete with a hair flip like she always did. He told me about his life; how he was going to the local college for business, how he was single and working here was a terrible place to meet women since there were no women around.

Riley was funny and smart. He was handsome with his dirty blonde hair; big blue eyes and a smile that made me blush for all its cuteness.

"Tell me about you," he said as he helped me mop the floor. I knew this was coming. Marcus has told me that Riley was interested in me. He had even teased me that Edward or fancy pants as Marcus called him, had better make a move soon otherwise he's miss his chance. There was no chance to miss and I was not someone that attracted the attention of men, let alone two men at once.

"Not much to tell. I was married and now I'm divorced…" I started to say as I tried to think of what to tell him. It had been so long since someone had asked about me that was not related to Emmett somehow. We had been divorced for well over a year and I was still a blank canvas as to who I was any more.

"So, you're single too?" he asked me with a soft smile as I nodded at him while feeling the heat in my cheeks from the blush he created in me.

"Yeah, I am and… I…I don't know, Riley. There isn't much to tell," I finished lamely as I stood there with my mop in my hand wondering how I come to this moment where I couldn't even tell people who I was any more. I wanted to blame Emmett, but I knew it was all my fault. I was the one who got lost in the marriage to a man that I made my life instead of holding on to who I was as well.

"Sure there is and I would love to hear about it," he said softly, encouraging me as he finished the last bit of mopping we had left before we could call it a night.

"Maybe over dinner?" he asked me with a hopeful tone that gave me butterflies and filled me with dread as he stood before me so perfect and right, just waiting for me to say yes to his offer. I wanted to say yes. It had been forever since I had been out anywhere and this boy seemed like the perfect distraction to all the drama I had surrounding me at all times. I wanted to say yes to his eager boy who waited as if the whole world was hinged upon my answer to him, yet all I could think of was how this boy deserved more. He deserved a girl who didn't have the baggage of a failed marriage trailing her around. He deserved a girl who would smile instead of the practiced fake ones I could only give. He deserved a girl who was whole and perfect; how could give him things in return like her heart or a child.

"Please?" he followed up with a grin that melted my heart a little as I stood there taking inventory of all my failures that I would bring with me on that dinner date.

"Sure, sounds fun," I replied in a rush of air as I stood there with a boy who grinned like he had won something instead of the booby prize that I truly was. We exchanged numbers with the promise that he would call me tomorrow since we both were off. It was simple and it was a date which was something I hadn't been on since I was sixteen.

I let Riley standing there as I walked out, knowing that he was staying behind to talk to Jamie, most likely about me and not the inventory like he claimed as he walked me out to my car to make sure I was safe before I shooed him back inside. I watched him go as stood at my car while unlocking it. It was older, but it was mine and that was all I needed after Emmett left, taking the better car with him. I didn't mind since with the better car came the car payment and I couldn't have afforded that anyway even though in that moment in time was cursing him since once more my old car was failing me by refusing to start. I would turn the key only to hear loud clicking indicating that the starter had finally gone out.

"Damn it," I whispered as I tried once more to start the car, even though I knew it wouldn't start. I closed my eyes as I thought about car repairs and cost that comes with it. I had barely rested my head upon the steering wheel when there was a soft tapping at my window. I turned my head, expecting Jamie or Riley to be standing there since they were inside and would no doubt here the clicking sound my car was making as I tried to start it, but instead came face to face Edward Cullen. His hair was standing on end as if he had been pulling on it and his tie was straighter than what it had been in when I watched him leave the club at Jamie's side. He had never approached me here, so this was out of the ordinary and much welcomed since I dreaded the idea of crossing the empty parking lot alone to knock on the door for assistance.

"Ms. Swan, do you need some help?" he asked me in a soft tone that was much more deep and gravelly than what I was used to hearing him speak as I gawked at him, unsure of what to say outside of yes.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update at least once more today: )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd. I own all the mistakes***

Mr. Cullen's car was silent as I sat there listening to soft roar of the engine as he drove the city streets towards the suburbs to take me home.

"So…" he started with a sigh, startling me with his voice as he glanced towards me before looking at the road once more.

"Why do you work there?" He asked me in a quiet voice, but I could hear the underlying curiosity in his voice. His question caught me off guard as I sat there beside him, closer to him than what I had ever been during our days together.

"I don't know," I stammered as I looked at his profile, noticing his strong jaw as he clenched it over my response.

"I mean, it's a job and I needed the money," I replied in more of a whisper as I suddenly felt embarrassed over the situation I was in, not that it was my fault. It was just the circumstances I was left to deal with in the wake of my divorce.

"Jamie is a good guy. He's my cousin and so he gave me a job and…and…that's fine because I don't mind it," I stammered on stupidly as he turned to look at me with a curious look that made me feel even worse as I realized that Edward Cullen had never known and most likely would never know what it was like to need money to get by. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and continued on to grow more wealth in addition to what he was gifted by his birthright.

"I mean, I'm sure you don't understand," I finished lamely as he looked away from me as he drove along.

"I understand," he replied with a firm nod as I watched his profile. He was a liar. He had no idea.

"Those are noble reasons," he said in a tight voice as he continued to look forward away from me as if he was uncomfortable as well.

"Yes," I mumbled as I looked out the window, wishing that time and the miles would pass so I would be at home now. The silence stretched between us. It was heavy and uncomfortable as I bit back every question I had for him like why was here? Why was he in the parking lot? Was he waiting for me? And if so, why?

Those questioned burned my tongue with the acid of all the hidden meaning in why he was there at Blue Moon night after night. I needed to know, yet his silence was intimidating.

"Who is the guy that stares at you from behind the bar?" he asked me in a calm tone as if he was asking me my address or my favorite color. I gawked at his profile for a moment, unsure of what to say even though I knew he was asking about Riley. It was clear he was asking about the boy who had just nervously asked me out and for some reason that upset me since who was he was ask about Riley? Who was he to question Riley watching me when he had spent night after night watching me, yet refusing to acknowledge me or our connection during daytime hours? It was maddening and the more I thought of it the madder I became until I finally took a deep breath to answer his ridiculous question with an equally ridiculous answer.

"The only man I know who stares at me while I work is you, Mr. Cullen," I replied with a hint of challenge as I turned to look at him while he continued to look forward, avoiding my gaze just as he pulled up in front of my house.

It was only then that I registered a look of concern upon his face as I realized that my house was lit up like the noon day sun with every light on as if someone was inside waiting for me and I knew who that person was without even looking at the new Camry that blocked my driveway.

"Is someone waiting up for you?" he asked me as he parked the car, his eyes never leaving my house as it gleamed invitingly at me.

"No, there shouldn't be, but he's here anyway," I said with a tired sigh as I watched as Emmett peer out the window with wide eyes as he noticed the man at my side.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try for another update later as well.**

**Until later my friends,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***Warning! No beta! All mistakes are mine.***

Mr. Cullen followed me up to the house before holding his hands out for my keys.

"It's just my ex-husband," I muttered as he looked at me with an expectant look as he stood there with his hand out.

"Why is in your house?" he asked with an arched eye brow as if he was mocking me somehow.

"I thought I took his keys," I replied I held on to my keys tightly in my hand, refusing to give them to him as if I was some child.

"You didn't change the locks?" he asked me in an incredulous tone, as if he shocked by my lack of action.

"To change the locks would be over two hundred dollars, Mr. Cullen and I chose to use that money for something else, like the mortgage," I replied sarcastic grin causing him to roll his eyes over my reaction. I waited with my hand n my hips for whatever snotty comment he was forming as he stood before me with an irritated look upon his face, but there was no time for his response as the door flung open, causing me to jump while Mr. Cullen shifted so he was in front of me as Emmett suddenly appeared before us.

"Where the hell have you been?" he practically yelled at me as I stood there half behind Mr. Cullen, who blocked me from Emmett's furious gaze.

"And you are?" Edward asked him smoothly as he stepped aside to place his hand upon the small of my back as he pushed our way inside.

"What?" Emmett responded, confused as if Edward's question had taken some of the wind out of his sails.

"Who are you and why are you in Ms. Swan's residence?" Edward asked him in a clipped tone as he ushered me inside of my own home, blocking me form Emmett as I walked past.

"Ms. Swan? Bella what the fuck is going on here?" Emmett demanded as I continued to walk, ignoring him as I did, until I was in the open space of my empty living room.

"Emmett, get out!" I hissed in anger as I glared at him while Edward positioned himself between me and my former husband.

"No, tell me what the hell is going on. I mean, I waited for you and you never came home," he growled at me as I rolled my eyes. He had no idea about my other job since if he did he would try to use it as a reason to pay less in alimony.

"This isn't your home anymore and I am free to come back to _my_ home whenever I want," I replied as Edward looked from me to Emmett with a curious look on his face while Emmett stared at me with a look of horror.

"Oh my god," Emmett muttered as he looked at me with wide eyes that I used to know so well. There was a look of embarrassment and horror swirling in their depths as he looked from me to man who stood between us.

"You brought him home," he muttered as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"You brought a man home!" he yelled at me as I stood there dumbfounded over his outrage. It wasn't his business any more who I brought home what I did once I was here, not that I had plans to seduce Mr. Cullen.

"That's none of your business," I hissed at him in anger as I watched Mr. Cullen chuckle in a dark manner over Emmett's declaration.

"Like hell it isn't! You're my wife!" he screamed at me while taking a step closer to me only to have Edward step between us and shove him hard so he stumbled back towards the door.

"I suggest you do not take one step closer to Ms. Swan if you value your pathetic existence," Mr. Cullen said in a cold, calm manner as he stared at the man I used to love with disgust.

"Bella, this isn't you. You don't bring men home and act like a….like a…whore," Emmett stammered as he leaned against the wall as if he needed the support.

"I am not your wife and I haven't been for over a year so get out of my house now!" I screamed at him as I felt the flush of fury run through my veins, giving my strength and courage that normally left me weak inside while making Emmett stare at me in disbelief.

"You heard the lady, now leave," Mr. Cullen said in a dark tone, causing Emmett's startled look to move from me to my guest who was half grinning over the display before him.

"Who the hell are you?" Emmett asked him as he stood there, focusing his anger on Mr. Cullen instead of me as he realized I would not be moved by his anger and screams.

"I am Edward Cullen and I believe you work for me in my explosives plant," Edward said as he stood there with a half grin that made him look cocky and somewhat dark as he stepped closer to Emmett as he leaned against the wall to offer him his hand.

"You're…" Emmett stammered on as he looked at the man who was now enjoying what power that his name gave him. It was such a change from the humble man who was I saw day in and day out while in the office with him.

"I believe Ms. Swan has asked you to leave, so if you will," Mr. Cullen continued on as he waved his hand towards the door as if he was dismissing Emmett with a flick of his wrist. I watched with somewhat shock as Emmett left without another word. It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was perfect to watch him leave with the shocked look upon his face as he closed the door behind him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I'm shooting for another update!**

**Until later…**

**Take care**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine***

"So…Jamie said you had a hell of night last night," Vickie said with a sly grin as I sat her cluttered kitchen table watching her chop vegetables for the salad she would be serving with dinner while stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I said as I shook my head at her causing her to laugh at my reaction, but what she didn't understand was that I had no idea how else to respond to it.

The previous night and into the early morning hours was too weird to explain to her since I wasn't sure how to even explain it. After Emmett left, Mr. Cullen ushered me to his car with a sigh and scowl. He never told me where we were going, but instead just lectured me on how incredibly naïve I was being with my own safety. He refused to listen as I tried to explain that Emmett was not someone I was fearful of, but instead countered back that if he was truly my ex-husband then he had no business in my house. He was right of course. Emmett had no right to be in my house or in my life after he walked out on me to start a new life with someone else. He had rights to me at all, but that never stopped him.

We ended up at a twenty-four hour discount store, roaming around the hardware section while Mr. Cullen picked out two new deadbolt lock and a Phillips head screw driver. It was mildly amusing to watch him walk the empty aisles while pushing a cart since I had never imagined Mr. Cullen doing anything as mundane as shopping. He rolled his eyes at my laughter as he motioned me to follow him. It was only then that I noticed he intended on buying them.

_"I can't let you do that, Mr. Cullen," I said as I stopped him from pushing the cart any further by standing in front of the cart while wishing a sea of embarrassment would swallow me whole._

_ "Ms. Swan, you are being ridiculous," he said in a clipped tone as he waited not so patiently for me move out of the way as he pushed the cart closer to me. He was going to make me say it and I hated him for it._

_ "I can't pay you for this," I whispered as I felt my face flame red as shame and embarrassment took over, forcing me to look away since I could bear to see the pity in his eyes._

_ "I'm sure we can work something out," he said in a soft tone that held no pity. It was that tone that made me look at him to find his eyes clear of pity. It was only then that I stepped aside, but not before directing him towards the food section as the idea of what to offer him in exchange came to mind._

It was almost five in the morning when we turned to my house with our purchases. I left Mr. Cullen to his work to cook him a breakfast made for a king as payment for his service. I was only pulled away once as he called me over so I could see how simple it was to make the change of locks while chastising who ever quoted me the two hundred dollar price. He was right. It was simple. It was the matter of four screws and swapping out the locks before he was done with my front door only to move on to the back. When the work was completed I greeted him a feast that made him smile as he took in the plate of bacon and the loaded omelet I had prepared for him in payment for the locks he had purchased.

"I'm home!" Jamie yelled as he walked in the kitchen to greet his wife with a warm kiss. It was moments like this that made me miss being married even though Emmett never greeted me like that.

"Bells," Jamie said with a grin as he turned towards me.

"Hey, Dad said that it was the starter," he continued as he mentioned my uncle who was an amateur mechanic.

"Great," I mumbled as I closed my eyes, letting the weight of another problem settle upon my shoulders.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Be. He said he can change it out and have it back to you by Monday afternoon," he said as he grabbed a carrot to munch before leaving to greet his two sons who were glued to the TV at the moment.

"What will it cost me?" I yelled after him as he left me there with his wife as she scrambled to pull the eggplant parmesan out of the oven.

"Not a thing, baby. You know dad would never charge his favorite niece," Jamie yelled back as I listened him grab his youngest, Jason, who was barely three in a tight growling bear hug that made him giggle wildly. It was a sweet sound that hurt my heart even though I would never admit that out loud.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More updates to come today!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***Warning! No beta! There… You've been warned : )****

Sundays used to be my lazy day. It was always the day I would read, relax, rest up for the new week, but instead of resting I was out at a late afternoon matinee with Riley Biers. He had insisted to take me out and I could not say no to him when he asked me so sweetly while assuring me that it was just a movie, not a date, but we both knew it was date even if I refused to call it that.

"You work tonight?" he asked me as we sat there, watching the movie trivia on the screen while making our guesses as time passed before the movie would begin. I didn't work. Jamie insisted that I take the day off after the night I had on Friday. He also insisted that I allow him and Felix to show up in the parking lot after Emmett's shift just to scare him a little even though they both promised not touch him or cause any trouble beyond the evil looks they would give him.

"No, I'm off tonight," I replied with a smile as I thought about my plans of curling up with a cup of coffee and a book before going to bed.

"That's too bad," he said with a sad grin as he looked at me. I knew he liked me. I knew it from before he asked. It was clear now. I could see it in all the little gestures and kind comments. He was a nice, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for nice or if I even trusted nice since I had trusted a nice boy once before and look how that turned out.

The previews started and as they did we settled back into our seats as the darkness engulfed us. It was soothing and soon the boom of speakers picked up causing us both to jump over the sound of an explosion on the screen. Without even looking over at me I felt Riley's hand slip into mine. It was soft and warm. I could feel his light hold on me as his fingers wrapped around mine. His touch caused me to shiver abruptly as I sat next to him.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked me as he leaned close, so close I could feel his breath all warm and minty against my cheek. I couldn't answer as I thought about how it had been ages since I was that close to anyone let alone a man. Emmett and I had stopped being intimate early on in our last failed pregnancy after I was placed on bed rest in an attempt to maintain it.

"Here," Riley whispered as he shifted in his seat, pulling off the hoody he wore before wrapping it around me. It was warm from his body heat and smelled like the cologne that he always wore before wrapping his hand around mine once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Monday mornings were always hard, but knowing that unless I was suddenly offered another position elsewhere that this was my last Monday morning at the office made it even harder. It also didn't help that I hadn't spoken to Mr. Cullen since the early hours of Saturday morning when he left me, but not before making me promise to keep my keys away from Emmett, as if I would give him the new key.

I slowly prepared his bagel, dreading, yet excited to see him for some reason. I wanted to see if the easy conversations we had at four in the morning when we were both too tired to be reasonable would carry over to a busy work day.

I approached his door cautiously with the plate and mug in each hand, only pausing to knock, but before I did I could hear the conversation going on inside of the room. It was loud, too loud to ignore even though I knew I should have.

"I want you to make her the offer," Mr. Cullen said in a firm tone as another man huffed in anger.

"This is a bad idea, Edward and you know it," the tired voice replied in an almost growl like manner. I quickly identified the voice as Jason Jenks, or otherwise known as the hatchet man. He was Mr. Cullen's right hand man. If there were any disciplinary action or termination that needed to be handled he was the one who acted on behalf of Cullen Enterprises, hence earning him his nickname.

"I don't pay you to think," Mr. Cullen snapped back in a tone that I had never heard him use before. It shocked me over how cold he sounded as he spoke to the man.

"Make the offer and then come find me," he finished as the old man grumbled in the background over whatever Mr. Cullen insisted that he complete. With that the door to the office swung open wildly as Mr. Jenks abruptly walked out, nearly knocking me over in the his escape from Mr. Cullen.

"Ms. Swan, I am so sorry," he said in a surprised voice as he helped steady me without spilling one drop of coffee.

"It's fine, really," I said as I stepped back, allowing him room to leave so I m enter the office with what little breakfast I had to offer Mr. Cullen. I watched the older man go, but not before he turned to give a look back at Mr. Cullen that was ripe with meaning, but what that meaning happened to be was lost on me since I had no idea why he was giving him a death glare.

"Ms. Swan, so good to see you," Mr. Cullen greeted me as he stood b his desk, papers in hand and a wide smile that I had grown accustomed to each day.

"Too bad there is no bacon," he teased as I sat his bagel down on this desk since it was appeared to be busy even though I couldn't quite see what papers he had with him. My face flamed red at his reminder of our shared breakfast where he confessed his love of bacon as if it was a dirty secret.

"I did make bacon sandwiches for lunch," I replied as I returned his smile while ignoring the heat of my face.

"You're welcomed to join me if you like," I offered, surprising him and I with my bold invitation to share lunch with me since Mr. Cullen always ate alone in his office, and typically it was a working lunch for him. I watched as his eyes went wide before he nodded his head in agreement.

"I would love to," he replied in a soft tone before confirming what time I had planned on taking lunch and making a promise to have my beloved diet coke here, cold and waiting for me as his part of sharing our lunch.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Lunch time came and there was no Mr. Cullen. I looked in his office to find him and he was nowhere to found. I was left on my own, not that I was surprised by this since it would be completely out of character for him to have lunch with me or anyone from the office.

The day passed and as it he never returned. I left that night alone, but not before shutting down Mr. Cullen's computer as well as the light on his desk that he used when he stayed late. I walked out while trying not to feel slighted by his apparent snubbing. I reminded myself all over again how lunch with employees had to be frowned upon by someone, somewhere. I told myself that it would have been inappropriate and the last thing Mr. Cullen would ever be considered was inappropriate.

I walked out of the building and into the cool evening air that always came with the spring time to wait. Jamie had promised to pick me up and as always he was late. The boy had no internal clock. He was late to his own wedding because he stopped for tacos on the way to the church. It was just him and those of us who loved him had learned to slowly deal with his inability to be on time.

It was during this time that I spent waiting, leaning against the wall that I first heard the sounds. It was a woman crying. It was loud and almost hysterical with her sobbing wails. It drew my attention as I followed the sound. Maybe someone was in trouble. Maybe someone needed help. Maybe someone's world had come to a crashing halt based on the heart breaking wailing that the mysterious woman was making.

I walked around the corner, looking for the woman as I peered into the employee parking garage since it seemed like the crying was coming from there. It was somewhat dark with the garage lights turning everything an ugly shade of orange as I looked for woman who sounded like she was crying out like a wounded animal.

I walked slowly into the garage, trying to be as quiet as possible while holding my phone out with 911 ready to be called at a moment's notice when I found her. It was a woman, but I couldn't tell how old she was since she was on her knees, doubled over in what appeared to pain as she kneeled on the dirty cement floor of the parking garage. Her long white blonde hair fell over her face, blocking it from my view while she pulled at the hem of her expensive looking royal blue dress as if she was trying to tear it, which would have been a better fate for it instead of the grease spot that the edges were resting in.

"You can't mean that," she sobbed in a voice that seemed raw from her crying. It was words that I had spoken before to a man who didn't care that I was broken before him.

"You can't mean that we're done, Edward. I don't believe you," she sobbed as she looked up towards the man that I had not noticed before, but with the mentioning of his name I was instantly drawn to his silent, motionless figure.

"You're being ridiculous, Charlotte," he replied in a calm, cold tone that made the blood in my veins turn to ice as I realized her Edward was my Edward. It was Mr. Cullen. It was him there with a woman on her knees begging him for something he refused to give.

My heart was pounding in my chest making his words seem distant even though I could hear him perfectly.

"You knew this was not a permanent situation between us, so don't act so surprised by this," he continued on in a firm manner that was void of emotion as I listened to him end whatever relationship he had with his woman as if he was terminating a contract. It was cold. It was heartless and it left me feeling sick as he spoke over the woman's wailing.

I tried to back away from the scene that was playing out before me before either one of them noticed that they had a witness to this cold hearted ending. I turned and started to quietly make my way back to the front of the building. I wanted to run but I knew the sound of my heels on the pavement would be too loud and they would notice, he would notice I was there, watching him as he tore that woman's heart out with his cold dismissal.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

My final days passed and as they did a distance was created between me and Mr. Cullen. He still was kind. He still was thankful for the small things like the bagels in the morning, but beyond that he was as distant as what he had been before we spent our odd night together. It left me cold inside, but not as cold as when I thought of his cruel dismissal of the woman in the parking garage.

My final day was a Friday and while normally Fridays were spent carefree I knew what was coming or who was coming to see. What made day the worse was the simple fact that Mr. Cullen was nowhere to found. He was gone. It was as if he could not stand to be there for my final moments and while I wanted to be mad him I was thankful that he was going to miss my pathetic dismissal since nothing was more embarrassing than being walked out by security.

At three pm I returned to my desk after running paper work down tot hr plant for Mr. Cullen. He could barely look at me as I handed him the papers he needed before whispering his thanks as I ran off. It was a horrible way for things to end, but this was the way it needed to be, so I was not surprised as I returned to my desk to find Mr. Jenks waiting for me.

"Ms. Swan," Mr. Jenks welcomed me warmly as I stood there watching the old man stand up to greet me. His white hair was combed flat and his suit was perfectly pressed. He looked impeccable and that alone was intimidating.

"Mr. Jenks," I replied in a voice that sounded tired even to me as I tried to smile in return, but I knew it fell flat.

"Do you have a moment?" he asked me with a smile that reminded me of my father.

"Do I have a choice?" I replied with a sigh causing him to laugh as he motioned me forward.

"Edward told me you were quite the spitfire," the old man said with a chuckle as he motioned for me to enter the conference room off to my left.

"Did he?" I questioned as I looked at him skeptically since there was no reason for Mr. Cullen to have ever discussed me with him outside of termination procedures.

"Yes, he thinks quite highly of you, Ms. Swan," Mr. Jenks said with a beaming smile as he looked at me with his fatherly blue eyes.

"I bet," I muttered, sounding too bitter for a person who had nothing personally invested in my time with Mr. Cullen.

"Ms. Swan, as you know, your position as Mr. Cullen's assistant has come to an end now that his normal assistant will be returning to her position as of Monday," he said as I nodded along, half listening as I thought about Mr. Cullen and the dramatic eye rolls he would give me that night when he thought I was being ridiculous. I thought of his laughter and how it filled the room. I thought of his cold response to the woman on her knees pleading for him to not end it with her.

"He would like to offer you another position within the company if you will allow me to explain it," Mr. Jenks continued on as I sat there in the stiff office chair, while listening to what could be my new position, my future within Cullen Enterprises.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come as long as the family gives me time : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat at my kitchen table with the contract spread out before. I had gone over it five different times and each time it read out the same. I grabbed the bottle of beer from the six pack I had splurged on and took a long drink while looking at my check book. Job or no job I was left with not much. I grabbed the phone and made a quick phone call to a girl I had attended high school to have the house put on the market. I was done trying to save a dream that wouldn't be mine so the least I could do would be to sell it and maybe let the house live brightly with someone else's family.

I cleaned. I worked. I made plans, but no matter what I did it went back to the contract on my kitchen table as it lay there, mocking me with its money and fuckery that came with it. My mind raced back to my afternoon meeting with Mr. Jenks, who was too kind for words as he warned me while presenting the job offer.

_" , Mr. Cullen is offering you the position of personal assistant," he said slowly as his sky blue eyes held mine as if he was trying to tell me something without words._

_ "Ok," I replied happily, relieved that I was spared from the unemployment line or temp services once more._

_ "Ms. Swan, may I be frank with you?" Mr. Jenks asked me as he moved closer to me to spread the employment agreement out before me._

_ "This details all that would be required of you in this position and I think you need to really read this before you agree so readily," he said in a grave voice as I looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of what he was telling me._

_ "Ms. Swan…" he stammered on as he looked at me in an almost remorseful manner._

_ "Mr. Cullen is not…" he stammered on as if he trying to choose his words carefully for me and that made me nervous since Hatchet Man Jenks was known for his brash ways._

_ "He is not a nice man and you're….you're a nice girl who deserves more than this," he said in a rush of words that left me speechless._

_ "Just go home and read this agreement over. Think about this before you agree, Ms. Swan. Think about this for me, please?" he asked me as he sat there, almost pleading with me before stacking the papers back up in a tidy stack to send me on my way with the promise that if I had any questions to call him directly and that they would not expect my answer until Monday, giving me the weekend to think about the job offer._

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try for another update later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Saturday passed slowly as I tried to fill the hours with something, anything, but instead I was left was nothing. The real estate agent arrived with her plastic smile and judging eyes as she walked through my thread bare house with an appraising eye. I hated dealing with her, but she was a necessary evil since I had no time as well as no patience to attempt to sell my own house. She was at my house for two hours and when she left the contract to place the house on the market was signed while a bright for sale sign graced the meticulous front yard. It was a tough decision, but the right one since as I looked around the empty rooms I knew I needed out of this place. It held too many memories and not all of them were good ones.

Once that step in the right direction was completed I was left with nothing but time on my hands as until it was finally time to go to the club. While I hated going into work, I needed the distraction from real life. I needed the dark seediness of the club where no one really looked at me and I could float through the room like a ghost refilling drinks and making small talk.

"Hey Bella!" James called to me as I walked inside of the club, letting the darkness swallow me.

"Jamie," I said as I waited, letting my cousin catch up to me as I stood there, taking a quick look into the main room for the man who was awaiting my acceptance or denial of his supposed sweet offer.

"Your man isn't here yet," Jamie teased as he poked my side causing me to jump in surprise from being poked just like he used to when we were kids.

"If he knows what's good for him he won't come here either," I said with a scowl as I turned to keep walking away from Jamie and his jack ass comments.

"What the hell happened?" Jamie asked me in surprise as he scrambled to keep up with me. I could see the worry in his eyes as he grabbed my arm, causing me to stop and look at him.

"What happened, Be? Do I need to kick his ass? Because I will; you know I will, just for you, sweets," he said in a serious tone as he looked at me, waiting for me to say the word so he could unleash that hidden inner teenage Jamie who fought at the drop of a hat and loved every minute of it.

"Jesus, Jamie take a pill," I muttered as I looked at him while trying not to smile.

"What happened?" he asked me still holding me in place, refusing to let me go. He looked so worried as he met my gaze, reminding me that he loved me and that made my heart warm.

"Nothing really, Jamie," I said as he looked at me, calling me out on my lies without saying a word.

"He offered me a job," I said in a soft voice, quickly in a tone that was rushed as I finally admitted out loud the job that I was offered.

"Bells! That's awesome!" Jamie said loudly causing one of the girls who walked by us to jump, startled by his outburst.

"Tell me about it," he said as he grinned happily at me. I opened my mouth unsure of what to say so I told him the basics.

"I would be a personal assistant. You know, plan meetings, plan his business travel, take care of mundane things like his dry cleaning," I said as I tried to remember the list of responsibilities that was left on my kitchen table awaiting my decision.

"That's awesome, Be. That is awesome," Jamie said with a wide grin.

"Vickie is going to go fucking crazy over this," he said with a laugh since it was common knowledge that Vickie was mildly obsessed with Edward Cullen and his family since she knew them from the catholic high school she attended years ago. She was a gossip queen and the Cullen family was always surrounded by gossip.

"Come over tomorrow, ok? I'll call Vic and tell her, so plan on dinner out, my treat, Be," he said as he let me go, believing me as he squeezed my arm excitedly before letting go to walk away.

"No excuses, Bella," he yelled to me as he continued to walk while pulling his cell phone out of his pocket to call his wife with the so called good news and it was good news. I needed a job. I needed the money, the stability to get away from Emmett and this job would give me that. This job would give me a lot of things.

I with one last breath I stuffed my purse in my locker before tying on my apron to face the crowd that Saturday night brought in. They were always rowdy and loud. They also tipped the best out of all the nights of the week.

I walked out on the floor with a fake grin firmly in place as I faced the crowd. It took all of a minute before my eyes locked with the warm green eyes of the man who had taken up residence in my head with his ridiculous offer of employment.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to update once more once everyone goes to bed : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

The night passed slowly as I tried to make small talk with the men in my area while refilling their beers with fake smiles as I tried to balance my overfilled tray and the anger that threatened to swallow me whole whenever I looked over at Mr. Cullen. He was ridiculous sitting there with a blank expression and watchful gaze as I stumbled through my shift until Jamie said I could leave at a little after ten that night.

"Bell, go home and rest," he said to me as I dropped my second batch of beers on the floor with a wet clatter. He was getting irritated with me and I could not blame him over my jumpy behavior. I was a mess and I blamed Mr. Cullen for that completely.

I ducked out of the main floor and into the dressing room, ignoring the dancers as I found a place on a wooden bench that was close to the waitresses' lockers. I needed to pull myself together. I needed something.

It was with a heavy sigh after ten minutes of silence that I stood up and unlocked my locker. I grabbed my purse, pulled out my car keys and then left the room without a look back.

I had just barely made it to my car when I heard him calling me. Mr. Cullen was behind me, calling for me to wait for him. It seemed odd, but this was Mr. Cullen and I had discovered that he behaved like no one I had ever met before.

"Mr. Cullen, do you think it's in your best interest to approach me now?" I asked him as I felt the flash of anger run through as I turned to face the man who had been plaguing my thoughts since I left his office building Friday afternoon.

"It is never in my best interest or yours for that matter, for me to approach you," he said with a grin that surprised me over how light hearted it looked since it did not match his words. His words were dark and dangerous while his smile was sweet; almost charming in how it lit up his face, making him look more handsome than I had remembered. It unnerved me how handsome he was since I hadn't really noticed it before this moment as he stood before me rumpled and casual in a pair of jeans with slouch t-shirt with a button up shirt. The look was different than how I had seen him before, making him look younger than what he was at thirty-two years old.

"What?" I asked him as he looked at me with whiskey bright eyes and a smile that dripped with teasing nature that made my stomach flutter nervously.

"Ms. Swan…" Mr. Cullen said with a grin that made me want to smack him.

"No, you just stop it right now," I said as I pointed at his face, causing his eyes to go wide in surprise before he snickered in response.

"You owe me an explanation. You owe me…" I stammered as I felt my face go red as I thought about his offer.

"What is there to explain? I think it was all quite explanatory. I mean, I do pay Jason a lot of money to do his job and for the most part I feel that he does it quite well," he continued on with a grin that was out of character with its teasing nature; so much out of character that it left me wondering what the hell was going on with him.

"Are you drunk?" I asked him as I shoved him in irritation over the idea of him approaching me at all, let alone drunk.

"Just on your beauty, Ms. Swan," he said with a bright smile as I rolled my eyes in response to his cheesy comment.

"Go home, Mr. Cullen," I said flatly as I turned away from him to enter my car. I was tired of his cheeky grin and dark words. I was tired from thinking about him and me and everything that swirled around us. I was tired from the weight I carried around my neck that was my life and saddened by the fact that this was where I found myself at the age of twenty eight.

"Ms. Swan…" Mr. Cullen said softly as I felt his hand touch my shoulder in the whisper of a touch, yet I refused to look at him. I couldn't look at him with his dark green eyes that were so warm, yet so guarded.

"Bella…" he said softly, letting me hear the whisper of want in his voice as he spoke my name and I could hear it. I could hear it as loud and clear the beating of my heart in my ears. It was alluring and warm. It pulled me in and made me want to listen to what he had to say next to me even though I knew what he would say next. He would try to explain away it all and part of me wanted to hear his explanations. Part of me wanted to believe that I was making something out of nothing, that I was being the difficult bitch Emmett often accused me of being. I wanted to believe in the man I had spent the twelve weeks with was more than some creeper that was willing to pay me for sex along with my mad organizational skills.

"You have ten minutes, Mr. Cullen. That's all I'm giving you," I said as I turned to look at him with a warning look that made him smile at me while biting his lower lip.

"That's all I'll need, Ms. Swan. That's all I'll need," he replied confidently as he looked at me with a grin that was a healthy mix of sex and confidence that made my face flame red as he stood before me.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading and for all the reviews! More to come tomorrow : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

After five minutes of bickering I found myself driving to and then being seated a the local IHOP across from Mr. Cullen, who was acting as if it was every day that he sat down at ten thirty at night to discuss a contract. Maybe he did for all I knew about him.

We waited as the older waitress took our request of coffee while sitting the men down before us with a fake smile that made me want to laugh before excusing herself.

"So, what are you thinking of getting?" he asked me without looking up from the menu. His question, all be it normal since we were sitting in a restaurant, struck me wrong and caused a new wave of anger to wash over me as I sat across from him. Who the hell was he to act as if this normal? As if we were normal?

My silence filled the space between us as I sat there gawking at him in anger until he finally looked up from the menu to see me.

"What?" he asked me with an innocent look that was too practiced to be believed.

"You have ten minutes remember, Mr. Cullen?" I asked him with a firm tone as I watched him look at me with a smile that tried to hide poorly.

"And take that smile off your face before I do it for you," I hissed at him causing him to laugh out loud at my threat.

"Let me buy you breakfast, Bella and then I promise we'll talk," he said with a half smile that made me shake my head. It should have been easy to turn him down, to tell him to fuck off and leave, but I didn't. Instead, I stayed. I wanted to hear him explain himself. I wanted to hear him try to explain how it was ok to have a clause in the contract that discussed birth control and promised silence with the threat of legal retribution if discussing my time while employed by Mr. Cullen. It was fuckery at its best and that made me furious.

We ordered and waited in silence while the staring at each other. It made me made that he was confident since I wanted to watch him squirm. I wanted to see some emotion other this calm assurance that reeked of his ego.

"So, Mr. Cullen…" I began when I could not take the silence for one moment longer.

"Edward. Please call me Edward," he said with a grin that made me roll my eyes.

"Ok, Edward, what the hell were you thinking?" I demanded from him as he sat there waiting for me to finish.

"I was thinking that you would be a perfect personal assistant so I made the offer," he replied as if it was nothing and maybe to him it was nothing. Maybe this common place to him. Maybe he had always treated women as a commodity that could be bought and sold at will.

"Section five of the contract mentions birth control as well as availability and exclusiveness," I said as I watched his face for reaction, but he gave me none.

"All three are important to me and needed to be addressed," he replied immediately back as I sat there in stunned silence just as the waitress arrived with my pancakes and his omelet. I listened to his whispered thanks to the waitress before turning back to me with a nod as if I should continue on.

"Mr. Cullen…" I said slowly before correcting myself.

"Edward…I read the contract. I read the job description; the needing to be available for evenings out entertaining clients, the assistance with mundane things like dry cleaning and day planning. I read about meals together and… and…the possibility of sex," I said as I tried to keep my cheeks from going red over discussing sex with a man who was practically a stranger to me, but failing miserably.

"I read what you wanted and what you want isn't a personal assistant; it's a girlfriend and I'm not ready to be anyone's girlfriend," I said as I bit back every bad word and implication that came to mind as I thought about that contract while I tried to maintain some level of professionalism with him.

"I know you're not ready for such a commitment and that's what makes you perfect for this position, Bella," he said with a firm tone that reminded me of all the other times I had listened to him deal with other business and government workers who came to negotiate terms of their contract with him.

"Bella, I am not one for romance and relationships. I can't do it. I won't do it. Not ever again," he said in a firm tone that had a bite to it as I sat there stunned by his words.

"I don't need a girlfriend, nor do I want one. Girlfriends are demanding. They want emotion. They always want more than what I have to give and in the end they always fail," he continued on as I sat there listening to his explanation as to the stupid offer he was making me.

"What I need is simple. It's a pretty face to look at, a bright mind to hold conversation with and a warm body in my bed," he said as he looked at me in a lingering manner that made me feel warm under his gaze.

"What you need is someone to protect you from that oaf you called your husband and a job to liberate you from his support as well from your nights in the gentleman's club," he said as he reached for his cup of coffee.

"You have no idea what I need," I replied in a hiss, causing him to laugh at me before taking a sip of the dark brew he was drinking.

"I know exactly what you need and am more than willing to give it to you," he replied smoothly as he looked at me over his cup before setting it back done.

"Bella, it's simple really. We need each other. We would be good together and this contract, this agreement, will just help us maintain the level of professionalism that we both need to make this a good thing," he said as he tried to smooth over what was glaring obvious to me.

"No, you're paying me to be a whore," I replied harshly as I watched his face fall a little before he replaced that crestfallen look with his blank stare, but I could see the hint of anger behind his cool gaze.

"No, I'm paying you because you need the money and I want to help you. I'm also paying you because you were the best assistant I ever I had and I expect nothing less than that here when it comes to my personal affairs," he replied with a little more grit than polish. It made me smile to see that I had reached him, that I had pushed him into seeing the folly of his offer.

"You are taking advantage of a situation where I am screwed by screwing me in it for money," I growled at him causing his eyes to flash red hot while his mouth settled in a grim line.

"No, I'm trying to help you and in the process take care of both of our needs," he replied as I rolled my eyes at him and his explanation of what he was purposing.

"I like it that you're feisty," he said with a dark chuckle as he looked at me with bright eyes that warmed me as he took me in as I sat before him.

"I'm not the girl you want for this, Edward," I said as I looked at him, seeing all the dark promises he was making me with his eyes.

"That's where you're wrong, Bella. You are exactly the woman I want for this. You're the woman who's perfect for this and I have no doubt about that at all," he replied with a smile that made my already nervous stomach flip flop inside of me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and for all the kind reviews! More to come today since I am home : )**

**Until later..**

**Take care, **

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The morning sun awoke with me along the loud banging on the front door causing me to jump with each bang that rang throughout the house. I stumbled from the couch where I had fallen asleep after my late night breakfast and conversation with Edward that led to nowhere. I remember how he walked me to my car and stood there looking at me, waiting for my answer, but the truth was I had no answer to give.

The problem was that he was right and he knew it. I wasn't in a place where I was ready to be with someone emotionally. I knew this, but that didn't stop me wanting physical contact. I missed being close to someone. I missed sex. I missed dinners out. I missed movie nights on the couch. I missed it all and while his offer was beyond fucked up it also appealing since it would give me what I missed without the hassle of labels and love.

_"Just think about it, Bella," he said as he stepped closer to me to tuck the loose strand of hair that had come out of my ponytail behind my ear. It was a sweet gesture. One that made me lean into his touch a little too much._

_ "You know, most women would be flattered by this,' he said in low a whisper that hinted at his teasing, but I knew better. I knew that he meant the words he was saying. He believed this line of bullshit he was feeding me._

_ "Most women would call this sexual harassment, Edward," I retorted causing him to smile at my snippy response._

With a few more good byes and Edward making me promise to call him once I was home safely I left him. I drove off while he continued to stand there watching me go.

I made it to the front door with a growl and jerked it open, half expecting to find him standing there with donuts in hand to start up his new round of telling me why I should agree to his bullshit offer, but instead of a scruffy Edward bearing gifts I found a wide eyed Emmett who gawked at me in a mix of anger and shock.

"You're selling the house?" he asked me in a voice that suggested his shock and possible hurt while motioned towards the sign in the yard.

"I asked you to sell the housed during the divorce and you refused. You told me that your dreams were tied up into this house and you could never do that, but here we are now," he continued on as he stood on my door step, flaying his arms around wildly.

"It's my house to sell now so get the fuck out of here," I hissed at him causing his wild arm movements to stop as he looked at me with surprise.

"Bella, we bought this house and… and it was the dream you know? Remember how we could see our future here? Remember how you told me…." He continued on as he looked at me with wide blue eyes that once held ever dream I thought I would ever have.

"Emmett, those dreams are gone now and so are we, so just go home to Rosalie," I said as I motioned for him go, while refusing to let him inside of the house that we once shared together.

"It's him isn't it?" he asked me with a soft voice of accusation.

"You're screwing around with him, aren't you?" he asked me as I stood there shocked by his line of questions.

"That's none of your business and you know it!" I growled at him as I thought of the night Edward replaced my locks after showing Emmett out of my house.

"You're replacing me with some other man," he said as he looked at me as if I was one who walked out of our marriage, not him.

"He came to the plant and told me to stay away from you," he said as he looked at me, waiting to see what my reaction to his words would be as I tried to muffle my shock over Edward's ridiculous behavior.

"He isn't wrong. You need to stay away from me. You the one who's remarried and has a baby on the way, not me, so…so go back to Rosalie and leave me the hell alone!" I yelled at him before slamming the door in his face and locking it with the lock that Edward had bought for me.

AN:  
Thanks for reading! More to come : )

Until later…

Take care,

Mamasutra

xoxo


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Frustration is an ugly thing. It makes you lose your mind and can often lead to bad decisions which is what I was realizing now that I had done as I stood before the large, ornate glass and wood door of Edward Cullen's home. I wasn't sure why I was there, yet when I got in my car after cleaning my house and trying to rid myself of the anger that Emmett pulled out of me I found myself driving here, to him.

Edward's house was meticulous and perfect, just like the man I knew Monday through Friday. His lawn was the perfect shade of green and had flowers blooming as if someone cared deeply for them with their bright pinks shining in thanks. It was wonderful and made me feel more out of place than what I ever had before in his presence, yet still I remained at his doorstep, unmoving, yet refusing to knock on the door as the setting sun fell upon me.

I wasn't sure if I should knock or jut turn and run away as I stood frozen in that moment in time of indecision. Indecision is what had lead me to many mistakes of mine ending with me here on the door step of a man who was asking for nothing and too much all at the same time.

What he was offering me wasn't all that bad. It was clean cut and left me with no surprises. I needed no surprises after my failed marriage, which was nothing but a surprise to me since I had always figured Emmett and I would be together forever. Edward's cold contract was a promise that I would be taken care of no matter what happened between us since there was a very large severance package that would leave quiet comfortable if either of us called our so called partnership over. In all reality, it was more of promise than what I had when I married Emmett and that counted as something to me even if it shouldn't have. It was more than anything I had been offered before by anyone, yet there nothing to it, but the more thought about it the more I wanted it.

I wanted the nothing. I wanted to be able have what I needed without the emotional consequences of actually being with someone. It was sick and wrong since it just showed how this was the perfect set up for a girl like me who had nothing lose and everything to gain a situation with a man who had nothing to offer but companionship and the possibility of sex.

I was lost in thought over what to do. Should I stay or go? Should I say no or yes? Everything was mess and the more I thought about this fucked up offer the more appealing it became. I was so lost in thought that I did not hear the door open until I came face to face with Edward, who was watching me with a smile that was too victorious, too pleased to make me feel anything but a flash of anger.

"Don't get too excited, Edward. I came over to talk," I replied, trying to knock that smug smile off his face even though it was the most I had seen him smile in the twelve weeks I had been around him.

"Of course, Bella, whatever you say," he said with that smile that made him look charming and asshole-ish all at the same time.

"Please come in," he said warmly, as he stepped aside to allow me access to him and his home.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come!**

**Hey let me clear up a few things since I don't think I was clear enough. Emmett did not cheat on Bella. He left Bella, they divorced and after that he hooked up with Rosalie, married and got her pregnant. The betrayal there is that Rosalie was her BFF who was there during the miscarriages and divorce only to turn around and be with Bella's ex. **

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

We sat on his overly stylish and far from comfortable leather couch that looked beautiful in his perfect, nothing out of place font room.

"So…" he said as he sat on the other end of the couch opposite of me while looking at me expectantly. I knew he was waiting for me to agree and while I wanted to say the words it I needed to find something out first.

"Who was the girl in the parking garage I saw you with?" I asked him as I looked over at him with my own expectant look. I needed some answers and this was as good as any place to start.

"Charlotte is a far from a girl and a terrible mistake I had made three months ago," he said with a sigh as he looked at me, perfectly calm, collected and way too cool in temperament.

"She is someone I met in a bar and went home with," he said with an even tone as if he was telling me a story about grocery shopping.

"You had sex with her?" I questioned as he paused to look at me as if I had lost my mind.

"Yes, I did, and she thought there was something more to it than what it was. It ended badly," he finished quietly as he watched me with a curious look on his handsome face.

"For her," I replied with a snort that made him roll his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that, Bella," he said with a sigh as he moved closer to me so that we were almost touching as he turned to look at me better.

"She knew. I told her it was nothing more than sex. Nothing more than one night and that was it," he said as I looked at him, watching him, checking him for any signs of deception and I could not find any.

"I may be a heartless bastard at times, but I don't lie," he said to me, holding my gaze with his calm green one, willing me to believe in him.

"She wanted more and thought dramatics would ensure it. I'm sorry you had to witness that and more importantly I'm sorry I missed our lunch together. I was looking forward to it and I do hope you'll let me make that up to you," he said earnestly as he reached over to take hold of my hand in his, but I refused it as I pulled my hand away from his.

"How many other women have you done this with?" I asked him as I fought off the sick feeling in my stomach as I thought about being one in a line of contracts, conquests, whatever, to this man.

"One night stands?" he asked me in an almost incredulous tone as he looked at me with wide surprised eyes.

"No, this sex for hire thing," I said feeling embarrassed by the fucked up situation I was in with this man.

"Does it matter?"He asked me, avoiding my question with one of his one.

"It does to me," I replied with a firm nod of my head as he watched me with a guarded look on his face.

"Ok," he said as he looked at me with a worried look on his handsome face.

"I've never done this before, but I've considered it," he admitted slowly as he looked at me, watching me for my reaction, but I had none to give out side of nodding my head in understanding. I was the first person he actually approached concerning this fuckery. I was the first person he thought he stood a chance of getting to agree to it and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"Are you telling me you're considering my offer?" he asked me in a quiet voice that gave nothing away, yet told me how excited he was by it with the pitch in his tone.

"Yes," I replied with a nod as I watched him try to hide his smile, but he couldn't. It was too big. It was too bright to be hidden by biting his lip.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

It was on his couch that we tried to hammer out the side clauses of the contract he presented me with and it was more than odd to do so. It was stupidly different, yet talking with Edward like that was somewhat normal. It was just a conversation about what we expected from each other and that was actually refreshing since I had never had been with anyone where everything was so clearly outlined, but truth be told I had never been with anyone outside of Emmett. He was it for me. We had met at sixteen and there had no one else, well no one else until now.

"I'm very serious when I say I won't share, Bella. Exclusiveness is very important to me. It's a deal breaker for me so if you think this is something that you cannot comply with then you should reconsider this agreement all together," Edward said in a firm tone as he looked at me with a grave expression.

"I'm a very loyal person, Edward," I replied as I thought about all the times I was loyal to Emmett when I had the chance at other men, yet refused them.

"I'm not asking for your loyalty. You have nothing to be loyal to. I'm just asking for your word that while we are together there will be no one else except me," he said in a firm tone that made me flinch with how cold a conversation this truly was.

"I expect the same from you" I retorted trying to find my ground that I was quickly losing in this agreement with Edward.

"There will be no other women, Bella," he said firmly as he looked at me, daring me to challenge him on his promise, but I didn't since I had no doubt when Edward said exclusive he meant it.

"I also am insistent that you be available to me," he continued on in the hard voice that I was used to when it came to work, but not dealings like this.

"Of course," I said with nod as I looked at him as if he was losing his mind since to me he was.

"And in return, when you need me I will be there as well," he replied and then waved me off as I attempted to tell him that would not happen.

"It will happen…or at least I hope it will," he said in a softer voice than what he had used as he looked at me with a warm look that made my stomach twist inside of me before he launched into doctor's appointments and sexual histories. I listened and chimed in about if I had to be tested so did he, to which he agreed readily.

"We need to discuss birth control. I refuse to have a child, not just with you, but with anyone. I just…" he said in all business voice wavering with some hard emotion, not that it mattered since his words caused me to freeze in place as a wave of pain crashed over me.

"Birth control won't be an issue," I replied slowly in a gritty tone as it still hurt to admit this out loud.

"I can't have children," I said in a small voice, admitting out loud my failure as a woman, the same failure that drove my husband away.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

My confession silenced him. It left it slack jawed and quiet as he looked at me with eyes I could not stand to look in to. I could not stand to see the pity and disappointment that I had witnessed too many times to count with Emmett.

"Did you want children?" he asked me in a soft voice that made the ache in my chest even worse as he questioned me about the dreams I once had before reality set in.

"Yes," I replied quickly as I wiped at the stray tears that started to fall. I did not want him to see me cry and not over something that he was so determined that he would never want.

"I am so sorry," he whispered to me in a voice that was full of genuine remorse as if he had personally done something to me to prevent it. We remained silent for a long moment as the heaviness of the situation settled between us like a dead weight.

"You never wanted children?" I asked him, trying to understand why he was determined, so hell bent on no children ever.

"I did once, but that was years ago," he said in a whisper of a voice that hinted at something in his past, a past that I was not to discuss according to the contract.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update once or twice more, but I'm not sure it will get done since I have some shopping to do get done.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Monday morning rolled around and I found myself waiting, not sure of what to do. I had told Mr. Jenks that I would call him on Monday to either accept or turn down the position, yet I spent the better part of Sunday night with Edward hashing out terms to our agreement until we both were satisfied with what would be acceptable, so I saw no need to call him. Instead, I spent the morning drinking my coffee, wandering around my house and wondering if Edward's morning was any more fruitful than mine.

It wasn't until after lunch that Mr. Jenks called me. It was a clipped conversation asking if I could come into the office for paper work. I quickly accepted his offer with the promise that I would be in before five to sign what was needed to make this odd employment happen.

When arrived at the office I by passed where I used to work outside of Edward's office, opting for the back route to Mr. Jenk's office which was located at the other end of the hall from where I used to sit.

"Ms. Swan," he called to me as he stepped out of his office as he stepped around the old woman who was his secretary. I sod up to greet him with a firm handshake before being escorted back to his office. When we sat down across from each other it was only then that I noticed the grim look on his face.

"Ms. Swan, I was hoping that I wouldn't see you again," he said with a look of disapproval as he looked at me over his glasses with a tired sigh.

"Mr. Jenks-" I began to say, but he ignored me, continuing on his speech of disappointment as if I hadn't even spoken.

"I told Edward that you were a nice girl. I reminded him that you take nice girls out to dinner and a movie. I reminded him that he knew what to do with nice girls. He had been with a nice girl, but the boy never listens. He's too much like his father and that will be his downfall," Mr. Jenks rattled on as if I knew what he was speaking of while I had no real clue about Edward or his dating history.

Finally, he stopped and looked at me with hard gray eyes that reminded me of my father. They were hard with worry and that made me nervous.

"Ms. Swan, do you have any idea what you are doing?" he asked me as he looked at me, waiting for my answer. He shook his head in disappointment as I whispered a soft no to him.

"Do you have any idea what you are getting yourself into?" he asked me and then waited for an answer that he already knew which was I didn't.

"No, but I think…" I started to say as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat while he looked at me with a judgmental look.

"No, you aren't thinking since if you were you'd say no," he said with a sigh that made him sound more tired, more frustrated than what he should have been for the simple task he had been assigned concerning my employment.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will post later in the afternoon since I have to work….**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd***

My first days as Edward's personal assistant were unusual to say the least. I discovered things about him that left me puzzled, like he didn't have a house keeper. He preferred to clean his house himself. He had a gardener that he gave free reign over his yard since he didn't care what was planted as long as the pink rose bushes along the house and in the back were taken care of. He was organized and thorough. He planned everything and never went into a meeting unprepared, but I knew this from working with him in the office. He was harsh when he needed to be with employees, yet his generosity towards them was overwhelming with how he tried to care for them.

Edward was puzzle that every time I moved a piece in place into who I thought he might be I was left more confused than before. It was lost in these thoughts that consumed me at night when Edward approached me. I was meeting him at his house since he needed me to be there while work was being done on the bathroom in the basement so he could remain at work. This was the first time we had seen each other in a week since I had started as his assistant. We had been in touch by text and phone calls instead of face to face so somehow seeing him was leaving me intimidated.

"Bella?" he called to me as he greeted me with a grin that was slowly growing on me. It was different than the stony face he would give me while in the office together.

"Come on in," he called as he held open the door for me to enter his house. It was still perfect with everything in place, but what hit me was how large it was for a single man.

"How's your assistant?" I asked him with a teasing smile since he had done nothing but rumble over her return with every phone call he made to me.

"Horrible. She's always gone from her desk and never thinks to bring me breakfast," he said with a scowl, causing me to laugh at him and his ridiculous behavior.

"You know I only did that because I am nice," I reminded him as I thought about all the mornings I brought him something to eat along with my own breakfast.

"Here I thought it was because you were sweet on me," he teased as I walked past him to sit my purse down beside the couch before kicking off the heels I wore with my business attire.

"You wish," I said causing him to laugh as he walked past me to grab some papers off the table for me before launching into who would be inside the house and what they would be doing.

He took me on mini tour of the house, showing me empty rooms that were decorated exquisitely as he passed them off as nothing. Edward Cullen had money, not millionaire money, but money all the same and it was quite evident as I looked around his house.

"What's in here?" I called out to him while motioning to the two rooms he bypassed without a word. He paused, turning to look at me with cold, hard eyes that made me feel sick inside.

"Those rooms are off limits. Do you understand me?" he asked me in a hollow tone that made me flinch with the harshness of his words.

"I…Uh…Of course," I stuttered in a surprised manner since while Edward was not always warm and fuzzy, he truly was never as cold as what he had been in that moment.

"The bathroom is down here," he said as he walked ahead of me while motioning me down the hall past two closed doors that he walked past without pausing. I barely had time to turn back to look at the closed doors before I was forced to move on.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Edward's house was silent except for the sounds of the workmen in the basement. They were tiling his bathroom and making changes that probably not needed, but Edward insisted upon. They left me alone and in my alone time I was left wandering around his house. I found myself surprised over its vast emptiness, very much matching my own mausoleum to my dreams.

When I could take the silence no longer I found myself in his kitchen. It was large and warm. It was inviting and I could not stop myself from dreaming up a meal to cook. I rummaged through his cupboards and refrigerator until I was satisfied that I had something to throw together that would pass as dinner.

I was so lost in the amazing kitchen that Edward had that I did not notice the passing of time or the man in the doorway watching me with wide eyes.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed in a scream as I tossed the bowl I was stirring up in the air, covering myself and the floor as well as counter around me with flour and buttermilk from the biscuits I was making to go along with the fried chicken I was making

"Jesus, you scared me!" I said to Edward as he continued to stare at me with an uncertain look upon his face that made me sputter to an awkward stop.

"I…uh…I made dinner," I stammered as he looked at me while I dripped milk and flour on the floor.

"I hope you don't mind," I finished while motioning to the chicken that was frying behind me on his stove top.

"Uhm….no, that's great Bella," he said slowly as he stepped closer to me while never taking his gaze off of me, which only added to my nerves since Edward was known to run hot and cold at times.

"But you have something… right here," he said with a slight smile as he grabbed a towel to wipe off my face.

"Shut up," I laughed as I pushed him away while he continued to try to wipe at my face with bold swipes of the towel, blinding me in the process.

"Hey, why don't you go change and I'll clean up," he said as he laughed at me, but I could see him practically twitching to clean up the flour and milk that was dripping all over.

"I have nothing to change into," I replied as I grabbed his towel to wipe off his counter top as he followed behind me with a wet cloth.

"I guess, you'll have to go naked then," he replied with a straight face as I slapped at his shoulder before he laughed at me again.

"Bella, if you'll hold on a second I'll get something to wear," he said as he turned form wiping the counter to wiping at me once more.

"Is it in my hair?" I asked him as I turned to him so he could look me over.

"Nah, you're good," he said as he helped me clean up until it was just me that was covered in the biscuit mix as I stood there.

"Ok, now take off your clothes he said as he motioned me to strip with a flick of his wrist and a straight face, but I could see the wick glint in his eyes as he waited with a look that was too angelic to be believable.

"What?" he asked me in a mock incredulous tone as I stood there, giving him the best bitch brow I could even though I knew him better than the bullshit innocent act he was trying to play off. I knew he was interested in me physically. I knew he wanted me. He had told me so and this knowledge was powerful.

"I just want to clean up the mess, Bella, so it's you who has the dirty mind, not me," he said too convincingly as he stood before me, suit jacket gone, tie loosened, and hair a mess as if he had spent his drive home rumpling it to get rid of his office persona.

"Oh, I guess I must have been mistaken," I said in my best innocent voice as I stood there, tugging at the hem of my shirt slowly, as if I was embarrassed, even though I wasn't. I was far from embarrassed as stood there looking at the man who met my gaze with his wide eyed choir boy look that was utter bullshit.

"I mean, I guess I thought you were just hoping to get me naked since I mean, why else would you list sex in that contract you drew up if you didn't want to see me naked, right?" I asked him in my sweetest voice while making my eyes as wide and innocent as I could I held his green gaze.

"I am shocked that you would think that of me, Bella," Edward said solemnly as he stood there, trying to look offended, but not able to master that look while biting his lip to mask his smile.

"Yeah, what was I thinking?" I said mockingly as I stood there, slowly starting to unbutton the white blouse I was wearing that was now covered in flour paste. Edward watched me with look that was a cross between want and shock as each button came open, exposing my bare skin and white lace bra I wore underneath silk blouse.

"I mean, I'm sure this is no problem, right?" I asked him as I reached behind me to unzip my black skirt before shimmying my hips a little to cause my skirt drop to my feet.

"I'm fine anytime you would like to have naked dinner, Bella," he said as his eyes roamed over my form from what he could see that was not hidden by my blouse as it hung off of me.

"I am fine with naked dinner, but maybe we should actually finish cooking dinner before we get naked," I teased, tugging on my blouse to half cover me, but he could see me, my skin, my breasts, the curve of my belly, not matter how I pulled on the silk. The funny thing about it was that it didn't bother me at all. I wanted his eyes on me. I wanted his hungry gaze upon me and that was out of character for me since the last times I had ever been with Emmett I barely undressed since I could not stand for him to see me. The last time I had been naked before I man I cringed and tried to hide, but now was different. Maybe I was different. Maybe it was different when your heart wasn't on the line and it was only flesh. I didn't know. All I did know was that I loved the rush of power that came from his hungry gaze. I loved how he looked at me as if he was a starving man and I was his salvation.

We stood there not moving, having some odd stand off as the chicken cooked beside me until Edward finally sighed loudly, in an almost irritated manner that made me want to giggle at him for all of his frustration before he tuned to leave me standing there half exposed in the middle of his kitchen.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled as he walked away in an angry shuffle while continuously looking back at me. His eyes roaming over my curves while taking in what skin I exposed to him.

"But we are going back to this naked dinner idea, Bella, I promise you that," he said in a serious tone as I laughed at him while he walked away from me to get me clothes so I could finish cooking the dinner I had started for us.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

"How's your boob?" Edward asked me in-between bites of chicken as I rolled my eyes at him in response while I held an ice cube to a red splotch on top of my breast where grease popped up and splattered on me. It hurt like hell, but was worth it for the laughter it earned from Edward as I cussed a blue streak in response.

After my impromptu strip tease that was far from erotic Edward came back into the room changed from his work clothes into gym shorts and a t-shirt that looked very comfortable, but with no clothes for me. I should have expected it, yet I was still surprised all the same.

"Hey, I never told you to fry chicken half naked, even though I _fucking loved_ that you did," he said as he made leering at eyes at me as I sat across from him wearing only my bra and panties.

"I think every Thursday night should be chicken and tits night," he snickered as I tossed my napkin at him while leaning back in the chair with a sigh.

"You are a child, Edward," I said as he laughed at me, causing me to laugh with him until silence fell over the table once more. I looked over to find him looking at me with a serious look that made my heart lurch in my chest a little as he smiled a soft smile that was too sweet to mock.

"Seriously, the meal was amazing, and I thank you for it as well as for that amazing pre dinner strip show," he said with a smile as his eyes dipped back to my chest once more, making me feel self conscious and heated all at once.

"You're welcome," I sputtered out to him as I tried to remember the last time I cooked dinner for more than me let alone was thanked for actually cooking it.

"Now, I have a request for you," he continued on as he looked at me with eyes so green and warm they reminded me of the fields that surrounded my father's house in the summer.

"I need your time and attention this weekend," h said slowly in such a manner that my throat went dry; causing me to reach for the glass of it coke that Edward had poured for me earlier.

"Tomorrow night I have a social gathering with the visiting General and his men. I want you to come with me," he said softly as he looked at me with a grin that made me flush red.

"Of course, I will need you to keep your clothes on while we're out with these men, but afterwards when I take you home and it's just you and me, well, clothing will be optional," he said with a grin that made me blush for him as he smiled at me so sinfully wicked that it made the knot in my belly twist in response to his words.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd! ***

Saturday nights for me were typically spent serving beers to lonely men who stared at desperate women who danced for cash, but tonight was different. Tonight I was the one in question. Tonight I was on the clock. Tonight I was the desperate woman and as much as I hated it, I was.

I dressed in the simply lack sun dress that wrapped around me with a low v-neck which showed off the breasts I had spent half my life trying to hide. It was to my knees and looked great with the wedges I had borrowed from Vickie after telling Jamie that he would be short staffed tonight. He was far from pleased, but relented once I told him I was going out with Johnnie Blue, as he came to refer Edward, but never explained that going out with Edward was part of my job, not so much for pleasure.

I curled my hair, letting it fall in soft curls around my shoulders while adjusting my make up a little darker since it would be night time as we went out. I had barely had time to reconsider what I was doing when the door bell chimed announcing Edward's arrival. I opened the door with a wide grin and then stood there, letting him inside, but he just stood there looking at me.

"If you'll give me a minute I'll grab my sweater and we can go," I said in what I hoped was a confident tone while I felt anything, but as his eyes looked me over. I turned to leave him and thankfully he followed me inside.

"You're selling your house?"He asked me in a soft voice as he looked around the house once more as if he wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah, I think it's time. I mean, this house is too big for me and well, just not my dream any more, you know what I mean?" I asked him as I grabbed my sweater since the night air was still quite chilly for spring time.

"Yeah," he said in a sad tone as he smiled a half hearted smile at me.

"You ready?" I asked him as I picked up my purse to leave with him.

"You look beautiful by the way," he said as he took the sweater that was draped over my arm and held it out for me in order to assist me in putting it on.

"Thanks," I whispered in response as I felt my face go red with his compliment. Emmett was never one to compliment so this was so different for me, but everything involving Edward Cullen was different for me.

We left my house silently and once Edward had me seated in the car beside him was only when he began to speak once more.

"This meeting is just a good faith meeting, Bella. It's just showing the good working relationship Cullen Enterprises has with the US Government since we are one of the last little company explosive plants that are not owned my General Dynamic," he said as he explained what the purpose of the night would be.

"Maybe I shouldn't be there," I said in a voice that felt tight, too tight for my own voice.

"No, I need you there. If I show up alone it makes it appear too business meeting like and not casual enough, but with you there it takes some of the business element out of it," he said with a warm smile as he looked over at me for a moment before continuing on our drive to the steak house/western themed bar that we were meeting these men.

The drive was silent as I fought off the nervous edge that was building inside of me until we finally pulled into the parking lot.

"Hey, look at me," Edward said as he parked the car before turning to look at me with his clear green eyes, filled with more confidence than what I had ever experienced in my life. It was that confidence that should have been soothing, yet instead left me feeling more unsure of myself as I sat there looking back at the man who planned on using me as a social shield in this pseudo meeting.

"Do you trust me?" he asked me in a quiet voice that was serious. It was that serious voice that matched the serious look upon his face as he held my gaze. It was an odd question to ask me since I really didn't know him. I didn't know him well enough to trust him, yet I did. I did trust him as crazy as that was.

I nodded slowly, not speaking for fear that my voice would crack with the odd nervous emotion that was bubbling inside of me.

"Everything will be ok, Bella. Trust me, it will be ok," he said in a firm voice that was full of the confidence that I was lacking in the moment.

"Now, are you ready?" he asked me with a winning smile as he reached over to brush his hand along my cheek as I nodded in response.

"Good," he whispered with a smile before getting out the car to race to open my car door with a bright, teasing grin that helped ease the tension that was inside of me as he held his hand out to help out of his car.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I plan to update again tonight since we'll be watching a fight that I do not want to watch : )**

**Until later...**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd**

The bar was crowded and blaring country songs as we walked inside to get out of the cool night air.

"We're early so what do you say to a drink?" Edward asked me as I felt his hand settle upon the small of my back as he directed me towards the bar while guiding me with his hand.

"Sure," I responded as I decided that a drink might calm my nerves even though I had nothing to be nervous over. It wasn't my company that was on the line for government contracts, it was his and I was just another cog in the wheel that was the Cullen Enterprises.

Edward led me over to the bar and helped me into my seat before flagging down the bartender.

"What do you want?" he asked me turned to me just as the guy approached.

"Vodka. Anything with vodka," I said in a loud voice in effort to talk over the twang of whatever song was playing.

"A vodka drinker, huh?" he said with half a grin before ordering a bourbon and then motioning towards me.

"A mango martini," I said in a rush as the bartender nodded in response before starting our requests.

"Mango martini," Edward repeated with a half hidden smile as he leaned on the bar next to me as if he could not believe what I had just requested.

"Do you have a problem with that?" I asked him as I felt stirring of anger inside of me towards his laughter over my drink choice.

"NO, it's just that…" he said with a smile that was like pouring fire on gasoline for my temper.

"Just what?" I asked him as I shoved him on the shoulder, causing him to move a little as he laughed outright at me.

"It's just that is such a girly drink," he said with a laugh as he looked at me while I rolled my eyes at his laughter.

"I am a girl, you know," I said, not hiding my irritation with him or his laughter, but Edward ignored me as he stepped closer so we were pressed together at the bar. His body was warm and hovering around me. He smelled like aftershave and boy as he moved my hair to lean in to whisper in my ear.

"Trust me, I have never forgotten that," he whispered a breathy and hot against my ear, causing me to shudder against him as he pressed closer to me, not allowing a whisper of space between us.

"You look beautiful tonight," he said as he pulled away from me, yet not so far away that he wasn't close to me just as the bartender sat our drinks down before us.

"You've said that before," I responded as I watched him pay the bartender and then leave him with a generous tip that made the guy smile.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to keep saying it until you believe me," Edward responded as he motioned towards my drink before. I needed no further invitation before taking hold of the glass to slip at the drink while letting the sweetness of the mango mask the burn of the vodka.

I had barely taken a second sip when I noticed Edward's eyes go wide before he muttered _fuck me,_ causing me to turn to follow his gaze where I found a man watching us with a shocked look upon his face. I listened as Edward let out a loud and frustrated sounding sigh before waving the man over to where we were huddled against the bar.

"I told you that I had this, Jasper," Edward said to the man with an exaggerated sigh as the blonde man looked from me back to the man who was now trying to block me from his view.

"Yeah, I know, but you know this is supposed to be casual and if you came by yourself that doesn't say casual," the man continued on as he gave Edward as knowing look.

"Don't tell me how to run my business, Jasper," Edward hissed at him in cold anger.

"I'm not, but…" the man stammered as he looked at Edward with a pleading look.

"Look, I don't want to hear it. Just go home to Alice and know that I have it worked out," Edward practically growled at him in anger. I waited for the other man to back down, but he didn't.

"Hey, I'm just here to help, man. Nothing more. Nothing less," he said with a shrug as he stood there, refusing to move away from us.

"Fine, stay, but I didn't need your help," Edward said, sulking over the fact that the man was staying. As soon as Edward spoke the words the blonde turned to me with a smile that was brighter than the sun as he extended his hand out to introduce himself.

"Jasper Whitlock, brother in law and head engineer at the plant," he said in a welcoming voice as he looked at me with his ice blue eyes that unnerved me as I sat there. I knew he was who before he ever introduced himself. I knew he was married to a Cullen, but which Cullen it was I wasn't sure since I knew Edward had two sisters, and I had never met the Cullen sisters.

"Bella Swan," I said as I took hold of his hand for a firm handshake just like my father had showed me years ago to make the best first impression I could. Jasper shook my hand with a smile that was kind before turning to give Edward a curious look which I knew was a silent question as to who in the world I was. I watched and waited for Edward's response, but he had no time to give one since just as he opened his mouth to speak the hostess yelled "Cullen" to announce that our party was ready.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading! **

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Dinner came and soon the table was filled with three other men as drinks continued to flow. There was laughter and jokes, none of which I understood since they all were before I had been associated with the business.

"So, Ms. Swan," General Marcus said with a gleam in his dark eyes that hinted at the playful side of the older man who sat across from me.

"Would you be interested in a dance with a man old enough to your father?" he asked me with a grin that was impossible not to smile in response as I nodded in agreement without a look back to the man who sat to my left.

I told hold of his hand and let him lead me out to the dance floor with a giggle since I could not remember the last time I had drank and danced the night away.

"You and Edward, huh?" he asked me as he spun me around the floor a second time, causing me to look back at Edward, who was watching us with a scowl as his brother in law talked animatedly in his ear.

"Edward is my supervisor," I responded with a smile that felt off on my face before causing the old man to laugh at me.

"Yeah, my Didi worked for me when I met her and we've been married over thirty years now," he said with a chuckle as I continued to watch Edward who was watching only me with his heavy stare.

"I don't think…" I stammered as I shook my head no at the man who was teasing me.

"I'm just teasing you, Ms. Swan, but I will say it's nice to see him smile again since it has been years," he said with one last swing around the floor before leading me back to my seat where Edward was waiting.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come today : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

"Did you have fun tonight?" Edward asked me once we were settled in the car with laughter in his voice that made me smile as I looked over at him. I as all lose and giggly from the martinis that were bought for me.

"I did," I said with a nod as I closed my eyes against the spinning of the world around me.

"Did you have fun with General Marcus?" he asked with a tinge harshness that made me open my eyes. I knew General Marcus would be a sore spot since the man would not leave me alone. He was always asking for a dance, buying me a drink, or making a joke that made me giggle. I knew with each snort, each dance, each plastic smile that Edward greeted us with, that he was mad, but the more I drank, the more I liked his anger. It was something, anything more than the cool exterior that he would give me.

"I did. He was a lovely man," I teased as he rolled his eyes at me and my response as he drove.

"He liked you," he responded with a growl that made me laugh as I looked over at the man who was slowly losing his cool with me.

"What's not to like?" I asked him with a teasing smile that made him grumble as he drove like an asshole past the exit of my house.

"Hey, that's my exit!" I called out to him as I motioned towards the exits he had missed as if he didn't know he had missed it.

"What the hell, Edward?" I asked him as he continued to drive on, gaining speed as he continued down the high way.

"I never said I was taking you home," he said in a low voice that gave me a chill as I looked over at him, watching him clench his jaw as he drove like a dick to wherever he planned on taking me.

"What were you thinking?" he said in a dark tone as he looked over at me before looking back at the road.

"I told you that I would not share you and yet…" he said loudly, winding up for his reign of fiery words that I had no use for.

"I was not your date tonight. You told Jasper, General Marcus as well as the other men at the table that I was your personal assistant, not personal property, Edward," I reminded him, giggling at the idea of close I was to being his property with the damn contract. It was horrible. It wonderful. It was wrong and yet so right since I never wanted to be someone else's other half, but property, plaything, or whatever, I could deal with that since there was no emotion attached and it was the emotion that would kill me.

"Are you upset because I would not give you the label of date?" he said with a mocking laugh that should have had me pissed, yet I wasn't because I knew better.

"Far from it. I never want to be your date, girlfriend or whatever else bullshit title you like to give the women you are screwing both body and soul," I said with a laugh that left him stunned into silence.

"Besides, it's you who's acting like a jealous lover, not me," I finished with a mocking grin as Edward continued to drive only to turn off on the exit towards his home in the suburbs.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come today : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward pulled into his driveway and parked the car before looking over at with a scowl.

"You're jealous! You're jealous!" I mocked him as he clenched his jaw over my teasing. It was so nice to tease him after all the teasing I have taken from his smart mouth and the vodka in my veins was making the torrid of teasing him so much easier.

"I am far from jealous of General Marcus, and you're a fool if you think any different," he said with a smirk on his face that made my face falter a little over his confidence.

"Why would I be jealous of man who just danced with you?" he mocked as he looked me with a wicked glint in his eyes.

"Unless you have daddy fetish that I am not aware of then I would say there is nothing to be jealous of, plus there is the simple fact that there is nothing between us, Bella," he said, deflating my ego a little with each word he said.

"Fuck you, you were jealous and now you're just not man enough to admit it," I mocked as I nursed my wounded ego. Fuck him and his cold persona that would come out of nowhere to blind side me.

"I wasn't jealous, sweetheart, and I am more than man enough for you," he said with a grin that made my stomach twist inside of me with the long forgotten feeling of being wanted. It was a good feeling that made my blood dance in my veins and my belly ache as he looked at me as if I was meal that he was about to devour.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

I got out of the car while not bothering to wait for Edward as he followed suit. I could hear his low grumblings of anger and just hearing his rumblings made me laugh as he followed behind me. I opened the door to his kitchen from the garage without waiting for him and proceeded inside to his kitchen before stopping to grab a glass from the cupboard before turning on the water to wash out the bitter taste in my mouth hat came from my own anger of dealing with him.

I felt him before he spoke. His body was close to mine, hovering, yet not touching. I could feel his warmth, smell the scent that was all earthy and male mixed with the mint of his breath from the damn sweet mints he always seemed to pop in his mouth. He was close enough to make me shiver, closer than what he ever had been to me and that was unnerving.

It was unnerving to feel him that close, yet not close enough. I could feel him so close that the wisps of his breath blew across my neck, causing me to shudder with excitement and sickness that shook me to my soul.

"What do you want?" I asked him in a whisper that was too thick with emotion to be as harsh as what I wanted. I wanted to be cruel. I wanted to put this man in his place for his cold comments that pissed me off, even if I knew that he had no business being jealous. It wasn't our deal. It wasn't us so expecting jealousy from a man who ran ice cold at times was more than what our contract called for.

"You," he said in a confident tone that that had a hint of laughter in it as he placed his hands on the counter next me, caging me in his arms, without actually touching me. It was seductive in the odd sense that just feeling him that close made me want him to touch me, while his confidence made me want to take him down a notch and remove the smart ass grin that I just knew he was wearing.

"Fuck you," I whispered in a breathy tone that did not have the bravado that I had wanted as he pressed closer, letting his nose and then lips skim along my shoulder as it was exposed to him while his hand moved to my belly. I could feel them warm and strong, press against me, holding me, before his fingers found the knot on my side that held my dress together.

"That's the plan, Ms. Swan," he whispered against my skin wet and hot from his breath just as his fingers unraveled me to touch the bare skin of my belly. His touch was soft, testing, soothing, tantalizing as his fingers skimmed across my flesh while pulling my dress apart to expose me while I shivered in response.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry about the delay here. I was working on another fic, but now I'm back. My apologies for stopping here, but I need to take my daughter to preschool so I thought it was better to stop here then go & come back. More to come soon…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I stood there, letting him pull my dress from me so fell upon the floor in a heap between his feet and mine. The cool air of his almost sterile kitchen mixed with the warmth of this body so close, yet so far away caused goose bumps to break out across my arms, back and thighs as I stood there, still as stone, looking away from him, unsure of what to do next. I wanted to look at him, yet I couldn't turn to face him since it was one thing to talk or joke about sex with a man I barely knew, it was whole other thing to actually do it.

"Bella," he whispered against my shoulder while brushing my hair out of the way as he began to slowly kiss along the back of my neck, letting me feel him with his scruffy chin scraping against my skin with each wet kiss he placed as he worked towards my spine.

"You're not going all shy on me now, are you?" he asked in a sultry tone, but I could hear his teasing, his laughter, in his voice that was heavy with want as he called me out on the fear that was coursing ice cold in my veins alongside the fire he was creating in me with each scratch of a kiss he made.

"I wonder what can I do to bring back the fire that I've seen in you," he whispered, musing out loud as his hands moved to grip my waist lightly, holding me still while his mouth continued to kiss down my spine.

"The woman who stripped in my kitchen while making me dinner," he continued on, reminding me of just a few nights ago of when I took off my drenched clothes and taunted him with my skin. I don't know who that girl was, but it wasn't me.

"The woman who danced with every man at our table tonight, except me," he said in a low hiss that exposed his anger, making me smile at the memory of the dinner out before he nipped at my ass with his teeth causing me jump in surprise before I felt him move upright against me once more.

His hands moved around my hips, leaving one hand to trace the edge of my panties while the other skimmed along my rib cage until he finally was cupping my breast lightly before pinching at my nipple over the lace of my bra. I reacted to touch with a shiver and gasp of surprise as a lightning bolt of pleasure shook me. It had been so long since I had been touched except by my own hands and that was only when the need was over whelming, yet this was so much more. I couldn't remember Emmett ever causing me to gasp. I couldn't remember in my lust hazed brain a time when Emmett ever made me want him like this as I arched back against Edward, giving him more access to my breasts, my skin, and whatever else he so desired as my mind fought against the need to have him like this.

Edward took advantage of my willingness and with deft fingers unhooked my bra before pulling it from me, letting my breasts bounce as he tugged the offending material away from me. His hands quickly captured them, cupping me, cradling them in his hands before teasing my nipples with hard pinch that make my knees shake.

"What do you need to hear, my pretty girl," he whispered in-between kisses against my neck while his hands caressed and squeezed me. His words were lost on me as I stood there, gripping the counter top tightly just so I could keep upright under his touch.

I felt his one hand let go of my breast before tracing the curve of my hip to where my panties rested. His fingers did not bother with tracing the band that held the material on me. Instead, they just dipped before the fabric, sliding along the soft skin of my belly before nestling against the heated flesh to trace the lips of my pussy teasingly. It was a simple move; far from skilled, yet it was enough to make me lose my mind. It was the hint of how he wanted me; the knowing that he would have me and the fluttering pain that this wrong to be with like that. It was the twisting in my belly that caused my hips to jerk and legs to part at will while I thought of how I was mistake since this moment felt right and wrong mixed all together. There was that lingering doubt that filled me every time I had been with Emmett that I wasn't woman enough for him because I couldn't carry his child. That doubt was there, except this time it was amplified by the fact that I had never been with anyone except Emmett so what if the failure wasn't just that I couldn't carry a child, what if that failure was that I couldn't please a man either. What if that was the true down fall of my marriage? What if it was all me and the iciness that Emmett insisted that surrounded me at all times.

"What is it pretty girl?" Edward asked me in raspy voice as his fingers trailed up and down my lower lips, pausing to dip inside of my flesh to tease my clit with each pass. His touch was tantalizing, but I was frozen in my own world fears as I closed my eyes and shook my head over his question. This was not the man you confessed to. He had made it clear no emotions were allowed and at the time I was sure I could handle that, but now I was bundle of emotions as I thought of all the ways that I was failure which in return would lead me to fail him as well.

My silence caused him to spin me around to face him. His eyes were dark with lust and bright with worry as he looked at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked me in worried whisper his hands trailed over my skin, pulling me closer to him without realizing what he was doing. I looked at his face that was flushed red with desire as he looked at me with eyes that looked too vulnerable not to confess my fears.

"I've never been with anyone outside of him," I whispered softly, not naming Emmett since I didn't want his name to taint this moment even if his memory was, as I looked into his green eyes, letting him hypnotize into tell him everything that was tearing up inside. I watched as look of understanding washed over his features before a shadow fell in place, hardening his gaze for a moment for he returned to me, red face, lusty and filled with compassion that made me want to cry.

Edward brought his hand up to cup my cheek, letting me feel his warm while looking deep into my eyes as if he was willing me to believe in him and what he was about to say.

"It only hurts the first time, Bella, I promise," he said with a sad smile as if he understood the turmoil bubbling inside of me before sealing his promise to me with a kiss against the tip of my nose.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come…**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The walk to his bedroom was filled with groping until he finally just picked me up, letting me wrap my legs around his middle to carry me back there as I tripped over my own feet due to nerves. It was stupid, but so was I when it came this. I knew that the contract did not state that I had to have sex with him; it just stated that if I choose to what he expected as far as the terms went. I remember mocking him over the fact he needed a contract to get laid, only to be reminded that the contract did not state that I had to have sex with him, but he was confident that I would agree anyway. It was a cold and detailed contract while this moment was anything but cold or detailed as Edward licked my neck while he tried to walk down a dark hallway was not. It was the complete opposite of this moment and because of that I could forget about details and just focus on him.

We reached a door that he struggled to open while I nipped at his earlobe causing him to almost drop me before the door sprung open and crashed into the wall behind it. He had kicked the door, not caring about the consequences of the damage that came with such an act.

"We should have stayed in the kitchen," he said in raspy tone as I squeezed tighter to him, pulling his hair as I bit his neck, making him groan as I scraped my teeth along his skin.

"I would be inside of you by now," he rasped as he squeezed my ass as he stopped. He dropped us both on his bed, tangled together, with a grunt as we collided together. We laid there for a moment, him on top of me, robbing me of air, yet surrounding me with everything that was him. It was awkward and amazing. I had never been so close to another man and while it was thrilling it also caused my chest to hurt just a little.

I listened to Edward's breathing, shallow and fast as he pressed light kisses against the skin of my neck while his hands moved from my ass to my side and up to my hair. He was pulling back, exposing skin that his mouth quickly covered in light kisses and nips of his teeth while I shuddered beneath him. His kisses moved up to my ear, making me nearly scream as he tickled my overly sensitive ears.

"I want to taste you," he whispered, hot and breathy against my flame red skin before dipping back down to kiss along my neck while moving slowly down my body. My muscles tensed as I felt his hands replaced with his hot breath against the skin of my chest, making my nipples harden almost painfully in response. I had no time to breathe before I felt his tongue lick in a lazy motion across one of my nipples before sucking it into his mouth with a murmured groan. I could feel his tongue and teeth licking, nipping, sending me into a tailspin of emotion as I arched beneath him, and encouraging him onward.

I wanted more. I wanted more of his touch, his mouth, and his hands. I needed it and it was overpowering to need something like that since never in my life had I before. Sex with Emmett was nice. It was good, especially at the beginning, but by the end there was no fire to it. There was no passion. There was only mechanics and awkwardness that left me cold inside. Just thinking about it made me shiver against Edward's hot mouth while he warmed me from the memory.

I closed my eyes and felt my nerves flutter as I felt his lips go from one breast to the other before his head dipped down, scattering kisses all over my belly while I wiggled against him in response since it tickled. My heart was pounding in my ears as he griped the edge of my panties and slowly pulled them down, exposing me to his eyes. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't bear to see him looking at me as my stomach did flip flops inside of me while he freed me from my panties in a long pull down my legs. I couldn't listen to his murmuring or the words he was saying as he parted my legs to settle between them. I couldn't breathe as I felt his soft hair against my inner thighs before the feeling of his lips and scruff as he pressed a soft kiss against my thigh. I was bowed back, not breathing in anticipation of something, anything right before I felt Edward's fingers part me and then finally his tongue taking a long lick from entrance to clit. The sensation of it caused me to cry out in surprise, not that my cry halted his movements, because it didn't. He continued to lick and tease me, filling me with his tongue and then fingers as he sucked upon my clit while twisted beneath him, pulling his hair in every direction while trying to find some sort of leverage in the situation, but there was none to be found.

I was lost in a sea of pleasure and confusion. It had never been this good. It had never been like this and while it warped my mind with its goodness, it also made my heart ache over the fact that it had never been this good. I had been with a man who promised me everything and it had never been this good.

Edward stopped abruptly just as I felt the low burn in my belly telling me that I was so close to my release that I groaned in response to lack of action. My groan only made him laugh as he tugged off the button do shirt he was wearing along with the undershirt before tugging his pants down, boxers and all so that he was standing nude before me. I had never seen him naked. I had never seen him in anything less than a t-shirt and jeans so to see all of his skin exposed for me was odd and wonderful all at once.

He was more muscular than what I had realized as I noticed how toned his arms and chest was. He had a flat belly covered in hair that lead down to his cock that was thick and heavy with its size. It was awkward, yet just so normal to see him like this that I didn't feel out of place while laying there spread eagle for his roaming eyes.

I watched as he kneeled upon the bed, reaching over me to grab a box of condoms that he opened with ease to pull one out to use.

"I have to tell you that I hate condoms so once your pill is effective I'm tossing these out," he said as I watched him slowly start to stroke himself, yet his eyes never left my pussy as he spoke. I agreed, but at that point in time I would have agreed to almost anything to cease the ache in my belly as well as my heart as each one were threatening to swallow me whole.

Edward tore open the condom, but paused before pulling it out of the foil packet. He stopped to look at me with wide green eyes that were dark with lust and something else as he remained still before while waited impatiently for him.

"You also need to know that I don't kiss on the mouth," he said in a soft tone that hinted at the coldness that he would often display.

"How very Pretty Woman of you," I mocked, waiting for him to get my movie reference and he did. He responded by leaning forward to pinch my ass, causing me to yelp in reply.

"It's too intimate," he said as he tried to explain himself, but I interrupted instead.

"Yeah, because putting your cock inside of me is not intimate at all," I teased as I twisted before him, wanting him, and dreading him all at the same time.

"No, that's fucking. Kissing on the mouth is intimate. It's emotional and I don't do emotions," he said with the iciness seeping through in his voice that was still raspy from need.

"Neither do I," I said as I reached out for him, urging him on since I needed it. I needed him. I needed the release even though it was with him, a practical stranger.

Edward said nothing more, but instead, rolled the condom down his cock with a grimace of dislike towards it before moving above me.

"There are so many things I want to do with you," He said in a greedy voice as he slipped his clock along my pussy, feeling the wetness that he had created in me before slowly pushing the blunt head of his cock inside of me as I gasped into his ear as a response.

He was large; much larger than what I had expected, causing me grimace with the pinch of stretched muscles and skin. He murmured nonsense to me I urged him on until he was fully seated inside of me, filling me to the point of being painful, but the cause of that pain wasn't just him inside of me for the first time it was pain of the act over all. It was the pain of letting of a past that was no longer mine, while grasping on to a future that held no promises.

"You ok?" he whispered against my skin, pausing to let me adjust to his size. I nodded even though I knew I wasn't ok, but believed that I would be eventually.

Edward moved, slowly pulling back only to fill me once more while hitting a string of nerves inside of me that made me cry out in pleasure as well as surprise. He pushed deep and hard, clinging to me as I held tight to him, knowing that there would time for acrobats later, that this time would be all about us and just coming together in the fucked up way that we had agreed to be.

His movement pushed deep while I found my hip rising to meet his, spurring him on faster as his face was pressed against the side of my neck, listening to me coo for him while pulling on his hair, telling him wordlessly what I wanted, what I needed from him. He would answer every pull, every tug with his body until finally his thrusts grew faster, pushing harder, going deeper until he stilled inside of me with a groan of pleasure as he found the release he so desperately needed while I held him tight as he shuddered in my arms.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

Edward rolled off me, leaving me awkward and exposed as he disposed of the condom that he had worn. It was different than anything I had ever experienced watching him walk out of the room and into the bathroom that was down the hall. It left me cold, yet oddly liberated since I knew there would be no cuddling, no need to whisper to him that it was good for me too, no need to stroke an ego in hopes that next time would be better, this time was pretty damn good.

He came back into the room and crawled on to the bed next to me before pulling me close to him so we were nose to nose. His green eyes were so dark they looked black as he looked at me no emotion at all. It was unnerving and always made me wonder what he was thinking since his face gave nothing away, but this time it was worse. This time I was being swallowed up by every imperfection I knew about myself and every failure that I had with Emmett.

"You didn't cum, did you?" he asked me bluntly as his hands trailed over the bare skin of my side, causing me to wiggle against him since his touch tickled. I opened my mouth to lie to him as I would have Emmett, but then thought better of it. This wasn't about emotions, as he liked to remind me, and because of it his ego would have be checked at the door.

"No," I replied in a clear voice as he looked at me, so blank that it made me uncomfortable.

"Hmm…" he mumbled as he chewed on his lip while trailing his eyes over my exposed skin, still flushed from sex, in an appreciative manner.

"Let me fixed that for you," he said with a half grin that made me want to smile as his hands dipped lower, touching me, parting me, before circling around my clit in a teasing manner.

"I want to watch you cum," he whispered in my ear as I closed my eyes, while focusing on the sensations of his fingers on my wet flesh.

"What do you need me to say to make you cum, petty girl?" he asked me in a rough tone as he moved closer while pulling my legs open wider for more access to my over sensitive pussy.

"Do you need to hear that you are beautiful?" he asked me in a rasp as his two fingers plunged inside me, causing me to gasp in surprise over the feeling.

"Because you are. You are so damn beautiful like this, spread before me, red faced, hair a mess while my fingers fill you," he said in a low tone, causing me to moan over his words just as he added another finger inside of me, letting me feel the pressure of being stretched around him.

"D you need to hear how badly I want you?" he asked me in me as his free hand grabbed my hand away from the sheets that I was tearing at in some semblance of control.

"Feel me. Feel what you do to me," he whispered to me in an almost pleading tone, but I knew better since Edward Cullen never pleaded. He placed my hand upon him, letting me feel the skin of his belly before guiding me down to cock that was already half hard under my touch.

"I can barely think around you and now that I know what you taste like, how you feel from the inside, I don't know…." he whispered to me in a soft, ragged voice that hinted at despair as his hand guided mine in touching him while his own fingers never lost their, slow and steady rhythm inside of me, making the ache inside of me grow.

"Are you close my pretty girl?" he whispered just as my body began to shake as I tried to touch his cock, which was fully hard in my hand awkwardly. He pushed my hand and reached above me. I could feel him moving beside me, but it didn't matter since I was too lost, too focused on chasing that high that was just right within my grasp until finally every muscle in my body tensed tight like a drum before I fell into the bliss of a long overdue release. I couldn't think or react outside of the low gasping as I felt myself arch off the bed in almost surprise from the force of the orgasm that rocked me. I could barely breathe just as his fingers pulled out of me while his body hovered and then were replaced by his cock as he grunted in response to my gasp of feeling him inside of me once more.

There was no slow this time. It was hard and fast. He was riding the wave of my orgasm and I wanted him to since every thrust, every deep push inside where his cock touched me caused me to only spiral higher in response. Edward pushed and pulled. He grabbed and moved me until my legs were upon his shoulders, jostling in the air with each hard, punctuated thrust inside of me.

It had never been like this for me. Never so primal. Never so much about chasing the feeling of what felt good, of what would make you cry with pleasure. Never like this before and never so freeing. I could barely breathe as Edward finally thrust erratically while muttering fuck as he pushed hard and deep inside me as he came once more, trigging my own orgasm as his shaking fingers rubbed at my clit in a nonsensical pattern to push me into meeting him in this blissful state. It was blinding. It was consuming. It was perfect and exactly what I needed after two years of nothingness.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! So many of you were concerned about Bella not getting hers in the last chapter and that made me laugh. It also made me realize that in fanfic Bella typically gets hers when it comes to banging Edward so I guess I can see why some were surprised. Any way… I will try to post more later…. **

**Xoxo,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***Warning! Not beta'd***

The night was long and filled with Edward. I would fall asleep only to have him wake me with kisses along my back and the whisper that he needed me. It was good to be needed, but I also needed sleep almost as much as what I needed sex so the feel of his lips placing soft kisses along my spine while his hand slipped beneath me to cup my breast not long after he had last woke me up caused me to grumble instead of sigh.

"Jesus, Edward, go jerk off in the shower or something," I mumbled in response as I rolled away from him, causing him to laugh out loud at me. He was happy and with good reason after last night.

"Good morning to you too, Bella," he said with a grin in his voice as I continued to lay there on my belly with the sheets tangled around me.

"Just because you bought a box of condom doesn't mean we have to use it all in one setting," I grouched at him as I felt his fingers trail over my spine before pinching my ass and causing me to jump in reaction.

"I know, but it was fun trying, right?" he asked me in a teasing voice that was dark and dirty like the voice he used with me last night. It was that voice that made my belly ache in response since it dripped with want and the promise of what he could do to me.

"Pretty girl, I'm sorry I woke you up. I wanted to let you sleep and maybe buy you lunch on the way back to your place, but I can't," he whispered as he moved beside me. I could feel him half laying upon the bed as pressed another kiss against my bare shoulder.

"I have to go and you are welcome to stay here, but your car isn't here so you'd be here until I got back and that won't be until late afternoon I'm afraid," he whispered to me as I opened my eyes to find his face close to mine. He looked lighter, happier and made me hope that I looked the same as well. I wanted to be lighter and happier than what I had been before I had entered his bedroom.

"Where are you going?" I asked him with a yawn as he smiled.

"General Marcus called a meeting and so I have to go," he replied as he pushed my hair off my shoulder as I tried to sit up beside him.

"But it's Sunday?" I half questioned and half whined as I pulled on the sheet that Edward was tugging on to expose my breasts.

"Yeah, I know," He mumbled before giving the sheet one last tug to expose me to him once more while I looked around his bedroom. His eyes were focused on my skin before his hands followed suit even though I batted him away with a half laugh.

"Maybe you'll let me make this up to you by taking you to dinner?" he asked me as his fingers traced a pattern on skin causing goose bumps to break out while my nipples hardened in response to his touch

I hadn't noticed last night how bare the room was. Nothing was on the walls. The bedspread on the floor was dark and very male looking. It was neat and orderly like the rest of his house with its smooth lines and European design like furniture that was his night stands and dresser. It was very Edward and very laughable since his entire house was decorated that way. The only thing that stood out was the headboard. It was a monstrosity that took up almost the entire wall. It was silver and shiny as it was created by using pieces of a mirror. Looking at it made me uncomfortable as I saw myself reflected back at me. I looked rumpled and pink cheeked from sex. My hair was a rat nest of a mess and I looked as bewildered as what I felt inside over everything that had transpired.

"Holy, porn star," I teased lamely as I looked at the headboard, trying to use humor to lighten the horrible awkwardness that I felt looking at myself after a night of fucking.

"Yeah… It's something else, isn't it?" Edward replied as he ran a hand through his hair.

"My sister made this when she was in art school. She gave it to me as a gift years ago," he said as looked at the head board with a look that suggested he was lost in memories that I didn't know.

"Well, I bet all the other women you've brought back here have just loved it," I said trying to tease him, to change the heaviness that was settling in the air between us, but failing miserably as he looked at me with wide green eyes that quickly looked away.

"You're the first woman I've ever brought back here, let alone home," he said in a quieter voice than what I was used to with him as he stood up to leave me, but not before motioning towards my clothes that he had placed upon the foot of the bed.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to update more today : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd**

Sundays were my day to do nothing, but I refused to do nothing that day. After Edward dropped me off with a nod instead of a goodbye I decided that it was time to enjoy my new found freedom and go back to doing things that I had once loved. Sex would be just the start for me, or so I had told myself as I showered and dressed for a run on the trails surrounding my house.

I needed to keep busy since today would a day that if I allowed it my mind would pull me down a dark path filled with memories of when I had the promise of tomorrow going inside of me. I dried off and changed into my running outfit of shorts and a t-shirt. I could think of all the times I had cussed Jamie for insisting that I run. For making me run with him after Emmett left in order to recapture some of my former life when I all I wanted to do was curl up and die. Without his help who know where I would be at this moment, I just knew it wouldn't be here; stretching and breathing deep to clear my mind before starting down the worn path I followed each day.

As I ran I did not think about Rosie and a baby shower draped in baby boy blue that would take place in the church where I had married Emmett. I refused to think about the dreams I had and when Rosie and I planned a shower for a baby that never came home with me. I refused to think about any of it. Instead, I focused on my breathing. I listened to the sounds around me. I tried to remember that the world was filled with good things and good things come to those who wait, or at least that was one of the many things that I was told after losing the last child.

I had barely made it home when my iPhone chimed in my ear, cutting off the soft music I listened to, alerting me to a phone call.

"Hello?" I answered in a breathless tone as I continued to run towards my driveway now that it was insight.

"What are you doing?" I heard his familiar voice call out to me as I started to walk, letting the feeling of a job well done wash over as I approached my house.

"Finishing my run, why what did you need, Edward?" I asked him as I struggled to pull my key out the tiny pocket I kept it in while I ran.

"You should know better than to ask me that," he purred into the phone in a seductive manner that made me flush red even if he wasn't with me at the moment. It was still hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I had been with him; that I knew his skin and touch. I knew it was wrong, but maybe being wrong was the right way to be at this moment.

"Ok, besides that, what else do you need?" I asked him with a slight laugh as he sighed into the phone.

"I know it's Sunday, but I need you to pick up lunch for us at the deli," he said in a more formal tone that made me smile since that was the tone I was used to with him.

"Do you need it right now?" I asked him as I looked at myself in the small mirror in my kitchen. I looked a mess, not that it mattered. He had seen me worse than that.

"Yes, please," he said in a quiet voice as if he knew he was asking a lot, but I didn't mind since I needed to stay busy to occupy myself.

"Yeah, let me change first and I'll be there," I replied before hanging up on him as he thanked me in the background.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd***

After deciding it would be easier to just stay in my running clothes since I had planned on going to the gym I just touched my deodorant and left. The deli was quiet after the Sunday morning crowd was gone and had Edward's order ready for me, but I made him wait as I ordered myself something to eat as well and placed it on his bill. He called me on Sunday so he could buy me lunch as thanks.

After being loaded down with box lunches and drinks for five men I dropped them off in my car before heading back to the bakery that was next to the deli. I purchased chocolate cupcakes as a dessert since no one could no to the cupcakes this place made before heading back to my car to leave once more.

The drive to the office was quiet as I avoided driving y the church where the shower would be held. It was Emmett's church now as I chalked it up to one more thing I lost in the divorce, just like his family and other things that had been in my life since I was too young to know any other way.

I parked the car in the empty parking lot, next to the other cars and began carrying in the items. As I made my second trip in with food my anger was getting the better of me since this was the last thing I wanted to-do on my Sunday afternoon even if I was avoiding other things.

I heard the door open behind me as I was sitting down the cupcakes I had bought in a whim & charged to Edward's business account. It was all I needed to spark my temper as I grumbled about carrying in everything on my day off.

"Hey, thanks for your help, asshole," I said with a scowl without even turning to look at him. If he called me on my off time, then he would get off work Bella, not the Ms. Swan he was used to at the office.

"Hello, to you too, Bella," the voice called out with a laugh that was clearly not Edward's. The sound of it caused me to jump in response as I fumbled with the cupcakes in my hands.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Jasper Whitlock said as he laughed while stepping forward to help me as I fumbled with their lunch.

"Edward said he called you, even though I told him I would go and get lunch," he explained as he helped me sort out boxes. My temper flared at the idea that he called me purposely to get lunch when someone else had volunteered.

"Edward is a dick," I grumbled causing Jasper to laugh out loud at my assessment of our shared boss.

"Yeah, he can be," he agreed with a laugh as he stacked boxes up to carry while I offered to carry drinks in.

The room was filled with heavy conversation as we entered. It was clear that there was a disagreement going on.

"Cullen, your figures are off and you know it," General Marcus argued as he sat there scowling at the man who was did not look over in my direction as I sat the drinks down on the table. He was busy going over paper and looking at the lap top that was in front of him.

"General, my engineers are positive that they have complied with what you have asked for on all measurements and now you are saying the discrepancy is on our end. We have spent time, labor and materials which all equal money, in order to create the product you have specified. We have your engineers confirm the numbers when we felt that they may be off and they assured us there was no mistake, so please do not tell me the mistake is on our end," I heard him say in a voice that clipped and cold as he sat there, lounging back as if there nothing wrong when it was clear everything was wrong.

"Mr. Cullen…" the general said and then stopped as he noticed me in the room.

"Ms. Swan, so good to see you again," General Marcus said with a smile that made me smile in return.

"General," I commented as I passed him by to leave sodas on the table as well as motioning to Jasper where more were being stashed encase anyone wanted more.

"Lunch is here and I also brought cupcakes for those who need something sweet," I said as I motioned towards the food behind them as I stood there in my far from professional shorts, a shirt, and running shoes with my hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Ms. Swan, I thank you," Edward said in a genuine tone of thanks as I turned to look at him. He looked tired and somewhat frazzled, a far cry from how he looked as he left me at my house this morning.

"My pleasure," I said with a forced smile that made him laugh before I rolled my eyes at him in front of everyone, causing the room to fall silent at my behavior while they waited for Edward's reaction which was to just shoo me form the room with a wave of his hand as he shook his head at me.

"Ms. Swan, you're a bright one," the General started to say as I interrupted him.

"I don't know about that, Sir," I replied with a shake of my head, knowing that I was far from bright.

"You would know who else has access to these files, right?" he asked me as I watched Edward tense. The general had no business asking about the business procedures and he knew it as well. He also knew the law, but in this case I knew it better. I knew it frontwards and backwards since contract law had been my speciality.

"Yes, and it would only be the engineers involved with the missile. They however would not have access to make any changes to the spec since it is owned by the government," I said as the General looked at me as I explained something he knew better than what I did, and I knew it as well.

"To do so, would cause the Cullen Corporation to be in violation of national security as well as violating their contract, and Mr. Cullen is every good with honoring his contracts, so he would never allow that," I said with a smile that was warm friendly as the general nodded in reluctant agreement with me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come about Bella's life in the next chapter…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! Not beta'd***

I walked off from the group after General Marcus apologized for being a jackass while grabbing his boxed lunch. He knew the law, he was just pushing it.

I had made it to the small kitchenette off the conference room to start coffee for the guys before I called it an afternoon with them.

"Hey smart ass," I heard Edward call out to me as I placed the premeasured coffee filters in place, doubling it up since just one made horrible coffee. I could barely hear him as I was lost in my head to a future that once had been mine to hold with both hands before I gave up my career to lost babies and a husband who couldn't deal with it. I was so lost to memories that I didn't notice him until his hand closed around my arm, giving me a squeeze while I jumped in startled shock.

"Jesus, Edward," I mumbled to him as I pulled my arm out of his grasp while he smiled at my startled reaction.

"So… You have a law degree?" he questioned me with an uncertain grin that was completely not the Edward Cullen I was used to as I turned to face him.

"I do. As well as my license, in case you're interested," I replied as I looked at him, surprised that he didn't know this already.

"You never told me this," he replied in an accusatory tone that made me laugh since he was spinning this in to something that I had disappointed him over. I had disappointed a lot of people in my life, but not him and definitely not over this piece of information.

"Uh, yes I did. It was on my resume," I replied with a laugh as he looked at me with a surprised look. He didn't know. It was clear that he didn't know by the dumbfounded look on his face. Edward Cullen was never dumbfounded so this look was amazingly wonderful to me since no one ever left him confused.

"You did read my resume, right?" I asked him with a knowing tone since it was clear by the slight embarrassed look upon his face that he hadn't.

"Why is it that your legal staff is not here if you are unaware of the contract you agreed to?" I asked him and then watched his eyes flash red with anger.

"I do know the contract and all that it entails, as does General Marcus. He's just pushing his luck and he knows it," Edward said in a low growl to me as I shrugged in response since knowing him there was no way Edward ever walked into any meeting unprepared.

"Why didn't you…" he started to question me as the anger drained from his voice and was replaced with curiosity as I cocked an eye brow at him since I knew what was coming.

"Why didn't I apply here for a position on the legal team?" I asked him as he looked at me with a half grinning nod as he moved closer to me, stepping close enough to pin me against the counter as he surrounded me. There as a flash of the warmth, the hunger that I knew was beneath that cold veneer as he stood before me, so close I could feel his body heat, yet not touching me.

"I did, but you hired Mike Newton instead," I said with a shudder of disgust, making him laugh.

"Don't act like you don't know him, Edward," I said with a sigh as he chuckled at me.

"Does he still act like he's humping you when you bend over in front of him?" I asked him, causing him to bark out a laugh at me as I thrust my hips back and forth mimicking the asshole Newton as Edward watched me grind against him like a jackass.

"How does that go again?" he asked with a wicked grin that I knew all too well from the previous night as he motioned towards my hips again as I swatted at him with a laugh as shook my head no in response.

"He's a sexual harassment law suit waiting to happen," I said with cheeks too red for a girl who had begged the man standing before her to not stop fucking her last night.

"Speaking of sexual harassment, are we still on for dinner tonight?" he asked me in a low tone that was whispery soft as he grinned at me like the devil himself, giving me chills as recognized that grin and tone of voice as once that dripped with want.

"Edward?" Jasper called out in a surprised tone, causing both Edward and I to stiffen at the same time, however mine was of surprise while Edward seemed more like anger. I watched as the laughter drained from his eyes and a hard look settled upon his handsome face.

"I'll be right there," Edward called to Jasper without ever taking his eyes off of me. It was a cold look, but I was used to it from it. I actually preferred it over the playful flirtation that he would occasionally greet me with.

"Ms. Swan," he said with a firm nod before turning to leave standing alone once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Hey all! I had a lovely vacation soaking in the sun and ocean. The people were great and time with the hubs & kids was wonderful, but now I'm back : )**

**I am thinking about posting an EPOV, but not sure if I will... If I decide to I will let you know where to find it since it will not be under this story. It would be listed under another title.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

****warning! Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine so if they bother you, I'm sorry**

The church parking lot was filled as I sat in m car trying to catch my breath as I decided if this was the right thing to do. I closed my eyes and focused on the golden sun that was often so rare here in Forks as I reminded myself that I was better than all of this.

_ I was golden._

_ I was strong._

_ I was bullet proof._

With one last shaky breath I opened the car door and slowly stepped out. I paused long enough to straighten black pencil skirt and flame red silk blouse that I knew made me look like a flame. I had chosen the outfit with care after I got home from my impromptu visit to the office.

_ I was a flame._

_ I was fire._

_ I burn so bright that it would hurt to look at me._

I grabbed the present wrapped in baby boy blue and a big white bow that held a soft white baby blanket trimmed in blue that Rosie had knitted for my son. I wouldn't need it and she would so she could have it back. I closed the car door and walked with more confidence than what I felt toward the church where the party would have just started.

This was the last place I wanted to be, yet the place I needed to be to show everyone in this backwater town who came not for the celebration of a new child, but instead to watch the train wreck that wrapped around my life, Emmett's life, Rosalie's life as well as two children, one unborn and one that lay beneath a weeping pine tree in the cemetery down the street. I wanted these horrible bitches that used to be my friends and now pitied me like a woman scorned that I may be down, but I was far from out.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I barely made it to my car after skipping out of the odd party before the numbness settled over me, painting my world the dark shade of blue that always surrounded me when I thought of my lost child. My mind raced with images of shocked faced that were glossed over with a fake smiles and awkward hugs. I remembered whispered questions asking me if I was ok and the bright, wide blue eyes of Rosalie as she looked at me with a shocked look that made me swallow my laughter as she sputtered on her words.

It was perfect. It was wickedly wrong and I was a horrible person for enjoying her discomfort, yet I didn't care since I had endured the discomfort of pitiful stares and murmured words of how I was replaced for the last year that she had been married to Emmett. It was only fair in my sick mind that she endure the same. I was lost in my sick sense of triumph until I learned that they were naming their son Emmett Dwayne McCarty Junior. The name should have been meaningless and Emmett's to give, yet I was heartsick since he had already given that name to our child lay who I buried without his father since Emmett was couldn't take being at the funeral of our child.

I wanted to feel rage or hurt. I wanted to howl and cuss. I wanted to feel something, anything, enough to drive over to the house that Emmett lived in with his new wife and soon to be new son to shake him fucking senseless before demanding to know why he was so insistent on erasing everything that involved our child that didn't have a chance to live before dying. I wanted to feel something, yet there was nothing, but this deep, bone chilling cold. It was a cold that had swallowed me whole before. It was a cold that left crippled in my bed, unable to move. It was a cold that robbed me of my will to live and I could not have that again.

I could not sit back and let this swallow me alive, dragging me back under into the abyss that I had fought so hard to come out of, so instead I grabbed my phone. My fingers were stiff from the cold inside as I pressed the contact information to call him as I closed my eyes, trying to recapture the fire he had created inside of me.

"Hello," he said into the phone, not addressing me by name, yet the warmth in his voice started to the thaw the ice that was threatening to encase me.

"I need you," I whispered into the phone as I closed my eyes, letting the warmth of his soft sigh wash over me as I sat in the church parking lot, struggling to function as I listened to his whispered agreement that he would come find me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd! All mistakes are mine***

I stretched my sore muscles with a sleep grin without opening my eyes.

"Good morning to you, pretty girl," I heard Edward murmur before I felt his hands upon my skin, pulling me to him. His skin was hot against mine and oddly comforting. I had never liked being close to Emmett. He was too big, too much of a touch me not and way too much of a grump in the mornings to mess with, but Edward was different. IN the morning he was at his most playful. He would tease and smile. He would hold me close and cuddle while half asleep. He would laugh in a deep throaty way that made me smile since it told me that he was half awake.

"Good morning to you, pretty boy," I replied with a snort of laughter before I felt the swift sting of his hand swatting my bare ass.

"I'm a man, Bella," he replied with mock irritation as he rubbed his nose along my neck before nipping at my skin while rubbing his hardening cock against my hip.

"Do I need to prove it to you again?" he asked me teasing me while dragging my hand over to his cock so I could feel him, not that I needed reminding that he was always ready since I knew this from our time together.

"I would think that your pretty, little, pussy would be aching from overuse by now," he teased me as I giggled over his dirty words. No one had ever referred to my pussy as a pussy, let alone as being pretty. It was ridiculous and so was he in the morning.

"You're so full of yourself," I said with a snort as he laughed a breathless laugh at me while holding my hand, helping me stroke him hard.

"You love to be full of me," he snorted in a shaky voice causing me to laugh out loud at him while squeezing his cock to make him gasp. It was with his pleasure filled gasp that my alarm clock screeched, filling the room with its annoying sounds as we both jumped in surprise before laughing together as it signaled our time together had come to an end.

Slowly, I let go of him and pushed him out of the bed while he fought me to stay.

"You know I can't be late," I replied as I shoved at him to get out of bed while he pulled the sheet away from me exposing my skin to his eyes.

"Yeah, I've heard your boss is a real asshole," he said while focusing his eyes on my breasts as they swayed before him as I tried to get him out of my bed.

"He is, so I think you should go," I said as I pushed him off the mattress with a thud as his bare ass hit the hard wood floor of my bedroom.

"Such an evil woman," he said with an overly dramatic sigh as he sat there for a moment before standing up with his discarded pants in hand. I watched him dress with interest, checking out his body blatantly without even feeling bad for appreciating his form.

Edward was a very attractive man. This was something that I had missed when I was working for him day in and day out. Somehow I had missed the intensity of his green eyes or how muscular his body was. Somehow I had missed that this man was beautiful, but now that I could see him, touch him, taste him, it was all that I noticed anymore.

"You like what you see?" he asked me teasing me as he pulled his shirt off the floor before slipping his arms through it. I should have been embarrassed by him catching me looking at him, but I could have cared less.

"I do," I said simply, causing him to laugh at my unabashed response. It was true I liked to look at him and I was not going to hide it. There were no games between Edward and me outside of these silly teasing moments we shared. There was no guessing over how the other felt or emotions to be worn on our sleeves. There was sex. There was heat. There was want and that was all. I liked it that way.

I liked that I could call him and tell him I wanted him. I liked that he didn't question me or ask why I needed him so badly; instead he just came over to the house. I liked that he never questioned the sadness in my bones that numbed me, but instead just touched me like a woman needed to be touched at times. I liked that he was willing to please, tease and fuck me until I passed out in a sex induced coma without a thought towards the cares that led me to his arms. I liked that he didn't care and because of it I didn't care either. It was liberating not to care since I had spent years caring and all that caring got me nowhere, but alone.

"You never told me what was wrong last night," Edward said in an offhanded manner that caught me off guard. I didn't want to discuss why I needed him since if I did I knew it all would change. He would look at me with the sick pathetic eyes that others in the town looked at me with. He would change and treat me like the broken woman I refused to be. I fought back my anger at him as he tried to break his own rule about personal life and getting to close, but I could not stop the snarl of words that came out of my mouth.

"I would love to tell you and will the moment you tell me what's behind those closed doors at your house," I said in a snap as I looked at him with a fire rage threatening to burn me as I spoke. I watched as the coloring of his face drain over my words and the mentioning of the closed bedroom doors making me instantly regret ever bringing up the taboo topic of the closed doors in his home.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading! Maybe another chapter tonight? If I can get my family to work with me…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***warning! No beta'd! All mistakes are mine**

Three days of utter silence from Edward. NO texts. No directions. No anything. It left me wondering if I had taken it too far with my comment about this life and the secrets that surrounded it. It was him that reminded me whenever I was close the true nature of our relationship. It was him that would snap at me at a moment's notice, so wasn't it only fair that I put him in his place as well? This was the question I wrestled with for three days that Edward avoided me.

It was on the evening of the third day that I found myself at the club serving drinks like I did most Thursday nights since it was college night which was hell on earth for me. College boys were notoriously cheap about tipping and terribly handsie after a few dollar beers. I was able to avoid the worst of it as it seemed the more aggressive boys were in Leah's section, not that she minded. She loved the attention, which was horrible since it made me wonder about her and her choices concerning men.

I was lost in the haze of avoiding grabby guys when I felt a strong hand clamp down upon my arm while pulling me into the dimly lit hallway. I had barely had time to open my mouth to scream before realizing it was Edward.

"Don't you dare scream," he hissed at me as he pulled me against him before thrusting us both into a closed room that was used for private dances.

"What the fuck?" I sputtered at him as he continued to hold me tight against him as I felt my anger rise to all new heights. How dare him show up and just drag me off like some asshole, as if he had a right to pull me away from my job. I opened mouth to spew my anger at him, but was silenced once I saw him. He looked like hell even though he was trying to mask it. He was clean shaven and dressed impeccably in his suit and tie. To most people I was sure he would be able to cover up whatever was eating him alive, but I could see it. I could see it in his eyes that too dark and too heavy. I could see it in the dark bags under his eyes that suggested his lack of sleep. I could see it on his face and that stopped me cold in my tracks, quieting my rage down to a whimper of a reply.

"Where were you?" I asked him in an uncertain whisper, not moving from his arms, letting him hold me tight; too tight to be comforting or caring. Edward remained silent as he looked at me with his hard eyes and icy expression, but I could see the man inside that was burning in his own skin before me. It was painful to look at, yet I could not look away.

Edward remained silent. He just held me, not letting a breath of space settle between us as he leaned down and wordlessly pressed his face against the skin of my neck as he breathed out a ragged sigh that sounded more tortured than relieved.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamautra**

**xoxo**


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

*/*warning! Not beta'd**

We stood there, pressed together, in the middle of a small room mot speaking for what seemed like forever. I could feel his breath against my skin causing me to flush with goose bumps with each warm gust air against my neck. He held me there until his fingers dug into my skin, causing me to hurt from how tight he was holding me.

"I need to get back," I whispered to him, trying to extract myself from his tight hold that he was refusing to end. It was only with my words that he moved his head to look at me. There was irritation in his eyes as he stepped back, he remained silent.

"I only have another hour," I continued as I pulled my arm free from him, causing him to stumble as he was forced to let go while trying to tell him that I was almost done with my shift, but the scowl on his face told me that he was not impressed with it.

"Come on," I said as I laced my fingers in his before opening the door and pulling him out along with me. I led him over to a small table in my area and ordered him to sit.

"I'll get you a drink," I said as I turned to leave him, but he stopped me by grabbing my hand again; holding me there for a moment before letting me go to finish my shift.

The hour passed quickly while Edward watched me with heavy eyes and a scowl firmly in place.

"I see, your friend is back," Jamie said to me as I approached the bar on my final run before I was off. I looked over at Edward to find him glancing at his phone like he had for the last hour before looking up to see where I was.

"Yeah," I replied with a tired sigh, not sure how to explain Edward to Jamie.

"I told Vickie about you and Cullen," he said with a teasing grin while waggling his eyebrows at me as I rolled my eyes at him. He had no idea how accurate he was when it came to teasing me about Edward.

"She is dying to tell you all the gossip she knows about him," he said as he laughed at me.

"Wonderful," I replied in a flat tone since I didn't want to hear about Edward. I didn't want to know what gossip mongers from his small high school had to say about him or his family.

"Come over for dinner this weekend," he said as a statement, not a question. I agreed even though I had no idea if I would or not since at the moment all I wanted was to get out from under the harsh stare of Edward's fiery gaze. I said my good bye to Jamie before going to the back to grab my purse to leave only to find Edward waiting for me in the hallway.

"You ready?" I asked him as I approached him as he stood there, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl firmly on his face. He said nothing, but instead placed a hand upon the small of my back to direct me out.

It wasn't until we were out in the cool night air that Edward turned towards me with a harsh look.

"You will be quitting this job," he said in a soft voice, but I could feel the steely finality of his resolve as he spoke. It instantly pissed me off as I stopped walking towards his car to gawk at him in disbelief.

"You can go to hell," I replied in an even tone that was too high pitched to be my normal voice. I had spent years with Emmett dictating what I would do and what I would not, so there was no way I was about to let Edward just waltz into my life making demands.

"You said…" he said in a firm, yet quiet voice as he looked at me with fire in his eyes that made him look more alive than the hollow look that he had when he first came to me that night.

"I said, go to hell. You can't tell me what to do," I replied as I crossed my arms over my chest, digging in as I refused to back down over this bullshit.

"I can and will," he said with a smart ass smile that made my blood boil in my veins.

"Your contract clearly states that you are to be available to me whenever I would need you and this second job of yours interferes with that," he said with a grin that was taunting me into violence with his dickheadish demands. He was right. I remember that from the contract as well as all his other odd requests.

I hated that he had me over this. I never wanted to have it where he had me caught in a clause, yet here I was, stuck with little options except one.

"That's fine," I replied with an answering smart ass grin to his asshole smirk that he was displaying for me.

"I quit," I said with a sweet smile in syrupy tone as I stood there, refusing to back down from his crazy demands.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update once more tonight : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"Good," he said with a pleased tone to his voice as he turned away from me with victorious smile.

"No, I quit you," I said clarifying what I had said to him since he misunderstood me. My words caused him to stop before turning back to me with an incredulous look upon his face as if I had I mocked his mother.

"You can't quite me," he replied in an angry tone that had hinted at disbelief.

"Sure, I can. I just did," I laughed at him, enjoying his anger as I turned towards my car and away from him.

I was only able to take a few steps away from him before I felt his arms grabbing me stopping me from going any further away.

"You can't," he practically growled at me as he dragged me back to his car in a huff of anger.

"Watch me," I teased as he rolled his over my taunting words while pushing me against the car. The silence between us was thick with our disagreement.

"Is it because of money?" he asked me as he pressed himself against me, as if he planned on using whatever physical hold he had over me to encourage me to make the decision he wanted me to make. I shook my head no since I had too much pride to admit that I needed the money that I made at the club.

"Don't even try to tell me you like when boys grope you because I have watched you and your reactions," he continued on with a laugh that had a twisted taunting about it, reminding me of times when I poured drinks over the heads of the boys that got too grabby for me.

"I like it there," I said in a determined tone as I raised my chin up in defiance while holding his gaze with a steady one of my own.

"Liar," he said with a grin that made me roll my eyes to mask how irritated I was that he knew. I did hate here. I loved Jamie, but working there was hard to do at times even if the money was great.

"You can't dictate what I do with my time," I reminded him as he continued to grin at me like the asshole he could be.

"I am your employee, not your slave. You didn't buy me, hell, you didn't even rent me," I continued on as I felt my anger slowly burning inside as he started to chuckle at me.

"I think I like it when you're pissed off," Edward said with a chuckle as he smiled at me. He still looked haggard, but at least now there was a spark in his eyes as he grinned at me.

"Fuck off, Edward," I grumbled at him; causing him to laugh even harder at me and my anger that was always present when he was involved.

"Listen, I know I don't own you," he said with a half laugh as I shoved at him to push me off me.

"But…I do ask that you be available to me" he said in a softer tone as he stepped closer to me once more while looking into my eyes with a soft grin as he tried to woo me into agreeing with him.

"I am available to you; Monday through Friday during the hours of seven in the morning to five in the evening with occasional overtime hours," I said with a matching grin that made him chuckle at me.

"So damn stubborn," he muttered as he looked at me with a tired grin as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Bella..." he began, but I stopped him.

"You don't pay me for anything else beyond that," I reminded him as he looked at me with tired eyes.

"I'm not your whore, Edward," I said in a firm tone as he smiled at me and my anger.

"I know you're not," he said quickly as he looked at me, wanting me to believe him, and that was fine since I knew that wasn't what he was trying to explain to me.

"You don't control what I do in my off time even if I do spend some of it with you," I said before waving my hand in front of his face as he opened his mouth to silence him once more.

"Hey, you're the one who told me that this between us is not personal," I said as I waved my hand between us.

"You're making it personal by demanding I quit my job to be your beck and call girl. You can't have it both ways, Edward," I said with a victorious smile as I watched him scowl as he realized that I was right.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Our argument came to a screeching halt with my words. I refused to budge and so Edward over his request that I quit the club as we got into his car, even though I told him I was fine to drive on my own.

"You're not quitting your job with me," he said in a quiet voice that was steely with his determination. It made me snort in response as he glared at me while I laughed.

"Why?" I asked as I laughed while he drove away from the club without a look back.

"For starters, you need it," he said in a firm voice as I rolled my eyes at him even though he wasn't looking. I hated that I needed the job. I hated that I needed him so I was not about to admit that to him.

"And…I won't let you," he said in a huff as I laughed louder at him.

"You're being incredibly stupid," I laughed as I looked at him while he refused to look at me as he drove.

"Yes, I am," he muttered as he continued to drive on towards my house, not his.

"But I can't seem stop it," he said in a low whisper as he glared at the road ahead of him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Short & sweet I know, but I have to work today and I wanted to get this out there before I had to go in so I was set up for some lemons when I get back : )**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The drive to my home was quiet, but there was a tension in the air between us. I would look over at Edward and gone was the man on fire. In his place was a man who burned with anger that I made no sense to me.

I knew he was mad about the club, but he didn't understand that I had once been the girl who gave up what her husband asked of her, I had once been the girl who did as she was asked without another thought. That girl died the day my son did.

He pulled into the drive and parked. We sat there in the silence for a long moment.

"Thank you for the ride home," I said as I reached for the door handle to leave him and his foul mood behind. I would make plans with Jamie to pick up my car tomorrow so I didn't have to deal with Edward over this again.

Edward remained silent as I opened the car door and left him sitting there. He could stew in his own anger without me.

I had approached the front door when I heard his car door slam shut followed by his footsteps. I didn't bother to look back until I felt him against me, wrapping his arms around me to crush me to him.

"What the hell?" I questioned as I struggled to unlock the door while Edward's hands groped and grabbed along my body, making it impossible for me to unlock the door.

"Shh," he whispered to me as his lips traced along my neck followed by the sharp scraping of his teeth. The sensation made me shiver just as my fumbling finally unlocked the door, causing us to stumble inside of the house with a grunt.

"Edward," I moaned as he held me tight, keeping me upright as we walked inside stumbled up the stairs, still attached to each other.

"Shh," he whispered again as he practically carried me up the stairs before kicking the door shut behind us with a loud slam. I wanted to yell him. I wanted to remind him that I was trying to sell the house to get out of the overwhelming house payment and not to break my stuff, but I couldn't. I was too wrapped up in how he was touching, how he was nipping at my skin only to sooth it with his tongue.

"I don't want you to talk," he said to me in a low growl of a voice as I opened my mouth to speak just as he pushed me against the hallway wall.

"I want you to listen," he continued on as his hands trailed to the end of my short black dress to grab the hem before pulling it up over my body until I was left standing there in my white panties and bra. They were far from sexy, but in that moment I didn't care since I just wanted them gone. I wanted his skin against mine. I wanted his lips on me. I wanted to feel his weight on me. I wanted all he had to offer and it was wrong. It was wrong to want him like this. It was wrong since I had never wanted my own husband like this. I had never craved him like I craved Edward. It was horrible and wonderful all at once.

"I want you to listen to the sounds you make when I touch you," he said as his fingers traced over my curves before tracing along the lines of my ass, causing me to squirm against him.

"You like this?" he questioned in a husky voice as he traced over my ass once more before dipping his hand under to trace the lips of my pussy going from bottom to top as I gasped in surprise.

"I want to fuck you, Bella," he growled into my ear as I shook with his words.

"I want to taste your sweet pussy," he growled as I felt him move behind me jerking my panties down in awkward pulls and tugs.

"Will you let me, pretty girl?" he asked me in a rasp of air against my ear as I fought to breathe under the weight of his heavy words.

"Will you let me taste you? Lick you until come so hard that you see stars?" he asked me as his fingers increased in pressure as they traced my pussy teasingly, rubbing my clit with each stroke he made over my wet flesh.

"Say the words, Bella," he whispered to me pulling me upright against him so our bodies were pressed together.

"Say you'll do whatever I say," he whispered in a dark and needy voice that made me shiver with excitement over what was to come for me as my body settled on edge for him. I was close to coming just from his fingers playing against me as I gasped in response while pressing my ass back into him.

"Say it," he demanded as he shook me a little, bringing me back to reality instead of the heavy lust induced fog that he created in me.

"Say you'll do whatever I need from you," he said as I shook my head no as I refused his demand as well as trying to fight off the orgasm that was building within me.

"Say it," he repeated harshly as his fingers dug into me, parting my flesh to trace over where I needed him most.

"When is the last time anyone has ever fucked you?" he asked me pulling my attention away from the fight inside of me to his words. I had been with Edward. I had felt him inside of me. I had been pushed to come by him. I had been bent over, pulled up and bent in half all in pursuit of pleasure with him, but never once would I ever consider that fucking. It was sex. It was fun. It was pleasure filled, but fucking? No. Fucking to me was hot and needy. It was consuming and breath taking. It was selfish and giving all at once. I had never done it. I had never been fucked in all the years of sex, all the times I had been with Emmett, all those times, but never once was that fucking.

"You never have been, have you?" he asked me as I struggled to find the air to answer to him, to lie to him since it was almost humiliating that I had never experienced it before.

"That's ok, my pretty girl. I can fix that for you," he said with a breathless chuckle as I arched back against his kisses as he trailed his lips over the small of my back before he nipped my ass cheek as he sunk to his knees behind me.

I could feel his heavy breath against my bare skin causing me stiffen with nerves as he leaned closer while gripping my hip hard. His hands angled me, moved me, so that my legs were spread and my ass was arched out. It was an odd angle. It left me exposed and vulnerable, yet I didn't feel awkward with it as he kneeled behind me.

"So pretty," he murmured as I felt his eyes upon me. His words left me feeling hot with embarrassment and odd pride that could not be explained, not that I had time to think about my reaction to his words as I felt his tongue sweep across my flesh.

"Oh god," I moaned stupidly as I grasped at the flat wall, trying to find anything to take hold of as his tongue danced over my flesh teasingly. I breathed hard as his tongue lapped at my clit before slipping inside of me, to fuck me slowly with his mouth as he pushed me closer towards the edge of release.

My eyes were closed and my mouth hung open in ecstasy as my body trembled all over with the first signs of my orgasm. It was at that precise moment that Edward abruptly stopped, pulling back away from me while leaving me hanging on the edge of a hard release.

"Edward," I whined loudly as I struggled with movement to turn towards him to complain. He had moved to standing when I turned to face him as he greeted me with a smug grin and nothing else on. His eyes were dark; it was the kind of dark that I loved to see on him since that darkness was just for me. It told me how lost he was to lust, and how badly he wanted me with his devilish grin.

"Did you need something pretty girl?" he asked in a low gravelly voice as he grinned at me seductively. I watched as he slowly stroked his cock that jutted out, hard, thick and ready for me.

"Tell me what I need to hear," he said in a whisper as I stood there, mesmerized as I watched his hand slowly and expertly touch himself as I watched his slow, deliberate movements.

"Tell me," he repeated softly as I bit my lip, wishing it was me that was wrapped his cock and not his hand.

"I want you to fuck me," I said boldly, not ashamed and with a slight quiver in my voice as the ache inside of me began to actually hurt with need. My demand made him smile wickedly as his eyes roamed over my bare skin before settling back upon my eyes.

"I will, I promise, but that's not exactly what I need to hear," he said with a that smile that left a sting of anger in my system, yet not enough to dampen the need that burned me. I stared at him, confused over what he wanted needed to hear as I focused on what I needed him to do. We were in this odd standoff that wasn't moving forward because I had no idea what he wanted because I couldn't think clear enough to respond.

"Hmm… I guess I will just have to make you say it," he said in a raspy whisper with a wicked grin that gave me chills right before he grabbed my arms and pulled me over towards the couch. I followed him with wobbly legs and anxious feet since I knew what was coming and it would be me. I let him bend and twist me until I was on my hands and knees. I had never had sex like this. Emmett hated this position. He would say it made him feel weird while claiming he wanted to see my face when he made love to me, but this wasn't making love.

I wiggled my ass at him to urge him on as he stepped away from the couch to retrieve the condom he had in his pocket. I wanted to be mad that he had planned to have sex with me, but I couldn't find it in me to feel that anger since I was just thankful one of us had thought a head to this moment.

Edward approached me with hungry look and quickly slipped behind me. I felt his prodding as he slipped along my pussy, brushing against me while causing me to moan in response before pushing inside of me with a hard thrust that gave no waiting time for me to adjust to his size or how deep he pushed into me.

I couldn't even think as he pulled back only to slam back into me hard and fast, going deeper than before. There were no words as his hands held my hips firmly, pulling me back on to him as he pushed inside of me. I could hear his grunts as my body shook hard as I lost control, coming with a groan that filled the room around us.

"Fuck," he muttered in a rasp, not slowing to let me ride out the high, instead just continuing on his hard pace of fucking me as I hook hard beneath him.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I could only focus on the lightning bolt of pleasure that engulfed me. I couldn't speak as I felt his fingers in my hair, pulling me upright as his other hand skimmed over my belly, holding me in place while his hips never lost the driving rhythm he had created for us. The sting of my hair being pulled did nothing to diminish the rolling waves of pleasure as I continued to come for him.

"Say it," he rasped in my ear, holding me tight with hand as he continued to pull my hair out the way so he could kiss at my neck, but I couldn't speak. He had rendered me dumb with his cock and deep thrusting.

"Say it," he rasped louder as I felt his hand skim lower until his fingers were playing with my clit in time to the movement inside of me. I could feel his heavy breathing and hard, shaky thrusts telling me that he was close. He was close to coming, but trying to hold off to hear whatever it was he needed me to say, but his touch was too much for me. My body arched against his as I felt the burn of my release incinerate me as I opened my mouth to let out a silent scream of pleasure that ended in a low hiss.

"Yes," I hissed to him as I closed my eyes, letting the feelings pour over me like lava; hot consuming, burning me to ash as I let everything go in that moment. Edward followed quickly behind me with a low rumble of nonsense before sinking his teeth into my shoulder causing me to yelp from the painful pleasure he was creating inside of me.

We stayed locked in our position for a moment before the heaviness of completion caused us both to collapse on the overstuffed sofa that held us. There was no room for both of us, so after Edward stood up and wobbled over to throw away the used condom, he picked me up and lay back down with me splayed on top of him.

In the silence I listened to his heart as its beating slowed back to normal while his fingers traced designs upon my bare back. I was lost to the mind numbing bliss that I had discovered after being with Edward. In these moments there was no yesterday or today. There was no tomorrow. There was only him and his heart beat that lulled me. There was only the scent of sex and blissful peace. This feeling was addictive. He was addictive.

"You'll call him in the morning, right?" he asked me in a whisper of a voice, pulling me out of the mind numbing that he had brought to me.

"Call who?" I asked, confused over his question.

"James. You'll call James, right?" he asked me as I shifted against his skin, moving so I could see his face. He looked sleepy and pleased with himself over something that I had no idea about.

"Sure," I replied with a big yawn, agreeing to shut him up since I had no idea what he was speaking of as I laid my head upon his chest. I let out a sigh hat made him chuckle as I let the sound of his heart lull me back into the false sense of peace that its steady beating always brought to me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Will update again later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

It was in the middle of the night I felt him stir next to me, waking me from the sleep I needed. He was tossing and turning, tangling the sheets on my bed around him.

"Edward?" I questioned him in a sleepy voice as I reached out to touch him. My touch caused his eyes to snap open in shock or fear, I wasn't sure which. I watched as he struggled to focus on me in the dark. His eyes were wild and then softened as he saw me. It was then that I saw him. It was the same face he had shown me in the club earlier, that look that hinted at the turmoil inside of him. It made my stomach twist with nerves as he just looked at me with wide eyes that were sleepy and dark.

He said nothing as he pulled me close to him and really there was nothing to say. I wrapped myself around him, holding me to me as he crushed me with his heavy weight. It was comforting and uncomfortable all at once, but I wasn't about to push him away. He needed this contact. I could feel it. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.

I held him close, wrapping my legs around him while letting him breathe against my neck as my mind slowly cleared from sleep enough to form a rational thought. There was more to Edward than what he has shown. There was more to his hot and cold behavior as well as his distance that he demanded. I had known this. I had always known this, even when I was his office secretary, by how he avoided his family and worked into the night. I had chosen to ignore it and even as I entered this fucked up relationship with him I told myself that whatever his issues where I could deal with it since they would not affect him, but that was lie. They were affecting me. They were tearing at me as he lay upon me trying to breathe. I could not avoid them or ignore them like I had when they had me pinned down to the mattress beneath his heated skin and I hated that. I hated that I couldn't avoid them since that made them real and reality was the last thing I wanted with Edward.

**AN: **

**Thanks for reading! More to come after I get home from work…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The blaring of the phone caused me to jump awake, not that I could go far as I discovered that Edward still had me pinned beneath him. He was out cold in a deep sleep that made him look younger than his thirty two years. It also made him look vulnerable and I wasn't used to a vulnerable Edward. He had always been aloof, and occasionally cold, but vulnerable was new.

I shifted beneath the sleeping man to grab my phone to see who would call me at five in the morning.

"This better be good," I muttered into Edward's shoulder as I finally looked at the phone to see who was calling. It was Emmett. I had nothing to say to him and there was nothing he had to say to me so I sent his call to voice mail. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him and I doubt that I ever would be.

"Who was that?" Edward mumbled as he snuggled closer to me without opening his eyes.

"No one," I whispered to him as I brought my hand up to run my fingers through his hair softly.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered to him as he sighed, breathing across my bare skin while giving me goose bumps.

"You know I can't," he grumbled as he laid there with a scowl marring his features.

"Who was it that called?" he asked me while squeezing me close.

"No one," I muttered as I pressed my face into his hair, letting his silky hair tickle me as I breathed him in.

"Was is James?" he asked me with a grin spreading across his face as he rubbed his stubble covered cheek over the tender flesh of my breast before pressing a kiss on top of my nipple.

"Why would he call me?" I asked him, watching him as he grinned like a jackass without opening his eyes to look at me.

"I don't know," he said with a yawn as he pressed his nose into my skin as he smiled. The buzzing of my phone continued on as I had turned my phone on silent instead of listening to the ringing as Emmett tried to contact me.

"You know, your ex is getting on my nerves," Edward grumbled as he grabbed the buzzing phone off the night stand.

"Ignore him and he'll go away," I said as I hugged him closer while trying to pull my hone out of his hands, but it was too late. Edward had clicked answer and now was listening as Emmett called my name into the phone while Edward let out a loud irritated sigh.

"Who is this?" I could hear Emmett deny as Edward rolled his eyes at me while I remained silent.

"It doesn't matter who this, I'm telling you not to call Bella again. She doesn't want here from you and you have no business calling her," Edward said in a tired sigh that hinted at his frustration.

"Who is this?" Emmett continued to demand while Edward looked at me before rolling his eyes before hanging up on him while causing me to laugh at him.

"Bella, you're too kind. You need to tell this guy to leave you alone," Edward said as he looked at me with a pointed look.

"I have," I replied trying to defend myself even though I knew he was right. I had been too kind. I had been too tolerant since whenever I looked at Emmett it was hard to separate the boy I fell in love with and the man who broke my heart.

"Try harder, Bella, or I will tell him and I doubt that you want me to do that," Edward said with a yawn as he snuggled closer before tossing my phone into a basket of clothes to silence the buzzing sound the vibrations made against the wood nightstand.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The buzzing of the phone was faint enough that it just became a humming in the background of the sound of Edward breathing. It was soothing, yet I couldn't sleep. My mind was wake and because of the stillness around me it was running rampant with thoughts.

My first thoughts focused on Emmett and why he was calling, but that soon passed as I realized I really didn't care why. I was done with him and had been for while; it just took this moment to realize it. The only thing left holding what was us together was Emmett and that was funny since he was the one who left, not me. It was a hollow victory for me since here was nothing to be victorious about.

My thoughts then drifted to the man who held me like a pillow against him. I could tell he wasn't asleep either even though he lay there with his eyes closed. Edward was a puzzle to me. He was hot and cold. He was demanding and aloof. We had an odd relationship, but it seemed to work for us so I tried to keep quiet, yet the more I thought about his three day absence, the more it irritated me.

I had called him repeatedly during those days. I had texted. I had even question when by email as well if I was still employed since he never responded nor did he give me any direction as to what he needed done during those days. He made no contact what so ever and if had not appeared last night I would have believed that my employment as well as our unconventional agreement for sex only had come to an end.

I wanted to be unaffected by it all since I was well aware that Edward ran hot and cold, yet I wasn't. I was bothered that he never returned my calls or texts. I was bothered and slightly hurt that while he demanded my attention; he refused to even humor me by giving me some of his in the form of a response.

What hurt me the most of all during that span of time was that I was worried about him. It wasn't like him not to respond. It wasn't like him to ignore me. I hated that worried about him. I hated that I was driven to the point of concern that I went to his house and knocked on the door only to be left standing in the cold. I hated that he had caused me to worry since that was not part of our agreement. We had agreed no emotions, yet there I was, worrying about a man who couldn't answer me. It infuriated me. It infuriated me that I cared at all and he caused that.

"If you really want to answer the phone just do it, Bella, but stop fidgeting since its making it impossible for me to go back to sleep," Edward grouched at me as I held me close. It was his irritated tone that sent me over the edge.

"You never answered my question from before," I sad trying to keep my voice calm as I lay there half beneath him.

"Where were you during the last three days?" I asked as I felt his body stiffen above mine, but I wasn't going to stop my line of questioning since I needed to know.

"I was at home," he said in a soft whisper as he opened his eyes to look at me with a blank expression that caused a twisting in my chest.

"I went to your house and you never answered the door," I said simply, wordlessly, asking him to explain this fact.

"I know," he replied while looking away from me. There was more to it, but he wasn't going to give it me. It was clear he was in complete lock down by how hard his expression was as he looked away.

I looked at him, not sure what else to say since there was nothing more to say. He wasn't going to tell me and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know since if I knew his secrets I would have to share mine as well, yet leaving it like this wasn't enough.

"Don't do it again," I whispered to him, while hating that it showed my weakness, that he was a weakness for me. I hated that it told him that I was worried about him and that I cared since caring was not a part of his original promise of sex with no feeling.

Edward remained silent after my simple demand as if he was letting the words settle upon him with the weight what I didn't say keeping him silent. I was left waiting to see what Edward would appear before me after my demand. Would it be the cold the Edward that shut down whenever I touched upon some unknown nerve with in? Would it be the Edward who laughed and had a smart ass comment like would burn me up in anger? As the silence stretched between us I felt sick over what his response would be to my request.

I watched his face as he shifted his gaze back to my eyes, letting me see them unguarded and earnest as he looked at me.

"I'll try," he whispered to me softly in a voice that rang with an uncertainty as he made his impossible promise.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More after work….**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	53. Chapter 53

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I awoke to the sounds of the shower running. I opened my eyes slowly to find the where Edward had been sleeping empty and cold. I got out of bed, slipping his discarded undershirt on before going into the bathroom just as the water was shut off.

"Hey," I said as he pulled back the curtain to grab a towel. He was naked and dripping wet with a startled look on his face as if he as wasn't expecting me to be standing there.

"Jesus," he muttered with a laugh as I stood there staring at his body.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," he said as he began to towel off as if he owned the place.

"Nah, it's ok. I needed to get up," I mumbled as I continued to stand there, leaning against the door frame watching him as he wrapped the towel around his waist before stepping closer to me.

"Do I smell like a girl?" he asked me as he leaned into me, urging me to smell his skin. I took a deep breath of his neck as he leaned towards me. He smelled like passion fruit body wash and pear scented shampoo.

"You smell very fruity," I replied as he sighed in frustration while grumbling about how he would have spend all day smelling like a woman. It was ridiculous, yet so Edward that I could not sp my laughter as I stood there listening to him bitch.

"Don't forget to call James today," he said as he looked at me while looking in the mirror. He had a snarky smile on his face as the smile I had faded.

"Why would I call him?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, but I knew it had to be bull shit just based on the shit eating grin he gave me.

"You said last night you would quit your job," he said with a that damn grin as he turned to look at me, so fucking pleased with himself that I had to fight off the urge to scream at him, but I knew screaming would get me nowhere with this man.

"I did not," I said firmly while shaking my head no at him. There was no way in hell I had agreed to that or anything else.

"You did to," he said with a slight laugh as I felt the burn of anger flame inside of me, causing a rush of heat over me as I bit at my lip instead of screaming.

"I never…" I stammered as I looked at him with an angry scowl as he faced me in only a towel and grin that needed to be smacked off his face.

"Yes, you did. You agreed to do whatever I wanted and I want you to quit so call him or I will," he said with a bright smile as I shook my head no at him.

"You are out of your fucking mind," I said in an incredulous tone as I looked at him in disbelief. I had never agreed to anything.

"No, I'm not. I asked and you agreed," he said in sing-songy voice that only proved to piss me off even more.

"You're a liar," I replied as I shoved at him, causing him to laugh out loud at me.

"I asked you last night to say yes, to agree to whatever I say and you said yes," he said with grin that made him look like an asshole as I struggled to remember anything similar to what he was saying and then it hit me. He had spent his time wooing me into an orgasm, talking to me, whispering words that he wanted me to agree to. The look of acknowledgment must have dawn over my face causing Edward's grin to become brighter as he watched a look of horror descend upon me as I realized what I had agreed to.

"You remember, don't you?"He asked me teasingly as rolled my eyes in response.

"Fuck you, Edward," I said causing him to laugh out loud before pulling me towards him.

"I believed it was fucking that got into this mess, Ms. Swan," he teased as I shoved him away.

"I did not agree to quit my job," I said as I shook my head no at him while he rolled his eyes at me.

"Uh, yes you did," he said with a grin while I grumbled in response.

"You agreed to whatever I wanted and I want you to quit, so yeah you did," he reminded me with an asshole smirk that made me shake my head no once more.

"You're an ass," I said as I looked at him while closing my eyes in frustration over his insistence that I quit a job that I needed until I sold my house.

"I agreed to whatever in sex, not quitting my job," I said as I looked at him with an even look as I tried to explain the loop hole I had found in his faulty thinking.

"That's a dangerous thing to agree to, Bella, since there are a lot of things I would like to do with you, but we both know that wasn't what I was asking of you. You knew I wanted you to quit and when I asked you to agree to whatever I wanted it would be your resignation at the club," he said, making perfectly good sense, but I honestly never thought about that.

"Well, I wasn't thinking about what you wanted from before and definitely not about the club," I said as I looked at him while he shook his head at me as if I had lost my mind.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked me, taunting me while he leaned against my counter top.

"Your cock inside of me," I replied as I watched his eyes glaze over moment I mentioned him inside of me.

"I love it when you talk dirty," he said with a wide grin that was wicked and hinted at the dirty thoughts that had to be rambling through his head.

"Yeah, well, here's some more for you; go fuck yourself, Edward, since I'm not quitting," I replied as he laughed at me.

"You will," he said in a confident tone that made my blood boil.

"I cannot… I cannot believe you," I said as I stuttered in rage over his pleased looks and soft chuckling over some fucked up agreement I had made in the heat of the moment last night.

"What's not to believe?" he asked me almost teasingly as he smirked. He had planned this. He had planned on fucking me and getting me to agree. He had used what power he had over me in passion to win what he wanted and because of it I was pissed. I was pissed that I had fallen for it and more than that I was pissed that I had not seen it coming from him.

"You can't… You can't just use sex to get what you want," I said in a stammer that made him grin as I gritted my teeth in anger.

"Uh…Yes, I can, and do," he said with a mocking smile as my jaw snapped shut in response to his admission of using sex to win what he wanted.

"What? Women have been doing it for years," he continued on as if what he had done was not that big of a deal.

"Asshole women, Edward. Asshole women use what's between their legs to get what they want, no one else," I growled at him as he looked at me a little surprised for a moment before dismissing my anger with a wave of his hand.

"I don't know what type of women you're used to, but using sex like that is fucked up and… and…" I stammered as he remained silent.

"I'm not doing it. You can't just fuck me dumb and expect me to agree to what I had said in the middle of it. It's wrong and…just…just wrong," I sputtered angrily as I watched his eyes go wide over my words before muttering the words _ fuck me dumb._

"You may be used to people acting or treating you like that, but I'm not and I won't allow you to treat me like that either," I said in a high pitched voice that I used before I lost my mind as he stood there looking at me with a surprised look on his handsome face.

"Bella," he said in a voice that hinted at an apology, but I could hear the laughter in his voice. There was no apology in whatever words he was going to say. I knew this and normally I would be fine to hear whatever bullshit story he had to say, but at that moment I was in no mood to hear it. I turned to leave him standing there, giving him one last dirty scowl, as I fought off the sick feeling of anger and regret as it swirled in my belly.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it took so long this post this. Somewhere between family drama and work my day was a waste.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I walked out of the bathroom, leaving a slack jawed Edward behind me. I had nothing more to say as I bit back my pointless anger.

"Bella," he called to me, approaching me slowly from behind, but I ignored him.

"Come on," he whined as I over my rumpled bed instead of him.

"You are always so mad," he muttered as I felt his hand skim along my arm before taking hold of my hand in his. I was mad, yet I wasn't. I felt more used than mad. It was a horrible feeling and I hated it, but what I hated more was the fact that I cared at all. I shouldn't have cared at all, but I did and that hurt.

"Bella…I…" He muttered slowly as if he was trying to think of what to say while I waited for some form of an apology, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to hear from him.

"I just want you to quit that job," he said with a sigh as I shook my head no again.

"You know I need the money until I sell the house…" I started to say, but he silenced me as he spun me around to look at him.

"Tell me what you need and I will give it to you," he said firmly as he looked at me with a serious look. He was serious. He meant it. I could that, but I wasn't sure if I could take it.

"I can't take your money, Edward," I said as I looked away, hating that he was making the offer to help me, yet loving that he had.

"Yes, you can. I want you to," he urged me as he squeezed my hand, ebbing away the anger I felt over his manipulation.

"Edward…I…"I stammered as I struggled to find the words to disagree with him, but my anger was gone.

"Come on, Bella, you let James help you, why can't I?" he asked me in a soft tone that hinted at a smile that he was hiding.

"Jamie is family and we aren't even friends," I replied as I shook my head at him while he scoffed at me.

"Not friends? We are the best of friends," he teased as he shook his hand in mine while grinning at me in such a manner that I could not help, but to smile too.

"No, we're not," I said as I looked at him with a grin that I could not shake.

"We could be if you'd stop being so bitchy and just let me help you," he replied with a grin that caused me to roll my eyes at him.

"Why do you want me to quit so badly?" I asked him, needed to know why this was so important to him since it didn't make sense.

"You're better than serving drinks to drunken college boys who stare at your tits," he said with an irritated grin as I shook my head at him.

"They do stare and… I don't like it, Bella," he said in a stiff voice as he looked at me with a challenging look, as if he was asking me to deny it.

"Just humor me, Swan, and let me help out. Once you're on your feet you can go back to fighting with me over nothing, I promise," he said as he looked at me with such honest eyes that hurt my chest.

"Fine, but no more manipulations, Edward. I can't take that," I said as I tried to keep that hard shell around me, but I couldn't. It failed as I watched as he smiled a victorious smile over my agreement to accept his help.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading... will post more later, but I have ti work today so it won't be until much later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Fridays were typically long days, but that day was especially long. I wanted to go home. I wanted to crawl back into bed, preferably with Edward, but that wasn't going to happen. Instead, I was in the office, assisting on one last plant tour before General Marcus and his men left town.

It was easy since I knew that plant forwards and backwards, yet even this simple act was almost too much. I was just done after a week of silence from Edward ending with him in my d last night.

"Ms. Swan, if I might have a moment of your time?" General Marcus asked me as we approached the doors towards the office area of the business. I paused as General Marcus motioned for his men to go on.

I stood before the older man who looked at me with kind eyes as he handed me a business card.

"If you ever get tired of being Cullen's girlfriday give me a call since there is always a place for smart young go getters in the government," he said as I took the card from his hand and tucked it in my pocket with a quiet thank you and smile before motioning him towards the security door that separated the plant from the office setting.

I had barely made it through the door and back into the conference room before Bree, Edward's main secretary appeared in the door with a worried look. I looked towards Edward to see if he knew what was going on, but if he did his face gave nothing away as he looked at the woman who shifted nervously before him.

"Mr. Cullen, there is a Mr. McCarty here to see Ms. Swan," she said with a nervous look as she looked from our shared supervisor to me with wide eyes. Edward said nothing as he turned towards me with his eyes dark and knowing as nodded for me to go, but not before giving me a pointed look. I knew what that look meant; take care of this or he would.

I walked out of the room with one last look towards Edward before leaving the room to see what was so important that Emmett needed to see me now in the middle of the work day. I followed Bree out who told me in an excited voice that she was sorry for bothering me, but Emmett looked so upset and demanding to see me. She was still sputtering her apology as we turned the corner to fins Emmett standing in the foyer looking beaten before I even opened my mouth. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes red as if he had been crying.

"Bella?" he asked me as if he wasn't sure if it was really me standing there or not.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, not sure if I wanted to know or not.

"Rosie had the baby," he said with sad eyes as he looked at me as if he was waiting for me to respond, but I had nothing to say.

"The baby isn't doing well. It was a difficult birth and we almost lost him," he said with his growing red once more with unshed tears as I stood there watching him emotionless as I tried to forget there were no tears from him for our son.

"Why are you here, Emmett?" I asked him as I bit my tongue over all the harsh words I had yet to say over the day he left me at the hospital to deal with our son without him. My words seemed to startle him out of his depressed state as he gawked at me.

"I needed you," he said as he looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

"You're my best friend, Bella and I just needed to hear you say that it would be ok," he said in a soft voice as I listened to Bree leave the room without another word.

"No, you don't and no, we are not. We haven't been friends in years," I said as I looked at him while waiting to feel something anything towards this man that used to be mine. His eyes were wide with shock and red from tears as he looked at me as if he had never seen me before.

"Go back to your wife, Emmett. She needs you," I said softly, without the malice that he deserved as I turned to leave him standing there in the foyer without another word or look back.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Work sucked, but it's over now : ) **

**Until later…**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The day passed slowly and as it did I could not help but to think of Rosalie. I wished her and the baby well, but I was not about to go and see them. I never wanted to step foot back into that hospital ever again, let alone go back to the maternity ward. Never again, besides our friendship was over so she didn't need me. She had other friends to hold her hand during all of this, the same damn friends that came and held mine, so she would be fine. Emmett was another story.

His impromptu visit today made me wonder how much he leaned on Rosalie when he couldn't come to me. It also made me wonder how I didn't notice or better yet, not complain. Maybe I had never cared about him at all. Maybe I fought to save a marriage that never should have been in the first place. Maybe I didn't know what I was doing at all. I just knew that I wasn't going to comfort him when he offered me no comfort in the past. He was on his own as far as I concerned.

At the end of the day I was invited for dinner and drinks with the men as celebration for their agreement. I tried my best to say no since the last thing I wanted was another night of nibbling on food while they all talked trash about sports teams that I had no concept about, but they were all refusing to decline of their invitation until I reminded Edward of my dinner date with Jamie and his family. His eyes lit up as I mentioned Jamie's name before turning to the men in the group while helping me avoid a night out with them.

I could him ushering the men out as I stayed behind to clean up a little. There was reason to celebrate since it was a great meeting. The contract was saved and both parties were satisfied, but I couldn't find it in me to be happy and that had to do with Emmett's surprise arrival. As much as I wanted to brush off his sudden appearance I couldn't and that bothered me as well.

"So, dinner plans with James, huh?' I heard Edward call out to me as he entered the room silently, causing me to jump at the sound of his voice.

"Congratulations, Mr. Cullen," I said in a breathless tone as that made him smile. It was a bright smile that lit up his face as he looked at me before launching into his victory like a little boy who was proud of his accomplishments. I listened only half heartedly while he spoke. The words he was saying didn't really matter. What mattered was the happy look upon his face since it was a rare sight to see. He was stunning like this with his eyes bright with excitement and his smile relaxed.

"So…." He said after he finished talking while looking at me. He was waiting. He wanted to hear to that I would tell Jamie tonight that I wouldn't work there anymore and while I knew I was supposed to, I just couldn't see myself quitting like that.

"I'm having dinner with Jamie, Vickie and their boys," I said, side stepping the promise to quit a job that I never liked all because he asked me.

"May I see you later tonight?" he asked me in a soft voice as his smile turned from victorious to wicked in a blink of an eye. While I should have said no, there was no way I could when he looked at me like I was something he want to devour. So instead, wordlessly I nodded yes and watched his smile grow wider over my agreement to see him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Yes, the dinner with Vickie is next which means some of Edward's past will be revealed….**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	57. Chapter 57

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I walked into Jamie's house as the boys circled me, yelling my name they hugged my legs while filling my heart with their innocent adoration. I was Aunt Bella to them and they were little angles to me. I listened carefully as they both spoke at the same time, telling me about a trip to the park and grocery shopping with their mom before the older one, Eric, whispered that they got ice cream cake for me. With one last kiss on the check from both boys they sprinted off towards the back yard where Jamie was yelling for them.

"Bella!" Vickie yelled for me as I walked in her kitchen. She was stirring a pan of sauce and had dishes everywhere. She looked frazzled and beautiful as she smiled at me while making my heart ache in jealousy as well as love as she welcomed me.

"Vic," I called as she ran around the corner to hug me tight while whispering that I should come over more since she missed me. I knew she did, but I also knew she understood why sometimes I couldn't be here.

"So…": she said as she walked away to stir whatever it was that she was cooking with her blue eyes bright and teasing.

"So what?" I asked her in returned, knowing that she was looking at me with her critical eye. Vickie had a talent that only a few people knew about and I was one. She could look at a person and determine if they had gotten laid or not. She claimed that she could read their body language, but I just always thought she was a damn good guesser.

"Look at you," she said with a sassy grin while I maintained my poker face in front of her with a casual shrug. I could not stand to have her watch me, trying to determine what was going on so I launched into how Emmett came to the office today to distract her.

"What a fucking bastard!" she exclaimed loudly as I fought back a smile, knowing that she had been sufficiently distracted enough to care whether or not I had sex.

"I cannot believe him!" she grumbled as she bent over to pull her lasagna out of the oven.

"What was he thinking? Did he honestly think you would stop and hold his hand after he acted the way he did with you?" she continued to rant.

"I guess they almost lost the baby," I said almost off handedly, causing Vickie to stop her ranting and look at me.

"What happened?" she asked slowly, as if she was scared to ask.

"I have no idea," I said lamely as I looked at her, almost willing her to let it go and she did with a nod.

"It doesn't matter Be, he still shouldn't be showing up at your door step asking to you to hold his hand. You aren't his mom, you're his ex-wife," she grumbled on as she handed me the plates to set the table just as my phone buzzed in my pocket, alerting me to a text.

I pulled my phone out and took a quick look to find a message from Edward.

_Wish you were here_

His words made me smile since I knew while he was ready to celebrate; being there was the last place he wanted to be. I smiled at his words before sending off a quick message.

_Me too_

It was a short message, yet I meant it. I wished I was with him instead of here, listening to Vickie bitch about Emmett. I was tired from dealing with Emmett and when I was with Edward, Emmett was not a topic that we discussed.

_Come be with me_

His words were teasing, yet I knew he meant it. He wanted me there as badly as what I wanted to be there. He needed me there to buffer, to shield him from some social interaction that he so hated at times. I knew that's what he needed from me and why he was teasing me to be with him. I knew, yet I couldn't be there since I had my own discomfort to endure.

"Who are you texting?" Vickie asked me as I stood there, tucking my phone back in my pocket before scrambling to set the table as she approached.

"No one," I replied with a smile that made me look innocent, but Vickie just looked at me.

"God, it smells good in here!" Jamie yelled distracting Vickie once more with his loud bellow as she turned to speak to him while I said a silent thank you.

Dinner passed and as it did we made small talk. Vickie mentioned Emmett once more, but Jamie silenced her with a look. He knew I didn't want to hear about Emmett again. He knew I couldn't spend another minute trying to dissect why he did what he did. Jamie knew me and protected me whenever he could even if that protection was from his wife.

The kids took over the dinner conversation whiel Vickie continued to stare at me. Her gaze was heavy and searching. It was making me nervous as Jamie cleared the dishes and brought out the ice cream cake while the boys cheered loudly.

"Would you stop staring at me," I hissed at her, causing her to roll her eyes.

"I'm not staring," she said in a defensive tone as she looked at me with her blue eyes too innocent to be telling the truth.

"Ok, fine. I'm staring at you, but that's because something is off," she said as she looked at me with a curious look.

"You're different. Something is different and… I just can't place it," she said as I rolled my eyes in response to her words. She continued to stare at me while she nibbled at her ice cream until finally her eyes went wide and she smiled before laughing loudly.

"Oh my god!" she practically screamed causing everyone to stop eating and look at her while I cringed.

"You got laid!" she screamed excitedly while clapping her hands as if it was a major accomplishment for me to have sex while I closed my eyes before shaking my head in response.

"How is it I missed that? I mean, I know these things. You know that, Bella. How could you keep that from me? This is big!" she rambled on while Jamie ushered the boys out who were asking what getting laid meant.

"Jesus, Vic, tone it down," I mumbled as I shook my head at her while she continued on giddily for me.

"Why didn't you tell me? This is big news, Be," she said as she shoved at me as I sat there.

"So who was it?" she asked as I shook my head refusing to speak to her.

"It doesn't matter," she tsk'd as she shook her head at me.

"I mean, at this point in time anyone would do," she said as she looked at me with bright eyes and a teasing smile as she rambled on.

"Was it Demetri?" she asked in a whisper so Jamie wouldn't hear her.

"God, please tell me it was Demetri," she said in a low whisper before groaning softly with a wicked grin.

"That man is pure sex," she whispered before fanning herself as she grinned over her husband's security enforcer. Demetri was attractive, but we never really spoke, not that she knew that.

"I'd fuck him," she whispered as I laughed out loud over her confession. Vickie liked men, all kinds of men, so there were very few of them that would not make her list of who to fuck if Jamie gave her permission, like that would ever happen.

"Of course you would," I teased, causing her to swat me before she joined me in my laughter.

It was during this laughter and discussion over how big we thought Demetri's cock would be when Jamie entered the room. His appearance caused our discussion to come to a screeching halt as laughter took over.

"Boys are in bed and thanks to you, my dear, I just spent the last five minutes dodging explaining what getting laid means to our sons," Jamie said causing our laughter increased he threw his wadded up napkin at his wife who kept mumbling her apologies.

It wasn't until our laughter quieted a bit that Jamie turned towards me with a grin as he licked his spoon clean.

"So, Johnny Blue finally sealed the deal, huh?" he asked me with a teasing grin that made my face go red while using his nickname for the man who I had been spending my time with. I tried not be embarrassed by him knowing since he had always known my life so this wasn't different, it was his not knowing about all the twisted agreement for sex and no connection that I didn't want him to know about.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I had to cut it here. Vickie talks next chapter.**

**Until later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"Johnny Blue?" Vickie questioned in a confused tone as I looked at Jamie with a pissy look as he grinned in return.

"Wait," Vic said as she looked from Jamie back to me as her eyes went wide for a moment before she slapped at Jamie wildly.

"Oh my god, Johnny Blue?" she questioned as she slapped at him while he pushed at her wild hands.

"Oh my god, you fucked Edward Cullen?" she screeched at me in a high pitched squeal that made me cringe.

"Vic, just…" I said as I waved her off, but she was on a roll as she practically vibrated with excitement.

"How can you sit there and just pass this off as nothing?" she asked me while Jamie ignored her by laughing at me as I sat there red faced.

"How can you overact like this?" I ask her as she shook her head at me as if she could not believe me.

"If this was fourteen years ago you would be peeing yourself to tell me that you slept with Edward Cullen," she countered back causing Jamie to laugh.

"If this was fourteen years ago Edward Cullen would find his ass in jail since Bella would be fourteen and Charlie would've lost his fucking mind," Jamie said with a snicker that made me laugh since it was true. My dad would have lost his mind over his underage daughter having sex with an eighteen year old man.

"You shut up," Vickie said as she waved her hands at Jamie.

"It's no big deal, Vic," I said, hoping like hell that this would blow over.

"It is a big deal, Bella. A very big deal. This is Edward Cullen, not some jackass from the plant. This is the guy that every girl wanted and you have him," she said in a dreamy voice as if she was reliving her teen years through my fucked my relationship now.

"Yeah, fourteen years later," Jamie grunted as he slowly became pissed over his wife's interest in Edward. This was the Jamie I knew. The one who was jealous and protective of the people he loved.

"Oh stop it!" she said as she looked over at him before cooing about he was all the man she ever wanted. It was cute and sickening all at once, but I loved them for it. I loved them for reminding me of when love was good and not something that made me ill.

"Ok, enough," I teased as they kissed while whispering back and forth between themselves.

"What is it you wanted to tell me about him, outside of the fact you wished that we were fourteen again so he'd be in jail," I continued on with a laugh that was off as she looked towards Jamie who rolled his eyes at her before leaving us to grab a beer.

I watched as Vickie took a deep breath. I knew this behavior. Vickie was a gossip queen. She lived for it. She loved it and this was Vickie who was getting ready to tell something especially good.

"Do remember him at all?" she asked me with a wide grin as I shook my head. I truly had no memories of Edward Cullen from high school, but then again he was four years older and back then I was too wrapped up in Emmett.

"He was a swimmer, like state champion swimmer. God, girls would pack the aquatic center just to see him in that red Speedo," she said with a slight laugh as Jamie sat down with three beers in his hands before passing them out to us.

"He was offered a scholarship to Stanford to swim," she said with a grin as I looked at Jamie who just rolled his eyes.

"How do you know all of this?" I asked her since I could not think of a time that she had ever even mentioned his name.

"The bigger question is how is it you do not? I mean, everyone knew Edward Cullen," she huffed in annoyance as if I was the one who was odd not her.

"Well, excuse me," I snorted as I laughed at her.

"Yeah, everyone knew him. He was it and he knew it too," she said with a laugh that made me snort as well since I could see him being a cocky kid. I watched as Vickie got up from her seat leaving Jamie and I watch her go. She was gone for only a moment or two and in her hands she held her old year book.

I watched with growing interest as she opened it before turning the pages like a mad woman. The funny thing was that I wanted to see it. I wanted to see a young Edward who was full of life and dreams. I wanted to see Edward before there were shadows in his eyes. I wanted to see him before life took hold and left him as he was now.

"Here he is," Vickie said as she handed me her year book with gentle hands opened to what was the senior section. Midway through the page filled with faces that looked somewhat familiar I found him. He looked the same, yet different, younger, innocent. His eyes were bright and his smile brighter with his outdated hair cut and shirt with matching tie. He was handsome and confident. He was the picture of school girls' dreams. He was Edward and I could see the cockiness without ever hearing his eighteen year old self speak.

I thumbed through the pages and found him countless times. Him in his Speedo. Edward on the track team. Edward as class president. Edward at homecoming and then prom. Each picture was the same with his wide smile and arm wrapped around a pretty blonde girl who grinned for the camera like the cat who ate the canary.

"Who's that?" I asked her as I looked at the picture of her wrapped around Edward while wearing a prom dress and matching crowns.

"Oh… that's Lauren Mallory. She was Edward's girlfriend," Vickie said as she looked over my shoulder at the picture I was looking at.

"She followed him to Stanford. Hell, they practically left town on a damn parade float," she said with a snort as I looked at the picture of him with his arm around the girl who clung to him like a vine.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry for the late posting!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	59. Chapter 59

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Lauren Mallory. Even thinking her name was odd, but that could be because I could not see Edward being that close to anyone. I listened with half attention as Vickie spoke about how Lauren and Edward were the _it _couple. They were everywhere and in everything. I could see that since I had once been that couple with Emmett. What I couldn't see was how Vickie described her.

"She was horrible, Bella," she said with a laugh as she cringed a little before explaining how Lauren enjoyed the notoriety that came with being Edward's girl.

"Total attention whore," she said with a snicker as she shook her head over the thought of it.

"If there was any media there to cover Edward's swimming, Lauren was there being interviewed. It was sad since if Edward got attention so did Lauren," she said with a sigh as I looked at her while trying to imagine Edward with a girl like that, but maybe it made sense. I didn't know and truly I didn't know him.

"She couldn't have been that bad," I replied as I watched Vic for her reaction, but she didn't really react.

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know," she said with a sigh with a thoughtful look upon her face.

"I didn't really know her. I just know she wasn't always the nicest. I mean, if Edward was there she would act like the perfect girl, but if he wasn't, she could be such a bitch," Vickie said as she shook her head as if she was clearing her memory of a girl I never knew.

"What happened to her, to them?" I ask her causing her to look at me as if I had gone dumb and maybe I had.

"Uhm… I heard after they left town Edward broke up with her," she said as she shrugged as if it was nothing.

"But it didn't last for long since they got married not long after their first year was over at some posh wedding in California so no one could go and see the spectacle," she said in a bitter tone as if she was sad she had missed the gossip somehow.

"The rumor was that she was pregnant, but there was never any grand announcement of a birth like everyone was waiting for so that couldn't have been true," Vickie continued on as I thought about Edward marrying that girl with the wide smile. He would have had to have loved her and the idea of Edward in love was intriguing. I couldn't wrap my head around him being loving even though he wasn't ever really cruel to me, I just wouldn't call it loving.

"Vic, it's not nice to speak ill of the dead," Jamie interjected into the conversation, scolding his wife while stunning me with the news that this woman was dead.

"Dead?" I questioned as I looked over at Jamie who just nodded his head at me. I waited for him to explain, but he didn't.

"Yeah, it was tragic and not long after they lost a baby. Her mom still lights a candle for her after mass," Vickie said with a sad sigh as I was left with a hollow feeling in my chest for Edward.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	60. Chapter 60

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I left Jamie's house a sad and still employed at the club. I never told him I was quitting. Maybe it was because I was sidetracked by the idea of everything being ripped away from Edward, yet he was still standing. It made me feel kind of sick since he had lost it all and was functioning, while I was barely able to focus after losing a child, not a spouse.

I found myself drifting in and out of sleep while I lay upon the couch. My mind was filled with distorted picture of a smiling eighteen year old Edward. It was that smile that filled my dreams. He was so damn happy at it almost hurt to look at him back when he had his whole life ahead of him before tragedy struck and the weight of the world settled upon his shoulders.

I was half awake when the ringing of my cell phone jolted me awake with a gasp of surprise. I reached for my phone while cussing.

"Emmett if this is you, I swear to god, if this is you I will fucking kill you," I mumbled as I pressed the phone to my ear without opening my eyes.

"Hello to you too pretty girl," I heard Edward snicker into the phone. His voice was soft and loose. I could hear the liquor in his voice as well as the smile that burned me through the phone.

"Edward," I sighed as I snuggled back into the couch while letting the warmth that was Edward wash over me.

"There's my girl," he whispered with a snicker that made me smile.

"Sweet girl, I need you to come get us. The party went a little too far and we need a ride," he cooed at me in a drunken manner as I rolled my eyes before listening to him turn to whoever was beside him to inform them that he had called Ms. Swan for assistance.

"Where are you?" I asked him as I sat up and rubbed my eyes while waiting for him to speak. I wanted to be annoyed that he was calling so late, but I couldn't be since I was just so damn happy that he called at all since I needed to hear from him after a night spent in his past.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	61. Chapter 61

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward was at the bar and grill he had taken me to with the other men last week. I wasn't surprised by this since it was a fairly quiet there where the guys could eat and talk.

Once I was off the phone with him I pulled on a pair of jeans and t-shirt with a sweatshirt. I looked tired and somewhat rumpled while pulling my hair back in a loose bun before grabbing my keys to go.

The drive to the bar was quiet and peaceful. I took a deep breath as I pulled into the parking lot of the bar and parked the car. I could see Edward's car parked a few empty stalls over before getting out of the car. He was here.

I walked inside and smiled at the bartender before looking around the half empty seating area before finding him. He was at a table with Jasper and the other men. They were laughing too loud as a waitress leaned over the table talking to them in an animated way while showing them her tits.

I didn't have time to approach them as Edward turned and saw me standing there. I watched the irritated look on his face turn into a bright grin as he looked at me. I watched as he stood up and took a step towards me, ignoring the woman who turned to see who he was motioning to come join him with a wave of his hand.

I crossed the room and was soon at his side.

"You ready to go?' I asked him as I was welcomed by Jasper and two of the other men that traveled with General Marcus. They all were red eyed and happy from whatever drinks they had been drinking.

"Bella!" Edward greeted me with a wide grin that made me laugh.

I stood there while the men told me about their night like excited little boys, rambling on over sports talk and who lost darts. It was ridiculous and kind of funny as I nodded as I listened to them while feeling Edward's hand slip along the small of my back to lay claim on me. It was a surprising act and caused me to turn to look at him in shock.

"That guy over there is staring at you," he said with a nod of his head towards a man who was indeed staring at me as I stood before the table.

"So?" I replied in a whisper as I watched Edward scowl over at the man who now looked away.

"He shouldn't be looking at you," Edward said as he continued to give the man a dirty look that would have killed most.

"You need to calm the hell down," I muttered to him, trying to get him to regain some sort of professional tone since he was giving the men at the table a glimpse of our so called relationship that was far from professional.

"No, he needs to mind his own business," Edward continued on until I placed my hand over his mouth to silence him.

"That man can look anywhere he wants, my ass included, and you will calm the hell down since I am not in the mood to scrape you off the floor or bail you out of jail," I said in a serious tone as the other men at the table snickered at our display, as I attempted some form of damage control with them. I looked at Edward's face with my hand over his mouth. I could feel his smile against my hand as he listened to my warning, not that he gave it much thought. I waited for the nodding of his head that he understood me, but instead I was greeted with the slimily feeling of his tongue licking my palm. I jerked my hand away from his mouth with a shriek of disgust as he laughed at me.

"That's it," I grumbled at him as I wiped my wet palm off on the front of his shirt, not caring that I was wiping his spit all over his tie that hung loosely from around his neck.

"We are leaving now," I said as I jerked my hand towards the door and then stepped back into Edward to allow room for the other men to get out. They had all exited the booth and were talking as they meandered towards the bar while I lingered back with Edward.

"You need to stop this right now," I said lowly to him over the music as I turned to back to find him grinning wildly at me as I tried to be stern over his behavior.

"No way," he said with a bright grin that reminded me of the eighteen year old boy I had seen in the pictures of his past from earlier that night. He looked so light and happy as he teased me with that asshole grin of his. I shook my head at him, trying to reel him back in if I could, but it was no use. He leaned into me, bringing his lips close to my ear while not caring who saw him or us together like that. I could feel his breath and smell the scent of bourbon as he leaned so close to me.

"I know how much you like my tongue," he whispered in my ear in a breathy tone that was pure wickedness and sex combined as heat flashed through my body as I remembered all that he could do with that talented tongue. I was still lost in that heat and ache that only he caused inside of me as he took hold of my hand in his and started to lead me out of the bar.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I plan on updating several times today… so yeah…**

**Until later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	62. Chapter 62

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The car ride was long and treacherous as Edward sat up front with me while half turned around to continue on his conversations with the other men. They laughed and liked shit about sports teams while his hand creeped along my inner thigh. His fingers traced the seam of my pants until his fingers were buried in the apex of my thighs, rubbing against me in search of my clit through a layer of denim and then the lace of my panties.

I listened to the men talk as if I wasn't even there, not that I minded. I didn't want to be in their conversations. I wasn't even sure if I could have been if I had wanted to since his finger rubbing along the inner seam of my jeans were robbing me o my ability to speak.

I would look over at Edward and every once in a while he would look back at me with a teasing smile that made me blush. He knew I was dying under his touch. He knew and continued on his slowly torturous touch that was being me closer to an orgasm with each brush of his fingers against me.

"So, you wanna come in and explain all this to Alice?" Jasper asked him after we dropped the other men off at their hotel, leaving Jasper alone in the backseat of my car. Edward pulled his hand away from me just as Jasper leaned forward to continue talking.

"No way. You're on your own," Edward said with a chuckle as he looked out the window into the blackness of the night.

"Damn it," Jasper mumbled while Edward laughed at the man. I had never met Alice Cullen-Whitlock, but I had heard the rumors. I had heard that she was a first class bitch. I had heard that she ran her husband with an iron fist and after meeting Edward I could believe it since maybe, just maybe such bossiness ran I their family.

We pulled up I front of Jasper's house while he continued to plead with Edward to come up and explain the need to celebrate, but Edward refused.

"You married her so she's your problem," he said with a laugh before Jasper punched him in the shoulder. I watched as the man took a deep breath before opening his door to get out of the car before trudging up towards the massive house that was too pristine to be lived in.

"Unlucky bastard," Edward said it a snicker as we sat there watching the man knock on the door after not being able to unlock the door himself. I started to pull out of the driveway, but Edward insisted that we stay and watch. It was worth it too as we watched a small dark haired woman appeared at the door screaming obscenities before turning to give Edward the finger. While I was shocked by this behavior, the outrage of the woman on the door step only made him laugh while muttering the word _bitch._

Once the show was over and Jasper was somewhat safely inside I pulled out of the driveway and back on the road. Edward remained silent as I drove. It was his silence that seemed to set me off a little.

"You know, you could have called a cab," I said as I felt the sting of irritation burn me over his silence as well as the casual behavior like it was my duty to come pick him up after a night out.

"I could have," he said with a deep breath as he turned back towards with a sleepy grin that made my heart flip in my chest over how handsome he was when he really smiled.

"But then I wouldn't have seen you and all I wanted was to see your face tonight," he said in a soft voice that made my heart flip once more while his fingers traced the seam along my inner thigh once more.

"Just my face?" I asked him trying to sound teasing, but it just came out breathless as his fingers moved slowly up my thigh, closer to where I wanted to feel them pressed into me.

"Your face. Your body. Your skin. Everything really," he said with a sigh as h continued to touch me, tracing over the seam with his finger tips teasingly.

"Everything?" I asked him in a squeak of a voice as the car came to a stop at a red light so I was able to turn to see him better instead of being forced to pay attention to the road as I drove us.

Edward was rumpled looking with his hair a mess from his hands and the wind since the windows were down. He had a faint stumble across his chin that made him look rough and dangerous somehow when I knew that he was far from it. His eyes were dark from lusty look that I knew too well now and dull from the alcohol that he had ingested, but he was far from being oblivious over what he was doing. He looked at me with those dark eyes that were hungry for me. Those same eyes filled my dreams since they held so much promise of pleasure when he looked at me like that.

"Trust me when I say I want everything, pretty girl," he said in a low rumble that washed over my skin, giving me chills as I attempted to drive us into the night.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	63. Chapter 63

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I tried to drive on, but Edward's hands were everywhere followed by his mouth while he tested how far he could stretch his seatbelt to reach me.

"Stop or I won't be able to get us back home," I said in a strangled sound as he kissed me soft and wet along my neck, making me shudder in response as he found one of the spots on my body that was especially sensitive.

I felt and listened to his low chuckle as he ignored my request while continuing to nip at my skin while his hand was firmly pressed against my pussy. He was hungry. He was insistent. He was driving me out of my mind.

"When is the last time you had sex in a car, Bella?" he asked me in a gravelly voice that told me how badly he needed me as he pulled away from my neck to look at me with his wide green eyes that were dark from lust. He was so close to me that his nose brushed along my cheek and I could practically taste the beer on his breath while his questioned stunned me.

I could not remember the last time I had sex in a car or the last time that I had been so bothered, so much in need that I could not wait to get home. I could not think of a time that it had ever been like that with Emmett, but with Edward everything was different.

"I don't know. Maybe in my teens," I responded as he waited for my answer while pressing kisses behind my ear setting off a new round of shivers from his touch.

"I was eighteen," he mumbled against my skin, causing the images of his face from the year book I had seen earlier while I tried to block out the images of the pretty blonde who was most likely on the receiving end of his car loving.

"But that was a lifetime ago," he mumbled before biting my neck a little harder than what he had before causing me to groan with the pleasure pain feeling of it while effectively clearing my mind of his past as well as my own.

**AN: **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	64. Chapter 64

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The morning light was glaringly bright, pulling me out of the deep, restful sleep that I had been enjoying. I smiled over the heavy feeling that rested on my chest, telling me that Edward was still here and asleep.

The last night had been different with him being drunk. He was sweet and demanding. He pushed me harder and bitched louder about the condoms. We giggled over the awkwardness that was car sex that we finally gave up on since the was no way it could be done without either his ass pressed against my windshield or my knees on top of the seatbelt case causing me to yelp in pain from the plastic biting my skin.

Once we were back at my house we had barely made it inside before I was on top of him on the floor, pulling his pants down while he struggled with mine. It was hard and fast. It was painful and good. It was what I needed as he whispered over and over in my ear how beautiful I was how good I felt, how much he missed me. It was the missing me that made me ache since I had missed him too and told him that in a low breathy confession that made him moan. When we were spent Edward picked me up and carried me back to my room, leaving our mess of clothes all over the front room only to start all over again in the bedroom, except this time he was slow, methodical. He took his time and I clung to him tight as he whispered every dirty thing he planned to do with me. It was a perfect night that ended with him falling asleep on my chest listening to my heart while telling me that he didn't want to go as I responded that I wasn't going anywhere.

I closed my eyes and savored his warmth as he crushed me, but even his weight upon me could not stop the thoughts of his past in my head. I wanted to know what happened to his wife. I wanted to know if she was the reasons why there could never be another. I wanted to know she was the reason behind his empty house in the suburbs, perfect for a family, yet empty and cold, much like him at times. I wanted to know all these things about him, yet I knew if I asked it would put me out there to tell him about me and I didn't want that. I didn't want to tell him about baby after baby lost finally ending in a birth of a child that never opened his eyes. I never wanted to relive that with anyone let alone him, the one man who made me forget all that I had lost in the process of finding him.

It was all of those heavy thoughts and burdens mixed with images of a young happy Edward that kept me awake instead of being lulled back to sleep by the sound of Edward's breathing. When I could take it no longer I slipped out from underneath his heavy form while he grumbled sleepily over his loss of using me as a human pillow before snoring softly as I watched him sleep blissfully for me while I slipped on his discarded undershirt before walking out of the room to start a pot of coffee.

I smiled as I walked past another pile of clothes scattered across my living room floor before heading into the kitchen. It was just after I pressed start on the pot of coffee that I noticed a shadow looming towards my sliding glass doors causing me to gasp in fear before I realized who it was, who it could only ever b.

I pulled back the curtains to look at a distraught looking Emmett who was on the other side of the glass door, watching me with sad eyes that looked shocked. He watched me with wide eyes as I struggled to open the doors that we had never used, much like the rest of the house.

"You have two minutes to leave or I'm calling the cops," I said as I stood there before him while he just looked at me with those same tired, sad eyes.

"They don't think he'll live, Bella," he said with tears in his eyes before rambling on about a heart defect that went undetected and how the doctors had warned the child may not live through the surgery. It was tragic and broke my heart since I would never wish this upon the child or his horrible parents.

"I'm really sorry, Emmett, but you need to go," I said in a rough whisper as I brushed away a few stray tears that had fallen during his tragic story.

"I can't do this with you," I said as I looked at him needing him to understand that I could not be there for comfort. I couldn't be there for anything.

"We used to be friends, you know? And friends are…" he rambled on trying to change my mind over turning him away just as I felt Edward's hand slip into the small of my back.

"You ok, Bella?" Edward asked me in a firm tone that was meant for Emmett as he looked at my ex-husband with disdain, not giving a care that he stood there in his boxers and hair a mess from last night. I watched as Emmett gawked at us for a long moment before his face went red, but I wasn't sure if the redness was from embarrassment or anger.

"I cannot believe you," he hissed at me before turning around wordlessly and stomping out of what had been our back yard. I watched him go before turning back to Edward as he continued to hold me close. There was nothing to say over Emmett's sudden appearance and departure as it left me with the glimmering hope that he would not be back.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	65. Chapter 65

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Saturday morning was typically quiet for me, but with Edward with me they were far from it. He wasn't going home. He wanted to be with me and while part of that thrilled me since I wanted him with me as well, the part was annoyed since I had things that needed to be done.

"You do realize I'm going for a run and grocery shopping, right?" I asked him as we drove towards his house so he could change.

"Yes, I do realize that and both are things I would do today as well," he said stiffly as I pulled into his driveway before parking the car.

"You run?" I asked him somewhat surprised, yet I wasn't after being told how many sports he had been involved in once upon a time.

"Don't look at me like I'm a liar. I told you I never lie,' he said firmly in an irritated tone that made me laugh over his reaction.

"I just don't see you as a runner that's all," I replied with a grin that I knew would piss him off and it worked.

"Why would you say that?" he inquired in a tone that showed me how quickly it was getting to him.

"Well, you just don't see like a guy who can take it," I said with a sweet grin that I knew would set him off.

"Are you calling me a pussy, Swan?" he asked me as he go out of the while I followed him up to his house already dressed for a run, but needing to go to the store first.

"Well, if the name fits," I teased as I followed him up the stairs to his front door only to be caught in his grasp as he pulled me tight against him before pressing me into the cold steel of the door while I laughed at him.

"Well, you know how much I love pussy; yours especially," he teased as his fingers found my side, tickling me as I gasped for air while laughing loudly as he continued his attack.

"Well, well, well," I heard a woman call out to us in a loud voice that was thick with taunting in it. The sound of her voice caused Edward to stop and let go of me immediately as he stiffened in my arms before me while muttering curses.

"Edward Anthony Cullen I can see you," she said in a firm voice that reminded me of Edward's with its teasing, yet cold tone. Edward softly moved my hands away from him as he looked into my eyes. For one brief moment I could see the laughter and teasing fade away and be replaced with ice before he turned to face the woman who had interrupted us.

"Tanya," he said with an agitated sigh as he turned to look at the woman, allowing me to see her as well. She was tall with long curly blonde hair. She was beautiful in an obvious way, yet it was clear there was something more to her with the fire in her green eyes that reminded me of his.

"I have been worried about you," she said as she walked closer just as another woman who was equally beautiful stepped out of the black sports car that was now parked beside my piece of shit Corolla.

"You should be," he replied with an angry scowl as he looked at the woman who stood on the bottom of the steps from us.

"Hmm," she grunted at him, clearly displeased with Edward's response to her concern. I watched her look at the man I had spent the night with while I tried to figure out who she was to him.

"Are you going to introduce me to your friend?" she asked him in hard tone as she began to look at me with hard green eyes that made me sick.

"Tanya, this is Bella Swan," he said in a monotone voice as he motioned towards me.

"Bella, this is my sister Tanya Cullen and her girlfriend Kate Denali," Edward said in a stiff manner while motioning towards the women who were watching us. As soon as he spoke those words I watched as the blonde woman, Tanya, look at me with a bright smile that made me feel at ease and embarrassed all at once as I stood before her in all of my natural plainness.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	66. Chapter 66

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"What the fuck, Bella?" Edward whined as we walked down the aisle of the grocery store together. He had been bitching at me since we left his house with him in fresh running clothes and a bag of clothes for tomorrow since according to him he wasn't done with me yet. It was those words that made me smile since they held so much promise, yet his constant complaining was grating my nerves.

"Seriously, Edward?" I asked him as I turned to look at him once more, pulling me away from list that I had added on to since meeting his sister.

"Why did you invite her to dinner?" he whined as he looked at me with a pout on his lips that made me laugh at him for being so damn ridiculous.

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked him, reminding me that his sister Tanya left me with little options when it came to us getting together. She wanted to and so it would happen even if I didn't. She was very much like Edward in that respect.

"You could have told her that you had plans," he grumbled as he looked at me while giving me a knowing look. I knew what plans he had for us, but I couldn't say that.

"I can't do that," I scoffed as he rolled his eyes at me like an over grown boy.

"You could have told her that you had plans to fuck her brother and she would have understood," he said abruptly causing the elderly woman close to us to turn and stare while I barked out a laugh at him.

"People don't say that in polite conversation," I explained with a laugh as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"You see, that's where you went wrong. There is nothing polite about Tanya," he bitched as he stood there, not moving while I moved on while searching for the coffee I wanted.

"Hmm… sounds like a family trait. No manners, being all pushy and demanding," I teased as he grabbed a bag of coffee filters off the shelf and threw them at me.

"Fuck you, I'm not like her," he said as he pushed the cart close to where I was while I laughed at him.

"Take it back," he demanded as I looked at him with a grin before I laughed at him again.

"What were you saying about not being demanding?' I asked him as he rolled his eyes at me while mumbling how I could go screw myself.

"I could. I bet you'd like to watch that wouldn't you?" I teased as he hip checked me while pushing the cart.

"I would as a matter of fact, but that has nothing to do with the fact that I don't like this and I want you to cancel on her," he said in a serious tone that surprised me since he had been anything but serious since we had walked into the store together.

"Why?" I asked as we continued to walk down the next aisle together.

"Because it's too much, Bella. It's too much and too involved for your to meet my family. I don't want anyone to become attached, you know," he said reminding me in a firm tone as to what our relationship was and what we both had agreed to when it came to our time together.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	67. Chapter 67

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

After shopping we went back to my house. I let Edward carry in the groceries while I put away the food and then walked outside without saying anything to him, but he followed me all the same.

"I'm going on my run now, you're welcome to come along if you want," I offered without looking back at the man who followed me around like a lost puppy ever since our discussion over his sister in the store.

He watched me stretch and then followed suite even though his eyes never left me. I could feel them on me heavy, weighing me down, giving me reason to run. I gave him one last nod and then took off, leaving him behind me. I didn't care that he couldn't keep up. I didn't care that he called out to me, I just kept going. I needed the space. I needed the freedom that this always brought me without the weight that Edward was around my neck.

I ran until the clouds grew dark. I ran as it began to rain. I rain until my muscles burned and I felt sick. I ran until it didn't matter that Emmett refused to leave me and Edward's practical words no longer hurt me.

When I made it back to my house I was spent. I could barely move, yet I felt relieved. I could barely think, but the numbness was welcomed. I staggered up the drive only to be greeted by an angry Edward who stormed out to meet with fire in his eyes.

"Where have you been?" he demanded from me as he took hold of my arms, dragging me towards him as his eyes roamed over my body as if he was looking for some sign of injury, but there was none.

"I was running," I replied breathlessly as I looked at him as I tried to push him away.

"You've been gone for almost two hours," he said in a harsh tone as he half carried me to the house.

"I needed to clear my mind," I said as I struggled to breathe normal again, but was failing.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?" he said as he looked at me with fire in his eyes as he half shook me like he was trying to make me see how upset he was, but it was no use since I didn't care. I had decided on that run that it was best to follow the rules he had created. It was best to remember that this, that he and I were nothing more than consenting adults who were scratching an itch for sex, not a couple. It was best to remember not to form the attachment that he was so worried would happen in the dinner with his sister that was set to happen in a few hours,

"Well, don't be. You aren't supposed be, remember?" I asked him breathlessly as I looked into his angry eyes that burned bright with fire. As soon as I said the words he released me, causing me to stumble backwards with how quickly he let me go.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	68. Chapter 68

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward avoided me as I entered the house and that was fine since I had nothing to say to him. Instead, I headed straight for the shower. I closed the door behind me, locking him out as I stood under the steaming water for what seemed like ages. When there was no more hot water I stepped out and began to get dressed. I didn't want Edward's sister to come over either, but it was too late for that now, so instead I continued on as if nothing had changed since nothing really had.

There was no difference between this morning and now except for the cold reminder of what was really going on here between him and I. Truly, I had no reason to be mad. I knew there was nothing there, but it was Edward was driving me crazy with it. He was the one acting one way and then making demands for another. It was maddening to say the least so if anyone needed the reminder it was him.

Once I was dressed and emotions were properly put in place I came out to greet the world once more half expecting Edward to be gone, but then realizing he would have to either walk or call a cab to leave since he didn't have his car. The thought of him walking back home made me laugh since I could see him doing that just to get away. It was that laughter that Edward was greeted with as he met me in the hallway with a scowl.

"Take that scowl off your face," I said as I quieted my laughter to look at him as I walked by him as if nothing had happened since nothing had happened.

"Bella, I am sorry you're mad," he said as I walked by him causing me to laugh at his words since I wasn't mad. I was far from mad. I had been a little hurt by his cold reminder of what we were, but not mad.

"I'm not mad, Edward. I remember what we are to each other. I haven't forgotten once. It's you who needs the reminder, not me," I said as I entered my kitchen and set about making eggplant parmesan. It was the one vegetarian dish I knew I could make well and since his sister was a vegetarian, that's what I would serve her.

"I do not," he sputtered surprised over my claims as I looked at him with a pointed look while shaking my head at him.

"You do to," I said simply as I set about the simple recipe. It would take me no time to put it together as I prepared the eggplant before sweating it in the oven so I could finish putting the dish together.

"Now, would you mind helping me by cutting up some vegetables for the salad," I said as I motioned towards the cucumbers and tomatoes on the table before him. Edward quickly started to help as he stewed over my words. I could see him with his scowl growing deeper while his eyes went darker.

"How can you say that, Bella?" he said after a long moment of silence between us.

"I can say that because it's true and you can't have it both ways, Edward," I said as I looked up at him as I pulled out the other ingredients for the dish I was making.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	69. Chapter 69

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Tanya arrived promptly at five. It was early for dinner, but I wanted this night over so I was fine with the time, but Edward, on the other hand, was not. As the time got closer to her arrive the more he became a grouchy dick.

"You need to calm down," I hissed at him before I opened the door to greet his sister, but he just rolled his eyes at me in response.

"Tanya," I said with a wide grin as I opened the door to greet her. The woman greeted me with an equally warm smile that reminded me Edward. It was clear they were siblings and I found that to be fascinating.

I stepped aside to allow her to enter my home while waiting for her quiet judgment of my sparse decorating, but instead of looking at the living room she promptly hugged her brother as if she had not seen him in ages before turning back to me with a bright smile.

"Thank you for inviting me over as well as tolerating Edward since I am sure he was not happy about this," she said with a grin as she looked over at Edward's scowling face.

"No, he thought it was a great idea," I responded causing her to laugh out loud as Edward gritted his jaw in what appeared to be anger.

"You lie, but that's fine," she said with an easy grin as she moved into the living room with ease while I followed her, dodging Edward's grasp as I walked past him.

"What a lovely home," I heard her say causing me to laugh as I looked around at the empty room she sat in.

"Yeah, Uhm thanks," I said as I smiled for her while her eyes focused on the collection of angels I had received from the hospital after each miscarriage. Emmett had always hated that they were out on display, but I wanted the reminder of the each life that was lost before it began since they were my children no matter what. He never understood that and I never backed down over them being out for all to see, but as Tanya looked them over I suddenly felt very exposed before her.

"I noticed that your house is for sale," she said as she turned back to me with a grin that was a little too wicked to be innocent as I nodded in response.

"So, you are going to take the job that Aro offered you, huh?" she asked me in a teasing tone as I watched Edward's head jerk hard to look at me with a shocked, yet hard expression in response to Tanya teasing words.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	70. Chapter 70

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Dinner was tense. I had managed to sputter out a response to Tanya, but I could see Edward's anger in his eyes. Why he was so mad I had no clue over. He had no reason to be upset, yet he was and told me so once he was given the chance.

I was in the kitchen grabbing more appetizers when he cornered me with dark eyes and a growl that made my blood boil.

"When exactly where you planning on telling me about this job?" he asked through gritted teeth that just added to my anger.

"I wasn't" I replied in a calm manner that I knew would piss him off and then watched with perverse pleasure as he lost his mind over my statement. I listened to him sputter obscenities while trying to form a conscious thought.

"It's not your place to know until I tender my resignation," I said as he glared at me.

"Aro Marcus is a dirty fucking snake who is a liar, Bella. I wouldn't believe a thing he says," Edward sputtered causing me to laugh as he struggled to discredit General Marcus.

"Laugh all you like, but it's just the truth," he hissed in a low whisper to me as he stepped closer to me, trying to keep our conversation between us, but it was pointless since the silence in the other room suggested that Tanya was listened to every word we said and why wouldn't she?

"You need to calm down," I said with a snicker as I looked at his dark eyes that were wild with anger.

"I never said I was taking the job. Hell, he didn't even offer me a job; he just told me he could get my resume to the right people. That's all Edward," I said as I looked into his eyes, letting him see that I wasn't lying to him, not that it mattered since he was too upset to really look at me anyway before I pushed him out of the way to return to my guest.

AN:

Thanks for reading! Like I told those on my facebook page I am planning on an EPOV. It will not be posted under this story since this is all Bella here. I will post it under the new story name as Covenant of Ash EPOV so that way I can add POV when I feel like it. So, yeah if you're interested place me alert so that way you know when it's posted.

Until later…

Take care,

Mamasutra

xoxo


	71. Chapter 71

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Dinner with Tanya Cullen was like dining with the quiz master. It was question after question to the point where I wondered when the lightening round would be with her.

"So, Bella," she began again as I fought off the urge to roll my eyes over the start of another round of questions. At the sound of her voice I heard Edward sigh loudly to show his frustration over the next round of questions that were pointless.

"Jesus, Tan, leave her alone," Edward grumbled before taking a swig off the beer that was before him to go with dinner.

"No. I want to know who this girl is that you have chosen to spend your time with," she said to him causing me to flinch over her words since they were ripe with judgment and assumptions that were all correct. I listened as Edward barked at her in anger, but she waved him off with a flick of her wrist as if his white hot anger as nothing before turning her cool green eyes upon me.

"I just want to know who you are to my brother. That's all," she said simply with more of a concerned tone than a bitchy one. Her worry for the man who was cussing her touched my heart since it was clear beneath their cold comments to each other she loved him dearly and was just worried about her brother.

"I am no one to him," I responded to her, silencing Edward with my words as Tanya looked at me with uncertain eyes.

"That's not true otherwise he wouldn't be around you so much and he is. He is around you a lot. I know this for fact," she said as she looked at me, waiting for my response, but I had none to give her. Edward was around me, but a lot of our time together was sex.

"I'm his assistant," I replied over Edward's loud barking for her shut up and leave me be, but it was too late. She was pushing and pulling me for an answer; it was an answer that I didn't want to give.

"What exactly are you assisting him with?" she asked me with an eyebrow cocked that reminded me of her brother too much and his all knowing look. It was then that I realized that she knew. I could tell that she knew by how she looked at me, daring me to say it out loud, challenging me to out us as the frauds we were in this situation and that angered me since who the hell was she? Who was she to judge me over this? Or to judge him? She didn't know me and more importantly she didn't understand what was going on between Edward and me. There was no way she understood since how could she if I didn't?

I met Tanya's challenging stare with one of my own as I felt my anger take over, pushing me into being someone I didn't like and didn't want to be.

"Sex and the occasional mundane office work. That's what I assist him with," I said with a wide grin that held a false bravado as if I had won something instead of outing myself as the office whore who was sleeping with the boss. My words resulted in Edward snorting his beer, causing him to choke as he inhaled it into his lungs while Tanya looked me with wide green eyes that sparkled with laughter before turning back to her brother who was drowning in his beer.

"I like her, Edward," she said with a confident tone, while grinning at her brother who was struggling to breathe after my declaration, as if my over the top reaction to her prodding me was exactly what she wanted from me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Next up Epov.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	72. Chapter 72

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

**warning! Not beta'd**

I killed as much time as I could in the kitchen cleaning up, yet Tanya remained firmly planted on my couch at her brother's side. I could hear their soft voices as they spoke, but I had no idea what it was they were speaking of and that made me nervous since I knew some of it had to be about me.

"Bella, why don't you come join us," Edward called out to me in a pleading tone as if he was begging me to save him from his overbearing sister. I should said no, but I couldn't tell him no when he asked so nicely. Instead, I wiped my hands off the dry them, grabbed my cup of coffee and walked in to sit down.

"Butterbean was telling me what happened with Aro," she said as I looked at her confused whiel Edward shushed her.

"Butterbean?" I repeated in the form of a question and then watched as Edward's cheeks flamed red.

"Yeah, that's we called Edward when he was baby. He was a chunky little boy so the name stuck," she said with a teasing grin as I looked over at Edward who was grumbling to Tanya, causing me to laugh over the idea of the lanky man in front of me being anything less than fit.

"Remember we told you that you were so good a swimming because fat floats," she said with a snort as I gawked at her for a minute over her cruel comment. Edward noticed my shocked response with a slight grin.

"Having Tan and Alice for siblings is great, huh?" he asked me with a snort and half grin that made me laugh and somewhat sad as I realized how much I missed out on by being an only child.

"Oh shut up," Tanya said as she swatted him lovingly as he chuckled at her.

"We had to do something to keep his ego in check since once he slimmed down he used his looks to get his what he wanted all the time," she said with mock disdain while Edward elbowed her in response in effort to stop her teasing.

"I never really noticed that Edward was attractive until recently," I blurted out causing both Edward and Tanya's eyes to go wide with surprise before Tanya howled in laughter. She laughed so hard that tears came to her eyes while Edward huffed in anger over my comment as I tried to melt into the floor with embarrassment.

"Oh my god," she muttered as I watched her feeling incredibly stupid for blurting out such a statement even if it was only the truth.

"Oh sweet heart, would you repeat that since I think I want that as my ring tone for when butterbean calls me," she said as she wiped at her eyes while Edward scowled at me in disbelief.

"I like her, Edward. I mean, I really like her. Can we keep her, please?" she asked teasingly as Edward shoved her as they sat on the couch like a brother would do to his sister if they much younger than in thirties.

AN:

Thanks for reading!

Xoxo

Mamasutra


	73. Chapter 73

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"Well, Tanya sure loves you," Edward said after a long moment of silence after his sister finally left.

"Yeah, she told me that after she invited me to lunch," I replied as I stood there, facing him, not sure what else to do or what he would do next.

"She asked me if I thought you were into girls, you know, just in case she and Kate ever break up," he said with a tense smile that set off a fresh round of butterflies in my stomach.

"Well, too bad for her I only like boys," I said as I looked at him and watched as he softened a bit before me as we continued our odd standoff. It was uncomfortable, but the whole day had been uncomfortable with him.

"I mean, it's bad enough I'm screwing the boss, but take on a brother/sister team would only make it worse," I said as I watched him shake his head at me as if in disbelief.

"Oh Bella, have you forgotten? I do not share," he said with a half grin that looked sad as he looked at me with clear eyes that cut me deep with their clarity. It was with those words that he stepped closer to me until he was so close that I could feel him, but we weren't touching just yet.

He looked down at me with sad eyes, hypnotizing me with how green they could be when he looked at me without the ice that typically came with his gaze. I felt his hand slip into mine. It was soft with a gentle grip that made me want to squeeze it. His touch was confident, yet the tremor that I felt in it told me he was uncertain, but that was fine since I was unsure about everything too.

It was that uncertainty that caused me to cling to him when I shouldn't have. It was that uncertainty that caused me to lead him back to my room where he undressed me with soft whispers of thanking me for tolerating his sister. It was still that awkward uncertainty that filled the air between us that caused me to pull him on top of me to hold him while he whispered for me not to leave him as he smothered me with his welcomed weight before snuggling close as he peppered my neck with kisses since we were too tired to fight. We had bickered all day, wasting moments that could have spent doing better things together, so it was with a wordless agreement that we called our truce for the time being.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	74. Chapter 74

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Typically when Edward was in my bed I awoke before him. I savored the feel of his heavy weight on top of me as well as his rhythmic breathing, but this time was different. This time I awoke to the scratch of his chin against my chest followed by the warmth of tongue as it licked a line down my belly.

"Edward?' I questioned in a sleepy voice as he licked a circle around my belly button before dipping his tongue inside while causing me to squirm against him.

"I thought you'd never wake up," he grumbled against my skin as he shifted against me while parting my legs in the process so he could lie between them before continuing his teasing path down my body before just stopping short of where I wanted to feel his mouth.

He was wordless as he moved above me, spreading me apart before looking down at me with lazy green eyes that shined with want as he questioned me. We had no more condoms. We used the last one last night before going to bed so it was either stop or proceed without them. I wasn't opposed to going without them since I wanted him and the fact that pregnancies and I were never easily attained made it simple for me to encourage him on since it had taken drugs and timing to even achieve what little success I had with Emmett.

"Are you sure?" he asked me in a rough whisper that hinted at his need as well while I arched beneath him, pushing him to just do it, to take me, to make me his like he had wanted. I could feel him hard and thick, waiting for my word and with a simple nod of my head he pushed inside of me with a low groan of pleasure, not stopping until he was fully seated within me.

Edward remained still inside of me, letting us both settle into the moment of being so bare to each other. It was stifling with emotion as I pushed back every memory of that I had of being so exposed to another without mentioning his name to wreck the moment. I never wanted to remember tear soaked times with Emmett as I prayed afterwards for something anything to happen. I never wanted to relive those moments again and Edward I wasn't. I wasn't hoping for anything to come of this except maybe a little understanding and a lot of comfort in the arms of a man who seemed to need that as well.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	75. Chapter 75

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Days passed after our weird standoff and nothing changed. Nothing changed and I was fine with that. I was fine with text messages throughout the day and dinner at night. I was fine with Edward in my bed and then his whispery kisses along my back n the morning as he left me. I was fine with him and I told myself that was all that mattered.

I told myself that he comfort he gave me was enough and it was. It was enough to keep me smiling and more than satisfied. It was enough and so was I for him as we created this safe little bubble that we existed in. I was actually lost in that innocence that built around us too lost the notice the first signs of chaos before it was too late to stop it.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until later…**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	76. Chapter 76

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

It was an off afternoon that I was trapped in Tanya's office for lunch. She had insisted upon it and while I had dodged her at every avenue I could not avoid her now. Instead, I was forced to endure a grilled chicken salad while she spoke of her girlfriend.

"What's going on with you and Butterbean?"She asked me with a smile as if she knew, but really there was nothing to tell. We were the same as we d ever been.

"Nothing," I replied as I sat there picking at the salad I had regretted ordering instead of cheeseburger I craved.

Why?" I asked her as I looked over into her eyes. They were the same shade of green as Edward's yet I found them to be intimidating instead of comforting.

"The boy has texted me twelve times, warning me to nice or else," she said and then made a gagging sound as if she was barfing over his words.

"Edward is just worried, that's all," I said as I shrugged my shoulders over her mocking of the man that I was thinking of taking a bubble bath with later in the evening.

"Yeah, but that's it, Bella. He never worries so this is different," she replied as she looked at me with warm eyes. I had no answer for her as I sat there while she waited for me to say something, anything in response to what she was claiming about Edward, but there was time since as soon as I opened my mouth her office door was flung open in a fit of rage.

"Where is he?" the woman called out as she entered the room. She was tall and elegant with dark hair and eyes like Tanya. I didn't need to know her to realize this was the other Cullen sister that I had not met.

"Alice," Tanya half whined as she looked over at the woman who stood there as if Tanya was supposed to do to help her.

"Where is Edward?' she asked her in a clipped tone, ignoring me completely and that was fine. I wanted to be ignored by this woman.

"Did you check his office?" she asked in a weary tone that surprised me.

"Yes, I did," she said in a mocking tone as she rolled her eyes at her sister.

"He wasn't there, but I know he's close," she said as she looked down the hall as if half expecting Edward to appear.

"I'm sure he is," Tanya said as she looked over at me. I knew what she was saying. He would be close because I was here.

"Well, when you see our dear little brother will you tell him that he is expected to show up at his wife's memorial and I don't care how much he doesn't want to," she practically hissed in anger as she looked around the room as if he was hiding in there with us.

"Lauren has been dead five years, AL, let her rest and let Edward move on. These annual reminders do nothing but wreck him and you know it," Tanya said in a cool tone that hinted at her anger over the matter.

"Let him move on," Alice scoffed loudly as if it was funny.

"He has moved on. He lives while my best friend is gone, Tan, so don't tell me how he need to let this go. The minute we let this go is the minute Lauren is forgotten," Alice said in a high pitched tone as I watched the melodrama play out before me like some sick soap opera.

"She will never be forgotten, Al," Tan said in a soothing manner as she looked over at the other woman with soft eyes that hardened immediately as she continued on.

"With that being said, all this madness needs to come to an end for Edward's sake, so for the love of god, just drop it this year ok?" Tanya asked her in a hard tone that reminded me of Edward so much that it gave me chills.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	77. Chapter 77

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I tried blend in the crowd of people that came to honor their friend, yet I knew I stuck out like a sore thumb. I wasn't like the other women here. I wasn't polished. I wasn't perfect. I was far from it, but no one seemed to notice and I didn't care. I wasn't there to make friends or greet people. I was there to see Edward while praying to a god had never listened to me for him not to see me.

I watched the women around me as they milled around the pictures in display of a smiling blonde who looked like she had the world on a string. She looked too pretty and too young to be dead.

"I cannot believe he has the nerve to show up here," I listened to one older woman hiss in low anger, drawing my attention away from the picture of the woman who had married Edward.

"He ought to be jail," I listened to her murmuring before a man hushed her by moving on. It was only as she moved that I saw him.

Edward sat off to the side away from people. He was silent and still as stone. His eyes were dark and looking away from his sister Alice as she cried pretty tears while being hugged by a group of women that I had never seen before in my life. It was a peculiar scene and one that made my heart ache for man who seemed lost in a sea of people.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update later, but tonight is the night that we are going out for our anniversary since my husband did not make it back home from business travel last night until closer to 9, so I'm not sure if I will have time. I will try though : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	78. Chapter 78

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I slipped around the edge of the crowd, avoiding Edward's blank stare as I made my escape. I had barely reached the doors of the small pavilion in the park when I felt a hand grab my arm causing me to jump in fright as I tried to stifle a scream. I spun around expecting to find Edward, but instead it was Tanya with all her elegance that was before me looking angry as she looked down upon me with hard green eyes.

"Come on," she half grunted at me as she dragged me away from the crowd and down the hall until we were in small room that I knew was used as a bride's room when wedding were held there. She waited until we were inside before speaking.

"I know he did not invite you here so why don't you tell me why I found you in the crowd," she said in a hard tone as she looked at me.

"I…Uh…I needed to know," I replied stupidly as I looked at her.

"You needed to know what?" she asked me again in a hard tone as I looked at her while feeling stupid for going to this function.

"I needed to know Edward, ok?" I shot back at her in anger. My words softened her as she stood before me.

"I needed to know what was tearing him apart inside and he never tells me. It's off limits, but I can't…" I stammered, stopping myself before saying the words out loud that I refused myself to even think.

"You can't what?" she asked, pushing me, goading me to speak, to tell her every dirty secret that I held close to my heart.

"I can't stand to see him so hurt. I can't stand to see him burning inside over it so I needed to know why, ok?" I said in a softer tone, letting my defenses soften as I let go of some of the anger inside of me while allowing myself to worry over a man who was to mean nothing to me.

"DO you care about my brother?" she asked me in a soft tone as she looked at me with green eyes so like Edward's that it amazed me. I had refused to think the words since admitting that I cared for him took away what little control I had in the situation since if I said I cared then it changed it all. It changed it and us from random hook ups or revenge sex to something more, something real. I wasn't ready for something real. I wasn't ready to care about someone or be concerned when I could barely function on my own. I couldn't love another if I could barely love myself, not that I was in love with Edward. I couldn't be. It would be too much, too soon and would cut me too deep; yet looking into her green eyes so similar to the man that I dreamed of at night I could not stop myself. I could not stop the words from spilling out and revealing my mistake.

"Yeah, I do," I whispered to her, surprising myself with my own soft confession.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	79. Chapter 79

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I watched Tanya as she looked at me as if she was trying to figure me out while we stood in our odd standoff over Edward.

"He never told me about this. He…We agreed upon not speaking of our past," I continued on as I rambled.

"It was easier that way and this between us… is…is complicated enough," I stammered on as the woman looked at me with dark eyes that were measuring me and my words.

"Complicated," she scoffed at me as she rolled her eyes.

"He doesn't know I'm here, right?" I asked as I felt a spike of nerves over the idea of Edward knowing that I was here.

"No," she said with a sigh as she watched me. It was a tired sigh; one that told me she was exhausted over the whole dramatics of the affair.

"What is all about?" I asked her as my curiosity took over. I needed to know why five years later there was still a memorial going on. I needed to know why Edward sat alone during the train wreck that was meant to remember his wife. I needed to know why he was blamed for the death of another by some here.

"Lauren Mallory Cullen was a proud member of society and my sister's favorite lap dog," Tanya said with a hard edge to her tone and bitter look on her face.

"All she ever wanted was to be a Cullen and she died to make sure she stayed that way," Tanya continued on bitterly as I gawked at her.

"She never loved him. I know it. She all but admitted it to me," she continued on in harsh tone as I stared.

"She hated me and with good reason because I knew who she was, not the bullshit image she projected for all these sheep that followed her," she practically growled at me.

"What..." I stammered on, not sure what to say or what question to ask for concerning the woman who was Edward's wife.

"She wanted the name and all that came with it, Bella. She never wanted Edward, but she sure as hell never let him go. Even now she doesn't let him go," Tanya said as she looked at me with dark eyes filled with rage towards a woman who was long gone. Her words were haunting and dark even as they burned with her rage.

I was lost in the meaning of her words when there was a loud knock on the door.

"Tan, Edward is looking for you," a woman called out to us without opening the door to face us. I watched as Tanya's face paled for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"Listen, I'm going to have Katie help you out of her while I keep Edward busy," she said as she wringed her hands nervously for a moment.

"But…" I stammered on. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know why people blamed it and what was this great hold she had over him, but Tanya turned towards the door instead of letting me finish my thought.

"I'll make sure he makes it back to you tonight," she said before stepping back out into the hall to leave me behind to go be with her brother.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

"


	80. Chapter 80

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

At home I let the silence swallow me. It was nice to not have to focus or think, yet every time I tried to let that silence take over and numb me I couldn't. I couldn't get lost in a book or thought. I couldn't focus beyond the dark green despondent eyes of Edward as he sat there looking out on to a crowd of people who avoided him like the plague.

It was tragic to watch him miss her. It was tragic and horrible in the aspect that seeing this only made me want to know more. I wanted to know why he continued to endure the madness that his sister created. I wanted to know why Alice Cullen-Whitlock insisted on a yearly reminder when I had no doubt that Edward remembered her each day. I wanted to know more about this woman who created this love around her that she was to be celebrated every year.

I tried to focus on the book in front of me, yet I found myself on line googling a dead woman as my curiosity got the best of me. It took all of two seconds to find her obituary.

_Lauren Elizabeth Mallory-Cullen_

I read about how she was called home and the many great accomplishments in her short life. Every detail was listed from beauty pageants that she won as a child to being homecoming queen. It was odd and over the top display that left me feeling sick as I read on about a woman who had left a path of sorrow in her wake.

I read the article as it mentioned Edward as her beloved husband and Alice as her best friend. I read about every family member that was left to honor her memory as well as the ones who had gone before her. Never once in that list was a child mentioned like Vickie had had told me about.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	81. Chapter 81

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

It was as I settled under the hot spray of the shower that I felt the first inklings that I was not alone. I could feel his eyes upon me before I could see him standing in the doorway watching me with an empty look upon his face.

I pushed open the glass door to wordlessly invite him in to join me. It was a simple act and one I had done before, not that he ever had time in the morning to shower with me, but this was different. I was in there washing away the tension and darkness that came with the night. I was washing away the memories of a woman who was gone, yet held the key to too many questions that were racing through my mind.

I watched as Edward moved slowly, almost stiff like as he came closer to the glass door. His hands moved with a slight tremor as he untied his tie before letting it drop to the floor. I wanted him to rush, to hurry to be with me since all I wanted in that moment was to bury myself in the man who was a mystery to me.

His eyes were dark as he shed his clothes with little emotion until he was finally bare before me and stepping into the oversized shower that had insisted upon when the bathroom was remodeled.

I pulled him to me with a hard tug until I was able to hold him close. His hands moved slowly against my skin, causing me to shiver with how cold they felt as well as how lightly he was touching me.

"You're like ice," I murmured against his chest as he pressed his nose into my wet hair while his arms wrapped around me.

"I was outside," he whispered back over the loudness of the spraying water, as if it made sense for him to be outside when to me it didn't.

"Well, you're here now," I replied back lamely as I held him close, letting the water and my body warm him while I struggled with my heart as it beat wildly against my rib cage with fear and joy that he had come back to me since I wasn't sure which I wanted when it came to Edward.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update more today : )**

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**Mamasutra**


	82. Chapter 82

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Sleep was hard for me that night as Edward crushed me beneath him as a human pillow. He was in no mood for sex that night as he joined me in the shower, which was out of character, but that was fine. I wasn't sure if I could handle it or not since my mind was every where but where it needed to be with him.

It was in the middle night that whatever weiught that pinned Edward down finally released him as he thrashed about in his sleep until finally he awoke and met my tired gaze with a sleepy one of his own. He seemed out of sorts as he grabbed hold of me, pulling me to him as if I had tried to escape his reach.

It was wordlessly that he pulled me to him, pushing clothing out of the way and tossing it across the room to gain access to my skin as if he was a desperate man. It was unnerving since EDward was never desperate. He could be demanding, but never desperate. I allowed him whatever he wanted as I fought back the choking tears that threatened to spill over as I felt the panic in his touch until he finally pushed inside of me with a low groaned that sounded more pained than pleasure filled.

I held on to him as he took what he needed from me while I urged him to. I tugged on his hair, pulling him, pushing him until he finally collapsed ontop of me, out of breath and sated from whatever emotions that left him panicky and in need for my touch.

It was with murmured words that made no sense that that he remained on top of me. He held me beneath him as my legs locked around his waist to hold him in place against me as he nuzzled at neck until he drifted back to sleep with what little peace he had found within me.


	83. Chapter 83

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I awoke to the feeling of the bed jostling while a phone rang. It wasn't my ring tone so the sound a shrill ringing was enough to pull me out of the deep sleep that I had found after being with Edward from earlier that morning.

"Sorry," he murmured as he tossed his phone back on the night stand before lying back down beside me with a groan. He had barely settled beside me when my phone began to ring. I had no time to react before he scrambled, grabbing my phone and answered in an angry huff.

"There! Now you know so leave me the fuck alone!" he growled into the phone as I watched him hang up on whoever had called for me. My startled expression sobered him enough to look slightly embarrassed, yet didn't take away from the cockiness that I knew to be Edward as he met my gaze.

"It was Tanya," he said as he lay back beside me as if it was common place for his sister to call me.

"How…" I said with a yawn before finishing my thought.

"She probably pulled your information off your file," he answered as he pulled me closer to him before draping his leg over mine to hold me in place as his human pillow.

"None of you Cullens are very ethical are you?" I teased as I felt him laughter against my frame before I could hear it.

"I think the word you are looking for is driven," he said with a sleepy laugh as his hand skimmed along my rib cage before cupping my breast in his one hand.

"Yeah, whatever," I replied as I yawned again as I snuggled against him while he groaned in a tired manner. He had to be exhausted since he barely slept. I knew this because I had barely slept as well. His tossing and turning mixed slow sex was too much to sleep through, not that I would have anyway.

Edward rolled away from me as if he was going to get out of bed, but I clung to him instead. I wanted him there with me. I wanted more time with him when he was sleepy and cuddly before the walls we lived within came back up to separate us. I wanted just a few more minutes before he became Mr. Cullen.

"Stay with me," I whispered to him, feeling horribly vulnerable as I did since it was plea for him to remain with me more than just physically. It was a plea for him not to shut me out like he always did.

"Bella, I…" he stammered softly, showing me the cracks in his resolve to leave me once more.

"Stay. Take the day off, Edward," I said in a more firm tone as I scrambled to sit up to hold him against me.

"I can't," he whispered in a tone that almost sounded regretful as I wrapped my arms around him from behind while letting my chest rest against his back as my chin rested on his shoulder.

"Yes you can. It's your company. You can do whatever you want," I urged as my fingers trailed over his ribs while causing him to shiver under my ticklish touch. My words made him pause, telling me that he was at least considering my idea.

"What would we do?" he asked me in a soft voice that hinted at excitement as I smiled against his skin as I noticed how he naturally assumed I would take the day off as well.

"Whatever you want," I whispered suggestively against his should while hiding my grin since I had feeling that Edward was not a gracious loser and this was a victory for me.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	84. Chapter 84

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"You suck at this," Edward teased as I struggled to keep up with him, but he continued to swim loops around me.

"You know, when I said we could do whatever you wanted today I figured spend the bulk of the day on my back with my legs above my head," I said as I splashed him as he swan by.

"That's later," he said with a laugh before returning to swimming laps as O swan lazily on the other side of the pool. This continued on until during my lazy span of just floating and ignoring him as I tried to relax in the water he pulled me under with a hard tug that scared me shitless. When we both emerged above water I swatted at him as he laughed at my reaction.

"You're an asshole," I sputtered as I tried to breathe while he laughed at me, but it was hard to stay mad at him when he sounded that happy.

"Yeah, you've said that before," he chuckled while pulling me close to him until I was pinned between the wall and his body.

"You're just jealous of my mad swimming skills," I teased making him laugh even harder as he wiped the water off his face.

"Oh, yeah, that's it exactly," he snickered at me as he pinched my side causing me to yelp.

"I mean, what's not be jealous of?" he asked me mockingly while I rolled my eyes at his teasing.

"You are, so just admit it since we both know I swim like a fish," I said firmly as he shook his head at me.

"You, Swan, swim like a rock. It's horrible really," he tsk'd as I pushed him away from me to get out of the pool, but he pulled me back in. After a moment of struggling against him we just settled into the comfortable silence that surrounded us.

"So, this is your parents' place," I said as I looked around the indoor pool that was decorated in a nautical theme and littered with pictures of a younger Edward at swim meets.

"Yeah,' he replied with a shrug as if all people had parents that had an indoor pool.

"They had it built for me when I had taken in an interest in swimming," he continued on as he looked at me as if it was no big deal and maybe to him it wasn't, but to me it was huge.

"Yeah, when I took an interest in writing my dad bought me a moleskine. He didn't add a writer's room on to our house," I said only to be splashed by Edward.

"Aw, poor little rich boy…Daddy built him a pool so he could swim whenever he wanted," I teased and then waited for his splashing, but it never came. Instead, I was greeted with a cold gaze and hard smile.

"My father was nothing but an overbearing asshole that had to control every aspect of my life," he practically hissed as his eyes moved from mine to look around the environment we were in surrounding the pool.

"None of this was for me, Bella. It was all for him, trust me on that one," he said in a low tone that still hinted at his anger that he was trying to mask with a sarcastic tone.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading**

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**Mamasutra**


	85. Chapter 85

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I walked through the empty house that was more like a museum than home. I could not believe this was where Edward had grown up, yet it clear that he had as he told story after story about some memory he had concerning a room or a vase he broke, or some cat fight his sisters got into. He was lighter when he spoke of his mother or Tanya, but would turn dark or bitter when Alice or his father was mentioned. It was clear there was quite the divide in emotions when it came to his family and maybe that was way he distanced himself from them so often.

I followed him upstairs whining that we were going to get arrested since his mother was not home, but he assured me he had used his key and his mother would not care if he was there. I wasn't sure about that, but it did lead me to a nagging question that I had from the previous night.

"Hoe did you get into my house last night?' I asked him as we climbed the stairs together.

"A key," he responded as if it was nothing and it would not have been anything except I had never given him a key.

"How?"I questioned him.

"I took your key you left at my house," he replied as he turned to look at me as if he was challenging me to deny that I had left the key there. I had left my key there. It was dropped off my real estate agent after a showing and I had forgotten about it until now.

"I was hoping you'd be doing something naughty when I came in," he said with a devious grin, but I knew better. Last night he was not in the mood for devious. He just needed warmth and I was there to provide that for him.

"Well, there's always next time," I replied as I elbowed him and listened to his soft laugh as he finally stopped and opened the door at the top of the stairs before motioning for me to enter before him.

The room was large and the walls were painted a dark maroon, not that it mattered since the walls wer4e all covered in skate poster and band announcements. It looked disheveled, yet homey and quiet clearly boy like.

"This is my room," he said with a half grin as I looked around at his desk that was clean, but had book on it and a book shelf filled with swimming awards while medals dangled down over the edge. It was as if his mother never came in here after he left home and that to me was precious since she had left it as it was for her son.

"So, where did hide your dirty magazines?" I asked him as I moved away from the shrine to his swimming achievements to the over sized double bed in the corner that was covered in a black plain bed spread.

"Pervert," Edward said as I sat down on the bed before motioning for him to join me

"Who said I had dirty magazines?" he replied with a grin that made me laugh at him as he sat by me while looking more boy like than like the man I knew.

"Because you're you and I know how much you enjoy boobs," I said as he laughed at me before rolling his eyes with a tired sigh.

"They are under the bed or at least that was where I left them," he said with a grin that was too sweet to be on his face as he looked at me with eyes too green to ignore.

"Why? Do you want to look at them? Is that what does it for you Bella Swan?" he asked me, teasing me as he pulled me back so I was laying back on his mattress while he shifted so he was half above me.

"No way; I like boys, you know that," I said as I brought my hand up to brush his hair out of his eyes since he was desperate need of a hair cut even though I liked it a little longer.

"I have a confession to make," he whispered to me with a warm, teasing grin that made my stomach do flip flops inside of me as he looked at me like that.

"What would that be?" I asked him in what I had hoped would be a teasing tone, but it just came out all breathy and nervous like. I laughed loudly at myself as he tried to silence me by pressing his finger against my lips. But it came across more suggestive then reprimanding.

"Would you be serious for a moment? I'm trying to confess something here," he said with eyes that were bright with laughter while he gave me a serious look that screamed sarcasm as I bit my lip to prevent the giggles that were threatening to escape me over his mock seriousness.

"I hired you without looking at your resume because I knew you," he said with a grin and then waited for me to speak, but I had nothing to say since I knew it wasn't true.

"You did not," I managed to stutter to him as he smiled brightly while shaking his head yes at me.

"I did," he said firmly, with a cheeky grin that made me nervous as I lay half beneath him.

"You went to public high school. You were a freshman when I was a senior. On the night of my school's homecoming game a ref made a bad call in favor of my team and you jumped on to the field to confront him," Edward said with a bright grin as I struggled to remember what the hell he was talking about since I had attended all of Emmett's football games and was known to lose my cool over bad calls.

"You screamed at him, threw that ugly stocking cap you were wearing, and kicked dirt at him," Edward said with a snicker while the memory of that came rushing back. I did remember that night. I remembered that night since the ref was nothing but a dirty cheater making bad calls on my team while letting the other get away with holding and excessive force. It was bull shit and the after Emmett took an especially rough hit I lost it.

"I believe you called him a dirty fucking cheater," Edward said with a snicker as I rolled my eyes at him while trying to down play my embarrassment over my bad behavior.

"The ref tried to have you arrested and you punched him," he continued on as I hid my face while Edward pried my hands free so he could see me.

"The chief of police came then carried off the field and it was fucking amazing," he said as he laughed at me.

"I had never seen someone so passionate over something," he said as I shook my head.

"I'm not like that anymore," I replied as I shook my head again.

"You are. I've seen it in you. Mind you, most of that anger is directed at me, but I've seen it," he said with a grin as I felt my face go red over a memory of a girl who had little filter and no control.

"He was a cheater," I whined as I looked at him, willing him to understand my craziness.

"That ref was cheater and you were too damn cute," he said with a snicker as I felt my face go red over his words.

"I found out who you were, but then backed off when I realized that you were a freshman, because… well, you know, I was a senior and I was too cool to be seen with a freshman," he said in his best cool guy voice that caused me to laugh at his stupidity while muttering to him that he was a douche bag.

"My dad would have killed you if you had come near me when I was fourteen," I said as I tried to laugh off my embarrassment as he laughed at me.

"He wouldn't have been the only one," Edward said with a laugh that was off as he pressed closer to me just as I pulled him closer.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	86. Chapter 86

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Time with Edward was different as we lay together in his room. He was told me stories about high school and his swimming meets. He spoke of his sister Tanya and how she was kicked t catholic school for getting caught making out with a girl. He spoke first car and the first time he had sex, but he never mentioned names. It was different since I was seeing this other side of Edward, a side I had seen in pictures of Vickie's year book, yet he never mentioned Lauren. I would ask him questions since he was so willing to share and while her name was on the tip of my tongue I could bring myself to wreck the moment by actually saying it. I could not be the person who took that smile off of his face as he spoke of good times before responsibilities set in, so instead I just listened. I listened to the sound of his voice as he laughed and spoke of nights out friends. I sighed as he pressed me into the mattress with kisses along my neck, but never my lips. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close as he told me that he had never had a girl in his room before and then listened to him laugh as I called him a liar.

"I told you, I don't lie," he said as he pulled away from me to look at me with a smile that was warm and contagious since it made me want to smile as well.

"Never ever?" I questioned him, trying my best to give him my evil eye as if that would make him tell me the truth.

"Never," he said solemnly as he looked at me with deep green eyes that had flecks of gold. He was so serious that it made me laugh out loud at him.

"You're a thirty-two year old man, Edward, and you want me to believe that you never stayed here with another girl?" I asked him, hinting, giving him the perfect chance to confess a night here with his wife.

"I told you never," he said as he looked at me with a slight grin that hinted at his irritation of my lack of belief in him.

"And you want me?" I asked him, teasing him, knowing that he wanted me by how he held me and how he felt against me.

"I told you, I've always wanted you," he said with a grin that was far from innocent, yet not wicked enough for situation we were in as we laid wrapped together on his bed.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	87. Chapter 87

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

**warning! Not beta'd**

We left Edward's parent's house after along half assed make out session that never included a kiss on the lips which only made it kind of weird as he kissed me everywhere except my lips. It was awkward and hot, just so like Edward that I could not complain even if I did want his kiss.

It was little discussion that we agreed to a low key night of take out and a movie. He wanted quiet and it was still his day so that's what we would do. It was that thought that lead us the grocery store to get candy while we waited for our Chinese take out to be done. It was while wondering through the aisles together that he started to ask me about my past. He wanted to know about my life and who I had been before all of this.

"I don't know what to say," I said as I looked at him while he gazed at the candy as if he was deciding on what to get, but I knew better. He was waiting for my words. I knew what he was doing and why. He had told me about himself. He had broken his own rules by telling me about his past even though it was a much sanitized version of it.

"Just tell me what you want me to know," he said without looking at me as I watched his eyes bounce between a bad of peanut butter cups and M & M's. His words were telling without him saying anything more.

It was with his words I told him about me in high school. I spoke of speech and debate championships as well as state placements. I told him of a hard earned valedictorian spot as well as a scholarship to college. I spoke of working at diner and friends that no longer spoke to me. I told him everything except Emmett and how every decision I made from the age of seventeen on was all based on what was good for Emmett as well. It was during these conversations with Edward that I discovered that he did not lie, but he was far from the open book he claimed to be, not that it mattered since I had not told him everything either. He didn't need to know every bad decision I had made or the times that I had put everyone before me. He didn't need to know about my weaknesses or why I was refusing to let him dictate everything to me since I had lived that way for ever. It didn't matter and because of it we could live in state of half truths and neck kisses that made my knees weak.

**AN:**

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**Until later…**

**Mamasutra**


	88. Chapter 88

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I stood before him in my panties and bra while straightening his tie, but his eyes were clearly on my chest.

"Will you be over tonight?" I asked him even though I knew the answer already. He had been over night since the night of his wife's memorial. Ever night he had been at my dinner table, on my couch and in my bed.

"You know, I think you help me out the door to work each morning barely dressed just so I have to return here at night to have you," Edward said as his eyes roamed over my skin, watching my movements as I smoothed his tie.

"No, that's why I wear hot pink. I know how much you like it," I said with a smile since that was the truth. He did like the hot pink panties and bra. He liked them a little too much, so much that I worried about his fetish with them.

"I do like the hot pink. It makes you look innocent and we both know you are far from innocent," he said with a teasing grin before he winked at me.

"Asshole," I mumbled as I tugged his tie tighter to choke him whiel laughed at me.

"We've never tried that, but then again you never struck me as an anal type of girl. Who knew?" he teased as I shoved him away from me as he pulled his tie free from how tight I had it on me.

"Shut up," I said as he laughed at me as he grabbed at my hands to pull me towards him once more.

"I like the pink on you because it looks nice against your skin, weirdo," he said as he pulled me against him with a laugh as I pushed against him, but it was pointless since he was holding me too tight, not that I was really fighting against him. He continued to hold me, not caring that he would be late to work. He had stopped caring about the time days ago; instead he now took his time to leave me each day. He held me until I gave up the fight and just held on to him as tight in return so we were locked in a tight embrace that was far from normal. It was always moments like this that made him smile and I had learned to love that smile of his since it was so bright it filled the room.

"I gotta go, even though I'd love to stay and fight you some more," he said as he slowly let go of me.

"You're just scared because you know I'd win,' I said in a haughty tone that made him laugh at me while I stepped away from him so he could go about his day.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Swan," he said with a grin as he stepped closer towards the door to leave me, but I stopped him like I did every day since he came to house and not left.

"You'll be back; right?" I asked him in an honest tone, letting him see my vulnerability as well as the clear advantage he had over me by me wanting him to come back. I looked at him and waited for his smart ass response like what he's typically give, but just like every morning that I asked, he answered me just as honestly.

"Of course," he replied with a teasing grin, yet the promise was there in his voice that he would return to me. It was just enough to quell the uneasy feeling that would sometimes fill me whenever I realized that I was too dependent on a man who could leave me without any warning just everyone else had before him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I have plans to update more today…**

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**Mamasutra**


	89. Chapter 89

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The morning crawled slowly by and as it did I did not hear from Edward. He was unusually silent. Most days were filled with his nonsense and requests, but this morning it was quiet, too quiet really, and it was that silence that put me on edge until the shrill ring of my cell phone ended it.

"Bella, I need you to be a doll and grab Edward some clothes," I heard Tanya say as I answered with a stuttered voice of surprise.

"What did he do? Spill coffee all over his shirt again?" I asked with a snicker as I thought of the day he called me cussing while explaining that he needed a new shirt since he dumped his coffee down the front of him like a dork.

"No, he got hit on the way to work. He's at the hospital, but he needs…" she said as she rambled on, not that I was listening to her. I had stopped hearing her voice after she said he had been hit and was at the hospital.

I got off the phone as the numbness settled over me. I moved robotically as I grabbed a new shirt and some jeans that I had just folded from the laundry and tucked them under my arm. I left the house and could not remember if I had shut the garage door behind me, but did not turn around to find out for sure since the need to see Edward as pushing me forward.

What started as a gnawing feeling was a full blown ache in my chest as I parked in the emergency room overflow parking across the street from the hospital. I got out of the car and practically ran into the building, not caring that that I was in a skirt and heels since I was set to meet with Tanya concerning another job prior to her phone call that morning.

The emergency room waiting area was empty for a Tuesday morning, yet there was no receptionist there to greet me or direct me on my way. I could see a police officer on the other side of a door with glass windows who looked bored as he leaned against the wall behind him. I looked over the empty desk before as if someone would magically appear, but there was no one and no call button to push to get any one's attention. Minutes seemed like hours as I stood there waiting for some help until finally Tanya appeared on the other side of the door where the police man stood.

"Come on," she called to me as if she was irritated that it took me so long to get there even though it had barely taken me any time at all. I wanted to ask her if he was ok, but I couldn't form the words right so I just followed her while listening to grumble, but not listening close enough to hear what she was saying.

She led me back to a room at the end of the hall. As I approached I could hear Edward's angry tirade sending a wave of relief crashing over me as I realized that he was ok, or at least he was ok enough to be yelling at someone.

I walked in the room and found him sitting on a stretcher. His khaki pants had smudges on them that were dark as if he had wiped his dirty hands on them, but that's not what caught my eye. It was his white shirt that was covered in rusty colored blood. It spilled down the front in a pattern as if it had been poured over him. I followed the pattern up to find his nose swollen and covered with medical tape and a brace. His both of his eyes were slightly swollen and turning a sick shade of purple as if he had been a fight, but I could see the white anger in his eyes as he hissed into the pink phone that was clearly not his. His hair stood on end and was a stark contrast to the white bandage that was wrapped around his head like he was a Revolutionary War solider. He looked hurt. He looked ridiculous covered in bandages and dried blood while growling at someone over the phone. He looked very much alive and I was weak with relief over that.

I stood before him, twitching with nerves and the sick, sinking emotion that he would stir up inside of me from time to time that left me unable to breathe. It was a horrible feeling that left me feeling weak and there was nothing worse than feeling weak.

Edward turned toward me with an exasperated look as he motioned towards the phone as if to share his frustrations with whoever he was on the line with. It was only then that he stopped his growling and stared at me. I tried to stop shaking as he looked at me, but I couldn't; it was like I was being drawn tight like a bow.

I waited as he looked at me with worried look, not moving or speaking. His eyes were dark, but there was a softness to them that made the ache inside me intensify to the point of being painful. He motioned me closer with a bandage covered hand and with that I launched myself at him, practically knocking him backwards on the gurney he sat upon.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	90. Chapter 90

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I wasn't sure how long he held me while I clung to him, sobbing into his neck as he rubbed at my back while trying to soothe me. His touch was calming and so was his scent even if it was mixed with smell of dried blood.

"You know, you're wrecking my shirt with your snot sobbing," he teased in a plugged nose voice that made me laugh as he rubbed at my back. Hearing his harassing tone made me pinch him just so I could hear him yelp in response.

"Stop it, I've had a very rough morning," he said just as a nurse came into to check on him. I stepped back, yet with Edward's hand upon me I was not allowed to go too far from his side. I listened as she said that the doctor would be in to release him since there were no other injuries.

"Well, you can thank Kate later for going through your piece of shit car to get your phone," Tanya said as she walked in just as the nurse walked out. I hadn't realized that she had left in my breakdown of tackling Edward since he was somewhat ok.

"My car is not a piece of shit," Edward said firmly, but Tanya just gave him a dirty look in response before launching into how it crumbled like an accordion before telling me how Edward was hit by a man who had fallen asleep at the wheel and crossed the center line to hit him head on.

"You're lucky it was just your nose you broke," she grumbled, sounding too much like her brother who was just ignoring her.

"You act like I caused the accident or better yet, like I did it on purpose,' he hissed at her in an attempt to sound intimidating, but it was impossible for him to sound scary the way he was.

"I never said that, Edward," she said softening as she looked at him.

"I just worry about you and clearly so does Bella," she said as she motioned towards me. The mentioning of my name caused Edward stiffen against me. I knew this bother him. We have broken our own rules, but it was an entirely different thing to have others know about it.

"I was worried," I defiantly as I pulled away from him while wiping at my tear stained cheeks while Tanya looked at me with a challenging look as Edward waited for me to explain.

"I'm just sad he hurt his pretty face. I mean, it was all he had going for him since his personality is the way it is," I said seriously as I felt Edward ease into my side with a slight laugh.

"Here I thought you were crying because I wouldn't be able to breathe through my nose for a while so how knows long it will be before I'll be able to go down-" Edward said in a teasing tone that hinted one of his favorite pass times for when we were alone before Tanya stopped him with a loud groan that was a mix of displeasure and disgust.

"Hey, don't be jealous," he said just as she shoved him causing him to rock against me.

"Oh Jesus," she muttered as she shook her head at us as I felt Edward's hand in the small of my back before she started towards the door while saying she was on her way back to the office.

"You know, you two can act like assholes over this, and try to down play the fact that you both care, but you're fooling no one; not even yourselves," she said in a haughty tone as she gave both a pointed look before leaving us alone once more.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	91. Chapter 91

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I walked a gruesome looking Edward out to my care who was too tired from pain killers and sore from a car wreck to really complain. We walked with me wrapped around him, half supporting him and half letting him hold me close until we made it to my car.

I watched as Edward carefully got into the car as if he was battered from his car wreck before shutting the door as I stood thee watching him, unsure of how to assist him.

"Get in the car, Bella. I want to leave," he called to me through the glass window with a tired look as he motioned me on with the wave of his bandaged hand. He had jammed a finger along with breaking his nose when the air bag in his car deployed, saving him from serious injury, yet harming him in the process of it all.

I walked around and got in just as my phone chimed with missed calls. I had left it in the car along with his clothes in my haste to find him. He grabbed my phone to check on it while I started the car.

"You know, I never check your phone," I said as I turned to grab my phone out of his hands. He was slow from the pain medication so I was able to take my phone back without the usual game of keep away that he liked to play with me at times.

"That's because you're too honest, too trusting. You would never do it, but me I'm not that good, Bella. I am far from being that good," he said with a sleepy grin that made me want to laugh at him, yet his words were damning. He knew me. He knew that I never checked up on him and while I never had a reason to, his words made me want to. His words were like the seeds of doubt in my mind making me wonder about a man I had never wondered about before.

I scrolled through my phone to discover six missed calls. Five were from so called friends that stopped calling after the funeral of my son since my loss made them uncomfortable and the sixth was from my real estate agent. I ignored my friends and called my agent back while Edward sat there listening to my conversation. There had been an offer on the house. They had offered ten thousand under my asking price, but by taking it I was still making money and was able to get out of my mortgage so I readily agreed. Plans were made and within a month's time I would be homeless, yet mortgage free. It was perfect and frightening all at once.

"Who was that?" Edward asked me as I waved him off just as my phone rang again. It was Angela Cheney, one of my closest friends who had stopped calling me after I buried my son. She wasn't the only person who suddenly had nothing to say to me, she was just the person who hurt me the most.

"Hey," I said as I answered the phone while not bothering to hide my disinterest in talking to her. I had nothing to say to her either.

"Oh, hey Bella," she said in her sickeningly sweet voice that suddenly made me feel sick to my stomach. She waited for my response, but I had none for her so after a long awkward moment she spoke again.

"I was calling since I wasn't sure if you had heard or not, but Rosalie and Emmett's little boy didn't make it," she said in sad voice that was far from sincere. I closed as I felt the ghost of old wounds and past hurts cut me deep while Angela babbled on about a surgery to correct a defect and the child being too weak to survive. It was tragic and while I may dislike the baby's parents I would never wish that pain upon them.

"Anyway, some of us were going to chip in on flowers and make a few meals, and since we were all friends once I wanted to give you the option, but no one expects you to help out after how everything worked out for you," she rambled on nervously as she revealed her lame reasoning for calling me even though we both knew it was a lie. She had called for gossip. She had called for my reaction. She had called because she was a heartless bitch just like all the other women I had thought were my friends.

"Yeah, I'll think about it, Ang," I lied to her, knowing that I wanted no part of their fake sympathy and or gossip.

"Listen, I gotta go," I said and ended the call without another word to the woman who was just heartless enough to call me for reaction to another tragic loss that was too close to my own.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	92. Chapter 92

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I watched Edward sleep as he crashed out on my couch. I had suggested that he go back to bed, but since I refused to go with him, he just laid down on the couch to watch me as I went about my day. He had fallen asleep almost as soon as he lay down even though he had protested that he was just fine. It was almost comical how fast sleep had found him.

I listened to his soft breathing and his murmured words as he dreamed whatever dreams while I continued to make plans. I needed to a place to stay. I needed to figure some things out as far as what I would do now that I had options and money to act upon them.

I had canceled on my meeting with Tanya after Edward's car accident. She understood and was quick to reschedule, but not before emailing me back my resume upgraded in a manner that would make job hunting easier.

_"I went ahead and sent in your resume to the contact that Aro gave you," she said to me as I waited in the hallway while the doctor came in to check on Edward one last time before releasing him._

_ "You should have asked me first," I said as I felt a rush of anger towards her for over stepping her boundaries._

_ "And if I had would you have agreed?" she asked me with a cocked eyebrow that added fuel to my fire._

_ "Bella, it's a great opportunity and you would be a fool not to try for it," she said as she looked at me with a pleading look as she smiled nervously over her mistake while reminding me without even really knowing that she had of all the times that I had lost opportunities over Emmet. I had promised myself that would never happen again, yet I wasn't even considering that job since it would take me away from Edward. I was falling back into the same trap, just with a different man and that would not do._

_ "No, I'm sorry," I mumbled as I stood there looking at the woman who was just trying to help me move on and that was rare since no one had helped me in ages._

_ "I just…" I stammered as I tried to explain myself, but she interrupted me._

_ "It's ok, I understand," she said with a nod towards the room where Edward was being seen. No other words were exchanged since anything more would have been damning._

I sat down on the couch and shook my head to clear the guilt that was creeping up on me over the idea of applying for a job that would move me three hours away and not telling Edward. I reminded myself that I was not obligated to tell him any more than what he was obligated to tell me anything, but it just made me feel bad. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was too trusting, too good to do anything that would be considered wrong, or maybe I cared. Maybe I cared about the man and didn't want to leave. Maybe the idea of leaving him made me feel empty and I hated that. Maybe I was just fucking stupid for caring about a man who didn't care beyond what was good for him in return.

I was lost in thoughts of a job that wasn't mine yet, but I already felt guilty about when Edward's phone vibrated on the coffee table in front of me. It was text from Tanya. I could see it clearly as it came up on his screen just as his dick head words from earlier mocking me for being too trusting and that was why I never checked his phone. It was that anger towards the sleeping man that caused me to grab his phone and slide to unlock it.

Edward did not have his phone password protected so it was easy to look into what was a mini version of his world. I looked though his blank calendar that only had the occasional birthday listed in there to his text messages. There was two people whom he texted and would text him in return; Tanya and myself. I didn't need to read my texts to him, but Tanya's were interesting. She was pressuring him to talk. She wanted to know about me and it was shocking how little Edward told her about me. I wasn't offended, but I was surprised.

I looked at his music and giggled at his play list that consisted of '80 new wave music. I marveled all the songs and the difference genres. I looked through t all while smiling since in a way it was like getting a glimpse into who Edward was when no one was looking.

After giggling my way through his music collection I opened up his pictures. I expected pictures of family, but there was none. I expected older pictures of his wife, but she was not in the file. The only pictures he had in his phone were of me. Me a work. Me at the club laughing with Jamie. Me lone for lunch. There were only three of them, but they were telling and somewhat sad since it hinted at his loneliness as he watched me to me while mine was visible through the pictures he had taken on the sly.

**AN: **

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**Mamasutra**


	93. Chapter 93

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward awoke just as I was setting his phone down with a shaky hand. He only had pictures of me. It left me feeling breathless and kind of sick since it telling. It told me that he had watched me before ever approaching me. He had known about me long before I had ever realized him. It made his approaching me for this fucked position I was in with him even more messed up somehow.

"What are you doing?" he asked me with a yawn as he opened his bruised eyes to look at me. The air bags had done a quite a number on him by breaking his nose along with the different cuts and scrapes they gave him. He looked horrible and adorable all at once as he looked at with sleepy eyes.

"Nothing," I replied as I tried to look as innocent as possible, but I was never a good liar so he soon picked up on my uneasiness.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as he motioned me closer.

"Tanya texted you. She said she would be over later on with dinner," I said as I repeated back his text while hoping that it could end there instead of me confessing to going through his phone.

"Good," he murmured softly as he motioned me closer and that was fine since I wanted to be closer to him.

"How's your face?" I asked as I kneeled on the floor before him while gently pushing his hair off his forehead without disturbing the bandage he had there.

"Deformed," he said with pout that made me laugh.

"Poor Edward," I teased as I ran my fingers through his hair softly while making him purr under my touch.

"Now you're going to have use your wits instead of your rugged good looks to get by," I said with a smile as his eyes opened to look at me with a grin.

"You think I'm good looking?" he asked me in a teasing tone as I continued to touch him while hoping that my touch was somewhat soothing.

"You know I do," I replied as his smile grew wider.

"You know, it's ok to give me a compliment every once in awhile, not that you ever do," he teased as he reminded me that I never complimented him. I would have to change that if it made him smile like this.

"I wouldn't want all those compliments to go to your head. I mean, I bet it's hard enough for your neck to support all that ego you have now without adding to it," I teased him while earning a sleepy laugh.

"You are so cruel to me," he mused as he smiled in response to my words.

"I know, but you love it," I teased as he snickered in response. The room fell silent between us, but it wasn't a horrible silence. I had lived through horrible silences and this one was far from it. It was comfortable, but most things with Edward were.

**AN:**

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**Mamasutra**


	94. Chapter 94

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I was lying next to Edward on couch with his arm slung around my waist when asked me a question that gave a pause to think.

"What do you want for your birthday?" he asked me in a sleepy yawn that made me yawn in response. I couldn't see his face as he waited for my response since I was lying with my back to his chest, but I could feel the slight tension in him as he lay there behind me.

"Nothing," I replied as I closed my eyes once more. I wasn't about to ask for anything when I hadn't gotten him anything for his birthday three months ago.

"That's not true. Everybody wants something, Bella. Tell me what you want," he said in a low husky tone that caused a shiver to go down my spine since there was so much I wanted with him. I wanted his skin against mine and to feel him inside of me, but almost more than that, I wanted the truth. I wanted to know what he hid from and way five years later he was at a memorial for a wife that I had never seen a picture of in his office or home. I wanted to know what had burned him alive so that he had seek me out, not that I minded him coming to find me since I needed him as well.

"Tell me," he whispered as he carefully pressed a kiss against my neck with his split lips that looked painful. The words were on the tip of my tongue as I felt his breath wash over my skin warming me as he held me close.

"Do you want to go on a trip? I will take you anywhere you want?" he asked as I shook my head no while trying to think of how I would ask for the truth without having to share mine.

"Tell me what you want and it's yours," he said while fighting back a yawn.

"I can't," I whispered as I tried to think of how to phrase what to say.

"You can. I want you to," he said simply as if by his words it would be so and that made me smile as I struggled in his arms to move so I could his battered face as he made this ridiculous promises to give me whatever I wanted, even if he had no idea how much or what it would cost him.

Once I was turned so I was facing him I looked into his eyes. They were still dull from medication, yet there was a glimmer to them that told me that the offer he was making was a good one.

"I didn't get you anything for your birthday," I said as I tried to give an explanation for my stalling instead of just saying that I was coward who couldn't ask for the truth.

"You did though. You made me cake, Bella," he said with a goofy smile that made me laugh at him.

"Laugh all you like, but no one has ever made me a cake before. Not even my own mother. She always bought them and they were nice, but there's something about making them that shows…" he said and then paused, which was fine, so I continued for him.

"That you care," I finished for him as he nodded in response.

"That's not a good enough reason to jet me off somewhere," I teased as I watched his eyes in response.

"Tell me what I can give you," he said in a soft whisper that hinted at so much more and there was so much more of him to give. I wanted it all too. I wanted his secrets and whispered truths. I wanted to know why he hurt so badly and what divided his family. I wanted it all, but with him so close to me, holding me, whispering for me to tell him what I wanted; what I needed I could only think of one thing that I needed and it was the one thing he had refused to give.

"A kiss," I whispered back to him without another thought while knowing that was all I wanted for my birthday from this man.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! I plan on doing an EPOV as the next up date so come look for that under my name with the story title of Covenant of Ash EPOV.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	95. Chapter 95

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Time passed and as it did nothing really changed, yet everything did. I never attended the funeral for Emmett's son. I had been to enough funerals to last me a life time, plus this was his loss to mourn, not mine. I found a new place to live. It was a small apartment close to the down town and perfectly affordable. Edward complained about it that it was too small or the lack of safety since there was no doorman, but I reminded him he didn't have to stay with me and that would shut him up. All that was left for me to complete was the closing and that occurred without a hitch leaving me a free woman who was able to better plan her future now that there was no mortgage around my neck.

Changes in my life weren't the only changes I was finding. I had found since my birthday wish Edward and I walked on glass with each other. He knew I wanted a kiss, a real kiss. I had been clear as I explained what I wanted since I knew him well enough that if I left it as a kiss only he would kiss my nose or forehead and say that was it. I made sure to specify and the more I specified the more irritated he would get.

_"Why can't you just be happy with what we have?" he whined one night as he pulled me closer to him on the couch. This was his way he handled things, pulling me close with his hands while shoving me away verbally._

_ "I am happy," I replied with a grin that made him scowl._

_ "You asked me what I wanted and I want a kiss; a real kiss on the lips. A good one, not one of those mashed face things that you would give a hated aunt, but a real honest to god kiss," I said as he looked at me with a worried scowl that made me snicker_

_ "The better question is what are you so scared of Cullen?" I teased him as he huffed in anger, but truly was my question. What was there to be scared of since it was just a kiss? What harm could come from that?_

It was that conversation played over and over again leading up to my birthday, yet Edward never answered my question. He would just scowl or distract me, yet no matter what he did to change the subject the question lingered in the air around us.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	96. Chapter 96

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

My birthday night Tanya planned a small party for just the four of us. She was in an exceptionally good mood and it all had to do with the interview I was offered t the base where General Marcus worked. It was a good job with good benefits. I would finally be using my law degree concerning their contracts. It was everything I had once dreamed of, yet it felt off.

"You need to tell him," she said as we stood together in the kitchen while Edward sulked by the table as Katie tried to make him smile.

"I will, just not tonight," I said as I watched him with a sigh as I could not believe he was acting like this over a damn kiss.

"You better or I will," she warned with a look that reminded me too much of him.

"Where's your mother in all of this?" I blurted out, finally asking her the question that I had been trying to avoid, but I wanted to know where she was in all of this odd mess of a family.

"Dear old mom left the states as soon as dad was buried, and now is living it up banging young scuba instructors in Aruba, not that I'm judging her at all. I mean, she put up with dad and all of his bull shit for years so I guess she's due for some happiness," Tanya said with snort of laughter.

"Your dad?" I questioned since I had her cornered here while Edward was busy. He would never tell me about his dad except for what an unpleasant man he was.

"Dad cheated on her with everything in a skirt that was willing. I think the final straw was the last one, I know it was for Edward," she said with a sigh, but before she could elaborate, Edward appeared.

"What was for Edward?" he asked her as he stepped closer to me, handing me another bottle of beer before pulling me against him. He had long stopped being shy around his sister and her girlfriend when it came to us.

"A smack to the mouth if you don't produce Bella's birthday gift so I can see that I gave her something better," Tanya said with a wicked grin as she shoved at him like a sister would. They were competitive and this was no different than anything else between them.

"She will get her gift later and I doubt she would want you to watch since she has already declined the offer of a brother/sister threesome," he teased as Tanya rolled her eyes just as I elbowed him hard in the side causing him to grunt in surprise.

"Fine, you win. I can't compete with sex," Tanya said in a huff of displeasure while rolled my eyes at her as well.

"Well, I could… If you'd let me," she said to me with a teasing grin that was oddly seductive and just enough to creep me out.

"No, thank you," I said in tone a made it clear she had won if her plan was to freak me out while Edward snorted in response.

"Ignore them, Bella. I always do," Katie said with a playful look for the siblings as she took me by the hand and pulled me from the small kitchen to leave Edward and Tanya to bicker on their own.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	97. Chapter 97

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The apartment was quiet as we came back to what was now my home. Edward had been silent on the way home, so silent it caused my nerves to spike as I waited, not knowing if he would give me my birthday wishes or not.

"Stay here," he said with a half grin as he motioned for me to stay where I was in the middle of the room while darted off towards the kitchen.

I walked over the couch and sat down while I listened to him clanging around the kitchen until it all fell silent.

"Are you sitting?" he called out to me to which I promptly responded with a loud yes. It was it in the darkness of the room that I watched as he entered with a candle covered cake burning brightly. I giggled as he began to sing _Happy Birthday_ to me off key while walking to me. It was sweet and just so Edward like that it left me hurting over how kind he could be when he wanted to.

I watched as he sat the cake down on my beat up coffee table with a wide grin.

"Make a wish," he said as I looked over the store bought cake that he had gotten for me. I closed my eyes as if I was thinking, but really I was just prolonging the moment since I knew disappoint was sure to follow. I knew better than to believe that Edward would give in. He had dragged his feet and fought with me over the idea of the kiss so I knew better than to believe that he would come through on it. When I could avoid it no longer I opened my eyes, took a deep breath and blew out the candles as Edward cheered softly for me with a grin on his handsome face.

"What did you wish for?" he asked me as we pulled twenty nine burned candles off the cake so we could eat even though I wasn't hungry. My stomach was a ball of nerves and bitter disappointment over a rejection that had _yet_ to have happened.

"No, you don't Cullen," I said with mock indignation as he looked at me with a surprised look as I shook my head at him.

"I know you're game, asking me what I wished for because you don't want it to happen and that's just evil, Edward," I teased as he laughed at me.

"Well, that's where you're wrong, Swan. I always want you to get what want," he said with a grin that was soft and open. It was the first one like that I had seen since I had asked for the kiss. I acted fast and moved, crawling across t space between us until I was straddling his lap. I watched with a grin as his eyes went wide for a moment before the grin on his face took on a lustier look as his hand promptly came up to hold my hips in place as sat upon him.

"That's not true since if you did then you would kiss me since that's what I want," I said and then listened to his groan that was a mix of want as his body reacted to mine and the displeasure of me mentioning a kiss he was dragging his feet over.

"Bella," he groaned as he looked at me with a frustrated look, but I was not about to let this go.

"Edward, why don't you want to kiss me?" I asked him as I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice with my question and for the most part I did keep that hurt out.

"Bell, I never said I didn't want to," he said in soft voice as he looked at me.

"I do. I want to kiss you. I think about it all the time. I wonder what your lips would taste like and how soft they would be," he said as his eyes seemed to focus on my mouth, causing me to react by biting at my bottom lip nervously until he pulled it free from my teeth.

"I do want to, Bella. I really, really do, I just…I just don't think I should," he said as he looked at my eyes once more with a soft, yet guarded look that made my chest ache over his senseless refusal.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	98. Chapter 98

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat straddling his lap while we stared at each other in this odd standoff of sorts.

"Why shouldn't you?" I asked him and he just shook his head as if he could not believe what I was asking of him.

"Bella, none of this is simple and all I wanted was simple. This was supposed to be simple and it just…" he said in frustrated tone as he pulled at me as if he was trying to remove me from his lap, yet he wasn't trying that hard.

"It is simple, Edward," I said as I struggled to remain on top of him.

"It's just a kiss," I said in a soft tone as I brought my hands his belly and chest where I was steadying myself back to his shoulders as he looked at me with a wary look upon his face.

"How much more simple can it be?" I continued as he watched me with dark eyes and the same look he would give me when I knew he wanted me. He sat up so we were practically nose to nose as he shook his head no at me.

"No, it's…" he said but I stopped him.

"It's intimate, I know, but are we not intimate now?" I asked him as I looked into his eyes willing him to see it from my view point.

"Do you not practically live with me?" I asked him as I held his gaze, daring him to deny where he spends his nights.

"Do we not have sex?" I asked him and felt my face turn red over my own words even though it was pointless of being embarrassed with this man.

"Have you not used my tooth brush to brush your teeth? Which is gross by the way and don't do it again" I said him and then watched him half grin over that since he knew how much that bothered me when he did that.

"We are intimate," I said as I looked at him with his half grin that was nervous and dark. Edward was never nervous. He was confident. He was arrogant, but nervous? Never.

"What are you scared of?" I asked him as I watched his eyes linger on my lips for a space of heartbeat before looking back at my eye.

"What if I can't stop?" he asked me in a low whisper as if this was a serious concern, yet it wasn't serious enough to stop him from moving closer to me until he was so close we were so close that he could rub his nose along mine in a teasing Eskimo kiss that was too sensual for such an innocent act.

"What if I…" I said slowly, but was silenced as his lips met mine.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	99. Chapter 99

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

His lips were warm and soft against mine. He did not move them as it was more of test than a kiss. He abruptly pulled away and looked at me with wide green eyes, reminding me of the boy who was lurking inside of the man in the small space between us. His breath was warm and came in a gasp like mine as we just sat there; gawking at each other for a moment while I tried to focus on the fact that he had indeed actually kissed me.

"Edward, I…" I stammered, but was silenced again as he kissed me once more, except this time it wasn't so much a shock, but a teasing surprise as he began to move his lips against mine sweetly.

Every time he would break out sweet kiss I would try to speak until he finally growled against my lips in irritation as he ended yet another kiss that left me breathless with its underlying innocence.

"Swan, you talk too much," he whispered playfully in a breathless tone against my lips as I looked into his eyes that were dark and deep. They made me want to know what thoughts were going on behind them. They made me want more, but before I could say another word his lips were on mine again, kissing me with ease as he urged me to open my mouth beneath his, as if I needed the urging.

I felt Edward's hands slide along my hips upward, feeling me until his fingers were tangled in my hair, holding me to him as his tongue tangled with mine. It was teasing, it was suggestive of what was to come, and I was absolutely lost to everything, but him.

My hands fisted in his hair pulling him closer as I swallowed his low moans, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough that his tongue was wrapped around mine. It wasn't enough that I was now pinned beneath him, being crushed into the couch as he kissed me as if stopping would end everything. It wasn't enough to grind against him and taste the hiss he would give me as I sought out the friction I needed from him. It wasn't enough that the air breathed in at short gasps was the same air he exhaled. It wasn't enough as we lay tangled together, fighting to get closer, yet no matter how close it just wasn't enough.

Our clothes came off in rough tugs and hard pulls until we were skin against skin. Edward's mouth would wander, dip to my breasts to kiss or suckle, but always returned to my mouth as if he could not stand not kissing me. He kissed along my body until he was jerking my legs part with a wild tug, exposing me before licking me with a hard swipe of his tongue that nearly made me fall of the couch as my body arched in response to his tongue.

Edward steadied me before continuing on his frantic pace, he was pushing me to come, and as wonderful as what his tongue I needed more. I pulled his hair hard until he finally looked up at me, causing my words to sputter as I noticed who black his eyes were and how wild he looked as he greeted me with his face between my legs.

"Please," I sputtered like an idiot unable to tell him I needed him now, but it didn't matter. He understood. He moved quickly back up my body, kissing my skin along the way until he was above me. I pulled him down for a kiss, tasting myself on his lips with a moan that made him shudder in response as he slowly pushed inside of me until there was no space between us at all.

His pace was fast and hard. It was claiming and so perfect that it hurt, but in such a good way that it left me breathless before I captured his lips once more. We kissed awkwardly and deeply, not wanting to give that up, as we struggled against each other, seeking that release from the fire that seemed to swallow us whole with the act of one kiss until there was nothing left but the bliss that comes with reaching such a high.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	100. Chapter 100

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I crawled out of bed from under Edward's arm, leaving him sleeping in the bed as I sought out the long forgotten birthday cake he had brought me. I was hungry and for once it wasn't for him.

I found the cake on the coffee table, burnt candles still in it from where I had made my wish. I looked at them and shook my head. I was expecting him to kiss me. I wasn't expecting it all, but I should have known to expect the unexpected when it came to Edward.

It wasn't so much that he had kissed as what it was that he continued to. He kissed me after we had sex. He kissed me as we stumbled down the hall to my room. He kissed me as we lie in bed until he was hard and ready once more. He kissed me like a man that had been starved and the thought of that made me sad since I was left wondering how long had it been since Edward had allowed himself to be close to another person.

I was lost in thoughts of Edward and his hungry kiss when I felt familiar warm arms wrap around me.

"What are you doing?" he asked me in a sleepy whisper that made me smile as he pressed closer with his nose in my hair.

"Go back to bed," I said as I wrapped my hand around his as it rested wrapped around my waist.

"I can't sleep without you, you know that," he said with a yawn that made me yawn as well. He was wrong. I did not know that.

"I just wanted some cake," I said as I turned in his arms to face him. His eyes were half open and his lips were swollen from our kisses making them look all the more kissable. His hair stood on end and the purple bruises under his eyes from the car wreck were all but gone leaving him with a slightly crooked nose that added to his charm somehow.

"How long has it been since you kissed someone?" I asked him, knowing that I was breaking one of so called rules, not that it mattered since our rules were gone. They were tossed to the wayside with every shared past story and soft kiss that we exchanged earlier. There was nothing left of our rules and nothing to stop me from asking.

"What time is it?" he asked me as he looked at me with a guarded look that he was trying to down play with humor.

"Before you, it was two years, maybe longer since there was no kissing needed to get pregnant," I said in a soft voice since I hated telling him this because it was like admitting my failure as a wife, but I did it anyway. I laid my truth on the table for him in hopes to hear his.

"Pregnant?" he questioned in almost a breathless tone.

"Yeah, it was invitro so he didn't even need to be in the same room. We… We were failing apart then, but I refused to acknowledge it. I can be very stubborn at times," I said as I thought back to those moments with Emmett. I had known then that our marriage was on shaky ground, yet I kept telling myself to focus on the prize. I believed that if I had a child then it fix it all. I was wrong.

Edward watched as I told him about parts of life that I had never shared before. His eyes were open and clear of sleep as my words seemed to have shaken him awake.

"It didn't work out," I said without going into detail of a fragile pregnancy that resulted in a still birth. I wasn't ready to share that. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready to share that with him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he looked at me with sad eyes as if he was truly sorry that I did not get what I had wanted.

"Six years," he said quickly as if he was almost embarrassed by his confession. I stared at him in shocked over how long it had been since he had kissed anyone.

"Don't look at me like that," he said as he held my gaze with a challenging one of his own.

"You know as well I do that when you let people in close is when they hurt you the most," he said as if his explanation was sane enough to explain away closing people out.

"I do," I replied as I looked at him, biting my tongue from telling him how wrong that was, but I couldn't because it would make me a hypocrite since I had done the same thing.

"You know that I would never hurt you, right?" I asked him, willing him to see that I wasn't like whoever hurt him before.

"Yeah," he replied with a firm nod of his head, but I could see the doubt in his eyes as he looked at me before he leaned down to quiet me with a kiss.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I guess I have to explain this since there seems to be some question over it… ok…. A true drabble fic is fic that written with only 100 words per chapter. This is clearly not a drabble & I have never claimed that it is. This is a fic with short chapters. There is a difference.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	101. Chapter 101

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd*

The apartment as quiet as we sat together eating cake. He had slipped his boxers back on while I stole his shirt to wear since I felt ridiculous sitting there naked.

Edward was quiet, too quiet really. I knew he was thinking, but what it was that was taking his attention I wasn't sure.

"In vitro, huh?" he asked me out of the blue while breaking his silence. I hated talking about this, but I knew if I didn't, then neither would he and I wanted to know. I wanted know why he would close himself off the way he had done. I wanted to know why he struggled so much and why Tanya worried like she did over him.

"Yeah," I said with a mouth full of cake.

"The doctors could never really explain why I couldn't keep a pregnancy. Uhm... this was their solution. They felt if they could control the quality then there would be a better outcome," I said lamely as I looked at him, feeling exposed more than I ever had in all the times he had seen me bare.

"You had been pregnant before?" he asked me in an almost clinical like manner.

"Yes, five other times before the last one," I said as I swallowed the bile that was slowly rising in my throat as I exposed my past layer by layer to him. It was making sick to sit before him with every failure on display. I was not a failure. I was one who strived for perfection, yet this was the one area I could never master.

"Did you ever have a child?" I asked him with a nervous breath while bypassing the question about his wife. I watched him for reaction. I knew there had been a child. I knew this from Vickie, yet Edward did not flinch. He stiffened before me for a split second, but then returned to normal.

"No," he replied with a slow shake of his head as he looked away. I wasn't sure if he was lying to me or not.

"Do you still want children?" he asked me, shocking me with his question since we have had this discussion before at the start of our so called agreement. My eyes met his and I could see he was serious even under the odd humor he was trying to cover it with.

"Why? Are you offering?" I asked him in what I hoped was a teasing tone as I poked at his side, making him squirm in effort to avoid answering his too heart wrenching of a question. He didn't need to know that I would always dream of that since there are something better left unsaid.

I watched his eyes lighten with my teasing, taking away the tension from his features as I smiled for him.

"Well, you know me, Swan, I'm a giver like that," he teased, as I laughed at him, knowing damn well that he was full of shit, while pulling me over by the shirt I wore to give me a chocolate laced kiss.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	102. Chapter 102

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"Butterbean seems exceptionally happy," Tanya commented as she sipped her tea. She had called and set up an afternoon get together as she so called it, but I knew what it was. She was checking to see if I had told Edward about the interview and I hadn't. I had let the days slip by since my birthday without mentioning a word to him about it since we were too busy kissing and whispering secrets to each other for me to care about some interview. I honestly could not see telling him because it didn't matter. I had gone to the interview and felt I had done well. Edward had no idea that I had went. He thought I had left town for the day to meet my mother, which was not a total lie. I had gone to meet my mother for a late birthday lunch, he just didn't know that I had interviewed prior to the lunch date.

"What'd you do? Agree to anal?" she asked me bluntly, trying to startle me with her bold question, but I knew her well enough now to see through it and her. This was her way. She liked to tease and so did Edward. It was family trait they shared that I often was on the receiving end of.

"Well, if you knew how big your brother's cock was you would know I would never agree to such a thing," I replied with a bright grin as I watched her fake gag over the mention of Edward's cock. I knew this would shut her up immediately.

"Why do you always have to go in for the kill?" she said as she scowled at me.

"You know I can't handle your comments like that. I mean, his my baby brother for crying out loud," she said as she threw her napkin at me in fake disgust.

"One would think that you would learn never to mention sex to me, especially considering you know I am with your brother like that, yet you never learn," I teased as she rolled her eyes at me before laughing at me. It was moments like these I could see the family resemblance between her and Edward the clearest.

"All kidding aside, he's happy and so I thank you for that since I know that's you," she said in a humble manner that almost made me cry.

"But I know you haven't told him about the job," she said with a worried sigh as she looked at me with a concerned look.

"It doesn't matter," I replied as I shook my head at her, but she continued on.

"It does and will matter to him," she replied with a firm tone as she looked at me, daring me to deny it. She was right, but to me it wouldn't matter since I could not see taking the job if they offered it to me. I could not see leaving him and as much as I hated that at times, it was just the truth.

"I'm serious Bella, he will flip his lid over this," Tanya continued on, warning me, as I ignored her while thinking of the man that was just down the hall, waiting for me since he knew I was in here with his sister.

"Look, they haven't offered me the job and who said I was taking it even if they did?" I asked as I stunned her into silence with my response. I watched as her eyes went wide before she looked back at me with a stunned look.

I knew this was the best time to ask her since I had her stunned stupid with my truthful response.

"I need to know something and Edward won't really tell me, so I'm asking you instead," I said as I watched her narrow her eyes at me as if she knew where I was going with my line of questions.

"I need to know about her since it will tell me why he is the way he is," I said firmly as she looked at me with that same stunned look upon her pretty face.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	103. Chapter 103

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Tanya looked at me with a defiant look and grin as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't you dare tell me how this isn't your story to tell," I said to her as I looked at her with a half grin as I watched her face fall for a split second before going back to that same smart ass grin that I knew all too well.

"I need to know," I repeated as I looked at her while she remained silent.

"I know he was married. I know he was…he was hurt somehow," I said as she started to shake her head no at me.

"I know this and I need to know…" I said as I started to stammer before her while she looked at me with a critical eye.

"You need to ask Edward," she said as she looked at me.

"I have been and he's not talking," I said as she cut me off.

"Give him time," she replied as she met my gaze.

"I'm not a patient girl," I replied back as she looked at me with hard eyes. I knew she knew. I knew she was aware of what had happened, or what he had skirted around with me. I just needed her to talk.

"Bella, nothing is easy or simple about this and you really need to hear from Edward, not me," she said as I growled with frustration over her response.

"I know I need to hear from Edward, but I want to hear it from you. I want to know about this woman and why… why Edward is so closed off to everything," I said as I looked at her with wide eyes of frustration.

"Surely, you can understand why I need to know," I said lamely as I looked at her.

"You care about him?" she asked me in blunt manner that was just her ways as I nodded in agreement.

"You know I do. I just can't take this…" I said as I stammered out trying to explain this odd game I was playing with Edward where he would talk and then say nothing at all.

"I can only tell you what I know. I can't tell you how it affected him or what happened when I wasn't around. You do understand this, right?" she asked me with a tired sigh as she looked at me in a skeptical manner. I nodded in agreement since I could not find the words to speak for her.

"Lauren Mallory. She just won't go away no matter what we do," she said with a tired sigh as she looked away from me to grab her cup of tea.

"She was a….hanger on, if you know what mean," she said as she looked at me with tired eyes, but I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Lauren was one of those girls who would have done anything to be in the so called in crowd," she said with a sad shake of her head.

"She did do anything," she said with a dark tone that suggested she was speaking of Edward as she looked at me with a meaningful look.

"She kissed Alice's ass to the point where it was disgusting," she said with a winkled nose of disgust.

"It was Alice that set them up together," she continued on with an eye roll as I waited, listening to every word she said.

"Lauren was an idiot and would do anything to keep him. It worked out well for Edward for a while," Tanya said with a wiry grin as she looked at me as I sat before, unsure of what to say as the image of Edward with this girl.

"He left for college, and she stayed here. It should have ended there, but then she went and cried pregnancy," Tanya said with a sad snicker as she looked at me with eyes too similar to Edward's as she looked at me.

"Our dad fucking lost his mind. Lauren was never good enough for the Cullen name, according to him, but that didn't matter now. She was pregnant with a Cullen and Edward must learn to be a man," Tanya said in a mocking authoritarian tone that was supposed to be her father.

"An over the top lavish wedding took place six weeks later," she said as she rolled her eyes over it.

"I knew she was fucking lying, but no, Alice was all _Lauren would never lie_, what the fuck ever," she said as she shook her head in anger as she mocked her sister while I just sat there stunned, yet not stunned by this information.

"Any way, they got married, Edward went back school and Lauren stayed here," she said as she waved her hands in the air as if she was dismissing the whole thing with a flick of her wrist.

"Why didn't she go with him?" I asked since that just didn't make any sense to me.

"Bella, she never loved him. She loved what he could do for her and at college, he was no one. He was just another student who was on the swim team, but here in this town he was Edward Cullen, the future of Cullen Industries and she was now Mrs. Edward Cullen," Tanya said with a fake grin as she looked at me as if I was missing the point, and maybe I was.

"The first time he tried to leave her was when it was clear she had lied about the pregnancy," she said with a sigh before taking a drink of her tea.

"She took a whole bottle of pain killers," she said with a sigh as I gasped in surprise, but she shook her head in response.

"Nothing happened. It was all for attention. She threw up blood and cried a lot," Tanya said in a cold tone that surprised me.

"You don't know that it was all for attention," I said as she looked at me with weary eyes as if she knew all too well how wrong I was.

"I do. That was what she did. Everything was for attention or for approval from Alice," she said as she looked at me with a half grin that was too sad to be teasing.

"Bella, sweetheart, I know you will find this hard to believe, but there are people out there that are joy stealers. They are vampires who feed off of the human spirit. They live off of other people's misery. They thrive on it. They can't be happy unless you are not. That's exactly what she was, sweetie, make no mistake about that. Her happiest moments came only when Edward was at his most miserable," she said with a sad smile that aged her beyond her years.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will post the rest of this in a bit.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	104. Chapter 104

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Tanya walked across the room and emptied both our cups before refilling them with fresh hot water and new tea bags.

"Lauren was not a nice person and she feed off the fact that Edward was too nice," she said without looking back at me.

"She tried other things. She tried by offering him a sham of a marriage to keep the Cullen name. That was smart move since it bought her his college years after his first suicide attempt," Tanya said as I gawked at her.

"He would try to distance himself and she was fine with it until he decided to go forward with a divorce," she said in a flat tone as she looked at me while handing me the fresh cup of tea.

"She would make these attempts on her life and then afterwards beg him to take her back," she said with a roll of her over dramatic green eyes.

"It was a wicked cycle that lasted for years," she said with a sad shake of her head.

"I would beg him just to walk away, just to let her do it since there was no way she was actually go through with it," Tanya said with a hollow laugh.

"After college things seemed to settle down for them. Edward moved back and for once they both seemed to making an honest attempt at their marriage," Tanya said with a snicker that made me nervous.

"He worked hard to make the plant better and Lauren did what she did best being the wanna be socialite that she became," Tanya continued on as she looked out the window.

"I don't know if he was ever really happy, but he seemed ok so I was ok with it," she said with a frown as she turned back to me.

"Things started to change a little. Lauren seemed happier and with a happier Lauren that meant a happier Edward," she said with a smile that was far from real.

3 "I should have known that something was up, but I was just so happy to see him happy, that I just… I just over looked it and hoped for the best," she said with a sad smile.

"It wasn't long until Lauren announced her pregnancy," Tanya said in a harsh tone as I looked and waited for her continue.

"Edward was out of his fucking mind happy. He may not have liked his wife much, but the idea of a child was something he was thrilled about," she continued on before taking a sip of her tea.

"The pregnancy went well, except the due date kept changing. I think that was the first clue that something was off," she said with a shake of her head.

"I mean it was for me and every time I said something Edward would just brush me off. He was more in love with the idea of being a parent than what she was and that was worrisome to me," Tanya said with a frown.

"I think he was just trying to find something to be happy about," she muttered as she looked away from me.

"I don't know how what happened but one night while fighting, Edward attempted to leave and Lauren chased after him like the idiot she was. She fell down the stairs and that was it," Tanya said without emotion.

"She miscarried and Edward was devastated, but not Lauren," Tanya said with a harsh tone.

"She was indifferent about it. She was almost cruel to him over it as if it was his damn fault that she chased him. It was ridiculous," she spit out in anger as if she was reliving the memories.

"She somehow let it slip that the baby wasn't his," she said with almost gritted teeth.

"I think she couldn't wait to tell him that it wasn't his; that she was banging daddy dearest and the baby was a Cullen, just not his," Tanya said with an angry sneer as I sat there, stunned into silence over it.

"I told you that our father was not a nice man and Lauren, with all of fucked up baggage, was just right up his sick alley," Tanya said as I sat there fighting off tears over a horrible situation.

"Needless to say, Edward lost his fucking mind over it. Him and dad got into a screaming match that ended with daddy having a broken jaw," Tanya said with a snicker as if she was proud of Edward's reaction.

"After dad he went back to Lauren and told her that it was over. That it had been over for years and he was done. She screamed at him that he couldn't divorce her and that she would die a Cullen," Tanya said with bright eyes that burned with her anger.

"She called him and told him she was going to kill herself if he didn't come back to her," she continued as I sat there on the edge of my seat waiting for the words that I knew were coming.

"He told her to do it and hung up," she said with sad laugh as she shook her head.

"I don't think that she actually meant to kill herself," she said in a quiet tone as my breath escaped me.

"I think she thought he would come running since he always did when she made those threats, just not that time," she said in more of whisper as it was some secret, yet it wasn't.

"When he did finally come home he found her. She had slit her wrists and was barely alive. She died not long after making it to the hospital that night," she said in soft voice that hurt to listen to.

"The bitch left the most horrible good bye letter blaming him for her death," Tanya said as she shook her head while I found myself wiping at the tears that had started to fall over this mess of a story she had told me.

"Alice, that evil fucking cunt, she waved that letter around everywhere as if it was her fucking place to do it. She held Edward completely responsible for the death of her so called friend. Every year she demands her pound of flesh from him by making him and everyone else remember that horrible person. She will do it until Edward tells her fuck off, or outs the lying cunt for what she was even if it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but he won't because he honestly believes it's his fault," she said with a loud laugh of disbelief and pain as her eyes became glassy with unshed tears.

"He thinks it's his fault the crazy bitch actually got the job done. He takes all the blame, Bella and because of it, he continues to let her control him even from the fucking grave," Tanya rambled on as her anger took over while I sat there letting Edward's past settle over me like the dead weight it was.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I knew someone who ended their own life by accident. It was a cry for help and was aimed at their boyfriend who broke up with them that night. To this day, twenty years later, he still blames himself for her death even though it wasn't his fault.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	105. Chapter 105

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I walked out of Tanya's office with tears in my eyes, but not before promising not to tell Edward what I knew.

_"He'll be so pissed," she said as she looked at me with a guilty look as if she suddenly regretted telling me about a past that anchored her brother down._

_ "I won't say a word," I whispered to her as I wiped at the tears that would not seem to stop as I stood up to leave her and the heavy atmosphere of her office since it was crushing me._

_ "I know you won't," she said as she looked at me with a soft look that almost reminded me of the pitying looks I had received after the death of my child._

_ "Loving him is hard. He makes it hard to love him, but I promise that some where underneath all that guilt he carries around his neck like a fucking noose is the guy he used to be. He just needs helping finding a way to let it go," she said in a soft tone that was meant to soothe me, yet it didn't._

_ "I never said I loved him," I replied, sounding flat to even to my own ears, as looked into the mirror on her wall, trying to wipe at the mascara smudges that came with my tears. My eyes met hers in the mirror and she just looked at me. It was a look that told me she was biting her tongue. She had more to say. She was going to challenge me over my statement and I waited for her words, but they never came. _

_ "Ok," she said calmly, but I could see she doubted me, but refused to say more._

As I made the walk that separated her office from Edward's, I could feel the weight of his secrets dragging behind me. They were heavy and cold. They pinned me down emotionally and by the time I made it to his door I was in tears once more.

I walked past Bree without a word even though she called to me, trying to stop me from entering, but the truth was there was nothing she could have said that would have stopped me. I needed to see him. I needed to see Edward. I needed to see that he was ok even though I knew he wasn't. How could he be when I was not just from listening to the past?

I opened the door and just walked in while shutting it behind me. Edward's head popped up from the computer screen that he was half hiding behind while cradling the phone against his shoulder as he spoke to someone. He smiled as he saw me standing there. He started making hand gestures towards the phone that whoever was on the line was talking too much while he made silly faces over it. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't since all I could think about was him at that damn memorial, sitting there being forced to relive it all. Suddenly it all made sense to me concerning the woman's comments I had over heard at that memorial. They all blamed him and it was so wrong, yet they did it anyway.

I stood there for a moment before bursting into tears in front of him like an emotional school girl.

"Hey, let me call you back," I heard him say before the clattering of the phone being sat down while I looked away trying to get my emotions under control. I was wiping at my tears as I listened to his sigh. I had barely pulled myself back together when I felt him beside me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a warm embrace while kissing my forehead in a too sweet of manner.

"What's wrong?" he asked me with a half whisper, but I could hear the concern in his voice. I couldn't speak since I did not know if I would be able not to tell him that I knew. I couldn't trust myself enough to know that I would not open my mouth and tell him that none of it was his fault or that his father was an extreme manipulative asshole. I couldn't trust that I could say anything that would not have given me or Tanya away, so instead I just clung to him and cried like a fool for him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	106. Chapter 106

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"You're staring at me," Edward said without looking away from the TV as he lounged on my couch. His words made me suddenly very aware of the fact that I had been staring him. I had been watching him under a whole new light since that conversation with Tanya.

I would watch him and wonder why he chooses to attend those memorials. I would watch him and sometimes see the self loathing that I had missed before or had mistaken for him just being cold. I had missed it all and now it all made sense.

"You like it when I watch you," I replied in a sassy tone in hopes that it would distract him since he had noticed me.

"I do when I'm inside of you, but this seems off," he said with a sigh as he turned to look at me with tired eyes.

"You're looking at me as if I was an experiment or like you are plotting against me," he said with a half laugh as I gasped over his words.

"I would never do that," I said immediately while thinking of his dead wife and the games she had played with him.

"I'm kidding, Bella," he teased as he looked at me with a worried look as he held out his hand for me to take hold of.

"But you are staring at me in a weird way so just stop it since its creeping me out," he said with a smile as I shook my head in agreement that I would try to stop.

"I'm thinking of selling my house," he announced out the blue as I tried not to look at him, but this was too new; too different for me not to gawk at him over.

"I mean, I'm never there and…I just think it's time," he said in a confident voice, but I could hear the wavering in it. I could hear the doubt loud and clear. It was as if he was trying to convince himself that it was a good an idea.

"I think it's a good idea," I said as I squeezed his hand, too happy for more words than that.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	107. Chapter 107

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I waited as Edward dealt with real estate agent he opted to use the same one I had and she was more than happy to assist him. She had assured him that it would not take him long to sell being that his house was in great shape and in a great location, but I knew that. What I didn't know was what was in those closed off rooms and I hated that she did.

I could hear them talking as I waited for coffee I had order. They were deep in a discussion as to an offer on the house already. I wasn't sure if he would take it or not since the house had barely been on the market.

"Hey, Bells," I heard familiar voice call out from behind me. It was flat and broken sounding, but I expected nothing less from Emmett.

"Emmett,' I said as I turned around to face him. He looked tired and older than he should for his twenty nine years, but loss will do that to a person.

"You hear with him?" he asked me as he motioned towards Edward who was no watching our exchange.

"Yeah," I said with a half smile since it seemed wrong to be happy in this situation.

"Hey, I'm sorry…." I sputtered as I tried to offer my condolences for the loss of his son with Rosalie, but he waved me off.

"I know," he said in sad tone as he looked away while leaving me feeling awkward since I really had nothing more to say.

"You look happy," he stated in a very matter of fact tone, pulling me back into our odd conversation. I looked over at Edward, who was continuing to watch us with a dark look in his eyes.

"I am," I answered him honestly since I was happy. It was that mention of my happiness that caused me to give Edward a smile to let him know I was ok.

"That's good. That's real good," he said as he looked around as if he was trying to think of something to say to me.

"Rosie and I are going to genetic counseling. They seem to think that with our problems and now this, that maybe I need to be looked at little more closely," he said as I waited for the burn of anger to take hold over him doing this for her, while he had refused to do it for me, but there was nothing. There was no anger. There was nothing but emptiness and that wasn't all that bad.

"I wish you luck," I said just as I felt a firm hand slip into mine. I smiled as I knew it was Edward without having to turn to look at him.

"Yeah," he mumbled as he looked at the man who held my hand like a damn vice grip. He was staking claims on me without saying a word. It was ridiculous and just so like Edward. It was his firm grasp on mine that reminded me that they had never really be formally introduced. They had seen each other. They had exchanged words, but never once had I introduced them.

"Edward, this is my ex-husband, Emmett McCarty," I said as I turned toward him with a grin as I noticed his scowl towards Emmett.

"Emmett, this is my…" I stammered as I tried to think of how to introduce him since we had no titles and no real claims to each other.

"Edward Cullen," I finished lamely, as I watched Emmett look from me to Edward with a curious look. They didn't shake hands and there was no pleasantries exchanged, instead, Edward asked if I was ready to go with a grin that made me blush just as my coffee was ready. With one last good bye to Emmett I left him standing there, letting him watch me leave for a change.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	108. Chapter 108

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"You know I like that," Edward teased as he offered me a bite of his ice cream while we sat upon my couch together. He had been teasing me over my lack of a title for him since we had left the coffee shop.

"What do you like, Weirdo?" I asked him before licking the mint chocolate chip ice cream off his spoon as he watched my mouth like the pervert he was.

"I like the title you gave me," he teased me as I rolled my eyes.

"It's open for interpretation, you know like art?" he teased as he elbowed me while I swatted at him again.

"I didn't give you one because I didn't know what to say, ok?" I said for the fifth time as he laughed at me.

"No, the title you gave me is great. I kinda like being _your _Edward Cullen," he teased me for the hundredth time, but I knew that he did like it. I knew he liked it by how he smiled at me as we left and how he took me hard and passionate once we returned to my apartment.

"Oh, I know you do," I said with a wide grin for him.

"And I will be feeling how much you like that title for days," I said as I shoved at him while he tried to spoon feed me ice cream to shut me up.

"I didn't hear you complain at all during that. As a matter of fact, I think I remember you begging me for more," he said with a laugh as he finally stuffed the spoon in my mouth despite my laughter. It was true. I had wanted more. It was that more that led us to that this moment of being all tangled together and spent while eating ice cream instead of a real dinner.

"Move in with me," I said as I swallowed the ice cream in my mouth while making him choke over my words.

"What?!" he gasped as he looked at me with wide green eyes too surprised for this question considering that he spent every night with me in my bed.

"Yeah, move in," I repeated as I patted him on the back to help dislodge whatever ice cream he had inhaled over my question.

"You're over here all the time. You're clothes are everywhere," I said as motioned to the pile of his clothes in my front room.

"You are just here, so why not be here?" I asked him and then waited as I watched his face that was blank as he looked at me with watery eyes from choking.

"Oh Swan, I don't know," he said with a nervous whisper as he looked at me with wide eyes still socked from my asking too much of him.

"You don't have to, Edward. It's just an offer," I said with a grin that felt off as if felt the sting of rejection while I tried to mask it with a smile.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	109. Chapter 109

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

That night I asked Edward to move in with me ended fast with an awkward good bye as Edward announced that he was going home for the first time in what had been weeks. I watched him leave without a kiss good bye or a look back.

While I knew this would difficult for him it also left me hurting. Rejection was a cruel bitch even if its motivator was fear. I knew he was scared, but that didn't make me take him leaving any easier.

The next day I expected silence from him and that was what I got, but I did not expect days of silence. I did not expect unanswered phone calls or ignored texts. I did not expect his utter lack of attention and that hurt more than him leaving without a kiss good bye.

The only Cullen I had any contact with was Tanya and she was a constant source of no information.

"You have to give him time, Bella," she said with a sigh as I shook my head no at her. I had given him time. I had given five days and still nothing.

"You don't understand how difficult this is for him," she said as she looked at me with sad eyes as she tried to fight for her brother.

"Tanya, he's not returning my phone calls or texts. He's not even telling me he's ok," I said as I watched her eyes cast downward.

"He's ok," she said as she looked away from me, telling me in guilty fashion she had been in touch with him.

"I think is just…" she said, but I stopped her with anger.

"He's been to work?" I asked her and then watched her nod her head yes.

"He's been ok?" I asked her as I fought back the hurt that hit me in the chest, robbing me of air since all I could think of was how I had somehow caused him some emotional break down with my question.

"Well, that's good to know," I said as I smoothed back my hair as it fell out of my ponytail. It was good to know that he was fine while I was a fucking wreck over not hearing from him. It was good to know that he could function while I waited patiently, texting, calling, hoping that he would respond to me, but was given nothing.

"Bella, he's just… he's just Edward and sometimes the best thing to do is give him space," she said in soothing manner as I looked at her with glassy eyes while trying to hold back my tears.

"Well, if space is something he wants then space is what he'll get," I said as I cleared my throat while trying to keep myself together.

"What does that mean?" she asked me in a questioning manner as I stood up to grab another can of diet coke from the fridge while silently asking her if she would like one as well.

"It means, I'm allowed to think for myself as well. I mean, I promised myself I would never be that girl who waited and based everything on a man, yet here I am waiting for one fucking word from him," I said in a hiss of anger as Tanya watched me with eyes wide from surprise.

"I think maybe I need to worry about me for a change since lord knows no one else is," I said as I opened the can of soda and took a drink to wash away the bitterness of anger and rejection from my mouth.

"Bella, just…" she said as she looked at me with a soft look, trying to sooth me with her eyes too like the one person who was hiding from me.

"No, Tanya. Just stop, ok?" I asked her, almost pleading with her as she looked at me with a worried look.

"You know I care about you too," she said as she looked at me, trying to make me see that she did care, but I couldn't see it. All I could see was her fighting on behalf of a man who couldn't be bothered to fight for himself.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	110. Chapter 110

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

After Tanya left I pulled out my lap top and sent Edward an email to his work address advising him of my resignation. I was done and he was in need of a new assistant. After my email was sent, I grabbed my cell phone and called Jane Alexis back to confirm that yes, I was interested in the job. I had never planned on taking it, but to be honest I had never planned on being twenty nine and divorced either. It was a liberating night that ended with a cold beer and a sad look around my apartment as I swore to myself that I was done waiting on a man who could not be bothered by answering me.

The rest of the night I lived with dread since I knew my email would either push him further away or drive him right back to me, and with Edward who knew what he would do? I couldn't sleep since all my dreams were of him, yet he never came to me. The night passed with nothing and as the morning broke I wasn't sure if I was relieved or sad by his lack of response.

It took until the late afternoon of the next day for me to come to terms that maybe this was too much for him, that maybe I was too much for him. It was a hard realization, but one I had to face. It was also at that moment that I discovered that the ancient water heater that was tucked neatly in my utility closet had stopped working leaving me with nothing but cold water instead of the steaming bath I wanted to be able to think of how to handle this odd rejection from a man that I barely had a relationship with to begin with.

I called Jamie since my landlord was not answering. It wasn't his problem, but I needed help and he was someone who had always come through for me. He made the promise to be there in twenty minutes, but when I answered the knock on the door, it was Riley instead of James.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him in a surprised tone that quickly went to guilt since I had given up on this nice guy for someone else without another word of explanation.

"Jamie sent me," he said with a grin that reminded me of sweet times with a sweet guy.

"Besides, I live close so it not big deal," he said as I ushered him. Riley acted as if nothing was wrong as he tossed his coat on the coach and headed into the kitchen to try to help me. We talked and soon the awkwardness disappeared as I conversation flowed nicely. He spoke of his business classes and waitresses that we both knew. It was easy and calm. It was simple and reminded me that there were sweet, simple men out there, not just broken ones who had more baggage than what I had.

"I'd love to ask you out for dinner, but Jamie told me you were seeing that old guy," he said as sat on the floor waiting to try to light the pilot again. His words made me laugh since Edward wasn't old.

"He's thirty-two not one hundred and two,' I said with a laugh as Riley looked at me with a smile.

"Besides, I can't really say that I'm seeing him," I said as I tried to think of how I would even explain who and what Edward was to me.

"Good," he said with a grin that made me nervous as the knock on the door alerted me that the Chinese that I had ordered for us had arrived.

I left him sitting there as I raced towards the door to get away since even if I wasn't quite dating Edward, I knew I wasn't ready to date anyone else either. I pulled open the door with a grin to expecting to find the teenage boy who flirted with me every time I ordered food, making me feel young and wanted since it would always drive Edward insane that he did, even though he knew I was far from interested in a seventeen year old, but it wasn't him. It was Edward. I was Edward with his tie loose and his hair twisted on end. It was Edward looking far from ok since it looked like he hadn't slept in days. It was Edward with his hand gripping the door frame above him as he looked at me with a somewhat terrified expression.

"I want… I want…" he stammered nervously as he stood there before me, looking like shit, but I never got a chance to hear what he was going to say instead I watched his face go red with anger as his eyes went from hollow to black in a split second as Riley appeared behind me announcing he fixed it with a whoop and fist pump in the air.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	111. Chapter 111

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Edward practically pushed me aside to enter my apartment. Riley never really saw it coming as Edward's fist connected with his jaw at lightning speed, hitting him with a low thud followed by a grunt of surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled at him as he stood above Riley who was not half on the couch and half on the floor and too stunned to even move. Edward looked at with wild eyes that were still angry, but I could see the disbelief in them as he looked at me.

"What the hell, Edward?" I yelled at him as he looked at me for a moment before opening his mouth to speak, but by them I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear his excuses.

"Never mind," I said in a growl as I waved my hand hard in his face to silence him.

"I don't want to hear it!" I screamed at him as his eyes narrowed as if he was going to speak, but before he could I shoved him towards the door.

"Get out!" I bellowed at him as I looked at him while fury took hold of emotions.

"Bella, I…" he said as he stepped closer to me, but I flinched at having him that close. It was only at reaction that he finally noticed that I was lost to my own temper.

"Shut up and get out!" I raged at him as he stood there, almost shocked by my reaction, while watching me lose my mind over his ridiculous behavior.

I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even form a rational thought beyond yelling at him to leave, which he finally did, but not before looking at me with a sad, stunned expression upon his face, as if I was the one who had acted inappropriately towards him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I thought I had posted this last night. Sorry I didn't.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	112. Chapter 112

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The silence surrounding me was unbearable. Riley had left hours ago with a bag of frozen peas and my crazed apologies following him out the door, but Edward hadn't. He was still here. He was sitting in the hallway by my door, waiting for me as I had waited for him.

At midnight I could hear his movements on the other side of the door. He was standing up. Maybe he was giving up. Maybe he was finally walking away, but then it was followed by a soft knock on the door.

"Bella, please?" I listened as he half pleaded for me through the steel frame. I hated that it bothered me that he sounded so broken, so sad because I refused to speak with him. He hadn't cared when I begged him for a response so I owed him nothing. I owed him the same cruel silence, but unlike him I couldn't do it since it killed me and because of it was I was foolish enough to open the door to face him.

Edward looked at me with a worried look and hollow looking eyes. His hair was still a mess and his tie was gone. He looked as exhausted as what I felt as he stood there before me.

"What do you want?" I asked him in a whisper of voice, refusing to move and allow him access inside.

"You. I want you," he said in a simple voice that was flat of emotion as he looked at me with those damn hollow eyes of his.

"No you don't. Try again, Edward or I will shut the door," I said as I felt the spark of anger still burning inside of me towards him.

"I'm sorry," he said immediately as he looked at me with a nervous look that almost made me feel bad before I caught myself once more.

"What are you sorry for? Is it the five days of silence or for bursting into my apartment and punching an innocent guy in the face like you were Thunder the Barbarian?" I hissed in anger at him causing him to step back in surprise just as another neighbor opened their door to see what was going on in the hallway.

"Get in here," I growled at him as I jerked the door open wider for him to come in. Edward moved slowly as if he was almost dreading this discussion.

"What if I said I was sorry for both?" he replied as he walked towards the couch and sat down as if he belonged here. The sad part was at one time he did.

"Not good enough," I replied as I shook my head at him.

"Bella, he was that asshole kid who kept staring at you from that damn club you worked at," he said as if that explained everything.

"Riley was here as a favor. He came to relight the pilot light on my water heater since I couldn't get it and don't you dare even try to twist that into something sexual," I said as I looked at him while sitting across from him in a stiff, wooden chair.

"If I had thought he had touched you like that I would have done more than punched him in his glass jaw," he hissed in response as he looked at me with cold eyes that made me shiver since I knew he meant it.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked but before the words fully left his mouth I was laughing at him.

"Call you?" I said with a dark chuckle that made him flinch.

"I did call you. I called your cell, your work desk. Hell, even called your home number. I texted you. I emailed you and you did nothing. So, tell me why I would have called you over this after days of silence?" I asked him in a harsh tone as I watched his eyes look downward as if he was embarrassed by it all.

"Edward, I can live with a lot of things, but I can't live like that," I continued on as his eyes finally looked back up to mine.

"I won't live like that," I stressed to him as he looked at me with a guilty look on his face.

"I get maybe it was too much, too soon, but how hard would it have been to have said that?" I badgered as I felt the sick feeling of rejection slowly seep into my veins once more.

"I could have dealt with a message telling me that you were freaked out, but five days of silence? No way," I said with a sad shake of head as I looked away.

"I deserve more than that from you," I said in an almost a whisper as I looked back at him.

"I wouldn't have treated you like that. I _don't_ treat you like that," I said as I shook my head at him while fighting off the sting of tears in my eyes since he didn't need to see me cry over him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," Edward said in a soft whisper that seemed so sincere as he looked at me with eyes so green and sad that it made my heart hurt even more.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! I'll post the remainder of this and Edward's response to her after I get back from grocery shopping : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	113. Chapter 113

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The silence between us was heavy and sobering. I wasn't sure what else there was to say and his simple _I'm sorry_ was working for me. I would look over at him and find him watching me with tired eyes that looked almost painfully heavy from lack of sleep. Tanya had lied. He wasn't ok. He was far from it and it was plain as day to me.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said breaking the silence once more as he looked at me with those sad eyes of his.

"I did get your calls and messages, but I couldn't…" he stammered as I sat there waiting for his words to justify ignoring me for five days.

"I couldn't respond, because I didn't know what to say," he finally stammered out in a nervous manner that made me close my eyes and shake my head at him.

"Don't" he whispered to me as I looked at him and waited for more of his excuses.

"This isn't' easy for me, Bella," he said with a sigh that sounded almost painful to hear.

"You think this is easy for me?" I asked him quickly causing his eyes to snap back to mine so he could see how serious I was with my question.

"I asked you to move in with me and you ran away," I said as I watched him grimace over my words, but they were only the truth. He had run away as fast as he could the moment after I had asked.

"It's not that simple," he countered back to me casing me to growl in frustration over his nonsense again.

"Then tell me, Edward. Tell me how is not simple, because to me it's so damn simple it's not even funny," I hiss in anger at him while watching him stiffen on the couch in response.

"It's a simple yes or no and all you did was run," I said as I sat back with arms crossed over my chest on mock victory, but there was nothing to be victorious about.

"You could have just put on your big boy boxers and told me no, but instead you went into hiding. So, yeah, tell me again how this is not simple?" I asked him in my best sarcastic tone while watching his face contort in anger over my words. He had nothing to be angry about since I spoke the truth over the situation.

"It's not simple because it's not supposed to be like this. I had intended…"he began to say, but I stopped him with a snarky laugh that made him growl at me.

"Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, Edward," I said with fake joy that made his eyes go wide with anger as he sputter for me in response before silence fell between us once more.

I listened to his heavy breathing and mutterings of anger as he sat there before clearing his throat in a nervous fashion that made me on edge before he opened his mouth to speak.

"If you'd give me a fucking moment…" he said in a rush of words that set me off on a tangent of anger once more.

"I gave you more than a moment, I gave you five fucking days," I yelled back at him, but he just ignored as he continued to speak as if I had never opened my mouth.

"I want… I want to kill spiders for you," he said in a nervous tone as I gawked at him, completely shell shocked by his odd request.

"Have you lost your damn mind?" I asked him as he looked at me with determination that I hadn't seen on his face before.

"Clearly," he said in response with a slight smile as if my question had pleased him somehow before continuing on.

"I want to yell at you for leaving your wet towel on the bed because you know how much that annoys me," he said as he looked at me, watching me for reaction, but I only stare at him stunned.

"I want to come home to you dancing in the kitchen while cook dinner," he said in more of a rush of words as if they almost hurt to say.

"I want to eat ice cream with you in bed," he said with a grin as if he was remembering the last night we were together before it all went to hell.

"I want to kiss you good night and listen to you whisper my name while you dream," he said softly as he looked at me with warm eyes that made me blush as I shook my head no at him since there was no way I would do that.

"You do. You do whisper my name," he said as if he was answering question without me saying the words.

"I want to kiss you in morning before I start my day and know that you will be there when I come back," he said as I looked at him, unsure of what to say in response to his confession.

"I want to be here, with you, Bella, but I just know I shouldn't so that's why," he said as if that explained everything and in a way it did. It explained his reluctance, but it didn't excuse his neglect.

"I just don't know _how _to be here for you," he said as he looked at me with a tortured sounding sigh.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	114. Chapter 114

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I looked at him for a long moment after his passionate, yet odd speech and he waited nervously for my response that came in a loud barking laugh that made his face go red.

"You are kidding me right?" I asked him with a snort just as he stood up while muttering that I could go fuck myself to leave me, but not before I stopped him.

"Edward, are you kidding me?" I asked him as I blocked his attempt to leave me once more.

"Every time it gets rough or something happens you don't like you run, and I gotta tell you that I can't stand that," I said as I leaned against the door refusing to let him out of the apartment.

"You are far from perfect, Bella," he said in an irritated manner as he stood before me. He was right I was far from perfect and I was far from being far to him, but after five day of silence I was in no mood to be fair.

"I know, but you have to understand while that was really sweet, it was also the biggest line I have ever heard you say to me," I said as I watched him shake his head no.

"It's the truth. I don't know how to be with you," he said as he looked at me with wide eyes

"You do. You have been with me. You have kissed me goodnight and killed spiders for me. You have done it all, Edward so that's why I'm laughing at you since you are once more making no sense," I said as I stood my ground, firmly blocking his exit while he watched me with a hurt expression.

"I don't know how to have a normal relationship," he said as he looked at me as if he was willing me to understand him.

"Normal is over rated," I replied causing him to laugh at me before taking my hand in his

"Trust me; you don't want my version of so called normal, Bella. You deserve better than that," he said as he looked at me with a soft gaze that showed how exhausted he truly was while holding my hand in his. It was the first time we had touched in five days and I was amazed over how cold his hand was in mine since normally his touch was like fire.

"You're not god, Edward. You don't determine someone's fate or what they do or do not deserve," I said as I looked at him, willing him to hear what I was saying without me really saying the words out loud.

"Bella, just…" he started to say as I closed my eyes and shook my head no.

"No, just tell me. Tell me why you think this? Tell me why you believe I deserve better than you because, I can't see it. Tell me why you can't be with me, because I'm telling you, you have already," I said as I looked at him, daring him to tell me the truth, while knowing that the truth was almost too difficult to tell.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry so short. I had to pick up the kids.**

**Xoxo,**

**Mamasutra**


	115. Chapter 115

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The room was silent except for the sound of our breathing. Edward held my hand in his so softly as if he was scared that his touch would hurt me.

"Your father was a good man, right Swan?" he asked me in a soft voice, but there was no questioning in his tone. It was as if he knew that Charlie Swan was the type of man who you called at two in the morning for help and he would come without a question. I nodded in response, letting him know that his assumption was correct.

"He still is," I said as I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Carlisle Cullen was not a good man, Bella," he said with a half smile that made my heart hurt in my chest.

"He ruled the house with violence and anger," he said as he looked at me as if he was watching my reaction.

"My mother was too busy with her martinis and ladies club to care as long as he left her alone," he continued on with a sigh as I squeezed his hand in mine for some sort of support.

"And he did leave her alone. That's how they were. They lived their own lives while presenting this fucked up fairy tale version of our life to the public while fucking everything that came in their paths," he said with a yawn that made me yawn as well as I tried to remain impartial as he revealed what a messed up life he grew up with.

"Bella, this is what I'm talking about," he said as he looked at me with tired green eyes.

"I don't know anything else, but half assed relationships and separate lives," he said as he looked at me in an almost embarrassed manner.

"This is how I know to be. This is how I was when I was married and I don't want to be like that with you," he said slowly, carefully, as he looked at me with a worried expression as he waited for my response, but I had none to give him since this was the first time he had ever even mentioned that he had been married.

"I don't want to be that guy, Bella, but that's all I know," he said as he urged me to understand, but there was nothing to understand since he had told me nothing.

"When were you married?" I asked him, trying to play dumb while he looked away.

"My…wife." He said with a half hollow sounding laugh as he looked back with me with a flash of anger in his eyes as he met mine before that fire was extinguished.

"She died five years ago," he said slowly as he looked away once more.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him and with my words his eye met mine and I could see the guilt burning bright in them. I could see the self blame. I could see it to clearly that I almost winced from the weight that came with it.

"Don't be," he said as he looked at me with dark eyes that held hurt and anger that I had never seen in him before.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will post more later.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	116. Chapter 116

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I looked into Edward's tired green eyes as he looked at me with a cold look that I knew all too well. It was the same cold look that over took him from time to time, especially when we first started our messed up version of a relationship.

"You look so tired," I whispered to him as I brought my free hand up to caress his cheek softly. He leaned into my touch while closing his eyes as if my simple touch was enough to lull him to sleep.

"Haven't you been sleeping?" I asked him as I rubbed my fingers along the stubble of his jaw that had grown since his morning shave. My words made him chuckle, but it was far from a happy laugh since it rang loud with bitterness.

"No," he said as he shook his head no for me while the memory of him telling me how he needed me to sleep rang through my head.

"You need to sleep," I said to him as his tired eyes held mine.

"I will, I just needed to see you first," he said with a yawn that made me yawn in response before silence settled between us. It was heavy and hurtful as we looked at each other with sleepy expressions, but I knew this moment between us was now or never. I knew there would never be another time where he was so worn out and broken down enough to tell me. There would never be another time where we were so exposed to each other without the mask of indifference or humor for us to hide behind. I also knew that he would never go first. He would never just tell me about her since that was not how we were together. I would have to tell him first. I would have to bare my soul first before he would even consider doing the same.

It was with a deep breath as I held his hand in mine that I looked into those tired green eyes and steadied myself against him.

"My marriage failed because I failed as mom," I said to him with a whisper as I felt the pain of my words as I showed him my scars.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he asked me in a soft voice that was laced with fatigue and concern. He had never heard me speak of my marriage of my part in its failure.

"It failed because I choose to have a baby over having a marriage," I continued on with a steady voice as he looked at me with wide eyes that held surprise and concern.

"Bella," he whispered in an attempt to stop me, but I continued on.

"I failed at everything, Edward and that's what hurt the most, the failure," I said as I looked at him, willing him to understand me as I continued to talk.

"I had never failed at anything before so, yeah, that hurt," I stammered on softly as I looked at him while wiping at the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

"Bella, you're not a failure," he said soothingly as he squeezed my hand while wiping at my stray tears with his free hand.

"I am. I failed. I couldn't maintain a pregnancy and then when I did my body failed by not keeping the child alive. That's failure, Edward; failure and betrayal," I said while hating the bitterness that rang loudly in my voice.

"Sweetheart, you are… you are the most amazing person I know and so far away from a failure," he said with a soft smile that was kind as he looked at me with warm eyes that were patient before he leaned closer to press a kiss against my wet cheek.

"You don't understand," I said as he pulled me closer so that the small space between us was gone and I was practically on his lap.

"I don't, but I know you and you are the last person I would ever consider a failure," he whispered against my skin as he skimmed his nose long my neck, making me shiver in his arms as he breathed me while holding me.

"Edward?" I asked as the silence settled between us once more. I listened to his murmured yes as he held me closer, sighing against my skin as if he needed to hold me almost as bad as what I needed his embrace after five days of nothing.

"Tell me about her," I said as I felt him stiffen over my words even though he had to know I would ask after mentioning her. He had to know that I would not let this go.

"Tell me why you feel this way since I can't see it, Edward. I can't see you as anything other than… you," I said as I turned to look at him.

"You are pretty wonderful," I said as I watched as he looked away from me with what appeared to be a guilty look. There was a lull as he waited, as if he was thinking over my request.

"You really think that?" he asked me with a half smile that was too sad for someone who had just received a compliment.

"I do," I responded quickly with a nod of my head to encourage him. I waited with baited breath as he pulled me tighter against him, squeezing me as if he was using me as a human shield before speaking once more.

"Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you," he said as he looked at me with weary eyes before taking a deep a breath as if he was readying himself to unleash the demons of his past.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	117. Chapter 117

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat upon his lap and waited with nervous dread as he looked at me with too dark of eyes from lack of sleep.

"Did you love her?" I asked him, needing to know the answer to this question too much for a girl he never said I love you to.

"No," he said firmly as he looked at me with cold eyes.

"It wasn't like that with Lauren and I. We… We were never like that," he said with a hollow smile that hurt me.

"I met her when I was sixteen and at the time she was…an easy decision," he said with the same hard smile that made my chest ache.

"What does that mean?" I asked him, hating that I sounded so breathless, yet I was. I was dying to know what burned him from the inside out.

"She was easy, Bella. It was all sex and at sixteen, seventeen, eighteen that was all I wanted from a girlfriend," he said as he looked at me, waiting for my judgment, but I had none to give since that was pretty typical to me.

"I could have dated nice girls, but I found them to be boring," he said with a snicker as he looked at me.

"Were you a nice a girl?" he asked me with a teasing grin, trying to deflect the conversation by turning it back on to me.

"What do you think?" I asked him as I waited for him to continue on with his story.

"I don't know. I mean, you threw your hat at a ref and called him a cheating fucker so I'm thinking maybe no," he said with a quiet snicker as I swatted him in response.

"I didn't have sex in high school and you were never interested in me," I said as I looked at him with a shake of my head. He couldn't distract me with his nonsense.

"I was interested in you, but you were too young," he said with a sigh as if it was some tragedy that he had missed out on me.

"I wouldn't have had sex with you," I reminded him, causing him to laugh at me like always.

"You would have. I can be very persuasive, Bella," he said in a confident tone that made me roll my eyes at him, even though I knew it was true. He could be.

"Yeah, ok, but that's not telling anything," I said as I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair like how I knew loved for me to touch him.

"Bella, she was an ok high school girlfriend because she expected nothing from me and trust me when I say I gave her nothing in return," he said with an irritated sigh as he closed his eyes while I played with his hair.

"Once I left for college I had no plans to ever see her again. I broke up with her and dated others. It was fine until the summer after my first year. I was home and she was here just as willing as ever. I should have said no, but I didn't," he said as he opened his eyes to look at me with a dead expression.

"After I went back to school she called and said she was pregnant," he said in soft voice as he looked away.

"I told her I didn't want it or her and gave her money to get rid of it," he said as I stiffen on his lap over his words. He could feel my response as I pulled away from him.

"I didn't love her, she didn't love me and I couldn't see being tied to her over a child that neither of us wanted or were ready for," he said trying to explain himself, but it was almost too difficult to hear.

"It didn't matter anyway. She called my parents and they flipped," he said with a sigh as he looked at me with those same dead eyes that haunted my dreams.

"My father insisted that I marry her. Something about being a man and taking responsibility for my actions," he said with a dark laugh as he looked at me.

"As if he knew anything about that, he had walked away from us years ago to chase after his career and other fucking women. He knew nothing about taking responsibility, he just didn't want the Cullen name dragged through the mud and that was what Lauren planned on doing," he said as he looked at me with cold eyes that made me shiver under his glare.

"I married her, but it wasn't really a marriage," he said as he looked at me, gauging my reaction to his words.

"She told me to live my life and she would stay behind. Once I was done with school we could figure things out. She would just have the baby and live at home," he said with shake of his head.

"I was too stupid and thankful that she wasn't demanding that I come back home to be with her. Hell, she didn't even want me to stop partying with other girls and I was too dumb to second guess her over this fuckery. I just agreed and was thankful that she wasn't being a bitch like always," he said with a laugh as if it was somehow funny.

"She wasn't pregnant, Bella. It was all a lie like everything else that surrounded her, but I was so busy doing whatever the hell I wanted that I didn't realize that it until it was too late," he said with the same dark laugh that made me cringe with nerves over his words.

A**N:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	118. Chapter 118

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"Nothing is too late, Edward," I said as I waited for him to continue while remembering my own failed marriage.

"That's where you are so wrong, Swan," he said with a teasing grin that was more sad than happy as he held me close.

"It is when you make a deal with the devil that there is no going back and that's what I did," he continued on with a grin that was off.

"Lauren said she had a miscarriage, but to be honest I was never sure if she was pregnant or not. I was away a school and didn't care," he said in a cool tone as he tried to explain himself.

"It was after the loss of the so called baby that I told her that I wanted to end our sham of a marriage," he said as his fingers traced a pattern against my skin.

"She lost her fucking mind over it and overdosed on sleeping pills. She ended up with her stomach pumped and a three day stay in the psychiatric ward," he said in a detached voice that was cold and firm.

"I couldn't leave her after that," he said in a softer tone that hinted at his frustration over another person's behavior.

"I may not always be a nice guy, but even I wasn't that big of an asshole," he said with a sigh as he looked away from me as if he was lost in his memories.

"After that we came to an agreement of sorts. I was free to live my life as I saw it and she was content to be Mrs. Edward Cullen," he said with a shaky laugh as he looked back at me with a worried look.

"It worked. We were good like that and I was used to playing the part. I was used to presenting myself and my life one way while living another. Lauren never cared as long as she got what she wanted and that was to be a Cullen," he said slowly as if the words were bitter in his mouth.

"It was a good deal, but then I met Sam Uley," he said as he shook his head with a grin that was bright with laughter. I knew Sam Uley. He was the foreman at the explosive plant where Emmett worked. He was a good man and loved by all.

"I was done with college by then and hard at work at the plant. I had so many ideas of how we could make it better, earn more profits, and be a better employer," he said with an excited grin that I had never seen on his face before.

"I often worked with Sam to improve conditions in the plant. He was…He was the one who told me that my life was shit," he said with a self depreciating snicker.

"I mean, he never came out and said it, but he implied it," he said with a shake of head as if he could not believe the man.

"He would tell me that I was better man than my father and I needed to start acting like it. You have no idea how pissed that made me when he compared me to Carlisle Cullen, since I never wanted to be like him," Edward said with a grin as he trailed his fingers along my arm, giving me goose bumps with his touch.

"Sam is a good man," I whispered in response to his words.

"He is and a very intuitive one as well," he said with a yawn as he closed his eyes while still smiling.

"It was his words that rang through my head everyday as I went about business as usual," he said as he slowly opened his tired eyes to look at me.

"Have you ever looked in the mirror, Bella, and not liked what you saw?" Edward asked me in a soft voice that sounded so tired that it was like a weight upon me.

I understood what he was saying since I had. I had spent too many days looking at the face of woman I no longer knew and did not like.

"That's how it was for me. I woke up one day and I couldn't see me anymore; all I could see was my father," he said as he closed his eyes once more.

"I mean, I was living a life he was proud of and that should have been a clue that I was fucked," he said with a bitter laugh that shook me as I sat upon him.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," I offered, causing him to laugh louder at my defending him.

"Bella, I was successful, yet I wasn't really, since I had a sham of a marriage with a wife who loved my name and not me. I had a girl that I fucked with my wife's blessing, since it was one less thing she had to pretend to enjoy doing with me. Don't you see that I was three children and a drinking problem away from being my father?" He asked me as I tried not to react to his words. He was angry, but it wasn't me. It was at himself.

"It was then that I wanted to change it all and I did or so I thought," he said as he sighed in a tired manner.

"I told Lauren that we either needed to get a divorce or actually try at this marriage. Surprisingly, she wanted to try," he said with a laugh that hinted at his shock while I bit back the jealous that hit me out of left field with the idea of him trying to be with someone other than me. It was irrational and ridiculous, but I was somewhat used to that when it came to Edward.

"The next thing I know, she's pregnant," he whispered.

"I should have known something was going on. I should have... I should known by how quickly she agreed to try that there was something more, but I just… I just wanted to believe that I could turn it all around, you know?" he asked me as if he was trying to get me to understand him and the situation he had been in.

"I should have known that after years of a so called open fucking sham of a marriage that she wouldn't follow through," he said as he shook his head once more in what seemed to be disbelief.

"What happened?" I asked him as I grabbed hold of his hand so it was firmly in mine as he spoke.

"We argued, but we always argued," he said with a sigh that was troubled.

"Uhm… she fell down the steps chasing after me as I was leaving her one night and somehow that sent it into early labor," he said in whisper.

"We…uh…We lost the baby," he finished flatly in an almost detached manner.

"Well…She lost her baby," Edward finished in a quiet tone as he looked at me with blood shot eyes as I tried not a gawk in shock.

"Lauren blamed me, as if I had anything to do with her falling. It was then that she told me that the baby was never mine to begin with," he said with an even tone, but I could still hear the hint of anger in his voice over her deception.

"I should have known she was fucking around, but I just wanted to believe so badly…" he said as he trailed off with a sigh as if he was clearing his emotions.

"It wasn't so shocking that the baby wasn't mine as much as it was stunning over who the father was," he said as he looked at me with a knowing look that surprised me while waiting for me to respond, but I remained silent.

"Tanya said she told you. That you asked about me, so I know you know about this," he said as he looked at me with a quirked eyebrow as if he was mocking me somehow while catching me in a lie, but I had never lied to him. I had never claimed not to know anything. I had just not told him that I did know about his past.

"Yeah, if you wanted to know you should have asked me and I would have told you, just like I am now," he said in a calm tone, but I could see the fire in his eyes over this as he looked at me in a dark manner that made me face flame red with embarrassment.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	119. Chapter 119

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"I don't have to tell you that the baby was daddy dearest," he said in a soft tone that had a steel bite to it.

"I also don't have to tell you that Lauren killed herself like the fucking coward she was," he continued on as he looked at me with hard eyes.

"But did Tanya tell you that she called me while she was dying? Did she tell you that I told her I didn't care, because I didn't believe her," he said harshly as I flinched over his words while trying o bite back my own anger at his lashing out at me.

"Did she tell you that I laughed at her and told her I didn't care, because the truth was I didn't," he rambled on in anger.

"At that point in time I didn't care if she did die. As a matter of fact, I wanted her and all of her fucking lies gone," he hissed at me as if I was the one who caused all of this chaos in his life.

"Edward, calm down," I said as I looked at him, moving off of him, but he refused to let me go.

"No, you wanted to know, so I'm telling you," he said as in a gasp of air as if was chocking on his own words.

"I wanted her gone, Bella," he said in a strangled tone as he looked at me with wide hate filled eyes.

"And then she was…" he finished off in an almost whisper.

"She took her own life, Edward. You didn't have anything to do with that," I said as I looked at him, finally seeing the broken man behind the protective shell he hid behind.

"But that's where you're wrong. I did. I told her to do it. I laughed at her when she did and I continued to mock her until she stopped calling me, thinking that she had just given up, not that she had passed out from blood loss," he said with wide eyes that looked too much like a boy instead of the man I knew.

"Baby, you didn't make her do that. She did that all on her own," I said as I tried to comfort him, but he wanted none of it.

"Bella, I'm not telling you this to gain some sort of sympathy. I'm telling you this so you will see that I am the man you think I am," he said firmly as he finally let go of my hands before pulling me off his lap.

"I am not the man you need me to be and I don't know how to be that man. I only know how to be the cold hearted bastard that I am and to me, that's just not good enough for you," he said in a strong tone as he looked at me with honest eyes that held a hint of sadness in them as he willed me to understand him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	120. Chapter 120

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

**warning! Not beta'd**

I was off his lap and just looking at him as he sat there. He was tired, yet cold and arrogant. I could see right through it. This was his good bye scene. This was his plan to leave me. I could see it in his eyes as he looked at me and just knowing that was what he was leading up to made rage with anger.

"So, let me get this right," I said in a slow, mocking manner that made him bit his lip in response. "You _want_ to be with me, right? But you can't because you don't know how and you don't know how because your dad was an asshole that screwed your so called wife who you had a business deal with instead of a marriage. Does this sound right? Am I missing anything?" I asked sarcastically as I watched his face pale for moment before turning red in what was clearly anger.

"Bella-" he began to say, but I stopped him.

"Listen, I understand guilt. I understand guilt better than most, but you have taken to an all new level, Edward," I said as I shook my head at him.

"You can't blame yourself over the fact that a person's stunt for attention cost them their life. You just can't," I said firmly as he looked at me with hard eyes while opening his mouth to speak, but I just continued on as if nothing else was wrong.

"But what you can blame yourself for is your own actions or _inactions_ in your case," I said, speaking over the top of him, not caring that he was arguing with me over my assessment of the situation.

"You tell me you don't know any better than to be some skirt chasing asshole because that was what your dad was, right?" I asked him, not caring for answer.

"You tell me that you grew up in a home with a sham of a marriage that you could see was wrong and hurtful, right?' I asked again, talking over his angry words.

"You tell me how badly you behaved, fucking anything that was willing while married, not giving a shit since it was _ok _with the _wife,_ right?" I asked him as he growled in response.

"You tell me that you can't help being bad since that is who you are and how you were raised, and _poor, poor Edward_ just doesn't know any better, right?" I mocked as he spit words of anger at me that I ignored.

"Well, Edward, I'm here to tell you that what you are saying is pure and utter bullshit!" I hissed at him as he spit his response, not that it mattered.

"You did know better and you know how I know this? You told me so," I said with a grin that silenced him and hateful words.

"You told me you knew better just by telling me about it. It's clear it still bothers you and it bothered you enough at the time for you to try to start again with your wife, remember?" I asked him knowingly as he looked away from me.

"You knew better and you know better now so I don't want to hear about how you have such a black heart filled with evil since we both know that is nothing but a lie," I said softly, but in the silence of the room I might as well screamed it at him.

"You _are _a good man," I said in the silence of the room, hoping that he would hear my words.

"You _know _how to be a good man, since you have been one with me," I continued on as he looked away from me.

"The problem is sometimes being a good man isn't easy and I don't think you know what to do when something isn't easy," I said with a sigh as I came to a realization about the man who sat beside me, so close, yet so far away.

"Life isn't easy and it doesn't give you happiness just because you're here," I said as I looked at him while he refused to look at me.

"Sometimes you have work for it," I said as I stood up and to get away from him. I needed space away from him since his presence was swallowing me whole.

"You don't understand," he said to me in a voice that wavered, but he was wrong I did understand too clearly.

"I do, Edward. I understand a lot," I said as I walked over and sat down on the chair across the room from him to give me the space I needed.

"I know you're scared, but for some reason you'd rather do what was easy than what might be worthwhile, even though it was those easy decisions that have taken you down the path you've been on," I said as I watched my words reach their mark as his face turned red with anger once more.

"Being scared is ok. I get scared all the time about decisions and over what to do, but…But being apathetic about your life isn't," I said as he stared at me in could have been shock.

"You say you want to be with me, but you won't even try and… And Edward, that's just…Just… Well…Stupid," I said lamely, causing him to gawk at me in response as I found the strength to stand up and walk towards the door.

"You say you know what's best for me, and it's not you because you're a _bad man. _And, you're not completely wrong there. You are not what's best for me and it has nothing to do with this fucked up image you have of yourself. It has everything to do with the fact I won't be with a guy isn't willing fight for me or for us and… That's not you," I said as I opened the door and waited as he sat upon the couch watching me.

I watched as he pulled an envelope out of his pock and tossed it on the coffee table before him. It was wrinkled and bulging with its contents. I didn't have to look in it to know there was money inside.

"Your severance pay," he said as if he was explaining the meaning of it.

"I quit yesterday," I replied as I shook my head at the money that sat there mocking me with his dismissal.

"I terminated your employment four days ago," he replied quickly and in a harsh tone that stung me.

"Of course you did," I said with a sigh as I leaned against the open door, waiting for him to leave since that had been his goal before ever crossing my threshold. I watched as he stood up. His movements were stiff and awkward as if he was prolonging his departure, but I just wanted him gone. I wanted him to leave so I had a chance to grieve in private without him watching me cry over something that was nothing in the end.

Edward approached the door that I held open for him, urging him to leave me be, but instead of walking out he just stopped and looked at me with wide eyes that was reminiscent of the boy he could have been.

"I didn't plan for this to end this way," he said softly as he looked at me with a sad expression. I knew this would be the closest thing I would get from him as an apology, but I didn't want one. I didn't need one since I had entered into this twisted arrangement willingly. I had agreed to be his paid girlfriend. I had willingly entered his bed. I had known with each decision made that what I was doing was far from conventional or emotionally smart. I knew it and did it anyway so there was no need for his apology or excuses.

"No one ever does," I replied as I held on to the door as he stepped closer to me. There was something in his eyes as he looked down at me from his height. I wasn't sure it was regret or anger, but it didn't matter now.

"You're a good man, Edward. I just hope one day _you'll_ realize that," I said to him as he looked at me with his intense stare that made me self conscious. As soon as I spoke he turned to leave me with a whispered _take care of yourself_ and then he was gone.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	121. Chapter 121

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Time was a funny thing. It moved fast and while that was good it also was bad in way since I would look up and discover that it had been weeks since I had last seen Edward. I knew he was a big boy and most likely, knowing him, had moved on to another woman, another person, another means of torturing himself since that seemed to be his favorite pass time.

"Well, sweet cheeks, I think you are ready to go," Tanya announced as she looked around my bare apartment. She was only connection that I had to Edward and it was a connection that I refused to use.

"Thanks, Tanya, but there was no need for your help," I said as I looked around at the bare walls. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate her help; it was just that she looked too much like him.

"It was the least I could do," she said with a smile that was off. Just like her brother she carried guilt that was unneeded and not necessary over telling him that I knew about his past.

"I told you, everything is fine. I'm fine. You're fine and he's…well, I'm sure he's fine too," I said as I looked at her with a warning look since she was always looking for ways to mention him.

"Aren't you going to ask about him?" she asked me in an almost nervous manner. It was the same question she had has for weeks now. Did I want to know about Edward? Part of me did and other part didn't. I wanted to know he was ok, but I couldn't bear the thought of knowing how quickly I had been replaced.

"No," I said then shooed her out the door since it was time for me to leave. My new life was waiting for me three hours away.

"Promise me you'll call once you get there," she said as she pulled me in for a hug.

"And then every hour so that I know you're ok," she said with a laugh as she squeezed me tight as I laughed at her and her over protective ways that now included me.

"I will. I promise," I said with a laugh as I looked over her shoulder just in time to see Edward's car pull away from the curb. He had been here to watch and this wasn't the first time I had caught him lurking in the background.

"He misses you," Tanya said as she watched me following his car down the street with my eyes.

"I miss him," I answered her honestly since there was no need to lie.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	122. Chapter 122

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The Quad Cities was a busy place, busier than Burlington and a lot lonelier too. I was able to lose myself in work, but at the end of the day I was reminded that I was alone once more.

I missed Edward. I missed his dirty text messages and his calls over nothing but nonsense during the day. I missed cooking for him and feeling his eyes upon me as I danced around the kitchen. I missed his warm, heavy body on top of mine as I slept at night. I missed his warm green eyes and handsome face being the first thing that I would see when I awoke. I just missed him and that never seemed to change.

When missing him became too much I decided to make a change. It was a change that I needed since I knew he wasn't coming back to me so instead of staying at home and missing a man who didn't miss me I chose to go out. I went out with friends from work. I took cooking classes. I went places, anywhere to get away from the memory of a man whom I couldn't escape.

"You know, he's been trying to call you," Tanya announced one night while on the phone with me, catching me off guard with her half assed angry statement.

"What?" I sputtered as I choked on the Chubby Hubby ice cream that was my favorite by Ben and Jerry,

"Edward has been trying to call you and he said you have been avoiding his calls," she said in an almost accusatory tone as I continued to cough.

Edward had been calling me. He would call at midnight or at one in the morning. The first time I answered the phone, but instead of speaking he was just silent. I listened to him breathe while I asked him what he wanted. He didn't speak, he just snickered in the back ground, but it was a sad snicker not the dirty one he would give in the middle of the night. That was the last time I answered his call.

"He has been calling me at midnight. I didn't answer since I figured he was drunk," I said in between gasps of air.

"He's such an idiot," she said with a sigh since it was it was true. He was an idiot, but his calls thrilled me since they told in his own weird way he missed me too.

A**N:  
Thanks for reading! The story is winding down….**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	123. Chapter 123

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

It was during a meeting that my phone buzzed altering me to a text message. Tanya was to contact me since she was coming to see me that upcoming weekend so I was expecting it to be her, but it wasn't. It was Edward.

_The first time I saw you I thought you were the cutest and angriest girl I had ever seen._

That was the start of it as going from that moment I would receive random text messages from him. Some of them would be about me and somewhere about his life, things that I didn't know about.

"Bella, have you have a chance to review the contract for timing project?" my supervisor asked me, pulling me out of my memories of Edward just enough to fluster me as my phone buzzed again.

_When you worked as my assistant at the office the highlight of my day was when you would bring me a bagel in the morning. It showed how thought you were plus, when you bent over I could see straight down your blouse._

"Yeah, I have. I think that contracting has done a great job in protecting our interest," I said in a breathless manner as the phone buzzed again. This was Edward's game that we had done for days. Days of him texting me randomly. Days of his words, his memory of us and it was sweet, yet torturous.

_When you slept you'd whisper my name. It was my favorite sound that you made, outside of the gasp you always made when I entered you._

"Bella, is everything ok?" one of the women on my team asked me as I gasped while reading his words that would always touch me when I didn't want them to.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I murmured as I closed my eyes while rubbing at my forehead as if I had headache, even though I didn't. I just didn't know how to react to him and his words anymore.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	124. Chapter 124

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

There were days of text messaging. Days filled with Edward texting me memories of us or of his life.

_I would spend hours watching you at that damn titty bar, drinking overpriced beer, while trying to think of something to say to you that would not come across pathetic. I never did come up with anything worthwhile to say._

His words would make me think about our time together and how he realized some things about us faster than what I had.

_ The night I changed your locks I realized you needed me as much as I needed you. It scared the hell out of me._

Some of what he said would make me laugh.

_I watched your favorite movie the other night and still cannot figure out why you have such a lady boner for this British guy. You know the scene with them in the hallway and the golden onion? When he turns to leave her it's clear he has a huge ass._

But most of them were sweet and made me want to cry.

_I know I said I wouldn't, but I do. I miss you, Bella. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss your warmth and how you sigh when I would you tight, as if I could not hold you tight enough. I miss how you feel wrapped around me and the sounds you would make when we would make love. I never wanted to miss you or your smart ass comments, but I do. I miss you, Bella_

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to update once more tonight.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	125. Chapter 125

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I would do my best to ignore Edward's texts, but at night when I was alone I would succumb responding. I would sit on my couch as I had once done with him and whisper to him my secrets as well.

**What are you doing?**

It was the one question I would ask him over and over again. What was he doing to me? Did he know that his words ran in circles in my mind all day long? Did he know that I looked forwards to whatever he wanted to share with me? I would cling to his words while reminding myself that Edward was not the typical man. He didn't know what he wanted and he was scared of what could be.

_Waiting for you._

This was always his response to me. He was waiting for me, but what he was waiting on I had no idea.

**You'll be waiting a long time.**

_I have nothing but time so that's fine._

We would spend evening texting back and forth, but never calling. It was easier that way. It was easier to tell him about my life and how I missed him without hearing his voice in response.

**What was in the closed off rooms?**

This was the question that nagged me the most. I had a guess over what was in there. I was guessing it was Lauren's room since he had told me they had separate bedroom, but I had no idea what was in the other. I wasn't expecting his answer since he had shut me down on this question before so his quick answer took me by surprise.

_Lauren's room and the nursery._

My lull in response to his revelation was quickly commented on as well.

_I told you there would be no more secrets._

His text message was taunting and reminding me that when he first texted me out of the blue it was a promise that there would be no more secrets between us.

**Emmett called me today. He and Rose are divorcing. He wants me back.**

I had no one to share this new with and was dying to talk about it since when I told Jamie about the call he lost his mind before sputter threats against my former husband. It was pointless since I didn't want Emmett back. I didn't want to go back to him or the way I used to live. I never wanted to go back to being a shadow in my own life.

I waited for Edward's text response to the insanity that Emmett was trying to cause in my life, but it never came.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I'm kicking around the idea of another Edward POV now.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	126. Chapter 126

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The day was quiet. No text messages from Edward. No random phone calls asking me how my day was filled with awkward pauses and soft sighs. No nothing and while part of me was relieved the part of me was upset. I was used to hearing from him. I was used to hearing about how he would watch when I wasn't looking or how much money he spent on drinks. I was used to hearing from him, but no he was missing once more.

I should not have been surprised. This was Edward's MO. He would hear something he didn't like and would run. It was who he was and just further proof that he would never change no matter who badly I wanted him to.

"You're going tonight, right?" Mags asked me as she stopped by my cubicle with an excited look on her face. Mags Browning was a newly divorced woman in her forties who was more than excited that I was a divorcee as well since the majority of people we worked with her married men. She was quick to invite me out, but typically when we went out it was in the pursuit of men. She was hell bent on finding a new man and did not care how many men it took to find the right one.

"Where are we going again?" I asked her as I felt the cold fingers of dread set over me as I thought about a night spent in bar fighting off middle aged losers like I had done on too many nights with her.

"The Phoenix is having speed dating tonight," she said with a bright grin as I tried not to roll my eyes, but she could tell I was far from happy about going.

"You promised," she pouted as I looked at her just as my phone rang, saving me from the awkward conversation I was having. I held my hand up and answered without looking at who was calling.

"Hello?" I asked as I looked at the woman who was now pleading with me to go out on some damn date with a bunch of losers all at once.

"Bella," I heard Tanya call into the phone with a grin that I could hear in her voice.

"Say you're going, Be," Mags pleaded once more, not caring that I was on the phone.

"Fine, I'll go, but you owe me," I said as I pointed at her, not that she cared. She was just happy that I would go and be a part of her miserable search for Mr. Right Now.

"Where are you going?" Tanya asked me as I rolled my eyes at Mags before she practically skipped away from me.

"Speed dating at The Phoenix tonight," I said and then listened to her snicker in response.

"Don't laugh. It's hard to be a single girl now a days," I replied as I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting off the fatigue I felt settle over me from lack of sleep.

"Yeah, ok," she said as she sighed loudly before letting the silence settle between us for a moment before launching into what plans she had for us next weekend since I was coming for a visit. It was a short conversation with the promise that she would call later.

The day passed slowly and as it I would check my phone for a message from Edward, but there were none. After hours of silence I could no longer take and sent him a message instead.

**Where are you? **

He didn't respond.

**You said no more secrets. **

Nothing.

**You said no more running. **

I felt my anger getting the best of me as I began to type again, calling him out on his lies, but was stopped as his text message appeared on my screen.

_I am sorry I didn't get back to you right away. I was taking care of things, but I'm here now._

_ No more running._

_ No more hiding. _

_ I promise and a promise is a promise._

His text messages came to in odd intervals as I checked my phone as I walked out towards my car as Mags waited on me. It would be a night of hell at this speed dating thing, but at least it would be a night out.

**Call me later**

I demanded from him. I wanted to hear his voice as he tried to explain away his absence.

_I promise._

It was a simple promise, and one I wasn't counting on, but I agreed to leave it at that as I got in my car to begin my night.

The drive to The Phoenix Bar and Grill was a short one since it was just on the other side of the river in the upscale downtown area that the city had invested time and money to upgrade. I parked the car and to meet up with Mags who had beat me over there with her lead foot. She loved these things. It was me who dreaded it. It was me who thought these nights were a waste of time and energy, yet here I was all the same.

"Oh my god, Bella!" Mags squealed excitedly as she took hold of my arm and pulled me inside of the dark bar with a wide grin that was almost wicked with its wild gleam.

"There are some hot men here tonight and I am feeling lucky," she said in a tone that was meant to be a whisper, but might as well been a scream from how it caused people to turn and look at us.

I registered with the date master before taking my number and sitting down beside a nearly vibrating Mags.

"Calm down," I hissed at her as I waved the bar tender down for a drink, but instead of taking my order he greeted me with a mango martini.

"Compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar," he said as he slid the glass over to me. I looked towards the end of the bar, but could not see anyone outside of the throng of men dressed in business suits and shirts with ties. They all looked the same to me and none of them were looking at me so instead of thanking whomever bought me my drink I just drank it greedily.

"Ok here we go," the date master called out bringing the night to order before explaining the rules. We had a list of questions they were all the same questions and just seven minutes to talk. I rolled my eyes as they explained that there would be seven chances that evening to find the love of your life before flipping a coin to see which group would be the one on the move.

"This will be good," I heard Mags whisper just as the man said the men will be the ones table hoping and for the ladies to take their places. I hugged Mags for luck and then went off to my assigned table with a tired sigh as I said a silent prayer that at least one of the men I would met that that night would be able to hold up a conversation right before the bell rang to start the night.

It was a torturous night as I lasted twenty-one minutes with three different men who were either too boring or too self absorbed to hold my interest. It was on the fourth one that I told myself there would be no more, that after this one, since there would be a break I would escape. I was already working on my excuse that I was going to tell Mags when the bell rang alerting it was time to meet lucky date number four. I barely had a chance to breathe when he sat down in front of me. His hair was standing on end as if he had tugged on it nervously. His tie was loose and his collar was unbuttoned in an almost sloppy manner, since I knew he did it because he claimed it strangled him. He looked nervous and beautiful as he sat across from me with a soft, teasing grin that had haunted my dreams for weeks since I had seen him last.

"Hello, I'm Edward. I like football, going to the movies and sex with the woman on top because I like to watch," he said confidently with a wicked gleam in his eyes as I gawked at him in stunned silence from across the table.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	127. Chapter 127

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I sat there gawking at him for a moment before the sense to speak returned to me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I watched him smile as if he was pleased with himself.

"I'm here for you," he replied with a grin as if him appearance here was obvious.

"How did you know?" I asked him as he snorted in response.

"Tanya," I muttered as I looked away.

"She's a good sister," he replied with a grin and snort of laughter.

"Always there for support and bail money," he said with a half giggle that made no sense as he looked at me with eyes so warm and inviting that I almost forgot that I was kind of mad at him.

Edward reached across the table and took hold of my hand in his. It was a soft grasp, one I could have broken quite easily if I wanted, but I didn't want to. I had missed the feeling of his hand in mine.

"You look lovely," he said, as he looked at me with a heated look as if he was trying to memorize how I looked in that moment.

"I have missed you so much," he said emotionally in a whisper that made my heart clench and my anger soar. Who the hell did he think he was?

"It didn't have to be this way," I said harshly to him, making him smile with my anger.

"You ordered me out that night," he replied with a wicked grin, as if he knew what his words would do to me, as if he knew what he said was like pouring gasoline on a fire.

"You would have left anyway," I retorted in anger as he shook his head at me.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. I just know that you have changed everything for me, Bella and, as much as it scares the living hell out of me, I know that I can't walk away from you," he said as he looked at me with a grin that was soft and inviting.

"Time!" the date master yelled just as the bell announcing our time was over. Edward looked at me with a mild panicked look.

"I need more time with you," he said as he looked at me with wide green eyes that hinted at the panic he was trying mask.

"Come with me," he said as he pulled on my hand as if he was trying to tug me away from the table just as the next guy approached.

"Excuse me, I believe it's my turn now," the man announced causing Edward's eyes to move from mine to the man who stood there waiting to talk to me, as if I cared.

"You will back away from the girl before I rip your arms off your body and beat you death with them," Edward said with a wicked grin as if he meant every word that he said as he glared at the man who just wanted seven minutes of my time. It was ridiculous and just so like him with his crazed jealousy that it made me laugh out loud as I tried to mask the fact that I loved his jealous side.

"You are insane," I said with a snort that made him look at me with a grin that I had grown to love.

"You wouldn't toss around that term so casually if you saw a psychologist. They take that word pretty seriously," he said with a snort as the man who had been waited for me, now watched us as if we both had lost our minds and maybe we had. Maybe we both were crazy. I just knew I needed to follow him wherever he was going. I needed to know if we would be ok since there was nothing more I wanted than him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	128. Chapter 128

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

We had barely made it out of the restaurant after telling Mags good bye while she eye fucked the man at my side when Edward pulled me against him, pinning me against the brick wall and his body. His eyes were dark and there was a question as they met mine.

"It is my intention to kiss you, but I know if I do it now I won't stop, so…" he said softly as he leaned close enough to press his lips against my cheek in a chaste manner that was beyond ridiculous.

"What if I don't want you to kiss me?" I asked him, teasing him with all words he used to say to me that would make my heart ache, but instead of sorrow he just chuckled in my ear.

"You want me just as bad as I want you," he said in a confident manner that made me laugh at him since he was so sure of himself.

"I'm just telling you my intentions now, Bella, so plan on it," he said as he pulled away from me, while taking his heat with him.

Hand and hand we walked over to the much quieter Woodfire Grill. We needed dinner. We needed space to talk. We needed supervision since without it there would be no conversations, just his skin against mine in my bed. I could pretend that I didn't want him, but that's all it would be, a pretense, so it was better this way even though Edward protested for privacy.

We ordered a small margarita pizza and then sipped on beer while waiting as the silence stretched between us. It was an emotionally charged silence since there was nothing to say and too much to share all at once.

"I want you know that, that night at your apartment I meant everything I said," he said in soft tone as he looked at me.

"I want to be everything to you," he said so earnestly that it almost hurt to hear.

"I want everything with you," he said simply as I looked at him with wide, unbelieving eyes since this was such a change from how he had left things the night he walked away from me.

"I never wanted Emmett back," I said abruptly as I looked at him, waiting for him to see that it would never be Emmett.

"I never said I would go back to him," I continued on as he looked at me with a half grin before laughing a little.

"You could have mentioned that to me," he said with warm eyes even though he was trying to scold me.

"I mean, it would have spared me time and money if you have texted that," he said with a sigh as he looked at me.

"What did you do?" I asked him as I held my breath for a moment.

"Well, I went to the plant and told him to stay from you. I told him that you were my woman and he had wasted his chances with you," he said with a grin as I gasped in response to his words.

"Your woman?" I questioned him with a scowl that made him laugh.

"That's a bold statement," I said as I looked at him, feeling his hand tighten as it held mine.

"I want you to be mine," he replied with a grin that made me shake my head at him.

"What's with the sudden change?" I asked him before taking a sip of my beer. He watched as my hands shook with nerves, making him frown a little before he spoke.

"No sudden change really," he said as he looked at me with a soft look.

"I've always wanted you, it just took some time to realize that," he said as I looked at him in skeptical manner that made him laugh.

"I'm not asking for you to drop to your knees and rejoice or thank me for being here…" he said as he looked at me with a nervous half smile as I interrupted him once more.

"You'll be lucky if I ever drop to my knees ever again for you," I said making him sputter for a moment before continuing on his somewhat rehearsed sounding speech.

"I'm just asking for a chance, Bella. All I need is one chance to show you how good it could be, if you let me," he finished with a grin that was confident, yet not cocky, as he took hold of my hand in his as it sat upon the table top between us.


	129. Chapter 129

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The pizza arrived and we ate while talking about everything, but us. It was simpler that way. He told me about the new offer on his house that was going to accept. He told me about the changes at the plant. He told me nothing and everything all at once.

"I went to see your cousin," he announced as he wiped off his mouth. It was muffled, but I understood what he said.

"Jamie?" I questioned as I looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah, well, I guess he came to see me," he said with a slight laugh that made me wonder what had happened.

"He heard about what happened and he… told me if I ever hurt again he would hunt me down and it would not be pleasant," he said as he looked at me with a dark smile, but I could see the nervousness he was trying to hide from me.

"I think he means it," he finished with a grin as I nodded my head in agreement. There was no doubt that Jamie meant it. He always meant it when it came to hurting someone.

The waitress brought over our ticked and a take home box while Edward fished out his credit card to pay, even though I protested that I was more than happy to pay my share. He just ignored me and handed his card to the girl, as if I had not even spoken.

"Bella, you are killing me here," he said with a sigh, as we waited on his card to return.

"What?" I asked him as innocently as I could, but I knew what he meant. He wanted to know if we could start again. He wanted to know if I would agree and how could I not when it was all that I had wanted.

The girl returned and he signed the credit card slip before turning towards me with a half smile. I knew that smile even if it was tight with nerves.

"I will agree, but there are conditions to this agreement," I said with a snarky smile that made him laugh at me.

"Conditions, huh?" he asked with a bright smile that hinted at his happiness over my answer to him.

"You know, it was an agreement with conditions that started this whole thing, right?" he asked me in a teasing tone as h reached across the table space to take hold of my hand. His hand was warm in mine and made me smile as our fingers laced together.

"Trust me, I remember," I whispered back with what I hoped was a seductive tone. I seemed to work as I watched his eyes go dark even though he giggled excitedly. It was a sweet giggle that made me laugh in response, as he stood up; pulling me with him so we could leave the restaurant.

"Where are we going?" I asked him as we walked out of the restaurant and past the open space towards the parking ramp.

"To your place," he said with a laugh as I hurried to keep in step with his long strides.

"I am dying to hear the terms of this agreement of yours, but I think we need a more private setting to discuss them thoroughly," he teased me in a professional tone, but his eyes held pure mischief mixed with a happiness I had never seen in them before.

"Are you in hurry to do this?" I asked him in a breathless tone as I practically had to run in heels to keep up with him.

"No, but I am in hurry to be inside of you. It's been too long and I've missed you too much," he said with a laugh that was deep and wicked as he pulled me towards the car, not caring that he was scuffing my shoes in his haste to be alone with me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry about the delay on this chapter. **

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	130. Chapter 130

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"You drive like a woman," he teased in a sultry tone as I swerved the car a little as his fingers slipped along the outer edges of my panties while making me shudder under his touch.

"I drive like a woman who as a hand between her legs," I said in a breathless tone just as his fingers traced the outer edges of my pussy lips in the most seductive of manners.

"Excuses, excuses," he snickered before pressing a kiss against the soft skin of my neck.

"You want me to kill us don't you?" I asked him as I tried to push him away, but he was too much and I wanted him too badly.

"No way., We have too much to live for, Swan," he said as he pinched my inner thigh before removing his hand from between my legs to try to be a good boy until we reached my place, but it was hard and so was he, as he liked to remind me.

We had barely made it inside the door of my townhouse when Edward pulled me to him.

"Swan, have I told you how much I have missed you?" he asked me in a breathless tone that made me grin while shaking my head no even though he had. He had told me how much he had missed me. He had told me about lonely nights and long days. He had told me about regrets and mistakes that he would never make again, but I was tired of hearing it I wanted him to show me.

"Show me," I whispered to him before pulling him closer for a kiss that I knew he could not resist.

"No way, baby," he said with a wide grin as he dodged my kiss just before I touched his lips with mine. "I want to hear about these terms you have," he said as he turned to kiss my neck instead of my lips. It reminded me of when he refused to kiss me and made my heart ache.

"Edward," I whined as he laughed against my skin. I wanted him and he knew it. He was just playing with now and that was cruel.

"Talk fast," he in between kisses strategically placed behind my ear. I shivered in response to his soft kisses, but couldn't think of anything to say except making more demands.

"We'll talk later. I need you now," I whispered against his ear as I wiggled out of his grasp and started to walk towards my bedroom while unbuttoning my blouse while he watched me expose myself button by button. He watched with a naughty grin as I unzipped my skirt from behind before letting it drop around my ankles.

"You so do not fight fair, Swan," he said as he took a deep breath while his eyes roamed over my skin in a hungry manner that made my stomach flip flop with excitement.

"Well, I did learn from the best," I said sweetly while teasing him as I reached behind me to unhook my bra before letting it tumble to the floor. My breasts fell free from the confining material while Edward watched with lust glazed eyes as I smiled since I knew there would be talking now. We could talk later after I had my fill of his skin since it had been too long since I had had him like that.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it took so long to update. I do have plans to update at least once more tonight.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	131. Chapter 131

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! No beta'd**

Edward collapsed on top of me with a groan. He was sweaty and perfect as he buried his face into my neck, breathing in heavy pants against my damp skin.

"You cannot judge me on this one performance," he grumbled breathlessly as I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him in place as he remained half hard inside of me. His words and embarrassment made me laugh out loud as I held him close while he groaned in response to my laughter.

He had warned me as I pulled him back into the bedroom that this would be quick since he was too excited and it had been too long. I didn't care. It was perfect and he was perfect as he had made love to me quickly. He would whisper promises that next time would be longer in between kisses and touching me in time to his thrusts so I would come before him since I was more than ready for that release.

"That is the weirdest feeling in the world, but I think I like it," he said against my neck, still not moving as ran my fingers through his damp hair.

"What's the weirdest feeling?" I asked him in a whisper as he moved just enough to look at me. He was adorable with his face red and eyes bright from sex. I loved that I got to see him like this and hated that I had missed a moment of this time like this.

"You laughing while I'm inside of you," he said as he looked at me with a grin that was a mix of sleepy and blissful while the bluntness of his words made me blush.

"How is it that you can demand that I fuck you and still blush afterwards?' he asked with a soft chuckle while rubbing the tip of his nose over my heated cheek.

"Stop it," I whispered just as he pressed a kiss against my ear making me shudder while holding him tighter.

"So, where were we?" he asked me with a grin that made me smile before he untangled my legs so he could lie beside me. We both groaned as he slipped out of me before pulling me close to him once more.

"I believe you had some sort of crazy demands when it came to us," he said with a grin that distracted me as I leaned over to kiss him again. They weren't crazy demands. They were simple requests that I needed from him if he wanted to give us a try.

"Talk to me, Swan," he whispered to me with a soft smile that made me smile in return.

"Edward, do you want to be with me?" I asked him as I struggled to find the right words to say. He nodded in agreement as his hand traced some random pattern over the skin of my hip.

"If you want to be with then I need some things from you," I said as he watched my face closely. His eyes were dark and serious as he looked at me. I had seen this look before. This was him in his business mode and that was the last thing I wanted at the moment. I wanted Edward, the one who laughed at my jokes and teased me over everything.

"This isn't some business deal, because I do not want to ever be some deal you made. I want to be Bella to you, not some agreement made in haste," I said as I tried to find the words to explain myself, but he seemed to understand my nonsense perfectly.

"You are Bella to me. My Bella, if you'll allow it," he said with a worried look that surprised me.

"That's all want," I said as he smiled at me with a wide grin that made my heart sputter in my chest.

"That's all I want to," he whispered to me as his fingers trailed over my skin, making me shiver against him as he smiled in response.

"Ok, no business deals, my Bella," he teased me before pressing an eager kiss against my lips that was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes.

"One more thing and it's very important. It's the one thing I can't bend on, Edward," I said as I watched his eyes go wide with worry for a moment before meeting my gaze with his steady one.

"You can't run. Not ever again," I said as he watched me with sad eyes. "Things won't always be perfect and I need to know that if they aren't you won't run away from me. I need to know that you would come to me and we could talk before it got that bad," I said as he watched me try not cry over this.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he whispered as he cupped my one cheek with his hand, forcing me to look at him, to see him as he spoke.

"If I could take it back I would, but I can't. I can't change the past and I'm learning that now," he said with a sad smile as he looked into my eyes as if he was willing me to believe him.

"But I promise to never walk away from you again. You will have to make me leave if you want me gone, Swan, and I promise, even then it won't be an easy task for you," he said seriously as he looked deep into my eyes, while letting me see him, and not his typical guarded expression. I opened my mouth to give him some smart ass response like he would expect, but there was none to give since I could see the truth in the promise he was making me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading… almost done here…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	132. Chapter 132

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The weekend passed quickly, too quickly with Edward at my side until it was finally after nine at night on Sunday and he had leave me once more. We stood in the small drive way of my town house holding each other as I refused to let him go while he stood by his car as if he wasn't sure if he could leave either.

"It's just a few days," I whispered to him to soothe him, but the words were meaningless since they offered little comfort for me.

"I'll call you every day and text you all day. It will be like I'm right there beside you," he said with a laugh as I shook my head no over his words. It wouldn't be like he was right there at all.

"Hey," he whispered as he cupped my face in his hands, willing me to look at him. Slowly I met his gaze and was surprised to find him so confident, even if it was laced with sorrow.

"We can do this, Swan," he said with a smile that was held a certain sadness to it that made my heart flutter in my chest in response. With a few more kisses and whispered good-byes Edward untangled himself from my grasp, got in the car and left me once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	133. Chapter 133

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Time apart was hard. After one weekend I missed him next to me and regretted the fact that I was here and he was there. When I find myself at, most frustrated with work and missing him I would call him just to hear his voice. Edward was used to it and would often do the same with me.

We had taken to talking until one of us would fall asleep. I would listen o his soft, raspy tired voice as he told me about mundane things around the plant or about Tanya while I closed my eyes and imagined him beside me.

"I miss you," I whispered to him, stopping him before he told me about some argument that him and Tanya had gotten into since I already knew about it from Tanya.

"I miss you too," he whispered in an awed tone that made me smile. He was always shocked that I missed him which was kind of sad in a way since I could not imagine how anyone could not miss this man.

"Come back to me," he whispered to me in such a sweet voice that it brought tears to my eyes since he had asked for this every night since he left my side. It didn't matter if he was beside me or not, every night he asked the same thing, for me to come back and every time I answered the same way.

"Be with me, Bella. Be _my _Bella," he would whisper to me in the most tempting manner.

"Edward," I whined in response since he knew. He knew I wanted to. He knew I wanted to badly, but something stopped me. It was the same thing that kept me here in this town without him. It was the only thing that I clung to on days when I wasn't sure if I would last without seeing his face.

"You know you want to," he teased me with a smile in his voice that made me grin since I knew if I was laying beside him it would be his naughty grin that would melt the panties right off of me with its wickedness.

"I can't be your kept woman," I said as I fought the urge to agree with him.

"Who says you can't?" he teased me as I groaned in response.

"Baby, I know you want to do this whole _I can do any fucking thing I want_ thing, but I miss you and you miss me so when will it be enough?" he asked me with a smile in voice, but I could hear his irritation. I could hear it loud and clear each time he spoke of our time apart.

"When will it be enough to prove to yourself that you are capable of it since to me it's pretty clear that you already have? I mean, I have never doubted you for one second that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself and reaching your dreams, but what about us? What about me? I miss you, Swan and this… these weeks apart from you and rushed weekends together… They aren't enough for me," he said with a tired sigh while I sat there stunned into silence over his emotional outburst. It wasn't like him and that hurt as I listened to his stammering over how all of this wasn't enough anymore.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will post the next chapter after I get the kiddos squared away….**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	134. Chapter 134

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I laid in the silence of my apartment after ending the call with an irritated Edward for an hour thinking about him and his anger over our separation when it hit me what he was saying.

_It's not enough._

His words kept ringing through my head as I tried to sleep until I could not avoid it any longer as the truth of his words seeped into my brain. He was done. He had enough. He was ending it with me. Once the meaning of his words became clear to me I was out of bed and stomping towards the car. I had to see him and know if that was what he meant when he said it wasn't enough.

I drove the two hours that separated us, only stopping for coffee since adrenaline as only taking me so far on my road trip to find the truth. With each passing mile I found my anger growing as the rational side of me was tossed out the window until I pulled up in front of what would soon no longer be his house. I noticed the sold sign slapped across the bright For Sale sign that had been in yard for months now. Edward agreed upon an offer weeks ago and we had spent our weekends being together while emptying out what had been his house. I remember marveling over how cold Lauren's bedroom had been as I packed up her things that were left behind before donating what clothes that hung in the closet to good will. We boxed up her personal items together to send to her mother since Edward was convinced she would be the only one interested in these items now before tackling the long abandoned half decorated nursery that was left behind. It was heartbreaking, yet Edward seemed to ok once it was done. He seemed more than ok since it was like he was able to have some closure with packing up these rooms and giving away items that had haunted him for years now. It was almost entertaining to see how liberated he was after the rooms were bare and the house was half boxed up. He was ready to move on and it was wonderful, but there was nothing wonderful about sitting in front of the dark house now that I knew he was in there wanting to break up with me.

I got out of the car and stomped up to the door. I hadn't called him before I left as I thought it would give him time to come up with all the reasons why we should be apart or how he was done, instead I had just left with the idea that he would have to tell me all these things to my face if he was planning on ending things with me. I banged on the front door loudly, not caring about his soon to be ex neighbors as I alternated between pounding and ringing his door bell nonstop until I saw the rustling of the curtain by the door and heard the scraping of the deadbolt telling me he was unlocking the door.

The door jerked opened to find Edward standing there clad in his boxers with his hair standing on end from sleep. His eyes were half open as he looked at me with shocked disbelief.

"Bella?" he questioned as he looked at me as if I was a mirage.

"If you want to break up with me at least have the decency to do it to my face," I hissed at him while he stared at me in shock.

"What are talking about?" he asked me with a yawn as I stood before him le practically vibrating from the caffeine and anger that was coursing through my veins.

"You heard me just fine," I hissed at him as he gawked at me.

"Did you drive here?" he asked me as he peered out behind me as if he checking for my car.

"No, I used magic," I hissed sarcastically making him laugh as I pushed at him to get out of the way so I could go inside.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as he stepped aside to let me inside before taking one last look out into the darkness from where I had appeared.

"You tell me," I said as I glared at him. "You're the one breaking up with me," I hissed as he stared at me as if he was lost.

"I never said that," he said while stifling a yawn before laughing at me which did nothing for my mood as I shoved him again before stepping away

"You did," I countered back as he shook his no while stepping closer to me before pulling me into a sleepy hug that I dodged for a moment before he finally got a hold of me and held me still against him.

"What are you doing?" I demanded as he hugged me tight to him.

"I'm hugging you," he said as I shoved at him to get free from his warm embrace that was slowly smothering my anger.

"What? I always hug you when I see you," he explained with a sigh as he tugged on his hair making it stand perfectly on end as he watched me with a sleepy grin. "Now tell me what the hell is going on," he said as he looked at me with a confused look as he waited for my words.

"You…You don't get to break up with me like that… I mean, you couldn't wait to see me tell me to my face so you had to tell me over the phone?" I screeched at him as my anger took hold along with my adrenaline making it a dangerous mix in my system as I glared at him.

"Bella…" he said trying to stop me, but I was unstoppable as I continued on my tirade against him.

"It's just…just …cowardly and…and…and I expected more from you after all your flowery promises and the bullshit you've spewed at me," I growled at him as he stared at me, clearly awake now as he narrowed his eyes at me in anger.

"Would you just shut the fuck up and listen to me for a moment?" he finally yelled at me as I tried to talk over him, but it was pointless as his voice boomed around me.

"I wasn't breaking up with you, I was trying to tell you that I love you and I want more than your weekends and phone calls, but you refuse to fucking listen to me!" he yelled at me as I fell silent after his declaration.

He loved me.

Edward loved me.

He had never said that before. He had never even implied it before. I knew he cared, but love was different.

"You can fault me for a lot of things, Bella, but wanting to be with you shouldn't be one of them. I would move to be with you if I could, but the fucking plant is here and…and…" he stammered as he realized that I had gone silent during his rant.

"You love me?" I asked him, needing to know if what he was said was the truth. Edward looked embarrassed as he met my gaze with a nervous one.

"That wasn't exactly how I wanted to tell you. I was thinking to try something more romantic like after a candle light dinner or something," he said as he rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "I almost told you last weekend when we were making love, but I stopped myself when I realized you'd probably think it was all sex induced," he said with a nervous snicker, telling me how well he knew me since I would have thought that. "That was completely wrong and not at all how I wanted to say it, but yes, I do love you," he said as he looked at me with a sheepish look that melted my heart with his embarrassment and sincerity.

"I love you too," I said in a rush of emotion as I jumped into his arms, taking him by surprise while knocking him into the wall as I kissed him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	135. Chapter 135

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The kiss went from hard and surprising to so sweet that it hurt as Edward held me close while pressed against the bare wall until we broke apart just to breathe.

"You love me?" he questioned me as if he could not believe what I was saying. It was so adorable and just so Edward that it robbed me of my words as I nodded yes while not bothering to hide my teary eyes. I did love him and it was too wonderful for words.

"I love you, too, baby," he said with soft smile that was boyish and cute with the excitement I could see in his expression. It was all I needed to hear to pull him close once more. I may not be able to speak as I was tongued tied, but I could show him my love and that was what I did.

I pulled him down for a soft kiss that was sweet and left him breathless from my love. I tangled my hands in his hair as I kissed him slowly, sweetly and with every bit of love that burned in my heart for him. I felt him sigh against my lips as I pulled his hair lightly before slipping my hands down over his neck and shoulders until they skimmed his chest as he stepped into my kiss, griping my hips with firm hands. I slipped my fingers along the elastic of the waist band of his boxers teasingly before grabbing the edge of his t-shirt to push the material up until Edward took over by pulling it over his head.

"I want to make love to you," I whispered to him as he stood there looking at me with a love drunk expression that made the ache in my belly intensify. I watched a silly grin light up his face as he pulled my shirt up with my help, discarding it with a wild toss into the stack of boxes that surrounded us until I did the same with his boxers so he was bare before me.

Once we were skin to skin we stumbled past the boxes and down the hall until we spilled into bedroom tangled around each other. Edward's lips were everywhere he could reach as I pulled him closer, kissing him as much as I could as we both struggled for control. It was this constant fight, this burning need that made me giggle as I realized that the fight was just us. With Emmett there was no fire or fight. There was acceptance as if being with him was the next step in order of life, but with Edward there was no order, it was chaos. It was beautiful, breath taking, heart stopping chaos.

I pulled away from his kiss as I fell upon the bed, taking him with me since I refused to let him go, not that he eased his grip either. I kissed along the scruff of his neck until my lips burned from the roughness of his shadow of a beard. It was a burn that made me sigh and cling tighter as he kissed my lips before moving along my neck until he buried his face between my breasts with a loud groan.

"I have missed you so much baby," he whispered into my flesh as he skimmed his nose along the soft skin of my breast until he was able to trace the outline of my nipple with his tongue. It caused a burst of want inside of me, causing me to arch into his touch as he sucked and nipped at my overheated skin as I groaned for him.

Edward's mouth teased and pleased me as he worked his way down my belly while I twisted beneath him. I loved his mouth and I loved it even better when it was on me, loving me like he planned, but I didn't want that now. I wanted him. There would be time for loving like that later, but now I just wanted him.

"What?" Edward asked me in a surprised manner as I tugged on his hair, stopping him as I stuttered for him to wait.

"I need you," I said as I looked at him as he hovered above me, threatening to over take me just like I wanted him to. I watched as my words sunk in and a slow smile spread across his face. It was a knowing smile since he wanted me too. Edward remained silent as he shifted above me; parting my legs and settling between them, letting me feel him right where I wanted him. It was a teasing and heavy feeling that took my breath away as he rubbed himself against me, testing to see if I was ready for him, but there was no need. I was always ready for him.

It was palm to palm and fingers intertwined that he pushed into me, but mixed into the low groan of pleasure he always gave me when he was that close to me was the whisper of _I love you._ It was hot against my skin, marking me with his words while making me sigh a whispered _I love you in response_ as he loved me slowly, sweetly and so thoroughly that it brought tears to my eyes. It was perfect and exactly how it should have been always but never was until I had been with Edward, but the truth was nothing was like it should have been until I had been with this man.

Edward's pace picked up, shaking the bed with each hard thrust that I absorbed with my body happily until there was nothing but him, me and the bliss that we found in each other.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to update again later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	136. Chapter 136

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I awoke to the sounds of people talking and the cold spot where Edward had been beside me.

"Let me see her," I heard a voice that I quickly identified as Tanya's whine. She was here and I should not have been surprised by it since I knew she was very involved in bringing me back home. Edward had told me so last night as we tried to discuss where we would go from here, but fell asleep instead.

"Let my woman sleep," Edward said with a yawn as I smiled at his words. His woman. I should have been mildly offended by his statement since I had spent time and what little bit of the talent I had been blessed making a way for myself after the disastrous marriage that I had been in finally collapsed, but the truth was just hearing him say that made me smile like an idiot since I wanted to be his woman. I snickered to myself as I realized that I had lost mind when it came Edward Cullen.

"Bella will have your balls for saying that," Tanya snorted in laughter as Edward fell silent since he knew it was true.

"No, she won't," he said with a smile that I could hear in his voice.

"She loves me," he continued on with that same awed tone that told me he was wearing that goofy grin he had given me last night each time I whispered it to him.

"Of course she does, butterbean," Tanya said with laugh as he told her to shut up and leave.

"Do your job, Tan," he ordered with in a stern voice as I rolled my eyes, knowing that Tanya was most likely giving him the finger in response to his direct order. I listened to him laughing at her as he closed the door with a sigh before his footsteps led him back to me where I was sitting up in bed with the sheet wrapped around me.

"You're awake," he said with a disappointed tone that made me grin.

"You're woman?" I questioned, unable to keep the smile off my face as I looked at him. I watched as his eyes went wide for a moment before he grinned at me in a heart stealing manner.

"What? You know you are," he said with more swagger than what I had expected, but I could not argue with him since I was and I knew it.

"What's that, Swan? Cat got your tongue?" he teased as he eased back on to the bed in his boxers to join me. I giggled as he tugged on the sheet until my breasts were exposed to his hungry stare.

"Did I fuck you stupid once more or are just finally going to agree with me over this one?" he asked me as his hands roamed over my skin, causing me to sigh with pleasure as he cleared my mind of any argument that I may have present just for fun.

"Say it," he whispered to me as he kissed along my neck, fighting unfair as usual since he knew my neck was my weak spot.

"I agree. I'm your woman," I said in a whisper as I felt his teeth scrape against my skin just below my ear, making me shudder in response.

"About fucking time you agree with me," he in between nips at my skin as I leaned into his kiss. "Now if only you'd remember that I'm always right since that will save us a lot of time," he teased just as I pinched his belly making him yelp in surprise as he kissed me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	137. Chapter 137

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

We spent all day in bed, ignoring the fact that I had to go back and he had to finish packing to focus on us. It was nice until I had to get dressed to go home.

"This is your home," Edward said in a dejected tone as his arms slid around my waist, wet and warm from the hot water of the shower we stood under.

"You know I have to go back so please don't make this any harder," I said and then listened to his giggle over my choice of words before he spun me around to face him.

"No, you don't have to go back," he said firmly as he looked at me with a challenging stare, daring me to deny it and he was right. I didn't have to go back. I could stay with him. He had made sure of that after Tanya offered me the job within their legal department, the same job I had turned down when I left town. The same job they had filled with a law school student who now realized they could not do it all and needed to focus on school. The same job offer that ended the night with Edward yelling at me to stop being so stubborn and take the damn job while I refused to take the job he had his sister create for me, even if it was all I really wanted.

"I have to go back to turn in my resignation as well as make my plans for my move back here. I mean, I have a new job to start and I have to find a place to live and…" I said, but was silenced with his lips as he kissed me hard while robbing me of the air in my lungs.

"You'll live with me," he said in a confident whisper against my lips as he ended our kiss. I wanted to argue with him, but living with him was where I wanted I be so instead I just hummed in response and watched a warm victorious smile brighten his handsome face.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I might be able to wrap this fic up tomorrow/today…. if the family cooperates.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	138. Chapter 138

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I listened to Edward's soft snore as I thought about all that had changed in the last month. It started with my drive back. Edward wanted to go with me, but this was something I needed to do without him. He hated it, but he accepted my determination to follow through on what I had set out to do.

The resignation from my job was easy. I didn't want to be there anyway so walking away from a job that bored me to tears was fine. I hated that the job I was going to was basically created for me at the plant, but I told myself that it didn't matter since the end result was what I wanted and that was to be back with Edward. Mike Newton hated me and with good reason since I was sent to replace him. He knew it. I knew it and Tanya liked to remind him of it all the time. She was the one who had created the job for me long before I had left town, even though I had refused it. She was the one who refused to terminate my employment when Edward demanded it as he tried to end our relationship. Tanya was also the one who offered me the job, not Edward so it was easy to accept it.

The rest was easy. I broke my lease and paid the money the landlord demanded. It was a tough check to write, but I told myself that money comes and goes as I reminded me that this odd love I had with Edward was rare. After that I packed up and moved back to Burlington without a look back or regret. Throughout the entire process I drove Edward insane as I refused to let him help me. I wanted to do it on my own and while it was hard for him to understand, he stopped fighting me and just let me go with the promise that I would come back to him.

It was that promise that made me smile as I pulled up in front of his new house that he had just moved into. This would be my new home, or our new home as Edward liked to remind me.

_"How much is my share of the mortgage?" I asked as he pulled me through the door way with an excited tug of my arm._

_ "No way, Swan," he said with a smug grin that had always pissed me off. He knew it too. _

_ "Edward, you promised," I reminded him as he backed me up against the wall with an evil grin._

_ "You promised we would work out something," I said in a breathless tone as leaned in to rub his nose against mine in a teasing manner since he was close enough to kiss, yet so far away._

_ "Why can't you just let me take care of you?" he asked me with a smile that was soft, but I could see the fire in his eyes. This argument was something that would not go away and had been one we had fought countless times._

_ "Because what type of a woman sits back and just lets a man take care of her," I responded as he rolled his eyes in response._

_ "A smart one," he retorted as I snorted a reply as we once more came to a standstill over this._

_ "You can pay with sex," he teased before kissing me quick as I broke out laughing over his idea since sex was everything to him, but I understood it. Sex was powerful and altering. It was also different now that I could whisper I love you to him in the middle of it since it would affect him in the best ways possible. It made me wonder if it would always be like that between us, as well as hope that it would never change._

_ "Pussy payments? Really?" I asked him as I felt the first tingling of righteous indignation wash over me, but instead of some quirky comeback Edward broke out in loud laughter that made me flush with embarrassment._

_ "Oh my god, say it again," he said as he choked on his laughter while I swatted him hard as he mocked me since he knew I could not dirty talk at all._

_ "Jesus, Swan, do you have any idea what it does to me when you dirty talk like that?" he asked me teasingly as his fingers dug into my sides, tickling me until I was squirming, caught between him and the wall, laughing hard as the pleasure went to pain rather quickly._

_ "You're a horrible man!" I screamed at him in a fit of laughter as he teased me and as soon as my words were out he slowed his touch to a more soothing one._

_ "Is that why you love me, Swan?" he asked me in a soft tone as he looked at me with wide eyes so warm and loving. I loved seeing him like this when he was vulnerable and overwhelmed with how much I loved him since it was clear he truly had no idea why I loved him. It was this lack of understanding that lead him to asking me all the time as to why I loved him. It also gave me the perfect excuse to smother him with my love until he was covered in it and I could see it on him as he went about his day. It made him lighter and softer. It made his smile brighter and brought a swagger to him that made my eyes roll since he was damn adorable._

_ "Swan, I believe your first payment is due," he said with a snicker before pressing a kiss against the tip of my nose just like he used to before he would kiss me properly. It was enough of a distraction that I had no time to protest as he picked me up and carried me off to what would be our bedroom._

"Wake up sleeping beauty," I whispered in his ear with a giggle as he snuggled closer to me by burying his face in my chest while wrapping a leg around me. His grumbles told me he was awake.

"We have to leave soon," I whispered to him as he groaned against my skin.

"Your sister will kill you if you're late to her wedding," I said and then yelped as I earned myself a pinch on the ass for bothering him.

"We will not be late," he grumbled as he opened his eyes to look at me with a frown. He was tired and rightly so. Tanya had had kept him up, worrying about her wedding and since Kate was with her family she turned to Edward.

"We have almost two hours," he moaned as he looked at the clock before closing his eyes again with a sigh.

"But I thought we could shower together and you know how through I like to be when it comes to showering," I said in an innocent manner while he snorted in response.

"I'm up," he said with a grin as he tossed back the blankets and sat up before pulling me with him towards the bathroom with a sleepy stumble out of bed.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope to update more today…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	139. Chapter 139

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

The wedding was simple and held in a progressive Lutheran church. It was cute to see Edward stand up at the altar alone while Tanya and Kate walked down the aisle dressed in white gowns with Kate's being more elaborate than Tan's. It was a sweet and they were beautiful, but I couldn't focus on them since all of my attention went towards Edward.

I watched as he fidgeted and then teased Tanya when she asked for Kate's ring, but most of the time he just watched me. His eyes rarely left mine and when they did it was only because Tanya needed him. I watched as he smiled wide and bright as his sister kissed her bride at the end of the ceremony while the small crows of friends and family applauded their union.

It was after while the receiving line formed that Edward came to find me.

"Where are you going?" he asked me with a wide smile as he took hold of my hand in his.

"I was going to sit down and wait for you," I said as I smiled at him, but he knew the truth. I was going off to hide since I hated these things.

"No way, I want you to meet my mom," he said with a grin as he pulled me towards a tall slender woman who had hair the same color as Edward's and a smile that I could see was his.

"This is must be Bella," she said as she greeted me with a hug that was over bearing much like her son's. It made me laugh as I hugged her back while she launched into how much she had heard about me and how happy it was to see her son happy. I could not agree with her more since there was nothing more stunning than a happy Edward.

I stood firmly at Edward's side as he greeted people that I had no idea over who they were or how they fit in his life until we were left in a lull that gave me the chance to congratulate Tan and Kate properly with a warm hug as they both laughed excitedly over the official start of their life together.

"You know, I want to meet your dad," Edward said to me as he pulled me back against him while the crowd shifted towards their cars to meet up at the reception hall for dinner, drinks and dancing.

"Getting all serious on me, huh?" I teased as he rolled his eyes in response, but I knew he did.

"He's coming back from South Caroline next week. We already have plans with him considering he's staying with us," I reminded him as he squeezed me tight.

"He can't stay with us since he'll know that we sleep together," Edward said in a mortified tone that made me laugh since it seemed so out of character for him. The man I knew was not about sex in public so to hear the franticness in his tone as he discussed the idea of my father knowing that we had sex was comical.

"I think he knows already since he is fully aware we live together," I reminded him as he shook his head at me with a smile since it was far from happy over that.

"Stop worrying so much," I said as I pulled him down for a kiss as he grumbled in response.

"I watched you, you know," I said as I rested my head against his chest, leaning on his strength while watching Tan and Kate make their escape.

"You looked so serious up there. What were you thinking?" I asked him as he held me to him.

"About you," he said simply as if there was no other answer to give.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! This is winding down nicely….**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	140. Chapter 140

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

The party was in full swing when I noticed Edward's other sister Alice lingering in the background. She hadn't come to the ceremony, not that Tanya cared, but she was here now. I watched her as she took in the scene before her with a look of disdain and all I could think of was how miserable it must be to be her.

"Hey, you wanna dance?" Edward asked me with grin that was too bright thanks to the vodka tonics he had been drinking. I nodded and allowed him to lead us out on to the dance floor.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look today?" he whispered in my ear with a growl as he shameless grabbed my ass in front of everyone. In the past I would have been mortified, but here, surrounded by people who knew him and us, I wasn't.

"You have," I replied with a giggle as I looped my arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss that he greedily accepted.

"I have I told you that you look good enough to…lick," I whispered in his ear causing him to laugh like I knew I would since I was so horrible at dirty talk.

"Are you saying the tuxedo makes you horny?" he asked me with a soft snicker so no one else would hear.

"_You_ in a tuxedo make me horny, not just anybody," I whispered in his ear, causing him to laugh loudly.

"Really? Because I think Tan's friend Char looks quite debonair in the tux she's wearing," he said with a giggle toward the woman who was more of a man that what he was.

"Don't be an asshole," I whispered as I swatted at his back as he pulled me closer while his laughter died down.

"Besides we all know you are just trying to get tonight," I teased him as he smiled in response.

"Get lucky," he scoffed and I could almost hear his eyes rolling over my teasing words.

"I've been lucky ever since you walked through my office door with my coffee in hand," he teased with a soft smile that made me blush. Edward moved just enough to look at me and it was a look that robbed me of all the air I was breathing.

"Marry me, Bella," he said simply. It was not a question, it was a demand and that was so like him that it made me laugh out loud.

"Way wreck a moment, Swan," he whispered as I watched his face flame red in what was most likely embarrassment.

"Are you serious?" I asked him, stunned by it all, yet it made sense.

"Dead serious. I love you. You love me. What else is there?" he asked me as if it was that simple and maybe to him it was.

"But…" I stammered as h ignored me.

"I've been thinking about it, but standing up there today and watching Tan and Kate, I just knew. I knew that it should have been us," he said as he looked at me with such a serious expression.

"But we've had failed marriages…" I stammered as I tried to list a reason as to why it was wrong.

"That taught us what we want. We've learned that love is important than obligation or compliancy," he said as he looked at me, reminding me of a late conversation we had over our former spouses.

"It's too fast…" I said as he shook his no at me.

"I want forever with you so why wait?" he asked me with an encouraging grin as I looked at him with sad eyes since he left me no choice to pull out the big guns as to why we shouldn't.

"I can't give you everything you want or deserve," I said in a whisper as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes as I tried to look away, but he stopped me by cupping my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Baby, you give me everything I want. Do you understand me? Everything," he said simply as I nodded my head that I understood.

"If it's the thought of children running through that crazy brain of yours then let me remind you, you do not know that and even if it's true, I don't care. We'll adopt, baby, ok? There are children all over the world that would love to ours. Do you understand me?" he asked me in a soft tone, yet there was an edge to it as he was trying to make me see how wrong I was over all of this.

"You are my everything and I want you always. You have to trust me that everything else will work out as long as we're together," he said simply as if he believed it to be true. I wanted to believe him as well.

"Yes," I whispered to him as he brushed away the tears that I had cried over his emotional declaration while couples danced around us on the dance floor, ignoring us as if nothing life altering was occurring before them.

"Yes, I'll marry you" I said confidently in a voice that was thick with tears as he grinned like a fool before silencing me with a hard, happy kiss.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! This is it for regular chapters… I'm thinking an epi is in order here though since I have left a few strings untied in this story. **

**Thanks everyone for taking this journey with me. It was review who said that what she liked best about this story was that it was love story and it is. I will save my long AN for the last chapter, but just know how much I have appreciated each of you that took the time to read my words.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	141. Chapter 141

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

"You ready?" Tan asked me as I sat alone in the so called bridal room in the basement of the church. I was ready, more than read as a matter of fact to be married to him and that surprised me since I would have never had guessed I would do this over again.

"How's Edward?" I asked her as she grinned over my question. We had spent the last apart and hated every minute of it.

"He's worried that you'll sneak out before the wedding starts," she said with a giggle as I rolled my eyes at her since I was sure she had done nothing to ease his fears.

"You look beautiful," she said with a wistful sigh as I stood up, shaking the creases from my gown.

We planned our wedding in six months, just long enough to have my dress ordered and altered to properly. We were in a hurry to married and no with no good reason outside of that we wanted to be married to each other.

"Has Edward seen it yet?" she asked me as I turned to look at her with a surprised look since she knew he hadn't before she broke out laughing at me.

"You go back to him and tell him I'm fine. Tell him to stop worrying that he's not getting away from me so easily," I said as I pushed her out of the room only to find Jamie wanting to come in.

"Look at you Be," he said with a wide grin as he pushed Tanya out of the way to embrace me.

"Watch yourself," Tanya said in a hard tone before laughing at him as she left. It was odd how our little worlds came together. I wasn't close with my family outside of Jamie and Vic. They were all I had and they were what pulled me through my first marriage collapsing. They also were right there with my new life with Edward. They both welcomed him with open arms and loving hearts that made me proud to be their family as well. With welcoming Edward as one of their own they also took in Tanya and Kate. This was our family now.

"They aren't coming are they?" I asked him as I watched his face for a moment before he smiled at me once more.

"Have I told you how pretty you look?" he said as I shook my head at him. He didn't have to tell me. My parents were no shows, but that was fine since they were at the last wedding in which I was the bride and look how that one turned out.

"Whatever," I said as Jamie took my hand in his.

"Well, you sure are holding up better than your man," he said with a snicker as I smiled over the mentioning of Edward.

"Is he ok?" I asked him, but I knew how he was. He was wrecked waiting for me as badly as what I was waiting for him.

"He is, but he's getting anxious," he said with a chuckle while I adjusted the veil that Vicki and Tanya insisted I get along with the dress.

"Well, let's put the poor boy out of misery," I said as grabbed my flowers and turned towards the door to leave to start what would be my life as Mrs. Cullen.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry I didn't do just one big epi… I liked the idea of smaller ones so here it… I will post more another after I pick up baby#4 from preschool.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	142. Chapter 142

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

We stood in the back of the church listening to organ music begin to play.

"I told you there was quite a crowd," Jamie said with a snicker as I looked out over the crowd of people who came to witness our ceremony as well as eat and drink on our dime. Most of the people I recognized as they were office personnel mixed with men form the plant that Edward worked closely with. I was happy to see Aro with his wife there as well as the old bartender Marcus in attendance for this. It was touching to say the least, but none of them mattered as my eyes set upon Edward.

He looked stunning in the black tuxedo we had agreed upon since it accented his shoulders. He looked agitated with his hair practically standing on end from where his hands had been in. I watched him as he finally noticed me standing in the back, waiting to join him. Once our eyes met he smiled brightly and calmed down almost instantly.

"Ok, here's what I want you to do," Jamie said with a laugh as he stood by me watching Edward and I make eyes at each other from a distance.

"I want you to break left hard as if you are sprinting for the door so I can see what he does since my money is that he will lose his shit," He whispered to me with a laugh as I shoved him in response, causing him to trip over his own feet while laughing loudly at me. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward would lose his ever loving mind if I made a run for it, but thankfully for him I would never do that.

"Are you really going to make me walk up the aisle like a chick?" Jamie whined as he turned to look at me with a pleading look on his face. This had been an ongoing argument ever since he had agreed to be my matron of honor.

"Yes, I am and for the record, I do not hear Tanya griping about having to stand on Edward's side," I said as I motioned toward my soon to be sister in law who was stylishly dressed in a black cocktail dress that she had picked out, not that I cared at all what she wore.

"Yeah, well, she's a better man than me," Jamie said with a snort, causing me laugh as well just as the music became louder to announce our entrance.

"You ready for this?" he asked me one last time as I looked towards the man who was shifting back and forth nervously waiting for me to join him. Was I ready to join myself to Edward forever? I was since it felt like I had always been his; I just didn't always know it.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More to come : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	143. Chapter 143

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

I watched with a snicker as Jamie practically sprinted to the front of the church in embarrassment before making my long journey alone to Edward. The closer I got to him the bigger his smile became until he finally could not take it anymore and met me three fourths of the way down the aisle. It made me laugh at his impatience to get to me.

"What?" he asked me with an innocent look as he took hold of my hand in his.

"You were taking too long," he finally confessed with a look that was far from guilty. It was hand in hand that we completed the journey to the altar where the young pastor waited for us with an amused look upon her face.

The ceremony focused on love as old as time and new beginnings. It was a good choice for us and when it came for the vows the pastor stepped aside since we had opted not to use the same vows that countless other couples had, including ourselves from our first failed marriages. Instead, we found vows that we felt were more appropriate for us.

It was with a confident voice and dark eyes filled with emotion that Edward spoke first, making his promise to me before I followed him just with every bit of certainty in what I was promising.

_I love you enough to fight for you, compromise for you, and sacrifice myself for you if need be._

_ Enough to miss you incredibly when we're apart, no matter what length of time it's for and regardless of the distance._

_ Enough to believe in our relationship, to stand by it through the worst of times, to have faith in our strength as a couple, and to never give up on us._

_ Enough to spend the rest of my life with you, be there for you when you need or want mw, and never, ever want to leave you or live without you._

_ I love you this much._

They were simple vows, but they were exactly what we needed to promise each other after everything that we had been through.

"Now, that you have made your public declarations I want you to share one last promise that can only be shared between the two of you," the pastor encouraged as Edward smiled at me in a devious manner that made me blush. I was to go first and promise to him was effortless since I knew what he needed from me.

"I will love you forever," I whispered in his ear as he leaned down to make it easier for me and then watched as his expression softened into a goofy look of happiness since I knew that was exactly what he needed to hear. This was a fear for him and I would spend the rest of my life making sure that he never feared that again.

I waited with Edward leaned into me. I could feel his warm breath against my ear as I waited for his promise to me.

"I promise to never, _ever_, to leave you pretty girl," he whispered softly before pressing a sneaky kiss against my ear while I closed my eyes against the sting of tears and burning in my throat from the emotion I felt. He knew me so well.

It was after one more prayer asking God to bless us before we pronounced man and wife. The moment was surreal since never once when I met Edward did I ever think I would even talk to him, let alone be his wife, but there was no time to think of that as Edward pulled me close against him with a devious grin that I had grown to love. I met his gaze and was blown away with all the emotion that I could see in him. It was deep and bright. It was breathtaking in its beauty.

I could not stop my giggle as he leaned down to press a teasing kiss against the tip of my nose before my oh so classy cousin Jamie bellowed out a loud _Kiss her._ It was all h encouragement Edward needed as I found myself wrapped in his embrace just as his lips met mine in a kiss so sweet that made my knees weak while our guests cheered in response.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Not to be one who has 15 epi's, but there is more to come…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	144. Chapter 144

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Time is a funny thing. When you are waiting for something to happen it takes forever, but when you look back at events in your life you realize it all happened in a blink of an eye. This was what was happening in my life. IN the past it was all a serious of painful stops and holding patterns that left me aching, but not now. Not since Edward.

Our wedding gave way to a two week stay in a cabin on the side of a mountain. It was remote and beautiful since marrying in October made it where all the trees leaves had turned into a wide array of yellows, oranges and reds. It was stunning and so he. We would spend our time wrapped around each other or in front of a fire since there was something so gorgeous about how the flickering flames created shadows on Edward's face. They would make him appear almost angelic; almost. It was during one of those moments when we were surrounded by leaves and kissing like teenagers that Edward first approached me over the idea of children.

_"Stop taking your pill," he whispered against my lips as I continued to circle my hips so that I was grinding against his hard with just enough pressure that I was close to losing my mind without even losing my clothes, but his words sobered me immediately._

_ "What?" I asked him, unsure if I was hearing him correctly. There was no way he would ask me that, not now anyway._

_ "Stop taking your pill," he repeated slowly as if I was I mentally handicapped while earning himself a sharp jab in the side. He grunted in response as I gawked at him. I waited to see if he was teasing me, but the honesty in his eyes made all too clear how serious he was over this request._

_ "I can't…Not yet," I whispered to him as he looked at me with a soft smile._

_ "I mean, we just got married and what if…" I stammered on nervously as he grinned at me in a loving manner while picking at the leaves in my hair._

_ "I know, Bella, but I want to try and we'll never know if we can't if we don't try," he said sweetly while making too much sense for me in that moment of madness._

I smiled at the memory as I scanned the crowd for Edward. He had taken off with Tanya in effort to prove her wrong over the weight of a pumpkin that he had been eyeing at the pumpkin patch we had started to attend every fall. They continued to bicker back and forth like brother and sister while most of the time I found it to be endearing, however that day I was at my wits ends with the both of them.

It was an irritated sigh that I scanned the crowd for the bossy duo since Katie had taken off to get us both hot ciders while waiting for their return.

"Bella?" I heard a familiar voice call out to me in surprise that spun me around while thrusting me in to the way-back machine since it had seemed like a lifetime since we had last spoken.

**An;**

**Thanks for reading! I'm working on the next update now : )**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	145. Chapter 145

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I turned to find Rosalie Hale McCarty standing before me. She was still willowy and pretty, but long gone was the awkward feeling that I was less than just by standing by her. Sure, she was still beautiful, but there was an age old sadness about her that weighed her down, made her older than what her thirty five years should look.

"Wow, look at you Beez," she said with a watery grin as she took me in. Things had changed since we had last seen each other. A lot of thing had changed and all of them centered on Edward. He was my everything and how well he knew it too.

"I'm sure you heard that Emmett and I worked things out," she said as if I had cared at all what happened to them. They had long ago stopped being important to me. I ignored her while scanning the crowd for Edward. He shouldn't have been hard to spot, yet I could not se him anywhere.

"We...Uhm… went to counseling and have come to terms with things," she said in a sad voice as I looked at her for moment. She didn't need to elaborate. I had heard all about their misfortune from Angela. Emmett had low sperm mobility teamed up with poor quality leaving it near impossible for him to father a healthy child. It was a heavy blow their marriage, but I was happy to hear that they were trying to work it out since no matter what people may think I never wished ill of them. I just wanted them to leave me alone and now they finally do.

"We are looking at adoption," Rose said with a bright smile that made me smile in return as I thought of many whispered conversations with Edward over how we could adopt.

_"You never take me seriously, Swan. I meant it when I said we would adopt if that's what we needed to do," he whispered as he held me close in our bed. Our bed. The idea of it made me smile as I wrapped myself around him. Living with Edward had proved to be a trial of my patience as well as his since he was overly neat and I had a tendency to be a slob._

_ "I do take you seriously. I think I maybe the only one in the whole word who does, and just so you know, it's Cullen now, Mrs. Cullen to be exact," I said in my best haughty tone that made him laugh as he snuggled closer to me._

"What about you?" Rosalie said as she smiled at me in a way that suggested she wanted to hear everything, but honestly there was too much to say. How do you explain away five years that changed everything in your life?

"Uhm… well…" I stammered as I thought about my life and all the good things that came with it now. I thought about Jamie and Victoria along with their sons. They were my family when all other family left me and still were the ones who came through when need be. It was Jamie, along with Victoria, who offered to assist Tanya and Kate in the efforts to have a child. Jamie liked to joke that it was the easiest thing in the world to do, but we all knew different. Their decision for him to be Tan and Kate's sperm donor was a hard decision, but one that was made with love. It cemented them into Edward's family as more even though he would always be just Uncle Jamie to the child that was currently growing in Katie's belly.

"I don't even know where to begin," I said with a laugh as I looked over to find Katie who was now approaching with a steaming cup of cider in each hand, but it wasn't her that caught my eye it was the hulking frame of my ex-husband who was close by watching my exchange with his wife. He had a worried look on his face, but there was nothing to be worried over. I had long ago lost my anger over him and her.

Rosalie immediately noticed my gaze just as Kate handed me the cup while urging me to sit down, but I refused. I was fine no matter what Edward had told her.

"Emmett, come over here and say hello," Rosalie called out to him as I watched him slowly approach me with wide, nervous eyes.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry I had to cut off here, but I wanted to post it before I had to step out for a while… More to come.**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	146. Chapter 146

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**warning! Not beta'd**

Emmett approached me slowly. I could feel him taking in the changes that time had made on me before settling on the most noticeable change of all. He really saw me since I spent only half days in the office and he was still in the plant. He probably saw Edward more than what he ever saw me so I wasn't surprised by his shocked expression.

"You look great," he muttered as we stood there together.

"Hey pretty girl," I heard Edward saw just as his warm arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back against me for support that I didn't really need. He knew I was long over Emmett. He knew that there was only him for me, but he was a jealous man. Because of it I would forced to endure his casual ways of reminding Emmett that I was his even though I was wearing his ring and my rounded belly prominently displayed our child as it grew inside of me.

"Baby, you remember Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked him as he pressed a kiss against my cheek.

"Of course," he murmured with a grin before greeting them properly without ever taking his hand off of my belly as if he protecting it. It was ridiculous and oddly endearing all at once.

"Congratulations," Rosalie said finally acknowledging our pending arrival while we both smiled in response. This was not a time a gloat over our good fortune even if it was tempting.

"Thanks," I said as Edward held me closer to him.

"So, when are you due?" Emmett asked in a soft voice as if he was almost scared to ask me.

"November 2nd," I said with a smile as I watched him nod in agreement as if he was making sense of it.

"That's…great," Rose said with a smile that was fake and painful to look at it.

"Yeah, we're excited. Not as excited as Lillie and Becca are, but a very close second," I said as Edward snickered since it was true. Lillie, who was almost four and the result of a decision made on a whim to toss our my birth control pills just to see what would happen, was our biggest supporter while Becca spent most of her two year days insisting that she was the baby no matter what. We knew adding this baby number three would be a challenge, but we were up for it since after all anything worth having was worth working for. Edward and I knew this all too well.

We said our goodbyes and walked away hand in hand to find our daughters. I listened half heartedly as Edward talked about being right and how I should have been sitting since I needed the rest, but my mind was there with him. Instead, I was a million miles away, back in a life where there was no Edward or babies. It was a life that was mine and would still have been mine if Emmett would not have walked away. I remembered thinking at the time he left me that I would never whole again, but I had no idea that the entire time I had been with him I was far from whole inside. Thinking about this made me want to run back and hug in thanks for leaving me, for forcing me to do something which resulted in finding my place in the world.

"Are you even listening to me?" Edward asked me as we walked together. I looked over to see our daughters playing with Tan and Kate while Jamie's boys chased after them. I could see the red in Lillie's hair that was just like Edward's and the soft green of Becca's eyes that belong to her father. It made me wonder like I did most night what this new child would look like while hoping that he resembled his father more than me. I could see Edward in everything that I had touched and more. He was everything to me and just realizing how much that was left me weak since without him there would be none of this.

"I love you," I said as I stopped, forcing him to look at me. He turned to face with a questioning look since I had been known to cry a lot through my pregnancies. I knew he was waiting for me to burst out into tears and maybe I would in a moment, but right then I just needed him to know this.

He leaned in as close as what my overly large belly would allow and pressed a kiss against my nose softly. Kisses like that reminded me of where we started and how far we had come. They were a precious as man who gave them.

"And I love you," he said simply with a reverence that reminded me of how important these words were to him. Love was not a word that he had tossed around to other women. He had only ever said those words to me.

"Forever," I said while making him smile in response.

"Yes, forever," he repeated with a grin that made me smile before leaning in to kiss me properly like I always demanded from him.

Life wasn't perfect and there would be struggles since, well, it was life, but I knew no matter what we would face them together and as long we were together nothing else mattered.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! This has been a fun one to write since a lot of the conversations are real life conversations I have had with my husband. Yes, we are neurotic and we tease a lot. Yes, he calls me by my maiden name at times when he's teasing me. Yes, when he first asked me to marry him he got flustered and told me he wanted to kill spiders for me, what he didn't realize was that sealed the deal for him since I fucking hate spiders : )**

**I guess what I'm getting at here is that for those of you who have read my other writing like What's Done Cannot Be Undone or The Space Between, you all have suffered through the worst times of our marriage. You got to witness firsthand what apathy and placing work first ( once more I will state my hubs never cheated on me unless you count work since that bitch always came first) does to a marriage. You got see mine fall apart in WDCBU. In The Space Between it was more about forgiveness and that's what I did. I forgave him for being an asshole, but unlike Bella and Edward of that fic we managed to piece our marriage back together with that forgiveness instead of letting it go. It was tough, but everything worth fighting for always is. This fic was more of love story, our love story really since it was only far to show you at our best while piecing ourselves back together since you had seen us at our worst. **

**Once more, thanks for taking the ride with me. I will be writing an outtake from this story involving the first pregnancy for those who may be interested.**

**Until later…**

**Xoxo**

**Mamasutra**


	147. Chapter 147

Hey all…

Just a note to let you know the outtake for this story will listed under the story name of Out of the Ashes and I have just now posted the first chapter.

Xoxo

mamasutra


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